Friday Thoughts
Happy Friday!
This summer has been weird. It’s a new phase of life for us where my boys still at home are mostly working and my 13-year old is busy playing tennis/volleyball, selling cookie dough, helping around the house and property (including bottle-feeding three calves), and reading in all her spare moments.
What that means is that basically no one is around to go to the community pool with me in the afternoons or do arts and crafts or fill out homemade chore charts. 😉
Gone are the summers of the past (flashback ⬇️ going to the zoo with my kids 8 years ago). It’s bittersweet. 😢
Questions for You
- If you have children, do your kids/teens have summer jobs? Full-time? Part-time?
- My teenagers tell me a lot that they’re the only ones their age who have full-time jobs in the summer. While that isn’t entirely true (one of my sons works with his best friend, for instance), it does seem like a lot of teens in our area don’t work during the summer. It leaves me with a lot of questions. Do you have the answers? 😜 I’m asking these questions in good faith – meaning, I’m not being critical of other schedules/families. I’m genuinely curious!
- Namely, who is paying for all their “stuff”?? We pay for our teens’ car insurance, half of their monthly gas, school sports fees (and reasonable gear, if required), and phone, but otherwise, they pay for all of their own social activities, clothes, remainder of their gas, eating out, and anything else they want to spend money on (which is a lot or a little, depending on the kid 😆). They also save 50% of their earnings for future (college, church missions if they choose to go, etc).
- Whether or not your kids work, do you require summer chores around the house/yard? Daily? Weekly? What does that look like at your house?
- My teenagers tell me a lot that they’re the only ones their age who have full-time jobs in the summer. While that isn’t entirely true (one of my sons works with his best friend, for instance), it does seem like a lot of teens in our area don’t work during the summer. It leaves me with a lot of questions. Do you have the answers? 😜 I’m asking these questions in good faith – meaning, I’m not being critical of other schedules/families. I’m genuinely curious!
I’m fascinated by how other families manage life, so thanks for chiming in on this!
Things I’m Loving
- September travel plans. After years (decades??) of talking about it, I’m actually following through on a lifelong dream and going to Switzerland in September (with my mom, sister and cousin)!!!!! My sweet grandma (my mom’s mom) was born and raised there, so it holds a special place in our family’s history and hearts. I’m excited (and nervous! I’m such a homebody…traveling is way outside of my comfort zone). 💗
- This crepe maker. I even did an Instagram video about it. Not all kitchen gadgets are created equal (as in, most of them are overrated) but this one is worth it. I absolutely hated cooking crepes before I got this. Here’s my go-to crepe recipe.
- These two card games. Flip7 and Trio. Both of them are fast and easy to learn, and so, so fun to play. They’re out full-time on our table right now, because we are playing them so often. What are your favorite games right now?
- This puzzle. I like to keep a puzzle up all the time during the summer. I find that my kids will stop and work on it for a few minutes here and there, which is an opportune time to casually chat and connect with them. It also means I stay up way too late most nights. Puzzles are addicting!
- My evening walks. For the last month or so, I’ve made an intentional effort to get out of the house in the evening and take a walk. It’s been a really beautiful thing for my emotional and mental well-being to just walk for fun and to enjoy being outside. It’s not for exercise, not to count steps. Sometimes I walk fast, sometimes I walk slow. Sometimes someone comes with me, most of the time I go alone (some nights I ride my “grandma” bike instead of walk!). I usually pop in an audiobook, and I just love it. Apparently evening sunlight is good for you? So I guess I’ll take that as a bonus, too.
Things I’m Not Loving
- The tragic floods in Texas and New Mexico. I’ve been sick and heartbroken seeing the news accounts of the devastation, particularly in Texas at the girls’ camp, Camp Mystic. I sent my own daughter off to camp this week and couldn’t help saying an extra prayer (ok, lots of extra prayers) for her safety and also for those living in the midst of loss and grief right now. I donated to Convoy of Hope, a very reputable organization on the ground in Texas right now. Of course, it doesn’t feel like enough, but it made me not feel so helpless. I read a quote on social media this week that said something like “Do for one person what you wish you could do for everyone.” I suppose in moments of helplessness, all I can really do is lift where I stand. I’m trying to be better at that. 🤍
All of my other complaints ⬇️⬇️ seem awfully trite after talking about the devastating floods. So please take the rest of these bulleted points with a grain of salt and a roll of the eyes.
- Not sleeping well. I’m trying a BedJet (not sponsored, I bought it myself) to see if I can sleep better/cooler at night. No opinion yet, it’s only been a few nights. Have you tried one? Thoughts? I’m also trying for consistent morning/evening sunlight. Honestly, I’d give my right arm for a good night’s sleep right now (anyone else feeling this??). 😴
- Failed recipes. I usually recipe test for a full day each week to get recipes just right to post. This last week, I kid you not, I made six recipes, and most of them were pretty much unsalvageable failures (brussels sprouts salad, new brownie recipe THAT HAS SO MUCH PROMISE, icy lime drink). I had a little pity party for wasted ingredients and what felt like wasted time. Onward and upward! I shall persevere (especially with that dang brownie recipe).
- The heat. Oh my gosh, I’m dying. Give me cool, mountain air and crisp, fall weather any day of the week. I am not a summer girl.
- The pressure to be skinny. I feel like the influx of easy-access weight loss meds has exponentially increased the pressure to be super thin, fast (and has destroyed a lot of the work of body positivity/body neutrality over the last few years). My thick, athletic thighs and booty are definitely not “on trend” these days, but I sure do appreciate them! They take me on walks, they help me lift heavy weights, and they give me lots of cushioning for k-drama watching and puzzle doing. 💪🏼😍 I will go to my grave talking about how my body is an instrument not an ornament and how I appreciate it for what it can do for me. This is a message I want my sons and my daughter (and myself) to hear loud and clear, over and over.
If you are an every day, any age woman like me who is doing their best to keep their head above water (and drink enough water 😆), exercise for health and strength, and eat a well-balanced diet, just know that YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH. Even if you aren’t doing all of those things, if you are trying, whatever that looks like, you are doing enough. We are so much more than what our bodies look like. 😘
EDITED TO ADD: I am by no means making a comment or directing an opinion toward anyone taking GLP-1s/weight-loss meds – I’m grateful for the reminder in the comments that those meds have been a game-changer for some of you for overall health and personal recovery. 💗
If you saw the salad I posted on Instagram the other day, it’s coming to the blog Monday! The ONE recipe that actually worked…and IT IS AMAZING!
(Also, we loved having my oldest son, Jackson, home for a few days over the 4th! 💙)
I love reading and listening to other’s opinions…so please feel free to share yours below in the comments! ⬇️
Quick Note 7/12/25: Thank you to all of those who have commented below! Truly. This might be one of my favorite Friday Thoughts discussions to date! Some of you have expressed how vulnerable they feel by sharing, and I just want all of you to know that your thoughts and opinions and life experiences are welcome here even if they are different from others. I have LOVED reading all of the comments (still working my way through them, tbh, because I’m wanting to read each one carefully and thoroughly!). It is the best discussion below! So many helpful and insightful comments. THANK YOU!
I’m in Utah, and you would think there would be lots of summer jobs, but most require you to be 17 OR you can only get them if you network at church (which we don’t attend). The ones that do hire 14-16 year olds are things like Lagoon, but we don’t live close enough. Since my kid is 15 he has not been able to find anything, so he has daily and weekly chores for allowance, extra chores he can do for extra cash, and he picked up mowing a couple lawns. Lot’s of kids here don’t have summer jobs because there isn’t anywhere for them to work.
We pay for insurance, gas allowance, school fees, phone, clothes allowance for the year, and activities allowance for the year. Games, toys, extra food or snacks, etc are all paid by him.
15 yr olds can be lifeguards. I grew up in Utah and had a job as early as 14. Most of the city pools need lifeguards, swim teachers, aids, snack shack workers, etc. Just throwing out options to think in that direction… I know a lot of our neighbors didn’t realize that until our family started doing it. Best wishes! It’s a weird day and age to turn away hard workers!
I posted about working at a scout camp, which my son does. If your child likes the outdoors, if you are willing to part with your child for about a month in the summer, and send them to another state. Many of the camps hire kids that are not scouts so that’s not a problem. My son went back for his second summer working at his camp so he liked it enough to return.
That’s so tough, Crystal! I would think there would be lots of jobs, too, but it just goes to show that it’s harder than it looks to find work in the summer as teens! Thanks for chiming in with how your family manages it. I really appreciate that!
All three of my daughters worked in the summer. Picking berries ( we live in an ag area), driving combine, chopping broccoli. As soon as they got old enough to get a work permit, they worked in the local restaurant. As soon as they had a driver’s license, they went to work a bit further out. Working for the forest service driving water tanker was my senior in high school’s summer job that year.
That had to pay for their own gas, insurance,& and any “extra “ goodies beyond the basics. They each saved enough money to buy 1/2 their first truck/car, which I matched.
I was a working mom all their lives & I’m so proud of them!!!
Oh-my youngest was my partner in our horse chores; getting the hay in, pulling tansy, etc.
you know what? That all are moms, all have an incredible work ethic, & I’m so so proud of them!!!!
Sounds like you raised some amazing kids, Kathy! Thanks for commenting!
I always read your Friday Thoughts posts but I don’t think I’ve ever commented. I just want to pop in and say thank you for these thought provoking discussions. I just finished reading the comments and I’m so grateful for the varied experiences from people who have gone through these phases of life already. My oldest is 14, and I’m just starting to think about how we want to do things over the next four summers that we’ll have her at home. I have to say I’ve been apprehensive to figure it out because I don’t want to “mess up” somehow. But this was a nice reminder that there’s not one right way. I’m sure we’ll figure out what’s best for our family just as you have done.
Thanks for commenting, Megan! I appreciate it so much! You are right, there is no right way! So many great comments here with totally different experiences and approaches…and yet, no one is doing it wrong.
Mel, I feel you, girl! I also have 5 kids (4 boys and 1 girl) and I am starting to get a glimpse of the quieter summers. My oldest is 18 and leaves to serve as a missionary in Denver in a few weeks so we’ll get our first taste of having one of them out of the nest.
My oldest two boys have had part time jobs year round at the same local pizza place since they were 15 1/2. Though it isn’t glamorous or “fun”, they have learned so many things that they woudn’t have learned any other way (in my opinion anyway) – responsibility, duty, knowing that they don’t want to end up in a pizza kitchen forever, seeing their co-workers addictions and knowing that is not how they want to end up, and managing their own hard-earned money. It also helps them have realistic expectations for how much money certain jobs pay. There have been times I’m not sure it’s worth it, but overall, I have seen my boys mature in so many ways and it has been so valuable!
I so appreciate you and your recipes. I have been following you for so many years that my family is on a first name basis with you. 🙂 As a fellow athletic legged lady, thank you for sharing your light and helping me to recognize mine. You are amazing and your post is exactly what I needed today!
So much love to you, Andrea, as you send off your oldest on a mission. It caught me by surprise how much the family dynamic shifted and changed when my oldest left. I didn’t realize it would feel so different! And now I recognize, it’s never quite the same (not in a bad way – just a…different…way). Sounds like your two oldest boys learned a lot with their jobs!! Thank you for being here!
I have teenagers and my 16 year could not find a job anywhere. Lots of places say they are hiring but are really not. We know lots of people also who were looking for summer jobs (for example, my son’s girlfriend, she works in the school district) and no one has been able to find a job. I think it is all the uncertainty? He gets an allowance – and does chores for it, but he is disappointed for sure!
Thanks for posting the games – we are headed to a mini family gathering next week, I’ll grab them both!
I love your body quote – it reminds me of what I always say about my house – this is a workroom, not a showroom.
So many people in the same boat about summer jobs. I will be more grateful my kids were able to find work (my 16-year old definitely struggled to find something and it ended up being a small town connection that helped him, which is fortunate but not always realistic for everyone). And I love the quote about your house. Amen to that!
My just-turned-fifteen-year-old tried so hard to find a summer job but no one was hiring under 16s around here. He even got called in for a job interview where they told him they don’t hire fifteen-year-olds (even though he filled in his age on the application). He can try again next year. Since he doesn’t drive yet, his expenses are minimal.
I won’t presume to guess your age but I am 48 and started perimenopause at least five or six years ago. The first symptom was not being able to sleep (or stay asleep) and night sweats. Progesterone totally helped with that, so maybe check with your gynecologist. I also switched to bamboo sheets and bamboo pajamas, and just recently bought an amazing cooling comforter at Costco.
I’m right at your age, Laurie (47). I have started progesterone – I think I was hoping it would work faster, but maybe I need to give it more time!
Thick thighs save lives! I’ve got them too, and it is a struggle to make peace with them. I’m a runner, so they are pretty muscular, and my 15 year old daughter actually said she wants big muscles on her legs like mine! 😍
hahaha, your first line made me laugh out loud, Laura!! And I love your daughter’s compliment so much!
Our teens always worked in the summer. Our youngest works pretty close to full time as a life guard and loves it. Like you, we pay for insurance, sports fees, camps, sport equipment etc… and we pay for gas. The kids have always used their own money for adventures with friends, late night DQ runs, etc. They never complained about working- they always wanted to work. I will say, them having jobs makes it very tricky to plan vacations together :/
Sounds like life guarding is such a great summer job!! And yes, vacations and even small camping trips on the weekends are hard. I totally get that.
Summer jobs. I think they are a good thing as they teach kids the necessity for being there at the correct time while wearing the right clothes and staying until the job is done. As someone else pointed out, it is a great chance to learn that a certain job may not be a great job for you. The fact that it is expected to be temporary gives them a chance to try things out and learn what they may or may not want to do for life.
On the subject of being skinny: I try to remember my grandmother. She was slightly lumpy, had grey hair and wrinkles. She was an old lady and we loved her to pieces.
I remember once on Oprah they had a program on Aging Well. Turns out it was not so much about aging well and looking as though you were not aging at all. That sort of thing just contributes to the agism all around us. As for me, now that I am an old lady, I am trying to embrace it and let my grey hair be grey and to celebrate my wrinkles.
So, so true about summer jobs! My kids have learned a lot about taking correction from someone other than their parents and showing up on times – all the things you mentioned. I love what your comment added to the discussion. I think we should all embrace aging and aging well (but NOT Oprah style – the description of that episode makes me cringe – that’s the opposite of aging well!)
For sleep, hormone replacement therapy and magnesium. I feel so much better!
Thanks for adding your thoughts, Maria! Currently doing HRT and hoping I see some benefits soon!
I don’t have teens, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. A job can teach a kid so much, being responsible (showing up on time, doing the job required etc.) is such a good lesson to learn and will have life long benefit. Learning to budget money (when you’re still a kid and your parents can easily bail you out, or let you learn) doesn’t just happen, it has to be taught and learned. I say a big YES to jobs for teens.
I have been making your frozen yogurt so much that my blender will probably die before the end of summer. Thanks for that and all of the other recipes. You may have failures in your kitchen but I really appreciate that you give us the best recipes all of the time. I can say I have never, ever had a failure with one of your recipes and you have been my go to for many years.
Thanks for adding your thoughts, Nina! Truly! And I’m really happy you love that frozen yogurt. I hope your blender keeps on trucking! So grateful and happy to know you love and appreciate the recipes so much. Thank you!
Don’t have a ton to contribute to the discussion (I am just a college student, zero experience with kids lol) but I just wanted to say thanks for your thoughts! This was an uplifting read today— you have an inspiring way of acknowledging the hard things and cherishing the good things at the same time. You’re amazing and I’m grateful for what you do! Slay!
Benjamin
Haha, your comment put a huge smile on my face, Benjamin. Thank you!
Mel, it’s like we have identical thoughts. I’m perimenopausal, and all of the sudden, my pants don’t fit anymore and I am seeing the weight difference in family pictures. It’s rough up in these streets! Thank you for reminding me that my body is an instrument, not an ornament. It’s been through a LOT, and it still helps me in my summer gardening attempts – gardening is my favorite thing, and I’m grateful I can still *kind of* do it. (I had knee replacements, so I have to garden sitting, with my legs straight in front of me like an L. It’s funny-looking for sure.) As far as summer jobs, my teen takes advanced classes at school, AND he also has a learning disability. It’s a weird dichotomy, but I’m proud of him for doing what he wants and working twice as hard. So he spends every second on schoolwork during the year – so he can’t get a part-time job while in school. And it is SO hard to get just a summer job in our town. They want you to commit to ALWAYS, and unless you lie (a lot of kids have to just lie and pretend that they aren’t leaving on missions or college in a few months), you don’t get hired. So we have our teen do extra chores around the house to kind of “earn his keep” and to keep from getting bored.
I love that you enjoy gardening so much, Karlenn! Wish we were neighbors and you could teach me a thing or two! I’m glad you are still able to do what you love even after having knees replaced. Wow, your teen is AMAZING. Go, him! I think the efforts he’s putting toward advanced classes is just as valuable as a job!
All three of my kids are adults now. I hear you about the summers being a little weird. Times change.
The expectation in our house was that the day they turned 16 they were to find some source of income. We have never paid for their phone service. Each one was signed up for their own account thought a certain service available at Walmart- very good plans start at $35 a month. We did pay for a basic phone to get them started. After that if they want an upgrade it’s was on them. Spending money and gas was on them. We did pay for school supplies and all the fees etc for school related activities. We also payed for car insurance. That was cut off the day they graduated college.
We were absolutely in the minority with this. So many of my kids friends had all of this paid for. I don’t understand the thinking. Something changes with your kid when they get that first job. They gain a sense of confidence and self reliance that stays with them always. Would I change the way we did it NO!!
Thanks for sharing your experiences with kids and work, Toni! Sounds like you did it just the right way for your family! I’m really sure my kids will thank me later (haha). In truth, they have sought out their own jobs because they love that power of earning their own money!
I love the phrase my body is an instrument not an ornament!! I’m looking forward to my first overseas trip in September also – to Germany, land of my ancestors!
Oh, amazing, Sharla! Have a great trip!
Man, I second Marilyn’s thoughts about summer jobs being an incentive to stay in school and pursue a vocation you love! Although I also really enjoyed my summer jobs as a waitress & car hop (Sonic!) but wouldn’t have wanted to do them indefinitely. Good days & great life lessons learned.
Our oldest got his first part-time job this summer as a lifeguard. I wish he had more hours each week, but regardless, he has amassed a pretty significant amount in his checking/savings accounts! He’ll pay half of the fees for a band trip to Disney, his gas for the year, and other incidentals (eating out, purchasing music, etc.). I hadn’t thought of him buying his own clothes, though. That’s a good idea, but I’m not sure he has made enough to fund all the hoodie purchases. 😉
Our summer is short, too. Kids out in late May, and full-time summer band starts in two weeks – so about 8 weeks of “true summer” total. I leave a list of chores each day, which everyone loves but (mostly) accomplishes by the time I get home at noon.
I love your Friday thoughts, Mel. Thank you for sharing about body image, healthy lifestyles, travel, heartbreak, and failed recipes. 🙂 I’m counting the days until fall weather, too.
Great lessons for sure in summer/teen work no matter if it’s full-time or part-time or brief or longterm. Love how you’ve managed with your kids, Nancy! Thanks for sharing.
Magnesium Glycinate before bad.
All valid points on kids working, but best of all is ruling out jobs they don’t like. Mine worked in food service and as a result they treat people (in that industry and beyond) with utmost respect.
Love summer so can’t help there, although I appreciate the reminder to walk. 😉
Haha – before BED! I was out in the sunshine on this gorgeous summer day and couldn’t see my phone screen! 🤦🏻♀️
Sleep, so elusive! Used melatonin for a while, helped me fall asleep, not stay asleep. Then in the recommendation of a friend, started using magnesium glycinate along with the melatonin. Game changer. Too much magnesium exits the body on its own so fairly safe.
Lots of recommendations for magnesium glycinate, Julie!
haha, Jane – I was pretty sure I knew you meant bed. 🙂
I grew up in Bear Lake so summer seasonal jobs were easy to come by!(making raspberry shakes, and at the marina) Now living elsewhere I feel like it’s harder to find jobs for teens. My son will be 16 by next summer so I’m hoping it will work out since he’s a certified lifeguard and will be able to drive. I think summer jobs and also doing some chores at home is great. I agree so so much about the body thing. I live in IL so I feel like it isn’t as crazy here as in the state I lived in before with so much focus on looks and not aging gracefully. It’s craziness so thank you for being real and sharing those thoughts. Hoping to make your key lime pie today!
From what I hear, being a certified lifeguard is a FABULOUS way to work as a teen during the summer and jobs are usually a bit easier with that certification!! (Hope you loved that pie!)
Thank you for sharing your feelings so thoughtfully. I am weighed down by the Big Heavy things this summer, but agree that doing “what I can, where I can, with what I have” is the best medicine for my aching soul.
I’m an Idaho lady, too, and have noticed a similar trend with my youngest son, who is now 17. My older boys had full-time jobs during the summer, but my youngest works part-time, and only a handful of his friends have jobs at all.
As for the loss of sleep, PREACH. The struggle is real. I’m interested to hear if your new gadget will help… I found a doctor locally that only sees menopausal women, and it has been life-changing! Feel free to email if you’d like her info. 🙂
Emily – I need that doctor! Do you feel comfortable posting her info here?
I emailed you, Emily! Thanks!
I was going to tell you about Trio! A friend introduced me and my girls to it just yesterday. So easy to pick up and fun!
We are loving it!
Love your Friday thoughts! As for the teens working question, my 17 year old is not working this summer because he has not been able to find a job. 🙁 He applied to many places with no luck. So, I have him and his younger brothers doing daily chores so they aren’t playing quite as many video games. They can do extra, not required, jobs for us to earn a little bit of money, and the 17 year old does occasionally earn money doing pet sitting and other odd jobs. I pay for their necessities though, and find they don’t want much more (I have all boys and they don’t tend to want a lot- I have to talk them into going shopping, for example). The older two are both hoping to work at a local pumpkin farm this summer though (that hires lots of teens) so they can save money for college.
That’s so hard about your 17-year old and not finding work, Ruth! Dang it. I love how you’ve transitioned into an at-home plan for a bit of responsibility. You’re a good mom!
Regarding summer schedules, this has been a struggle in our house. My kids have had a lot of failure in trying to get summer jobs. They’ve all worked part-time, but only my oldest has had full-time jobs now that she is in college. My kids do not have a lot of wants or needs (my son, for example, is a homebody who loves computer programming, reading, and biking, and still wears clothes I bought him 5 yrs ago. I can’t remember the last time he spent money on himself.) We also struggle to balance work with family reunions, church camps, band camp, etc. It feels like summer is gone before we know it.
I love puzzles and walks and cooking! Thanks for all the recipes and recommendations!
It’s such a hard balance, Laura! Sounds like you are figuring it out with your kiddos – part-time work is a great way to help kids earn money and work!
Mel,
I loved this post. I don’t have answers to your kid’s working questions as I’m not there yet but I will be following, hopefully it doesn’t make me too anxious. Haha!
I have had a prescription since my youngest was born for a medication to help with sleep. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I cannot sleep after I have a baby (& not because of the baby). Sleep was imperative for me with a newborn and a four year old.
I will sing the praises of Trazadone all my life. I have been able to sleep without it at times and have been able to wean my dosage down at times depending on how I’m doing mentally, physically, cyclically, etc.
The side effects say it loses effectiveness over time but I have not had that experience. I just wanted to share for any others on here who are struggling with sleep. It’s been life changing for me but it’s vulnerable to share.
Thank you for your thoughts on the pressure to be skinny. I feel this so deeply but I think I needed to hear someone say it to help me name it.
I have done a lot of mental work over the past decade to unlearn beliefs and ideals that I grew up with. The past year, I feel almost like I’m having to start all over. I didn’t know how much I needed your little message that I’m doing enough and that it is enough.
Thank you!
Shar! Thanks for your comment. I love (so much) that you’ve found a medication to help you sleep. I’m learning more as I get older how my sleep (or lack of) is tied so directly to my mental health. That’s why I feel stressed about not sleeping – it feels critical at some junctures of my life and I just don’t manage well being sleep deprived. Thanks for adding your experience! I’m over here holding lots of space for you as you *start over* like you described. I literally thought I’d have life figured out by the time I was my age (47). Turns out, I’ve also had to really unravel a lot of things that I grew up thinking were right or the best. So anyway, just know you aren’t alone.
Since you asked…my kiddos have been responsible for helping with chores around the house since they were tiny. We both work full time, so they went to summer camps, transitioned to volunteering at summer camps in middle school and now that they drive, work in the summer. My high school grad works 4 days a week and is banking spending money for college. They received an allowance to help start money management skills.
My husband and I have different temperature needs, and I have found that the Chilipad system works great for me and has improved my sleep immensely. It’s pricey, but worth it for me.
Ignore the hype on these drugs because they are just the latest trend that will be replaced with something else. Be healthy, which it sounds like you are doing.
I love how you’ve helped your kids learn to be responsible, Christine! Interesting about the Chilipad. I’ll have to look into it. Is it something that lays on top of your mattress? Off to google!
My oldest is 15, so we haven’t really had to deal with summer jobs yet. On the one hand, I love what a job can teach kids. Is this something they want to do long term, learning new skills, staying busy, earning their own money, etc. On the other hand, we only get 18 summers with them (I’m realllly feeling the time slipping away). They work hard during the school year, family vacations and other opportunities to work around, etc. We have our kids work for an allowance and they are expected to cover certain expenses to start teaching them finance skills. My 15 year old is quickly realizing that that allowance does not cover a lot, so she wants to work. I want to allow them to be a kid for the few years they have, so it’s all about finding a balance. I think if they can find a flexible job, it’s so worth it!
It’s definitely a balance with teens and jobs, Emily! I feel like if technology and social media weren’t so present in teens lives (and we seriously delay social media, but our high schoolers do have phones for texting), I’d be more inclined to be like “eh, no jobs, let’s spend time together” but I find that too much time on my teens’ hands means a lot of time on technology and screens, which, yes, is probably more reflective of my lack of management. It’s tough for sure!
Ugh—the sleep issues of middle aged women! I started taking magnesium glycinate a few years ago about an hour before bed, and recently I’ve started taking B5 vitamin with it as well. I discovered B5 YEARS ago through a naturopathic doctor when I was having sleep issues after my second baby. It works like a sleeping pill, but without making you wake up tired the next morning. And it’s relatively cheap. Also—cotton sheets are a MUST for me. Anything else makes me WAY too hot.
I’ll also add a plug here for sleep apnea. I found it a little over a year ago that I have it—and have treatment is LIFE CHANGING. The symptoms for women are a bit different than for men. I no longer feel like a zombie walking through my days. If you snore at all—even a tiny bit, I highly recommend getting a sleep study to rule it out. Also, not all sleep apnea is obstructive. Some is central, which is genetic, and where your brain forgets to tell you to breathe.
I’m so glad you said something about the pressure of the weight loss meds. I’ve been curvier my whole life, but middle age and stress have creeped up my weight heavier than I’ve ever been (even at the end of my pregnancies). I’m a huge fan of intuitive eating and movement, but I’ve felt that same pressure you described. I know my body is healthy, as I have more energy than ever, I’ve kept up with my yearly exams and blood work, and I’m not on any medications. But man. You are spot on with the feeling of exponential pressure. It really helps to know I’m not alone.
As for jobs, my teens-still-at-home would LOVE to have a job. But they have the HARDEST time getting hired anywhere. One of their friends had to apply to 84 places before getting hired. I don’t know what it is about where we live (N Utah County), but it’s kind of a nightmare.
Thanks for all of your recommendations, Amanda! Did you end up with a CPAP machine for sleep apnea? I am also a huge fan of intuitive eating, and I actually feel a lot of solidarity after reading these comments that so many of us women feel the same way, we’re doing our best, and I feel encouraged more than ever to just love myself where I’m at. (Also that’s insane about how hard it is to find a job!!)
Our oldest (20) has a summer internship several states away, living his best life in a chemical engineering lab and earning money for doing what he loves. Our second (18) continued with her part time job at a pharmacy, doubling up on hours to make up for lost shifts while on missions this month, savoring her last month of ballet classes, volunteer coaching for local swim team, and serving in various church capacities. She leaves for college this fall and has earned enough money to cover her portion of room and board for two years, plus some spending money. Our third (15) is working a part time job at a local bakery, volunteering at swim team, continuing ice skating, enjoying a few 4-H events, practicing her driving skills (and helping my prayer life – hahaha!), tackling assigned summer reading, and steadily working thru Algebra II and grammar (we homeschool and do school when it’s too hot here in the South). She has already saved enough for one semester of college room and board! Our fourth (14) doesn’t have a job yet, but hopes to find a good fit soon. She is on the swim team, working thru Algebra I, enjoying 4-H, bemoaning her summer reading, and volunteering at an outdoor day camp as a junior counselor.
We pay our children’s car insurance, phone plan (when they turn 18, they may have their own phone and we pay for a very basic plan), one sports activity at a time, and basic clothes. The kids have to pay their own gas, save 75%+ for college, tithe, and pay for extra activities or special clothes (prom dress, etc.). Our ballet dancer had to pay for her own pointe shoes with her part time job. Our ice skater pays for classes bc we pay for her year round swim.
Our oldest has said “Thank You!!” more than once since going to college. He too had a part time job in high school, saved, etc. He has met so many kids in college who wish they had done what he did and had money saved like he does. He also appreciates the time and money management skills he had to learn while safely still in our “nest.”
I love, love hearing how you manage life at home with kids. Wow! Your kids are amazing! And I love the balance you’ve achieved of your kids being independent but still helping them out with some basics. I love how motivated and diverse your kids are in their talents, hobbies and skills.
Regarding the tragedies: I’m a big fan of World Central Kitchen. They go where there is a need and they feed everyone — those suffering and those helping. I volunteered with them when they were in my area a few years ago. Great organization.
Regarding sleep (or lack thereof): magnesium oil sprayed on the bottom of feet at bedtime. I also take prescriptions to help with chronic insomnia, but the magnesium helps when those don’t cut it completely. And wear an eye mask! Helps to convince your brain that it’s bedtime and time to shut down.
I second the eye mask! Having the total and complete darkness has been a game changer for me!
Yes, I love WCK, too, Diane! Thanks for mentioning them. I just ordered a sleep mask! Excited to try it.
Reading about your sleep makes me think of where you are in your life…and unfortunately need to tell you that this might last a while. Being post-menopausal I know what you are dealing with as I haven’t had a full night sleep in more than 10 years. If it weren’t for weekend naps I’d be in even worse shape. I highly recommend trying ‘maca’; it helped sooo much with all the symptoms. Anyway, good luck; know you aren’t alone.
In regard to teenagers working…when my stepdaughter (who is 39) was in high school we actually got a letter from her school saying ‘we understand that she has a job and we’re concerned about her grades (she had gotten a ‘B’!) I was so angry I fired a letter back stating that we were trying to teach her about work/life balance as she would one day be an adult and need to manage her finances etc. and that we were ok w/ a B if it meant one day she’d be a well-adjusted adult. (still makes me angry!). I think what you are doing is more beneficial that parents footing the bill for everything…perhaps teaching priorities and decision making.
sorry to be so long winded.
Thanks for the recommendation, Beth! Wow, that’s crazy about the letter from the school. I think your response was warranted! You weren’t long winded at all – I appreciate you chiming in!
Sounds to me as if you are doing a great job, seriously. You’re walking, which is so great for not only your body but your head. I’m 72 and took up meditation a couple of years ago and that has really helped. There are a zillion apps that have directed meditations and those really helped with the process. Gaining weight as I have aged is an annoying issue but I do tell myself I am doing enough. Exactly, we are so much more than our bodies.
Meditation is something I’ve wanted to incorporate. I’m glad it’s helped you, Jean!
So many beautiful thoughts that you share here!
Kids in summer jobs: our kids were always encouraged and/or commanded to find employment for very similar things that you have listed. I’m impressed with your excellent specification of things for them to pay for and things that you would continue to take care of. Ours were not so specific, but it for sure needed to cover their personal purchases and fun. I agree with previous comments, our children have been quite motivated to pursue work for their future that they enjoy because they’ve done all kinds of jobs that sometimes weren’t nearly as pleasant.
Body image. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, it is very validating. I have really been battling the exact same issue, with the weight loss drugs, and wondering if I should take advantage. (It has been suggested to me by others recently.) But here’s the thing, I recently saw a picture of someone else’s mother, aged ninety-something; she was gaunt – so thin. Then I found a picture of my mom (similarly aged) so joyfully plump, and comfortable and happy! I have no idea if my friend‘s mom tried to be thin or it was just the genetic card she was dealt. I know that my mom was conscientious to keep active and eat healthy food, and her plumpness was absolutely a genetic marker. My mantra since then has been that happiness and gratitude trump all! I will continue to live my life striving to eat and be active in healthy ways, but I will not place body image above happiness. As I said to my husband, I’m glad that I’m a nice soft grandma.🤣 I feel such gratitude for a capable, healthy, serviceable body! And as a happy bonus, my husband says I’m cute.😬
Thanks for your comment, Barbara! Grateful for your insight and sharing your experiences. I appreciate what you shared about perspective and about your mom. Happiness and gratitude really are paramount! That’s adorable about your husband.
I used to not sleep well until I started taking magnesium. It has worked wonders. I have realized as I get older that I don’t sleep as long, but the sleep I do get is restful now. Good luck!
Thanks, Courtney!
My three kids did marching band and it was very busy late summer and fall. Luckily my husband owns a business so they worked for him and it was very convenient with their schedules. He let them off whenever they needed. It was also really nice for vacations. I am glad we didn’t have to work around their work schedules. I also am anti diet culture. That being said, I have been on GLP-1’s for 2 1/2 years. I feel like the media gives it a very bad rap. My mom died at 56 from heart disease and I was obese, so my doctor recommended them. I was very hesitant at first because I had just come to peace with myself. I had dieted on and off for 30 years. I am very grateful for science. I feel like it will help me live longer. I wish obesity did not have the stigma it does. I wish people looked at it like any other physical condition. With that being said, I do hate it that the GLP-1’s are marketed to those wanting to drop a Jean size or two. I want to be around for my grandkids. That’s why I started them. I feel like they fix something in my brain. I have often thought over the few years, this is what it’s like to be a skinny person. Leaving food on your plate. I have not dieted once though since I have started them. Just ate intuitively.
That’s exactly what I say about the GLP-1 I’m on…it fixed something in my brain!
Thank you so much, Renee, for your comment. I actually really appreciate that you shared about your experience on a GLP-1. Thank you so much for that. I am really really happy it has helped you. (Thank you, too, Jami, for chiming in!)
Mel, you are amazing. I loved your thoughts on all of this, and agree that the thin thing is going too far. Thank you for just saying it. Me and my athletic legs stand by you. 😉 I find myself aching for the days before social media and smart phones all the time. It’s just too much.
Also, so excited for your Switzerland trip! This next week I have an episode coming out on it, too… so great timing! September is THE month to go, according to all the people I chatted with to prep for the ep. Lower crowds, better weather. You’ll do great!
Alli
I long for those days, too, Alli. And then try to just focus on the good things that have come with technology (but usually I’m just over here trying not to throw my phone out the window). I am SO EXCITED about your Switzerland episode. I will be listening!
Can I switch to 1 to 1 gluten free flour in your crepe recipe? How about using buckwheat?
I haven’t tried a substitution like that, Susan, but it’s worth a try!
Hi Mel! My 18yr just graduated HS. He has a summer job at a restaurant, 3 days a week which is the amount of days he gets assigned. We are in FL so summer is not in season for us and it is slower in a lot of places. I have noticed that in restaurants here kids get 3/4 days of work assigned each week in after school/summer jobs. But it is enough to keep him busy and have spending money. I pay for his car insurance, gym and phone. He pays for gas and whatever else he wants to do. I do pay for clothes if it is a necessary thing. As far as the pressure to be thin: My body has changed a lot in the last several years. I am now fully in menopause (I’m 54) and all the things that were changing before that was perimenopause related and I did not realize it! I probably gained 35lbs in the past several years. With everything that is going on in my life I try to give myself grace. I exercise, try to eat healthy but don’t beat myself up if I eat something less healthy. Everything in moderation my mom always says! 🙂 My sleep is up and down. Most nights I’m good. But sometimes I wake up at 4/4:30am and I can’t get back to sleep. I blame it on menopause. Anyway, Thank you for being YOU!! I love your posts.
I loved your comment, Sandy! Thank you for taking the time to share. So many of us in similar situations with kids and menopause. Thanks for being here!
Mel, as always I appreciate your candor. And I’m thrilled that you four are going to Switzerland! You’ll have a fabulous time.
Thanks for all you share.
Thank you so much, Rebecca!
Thank you for the link for Convoy of Hope. I was looking for somewhere local to help. I can’t even read the articles, it’s so sad. I thought back to 60 years ago when I went to girls camp and I can remember the serious and stern warnings from our leaders about flash floods. I grew up in Idaho and I guess it’s a thing most places.
During the pandemic I started going to bed way early and getting up way early. It’s crazy, but my kids are grown and I have never, ever slept better. I walk in the early mornings before the sun is up and I now know which constellations are where. But, seriously, there are no exceptions (except for one evening a year, something I can’t miss), and I wake up early without an alarm. I can shower and walk in the cool air, summer and most winter days (I won’t walk below 22 degrees or my hair freezes). I thought I was doing this because I am so busy and I need to get my walks in. But then I realized I am doing this because I sleep so, so well. It’s bliss.
I love that handstand on the counter.
I honestly think I would love that schedule, Julie. That’s amazing that it has affected your sleep so positively! If I didn’t have teenagers that get home later, I think I would adopt that schedule ASAP.
Thank you, Dear Mel, I’ve enjoyed your recipes and being a part of you blog/life from when you first started- My littles are now 23 and 21. Your recipes are amazing and I enjoy having glimpses into your family life- I understand about the body, at 4″11- I’ll never be a tall gal- Enjoy your summer! best wishes to you and your family! Your wonderful blog too!
Thanks for still being here after all these years, Cheryl!
Hi Mel, my sleep problems began when I was in my 50’s. Before that, I took a good nights sleep for granted. Now I suffer from extreme insomnia and take a prescription drug twice a week just to get a couple of 7-8 hour nights. It’s so frustrating to lie awake all night. Sometimes it helps to listen to an audible book and put the sleep timer on thirty minutes. My kids are grown, all in their thirties. They did not have summer jobs because I felt they worked extremely hard during the school year. I remember bringing them home from school (sometimes late due to after school projects)eating a snack, hitting the homework till dinner, then more homework. We had to fit music lessons along with orchestra practices on two days each week. They did go to schools that pushed the students to achieve, so that was part of the problem. Anyway, I let them have the short summer to be kids. They had most of their adult life ahead of them and that meant years and years of working at jobs, plus the stress of adult life. I gave them those two summer months each year to enjoy a little freedom to just be kids.
Ah, Teresa, thanks for chiming in with your thoughts. So sorry about your sleep. Honestly, it makes me kind of want to cry for you. Hope it somehow gets better for you. It appears to me as though you did a fantastic job raising your kids in the exact way they needed. They are blessed to have you as their mom!
Sometimes I feel like you are living my life. This summer has been full of a mostly empty house or teens too tired from jobs to want to do anything. It definitely a new chapter after hauling 5 kids to parks, libraries, and doing crafts all summer. It harder to connect with them than before. The sleep thing is real. It’s awful. I also had months of awful sleep, but just got put on progesterone a few months ago and it was a total game changer. It used to be 80% terrible sleep, 20% ok sleep. Now its 80% good sleep and 20% less good sleep. It took me a year to find a doctor that would listen and prescribe what I needed. Most would jump to an antidepressant without exploring any other avenues, which I did not need or want for this particular problem. Last thing the body image thing is real! I turned 50 this year and it’s frustrating to still have so many expectations to look like I’m 20. I’m soppose to be eating my weight in protien, walking with my 12lbs vest each day, weight lifting, cutting out processed foods, meditation for cortisol reduction…..and really I just want to eat a bowl of icecream with my daughter, laugh with my friends, binge a fun show, and watch a few good sunsets. I enjoy you Friday thoughts, it makes me happy to know I’m in the same boat as other amazing people.
I love that progesterone has helped you, Amber! I also started on progesterone two months ago. I think I was expecting a miracle change, and I haven’t felt that, but I probably need to give it more time. So grateful you found a doctor that could help you! And seriously, a thousand thumbs down to aging but having the expectations to still look like I’m in my 20’s. NO THANK YOU. Life is way too short for that.
We have four sons and a daughter as well. They are all married now and some have children.
My husband is self employed so the boys always helped him in the summer and our daughter helped me with the gardening, cooking, housework, etc. whatever it took to keep things going at home.
Sounds like you have raised some really great kiddos!
I just wanted to say thank you! I needed this post and all of its reminders. ❤️
You are so welcome, April!
I could not live without my bed jet. I bought it when I was deep in the throes of menopause and sweating/soaking my sheets every night. I still use it every night, it’s totally ugly but not giving it up.
Also so nice to hear someone else say how much they hate summer, I despise it lol.
Ok, I’ll give it a bit more time, Terry! Thanks for your opinion.
Yes!!! to so many of the things you said: wishing for good sleep, immense sadness for the suffering of others, waiting for summer heat to go away and fall to come! I’m excited for you to go to Switzerland! It is on my bucket list!! My kids worked during summer as close to full time as they could get. Once they got a job, they always had a job. Part time during the school year and sometimes added another part time job during the summer to get extra money saved. They didn’t get one until they were 16/17. Before that, I had lists for each day of things they needed to do during the summer. It worked well for us, most of the time, and the rest of the time I try to forget now that they’re young adults. 😉
Hahaha, your last line basically sums up motherhood. My mom swears she can’t remember any of the bad stuff when we were teens (hard to believe) but maybe it really does work like that. 😉
Just a comment from a grandmother about summer jobs. Both of my (now very grown) kids had summer jobs from the time they were 16. There were so many advantages. Having some spending money that I didn’t have to provide. Having an expectation that a certain percentage of their income could be saved… but what I think was the most advantageous was knowing that the summer jobs were temporary and that they would not want to do that kind of job (waiting tables, lifeguarding, working at a tire company) for the rest of their lives which gave them a real incentive to do some further education after high school.
Thanks for your insight as a grandmother, Marilyn! I appreciate it so much.
Hey Mel,
Things I’m loving: my citrus peeler and my evening walks:)
Things I’m NOT loving: Not sleeping well; failed recipes; the heat and my unrelenting migraines. I am also a thick, athletic thigh and bigger booty gal and I am with you….my body is here to move me, sustain me and aid me in doing everything I need to do. I want to do all I can to return the favor by trying to eat well and nourish it properly (most of the time) and keep moving it so I don’t lose its functionality any sooner than necessary. So much easier said than done on some days, but if you’re not in the game then you’re sitting on the side lines of life. When I read your Friday Thoughts posts, I often wonder if we’re related LOL!!! Sleeping well has evaded me for the better part of a decade now. Perimenopause lasted almost a decade for me and I entered menopause much later than the average woman…..I WAS 55!!!! I have also had several failed recipes the last few months and when I dump the results into the garbage can I could almost cry. They were all new recipes that I had never made before with the exception of one that I could make with my eyes closed……eh, maybe I did and that was the problem. When an old keeper recipe fails it makes me question my mental capabilities a bit. Brain fog and an inability to multitask as before are a few of the 846 symptoms of peri and menopause (insert chuckle and then extremely exaggerated eye roll). The heat bothers me now more than at any other point in my life. The hot flashes, which go on day and night, made me want to seriously injure a Walmart worker over the price of a lemon, which she kept insisting was a lime. Can’t make this **** up!!!! To end, the flooding in Texas and New Mexico has been simply gut wrenching to watch. My tears and prayers have both flowed out of me in equal measure. Any tragedy is hard to watch on the news and is heart breaking, but for some reason this time feels different. I actually start to feel sick to my stomach and will tell my husband to turn off the television because I just can’t watch it another minute. God Bless you Mel and your beautiful family. Goodness your son Jackson is one handsome young man. Have a glorious and peace filled weekend.
Yay to great citrus peelers! Thanks for your comment, Vicki! And your kindness about my son. He’s a really, really great young man. (Also, I’m sorry about your migraines and the other myriad of menopause symptoms – this phase of life is no joke!!)
HEY! Thanks for opening the question about kids working. Here in Chandler AZ we have a 6 week summer (so short!) It is really hard to get anything for that amount of time. My 17year old had YM camp, FSY, a family Backpacking trip and XC camp, so 4 of the 6 weeks were booked. He is really looking forward to next summer after graduation when he can work a good block of time and then carry a job at college before a mission. My 15 year old daughter taught one piano student last year and is hoping to get at least one more, perfect for her needs. My college girls work during school as TAs and at the testing center and full-time during the summer. Two work on a potato farm (yep, in AZ!) and one as a caregiver at a program for disabled adults and children. All that to say, I’m a fan of jobs but man, high school and a short summer make it tricky here.
Such good insight and perspective on school districts/areas with modified school schedules and super short summers. That would make it extremely difficult to find work! Thanks for adding your experience. Farm work in Arizona sounds like I should definitely stop complaining about the heat here in idaho, haha.
Once my teens are able to get a job at 16 they work through the summer and school year. Our second oldest has lived by the 10/20/70 plan. 10% for tithing, 20% for spending, and 70% for saving. She has put away so much money, and is so responsible with her funds. We pay for insurance, she covers gas and anything else she wants. We cover needs and cell phone and pay half for school activities and half for any school trip she takes. (theater is $1000 for the school year!!!)
Chores are more or less, if I am working on something I ask the kids to help me, having them help clean up after dinner, changing sheets in the weekend etc.
Switzerland will be amazing! So happy you are going. For most of our marriage we never went anywhere, I remember how hard it was leaving my kids for the 1st time in 15 years for a anniversary trip. The more you travel the easier it gets and the anxiety has lessened for me over time.
Summer is almost over for us, I go back for professional development week and then students start back on the 21st of July. I do like shorter summer as it gives us longer breaks in the school year.
Love your posts and recipes❤️
That’s amazing about your second oldest, Ashley! Our kids do 10% tithing, 50% savings…but 70% savings is extraordinary! And wow, I had no idea theater was so expensive! I think you’re right about travel – because I rarely leave, it feels harder. But I know it will be worth it! Thanks for the comment!
You know, I have been wondering about teen employment the last few years because all the businesses around me have been struggling to hire people. These are jobs that in my day were filled by teenagers (incl. me). The only thing I have come up with is that they are doing some kind of social media that is giving them some $$$. With the way the economy is right now I can’t believe their parents can afford to supply them with everything. By the way, your son balancing on the counter is crazy! I could never.
Haha, I can’t balance like that either, Shelley – he does it EVERYWHERE!