Friday Thoughts
Hey friends!
First up, I LOVED everything you said on the last Friday Thoughts post (seriously, the comment threads are proving to be the real treasure in these posts). I have totally revamped the way I’m doing piano lessons with my kids thanks to so many of your comments, and my kids will never know how fortunate they are to have you in their virtual lives. I’ve also been jean shopping (online, of course) like crazy. 🙂
I only have a couple Friday Thoughts today. I mean, I have lots and lots of thoughts to share, but I’m 100% certain if I really downloaded everything in my brain, you would be very frightened and run far, far away. So we’ll work in small doses.
1) Cookbook Thoughts: Hmmm. Cookbooks. Do you buy them? Do you cook from them? Do you think they are an archaic form of recipe research? Or are you a cookbook lover?
I get asked quite a bit if/when I am going to “do” a cookbook. It’s a really great question, and one that I don’t have a serious answer to right now. My heart says: a cookbook would be fun and amazing. My head says: what the heck are you thinking you barely have time to shower some days and your kids are already going to need therapy for having a food blogger for a mom during their formative years so what time and mental space do you plan on using to for a cookbook? #truth
The more regulated part of me acknowledges I would love the project (especially as I have talked with several publishers over the years) but that it may not be the right phase of life for me, especially because it would come at a cost to my blog (if I didn’t want it to come at a cost to my family – I can’t keep all the balls in the air no matter how hard I want to or try). And this blog, this space, is what I value most. I don’t think I could keep up posting recipes here and developing recipes for a cookbook. Ultimately, a cookbook would only be a possibility, also, if I felt I had something to offer the cookbook world that is unique and practical and hasn’t already been done a million times.
{Here’s my 10-year old, with future donut shop owner aspirations, making homemade donuts from a hardcopy cookbook that we bought after a MKC reader, Liz, sent us the kindle version – in this case, we were very grateful for a real, live cookbook, because the donuts were AMAZING!}
And actually, thanks to this brain dump, I feel like I DO have a cookbook. An online treasure trove of my favorites. It’s called Mel’s Kitchen Cafe Dot Com. Have you heard of it? 🙂 Anyway, you’d didn’t need or want to hear all that, but hey, Friday Thoughts. I tell it as it comes out of my brain.
Personally, right now, I mostly cook from the internet, my faithful recipe binders, the weird food ideas that come to me at night, and my blog. So although I am by no means a cookbook collector, I do have a few tried-and-true cookbooks that I love and turn to frequently enough that I thought I’d share a couple favorites, old and new (affiliate links for some of the cookbooks below).
The Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook: This is a great Instant Pot/pressure cooker cookbook; I’ve been so pleased! I’ve made the creamy chicken and rice with broccoli, pork tacos, several of the pasta dishes, and the apple cinnamon oats. All super yummy.
America’s Test Kitchen Quick Family Cookbook: I can’t begin to list the recipes I’ve made from here over the years. So, so many. Recently the sheet pan chicken cordon bleu (called Unstuffed Chicken something or other in the book) won our hearts and I posted my version here. The dessert section is kind of a bomb, but the quick dinners are fabulous.
Foster’s Market Favorites: This is my go-to cookbook (along with consulting some of the salads in Chrissy Tiegen’s cookbook) when I want a dish or salad or recipe to really impress for entertaining or company. I love that the recipes appear to be well-tested, photographs are lovely, and most importantly, the dishes I’ve made have been stellar. I recently made the spring harvest salad, and it was so incredibly light and flavorful and tasty, and the tres leches cake recipe is fantastic.
2) Social Media Thoughts: Have you seen the firestorm buzz surrounding the info Collin Kartchner is talking about on Instagram about kids of all ages, what they are doing on social media that we (as parents and adults) may not know, and his activist call to #savethechildren and #bringbacktheflipphone? It has been fascinating, more than a little shocking, and definitely eye opening for me. If you haven’t watched it, go to his Insta stories and watch the one titled #savethekids first.
I have a lot of strong feelings on the matter (haha, shocker, I know). But I want to know from YOU how you manage phones + social media access with your kids (of all ages!). I hope it is already well-established this is a judgment-free zone, so please comment and respond honestly knowing that this is a safe place.
This is how we roll at home: currently, my kids (ages 14, 12, 10, 9, 5) don’t have their own phone(s). They have access to two “kid phones” that took the place of our landline years ago, and with prior permission they can take one with them to school or activities if they need to get a hold of me. Their friends can text them on it, if needed, but the phone and texting always stays in a public place at home. It’s also the phone they use to make phone calls for church, scouts, making plans with friends, etc. But it’s a “dumb phone” – no access to the internet, no camera, no apps.
They watch and record Marco Polo messages on my phone for friends and family (same with FaceTime), and occasionally they’ll want to look up a funny video or something on Facebook or YouTube to show everyone, and they’ll ask to use my phone or Brian’s (sidenote: the two middle schoolers have school-issued laptops for homework/internet research for school).
I definitely think my kids are on the underexposed end of the phone + social media spectrum, and I’m not convinced it is the best thing. There’s a line of moderation somewhere – and I’m guessing it is very individual to each family and kid.
Brian and I feel like we want to prepare our kids to know how to navigate the online world so they aren’t totally naive (or so they don’t sneak around and do it on the down low) without giving them full, unfiltered access at a young age and without allowing them to let a misguided interpretation of social media BECOME their identity. So we are constantly discussing ways (and praying for guidance) to know how to gradually give our teen and tween growing privileges for texting and phone usage within a set of boundaries and guidelines.
One thought I’ve had lately is that just like any behavior, my kids are observing me and Brian day in and day out as they form subconscious parameters about using a phone responsibly (i.e. is there a purpose behind mom or dad picking up their phone – checking a text message or answering a phone call – or are they mindlessly surfing the internet or checking social media for no apparent reason or out of boredom?). I have no doubt they will model the same behavior, for better or for worse.
It’s been a good wake-up call and reminder that I can stand to put my phone down a little more (or lock it in a cupboard for the afternoon and evening) so that my kids see a mom who is engaged and present and industrious instead of a mom who is aimlessly scrolling through Instagram.
I’d love to hear what you think about all of this! Please share!
3) Random Note: I bought these sunglasses from Amazon {aff. link} after I saw all the amazing 5-star reviews, SURE that they would be amazing on my face. Hahahahahaha. Cam’s reaction from the back seat sums up both of our feelings. I learned that a) I’m not young enough, secure enough, trendy enough to wear sunglasses like this and b) I guess I’m still on the search for the perfect pair.
Disclaimer: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
I like cookbooks but with changing our diets since I first started collecting cookbooks (our daughter has food allergies) I find I’d rather just print individual recipes I like into my own binder and have less books around. Your blog is the best! Thanks for introducing so many great recipes to our family!
Mel, I have not perused your nearly-200 comments here (and, truthfully, I have no idea how you keep up with it all!) to see if others have said the same thing. But this is my thought on cookbooks:
YES!!! I wish you would make a cookbook! But not with new recipes, just with your same old tried-and-true recipes from your blog. Sounds crazy, because I know they are right at my fingertips. But I would totally BUY it, just to have it in hardcopy, with beautiful pictures of all your amazing finished products! And I would buy copies for my mom and sisters-in-law and friends, to introduce them more fully to your amazingness. Just take your “Best Recipes” category, and make it into a cookbook. That way, it wouldn’t take so much of your time and brainpower that you feel like the rest of your life is slipping. You already have all the content you need. I’m telling you, it would sell! The perfect Christmas gift for all my gals. 😉
I agree! I would love that!
Keep the blog!!! No cookbook!!! My idea for a Mel cookbook is to get a three ring binder, print out all the recipies and pop them in. On the topic of cell phone use, my kids are 8 and almost 10 now and I plan to have similar rules that you are using, a non-smart phone for as needed use. All the parenting books I read emphasize the cognitive damage and emotional stresses caused by too much social media and excessive texting, not to mention the dangers of predators and inappropriate relationships fostered in secret. When my kids get their own social media accounts(when they can pay for their own part of the phone bill) I will be on their accounts monitoring the content. Someday they will be out on their own, but until then you can’t be too careful. We currently have a tablet for games they can play with a set time limit per day and a limited amount of YouTube viewing. Thanks for your posts, we are all out here struggling with the same questions you are, trying to make good choices for our families. BTW, my kids were practicing piano the other day playing……Indian Dance!!
My oldest is 13 and he has asked about when he can get a phone. I feel like it is unfair to give kids more access than they are ready for…and I don’t think teenagers are ready for unlimited internet access. So we have talked about it a little, and the plan right now is to let him have a (basic) phone when he starts driving, at 16. We live in a rural area and if he were driving and got lost or had problems I would want him to be able to contact us. But until then he really doesn’t need it…he’s always with someone who has a phone. My husband and I have basic phones ourselves, so he knows he doesn’t NEED a smart phone to get by. We also limit computer use–he has his own login on our computer and he gets 30 minutes a day, and options are limited on his account. Lately that 30 minutes is mostly spent playing Minecraft. And when it’s done, he’s done. Our computer is in our main living area, so no one uses it unsupervised, and it is locked unless someone has permission to use it. He has asked about buying his own laptop, and I told him he can, but the rules will be the same: half an hour per day, in the family living area. Not because I don’t trust him, but because like I said I don’t think it is fair to give kids more freedom than they are mature enough for, and kids/teenagers (in my opinion and as studies have shown) are not there yet maturity-wise, no matter how mature they think they are. As far as social media goes…I know we are getting close to that, but it freaks me out a little to think about my kids having FB accounts, etc. I would much rather they live through their immature years offline, like we did. (Fewer witnesses that way, if you know what I mean.) Totally don’t know how we’ll handle that but I guess we will when we have to.
When I wrote this I had no idea it would come up so soon. My 13-year-old came home from school today with a smartphone. His best friend gave it to him (apparently he has several). He REALLY wanted to keep it, of course. But ultimately we said no, he has to give it back. He was quite unhappy with that. But I’m okay with being a mean mom sometimes if it is for the good of my children, and I truly believe it is this time, so I am standing my ground. Thanks for starting the conversation, it helped me articulate my thoughts and feelings so I was more ready when it came up today.
Hello! This has nothing to do with what you asked above – only because my boys are both under 4 and I can’t even wrap my head around them having phones some day . . . eek.
This week for RS we learned how to use our Insantpots and I gave you a shoutout – told everybody Mel has lots of recipes for us to try out! Because I love you. Wyoming loves you 🙂
This feels a little bizarre but I thought I would add my point of view. I think about this a lot now that I have two littles who are rapidly outgrowing their littleness. A few short years ago I was a teen living in my parents house, “abiding” by the rules they set for media usage. I was a good kid in that I got straight A’s, no boyfriend, no drugs or alcohol, etc. But I loved to sneak our family cell phone to text my crush, or sneak on a family laptop to Facebook message a boy I liked. They were good kids too, so nothing ever went wrong, but looking back now I feel sick to my stomach… it is so dangerous. I hate to think about it. Parents need to set limits, talk to their kids about WHY there are limits constantly, and have a good relationship with their kids so they know it is safe to talk about things. My parents loved me so much, but they also didn’t babysit me all the time as a teenager because they knew I needed to be responsible. That being said, I wish they could have known what I was doing so they could have been aware of it had something gone wrong. I’m so glad technology usage is a hot topic today, and I’m sad for those that it may be too late. Suicide is so devastating. And I believe it has strong ties to our distorted views of ourselves based on virtual reality. Technology is also so GOOD! When we have balance in all parts of our lives, there is no desire to use technology for evil, and the urge to waste time on it is lessened. Like you said, kids learn from watching their parents. Find out what’s right for YOU, and then find out what’s right for your kids. And like another commenter said, keep tweaking it.
So we are a family that has a junior in high school, and she has a smart phone. She also has no expectation of privacy on that cell phone. We’ve had a few issues, but they were used as opportunities to learn and grow, and she did both. Yes, she occasionally pushes the boundaries- but as her parents, we push back. She’s an A student, in running start. She’s a year away from graduation, and she’s learning to navigate the freedoms and consequences of being an adult, while having the safety net of us to help guide her decisions. We give her freedoms, limited at first, and as she uses them responsibly, they are extended. She rode public transit to school from 6th grade, so we wanted her to have a phone in case of emergency (and we both work outside of the home). She’ll be on her own soon, and I want her to know how to handle her own online presence and the dangers it poses, as well as the positive aspects it can provide for her and her friends.
Cookbooks: I have several hundred printed books (one in my purse at the moment) but I also extensively use and collect online recipes as well (plantoeat.com). I use both mediums for planning and cooking recipes. My husband jokes that I never make the same thing twice- so I need a lot of source material!
I can’t comment on smart phones and social media. My kids — who are in their 30s — introduced me to smart phones. Prior to that I had a flip phone which, as others have mentioned, limited ability to receive group texts and photos. I have no social media presence.
I’ve purchased several cookbooks by bloggers and have yet to find one that I can’t live without. In fact, most of them sit on the shelf while I continue to read and search the blogs for recipes.
I do buy cookbooks. I’ll buy anything Ina Garten or Lidia Bastianich writes. I love the food, flavors and culinary history of the Mediterranean, especially the northern and eastern countries. I may not cook anything from them, but I learn so much from chapter and head notes. I’m also interested in memoirs with recipes and vintage cookbooks from the 1940s and 1950s. The recipes tend to be simple, almost never call for hard-to-find ingredients or require me to have or buy new equipment. Although I’ll admit that there are some recipes from that era that are real head-scratchers!
I grew up and started cooking in the 1950s and 1960s when most cookbooks had few, if any, pictures and no nutritional information. With the possible exception of some specialized technique or a dish that is very unusual, I don’t care if a cookbook has pictures or not. I scroll past the pictures on blogs 99% of the time.
My girls are grown so I have no advice on the cell phone or social media thing. My two cents though is that there should be “no electronics of any kind” moments or a period of time, say an hour, when there is reading, playing outside, walking, talking, going to get ice cream without a face in a phone, etc. You get my drift. Oh, and one thing I didn’t allow was phones when we were eating and no TV either. I was a mean mom because I insisted on manners. LOL
As far as cookbooks, bring ’em on, baby! I don’t have much time now (taking care of my aging parents and spending time with my love who lives a distance from me) but that is what I love about cooking blogs! Read them when I have a moment or two and no book to lug around.
xoxo
Thanks for chiming in, Becky! Insisting on manners is not mean – haha! But my kids feel the same way. 🙂
So I will start off by saying both my husband and I are tech people. We control everything in our house from our lights, to our thermostat, to our washing machine from our phones. Our whole house is wired and we have more tech devices in our house than people. We only have one kiddo and he is 8. I am fairly protective of his online presence. I don’t use his name on social. I don’t post his photo or identifying info (school, home, etc). I also don’t think he needs a phone even though other kids in his second grade class have them. To me, this is what needs to be protected- his online life. He will always be exposed to new and untested technology in his life, I feel the best skills I can give him are regarding his online presence and how to navigate making decisions that can help or hurt his online (and in turn his real life) reputation.
He has asked for a phone and my response right now is that if he is not with us he is always with people who can reach us. I mean his school has never denied his request to call home and he definitely doesn’t need apps. Having said that, I know his access will change in Junior High. The plan is to make sure he has a way to reach us, without having unfettered access. There are ways to be balanced. He may have a smart phone, but I will have the passwords and own the phone. My kid is pretty smart and can navigate around any rules that are set- even with laptop use. He has proven that he can be sneaky to get around everything (using a proxy to hit a game site I locked down for example). It’s my job to be smarter than him.
Love your thoughts, Crystal! I think you are spot on about changing the boundaries and allowances as they get older. Your last line is KEY and with kids being SO smart technologically these days, I’m trying to stay one step ahead of the game (we also had issues with the proxy work around)
All I can say is, if/when you do publish a cookbook, I will definitely buy it. Guaranteed. I’m starting to trust you more than ATK.
Haha, thanks, cute Vicky.
Oh my goodness, where do I start? We have recently and forever been talking about the smartphone/screen time dilemma. We keep something for a while and then have to tweak it. Recently, to my two teenage kids’ chagrin, we took back the smartphones they had and gave them flip phones. Not because they had done something horrible, but because it was something that we had been questioning and seeking answers for and as hard as it was, it was the answer we had gotten. It took some debriefing and discussing and a few tears and hugs. I am glad we did it though. In our situation it has brought more family unity. It is difficult to always know the best way! I feel like we are pioneers in this area. We grew up with some internet and cell phones becoming more prevalent, but we are just now beginning to see what kind of effects they can have on individuals and humanity as a whole. Thank you for sharing your way. It is always enlightening to hear another parent’s perspective.
You know, I think you are smart for being flexible! I find we are doing the same thing – setting up rules and boundaries and then tweaking a little while later. Sounds like you are doing a great job! I agree that it’s a lot of back and forth – the pioneer comment is so true. Just gotta keep doing our best, I guess!
I love Cam’s face in the photo! I check your blog when I’m searching for a new recipe to make and I print EVERYTHING and put it in my own binder because I’m afraid I will go searching one day and you may have given up your blog! I don’t buy recipe books ever since I found your blog 🙂 I would buy yours though and I agree with another reader who said this site is already your cookbook.
Thank you, Georgi!
I read your bit about phones and i could totally relate. when my family was trying to decide if we were being old fashioned parents by not letting our children have techie devices we kept going back to see how we survived growing up. That wasnt actually good to do becuase honestly things have changed from 30 years ago when i was a kid. so when my oldest started highschool we bought a phone with a phone plan know the oldest was responsible. but then the problems started. I have 3 children very close in age and the complaining and comparisons started. The next year my second got a used phone but no phone plan as free wifi was available in school. but right away phone was broken and never ending issues with teachers demanding students have devices to check messages from teachers – hand in assignments, group chat duscussion groups for class etc. So a new phone was purchased for 2nd child – again no phone plan. Now 3rd child is in school. we didnt wantt o invest in another phone but to be fair and have a way to reach each child we purchased a phone no phone plan but we have access for all children to communicate with each other and with us. Rules were set about how to contact each other and about sharing information. no one had facebook but kids figured out how to get instagram, twitter etc.
I have to say 2 out of 3 handle their devices and communication responsibly but there is always one bad apple in the bunch so its not perfect. We were also a family that didnt have cable tv but later allowed kids to watch youtube mainly for how-to tutorials but over time kids figured out how to look up whatever they wanted.
I think taking your time to decide if a device is needed is important. once you start you cant turn back – but eventually you will need to give in and more importantly teach the kids to know how to use each device safely.
On that note – my 2nd child has pushed the limits several times and had their device taken a way and by God’s grace it actually got stolen last month which honestly was an answer to prayer. I dont look like the bad parent anymore by enforcing rules! the device is gone and unfortunately my child has to live with it. the slight negative is its a bit harder to contact in an emergency but for now we are ok.
Oh man, the journey is tough! I agree that not all kids are the same and that can make the decision process for parents even harder. Good luck!
I would buy your cookbook! I love your recipes.
Thanks, Jane!
I am LOVING all your comments on this post, you guys! I haven’t had time to respond to each one individually yet, but just know that I am reading them and appreciating your insight and comments so much!
I’m so spoiled by “blog cookbooks” with multiple gorgeous pictures, that if I am flipping through a cookbook and there’s not a picture of every dish, I’m not interested.
Yeah, I totally get that.
I buy tons of cookbooks, have for decades and will probably do so FOREVER. I admit it almost as an obsession I have. I cook from a lot of them, a lot, am constantly reading one or another, or many at the same time.
I don’t have time physically to cook from all of them in my lifetime (if I live to be 120) so yeah, I have a bit of a cookbook hoarding issue.
Something about the possibility of finding a new great idea I guess.
But then again, I very sporadically look for recipes online.
Haha, I LOVE that you are a cookbook hoarder, Paula. Endears you to me even more. 🙂
Mel, it’s just my view, but I think the cookbook would end up being a nightmare for you. There is so much additional pressure from publishing/editor/deadlines that I think would well end up making you think this is no longer fun. EVERYONE has a cookbook now and you’re right — you already have one and it’s called melskitchencafe.com
Appreciate your thoughts, Christine!
Real quick thoughts about a cookbook..My sister told me that I started cooking before I could reach the stove. Then, and now, I’ve mostly cooked without cookbooks (maybe it’s the Italian in me) I have collected many cookbooks but rarely follow any recipes from them ( still flying by the seat of my pants when it comes to cooking).But I love them! I use them mostly for menu ideas and because I just love to look at and eat food Since the internet came upon us with a vengeance, most people I know, included me, go online to find recipes. I’m a huge fan of your blog Mel and I check it out everyday I think cookbooks are becoming more obsolete, although I still love them and use them occasionally. I assume if you decided to “do” a cookbook, you would use most of your blogs recipes which would make the process a lot easier and painless. But if you’re thinking of compiling all new and tested recipes, I’m not sure it would be worth the time away from your family AND us for something that is becoming, like you suggested, more archaic. Good luck Mel !
I love your cookbook thoughts, Linda! Thank you!
We are on our third high schooler navigating his way through high school with out social media or a smart phone and doing just fine! Our two previous kids to him thank us for our policy, and so we are planning to continue that with our three after this one. Flip phones do the job, and when they don’t, our kids have access to our phones and the family computer. Social media is great, but we haven’t missed it.
There’s where we happily stand! Hoping our six kids’ experience can help others who might want to move in this direction. Everyone to his own though- we are all doing our best after all!
Thanks for your thoughts, Sarah! So helpful! Love your last statement – all of us out here trying to do our best!
About cookbooks. I’m more prone to look recipes up online. But I do feel like cookbooks are useful. When I print a recipe off from your website I usually just print the recipe and instructions. But no pictures. I love when cookbooks have loads of helpful pictures for trickier recipes. And it’s nice when the kids help to have an actual book to look at.
Thanks for the feedback, Melissa!
The picture made me think I was finally going to get the answer to my burning question- why does Mel have 4 cows?! Do you use their milk? I swear you’ve talked about getting milk at Costco. Do you have cows for fun? Is one required to have a family farm in Idaho? Inquiring minds want to know!
I usually cook from my binder of printed out recipes, but I have a few cookbooks. I would buy a Mel book in a heart beat!
Haha, my cows! Well, right now we only have two (i need to update my sidebar). They are two holstein heifers and Brian and the boys want to breed them. Yikes! Usually we have anywhere from 2-4 angus cows that we raise for meat (the kids take care of them – hay in the winter and water – and then they put the proceeds from selling the meat into savings). As far as I know, it isn’t required to have a cow to live in Idaho, but it does make it a little more fun. 🙂
I actually like the sunglasses on u! U look super cute in them. It’s so awesome that u stArted your Friday thoughts section w “Hey, Friends,” because we all think of u as our dear friend. Thank u so very much for taking the time to share & engage on your beloved website, esp during these years that u r in the trenches w your 5 darling children. They r, in fact, quite lucky to have a Mom who is as INDUSTRIOUS & CARING as u. Plus, I think yummy food brings an immeasurable amt of happiness to a home! Thx, Mel, for spreading the joy!
Thanks so much, Lauren!
Regarding phones: I’ve let my kids buy their own iPod when they earned enough money to buy one. Apple has a good family sharing plan. Also, you can take the internet off the apple phones and iPods and iPads…or restrict it to websites you don’t mind them to go on. My two older kids bought their iPods when they were in 5th grade. They were both issued laptops at school about this time-which I’ve hated but I’ve grown into them. My oldest is now a freshman this year and we gave him my old phone and I upgraded to a new phone. He needed it to be able to call me since you can’t get free WiFi everywhere…and with an iPod, that’s all you are running on:) I think it’s a great idea to have two old phone that can be used for practical purposes. We have two iPhone 3’s that the littlest kids use to watch Netflix or other games on, but we can’t use them for anything else. Little by little, we’ve let the kids have the internet, but again, it comes with age and certain children and with lots of communication
I like that they’ve bought those iPods with their own money! That definitely creates more ownership (hopefully in a good way??).
It is so good to read patents rules and realize they are a lot like mine! Itvstarts to feel like you are the only one with major phone/social media restrictions for your kids. Right now my 3 older kids (15, 13, 11) share an iPhone 4. It stays at home most of the time. We have restrictions enabled so there is no internet on it. So it is mostly for talk and text and we realized the group text feature is really important with friends/planning get together/church groups, etc. I literally just had a talk with my 15 year old 2 hours ago about how she won’t have a social media account until she is 18 and chooses that on her own. I can’t, in good conscience, allow my teenager who is at the most insecure stage of life to try to develop their personality and character in some fake space online. We talked about friends of hers and what they are posting and what that is doing to them developmentally and in the end she told me she could see what I was saying. Add on top of that the increased suicide rates among teens with social media accounts and for me it is a no brainer. Phone to communicate with friends while parents teach boundaries…yes. Social media accounts during your most emotionally fraught years…no way. But I think it is really important to talk to your kids ina respectful and understanding way about why you are implementing such rules. When my kids hear the facts they are grateful to not be faved with a lot of those pressures and worries…even though they still have times they’d like to have one.
You are a good momma for being open with your kiddos and talking about the whys and why-nots, Dix.
Thank you for your comment, I have a 13-year-old and I have been wondering about when/how to let him do social media. I love the idea of having him/his siblings wait until they are 18 before they start that stuff. It’s awful enough navigating those teenage years, you REALLY don’t need the whole world to know when you do something dumb! And it’s a great idea to sit down and talk with them about WHY so they understand. Thank you, thank you!
I love cookbooks and I would definitely buy your cookbook if you ever write one! 😉 I do use the Internet for a lot of my meal planning, but I use cookbooks all the time, too. I just like cookbooks better. I can’t say why. Maybe I trust them more? But I definitely trust all your recipes, so I guess it shouldn’t make a difference! Cookbooks aren’t completely utilitarian to me, though; I enjoy just reading them. So, that’s part of it. My opinion is, write a cookbook if you want to and I’ll pre-order the heck out of it, but if you don’t want to, I’ll continue to enjoy and appreciate your site!
I love that you love cookbooks, Emily! I actually quite enjoy the reading process of going through a cookbook, too, so I get where you are coming from!
I used to love cookbooks. But now they’re something that generally I check out of the library but don’t buy. I have binders of favorite recipes I still need to sort through and add to my Paprika app, but other than a few oft-used cookbooks, the rest are sitting on the shelf collecting dust. Plus, with the internet – we just don’t need cookbooks these days like we used to.
I’ve heard a lot about the Paprika app – sounds cool! I kind of agree, just don’t know that there is the same need for cookbooks like there used to be.
RE: Phones.
Although I’m probably not your usual demographic, I don’t have a smart-phone. I have an old-style flip phone. No apps. No GPS. I don’t even text. My wife has a low-end smartphone, but there are no games, and her app usage is pretty much limited to texts.
For my kids, the oldest is eight, and he doesn’t need a phone yet. Although lots of kids have tablets, we only have them for home use. When he needs a phone, it will be a flip-phone. I will fight tooth-and-nail against them having social media accounts, because I find them to be nothing but a huge time-sink.
Again, I’m usual, and I recognize that. But I’m very aware of the privacy implications of social-media and free apps, and intend to do my best to limit the amount of exposure our family has.
Love your thoughts, Doug, and appreciate you taking the time to chime in! Thank you!
Thanks for your blog and opening the conversation about phones/social media. Now that my youngest is 18, I have some experience with this dilemma. We allow our children to have a phone – lots of parent controls and find my friend -when they have a driver’s license (which they can get after the age of 16). They don’t have their own social media accounts – but Mom does – so they can check out their friends and school sites on Mom’s phone which means … in the supervised kitchen. We also have “Homework” time when ALL phones are recharging on the kitchen counter. After 9 pm, kids phones are in Mom and Dad’s room. We made this “requirement” when we caught a son texting his friends after we all had gone to bed…. My older children now thank me!
Love these boundaries, Sherry! Thanks so much for sharing…I think I’ll definitely be implementing some of the same.
I own a couple cook books and use them some, but what I use the most is my own binder of recipes which I have printed off from various blogs or family recipes. I’m sure many people would buy your cookbook and it would be a fun experience, but that it might not be worth it at this point in your life. I think the time you spend on the blog is more beneficial and I love what you said about not taking more time away from your family.
I don’t have kids old enough for phones and social media yet and I’m not looking forward to that aspect of that stage! I really like what you said about it though- and it makes me think more about how my kids are observing my phone use.
Thanks for all you do!
Thanks, Stephanie!
Love your Friday posts! Cute little cow, I would love to hear more about her! I own a lot of church cookbooks and TOH cookbooks, but I find myself reading them for fun rather than using them. I have a hard time cooking anything without a review these days. If anything, they make me a smarter cook though. And I agree with you, your blog IS a cookbook to me! As far as technology goes, we are behind the times by financial choice. I am not opposed to it, we just don’t prioritize it in our lives right now. We save money by only having a flip phone for each parent, and we don’t subscribe to any TV. We do get some free channels with an antennae, and we do have a laptop with computer access. Our 7-year-old daughter LOVES to go on artforkidshub on YouTube to draw, as well as some educational sites from school. I am fine with that. Our computer is at a built-in desk right in the kitchen, where I can see what is going on. However, I know as our kids get older (they are 0,2,5, and 7 now), we will need to start keeping up with the Jones’ a little bit more so that they are not completely sheltered. There needs to be balance, I agree. For now, I love that we are saving lots of money that we will need as they get older!
Haha. My cows! They drive me nuts, but they are pretty cute. They are two holstein heifers living the good life on our back pasture right now. We raise them for meat (usually) but Brian and the boys have decided to breed these two cows (pray for me). Thank you for all your thoughts! My kids LOVE the art hub youtube site as well. It’s pretty awesome. Balance, balance!
Mel thank you for sharing your perimeters on phone/ internet usage. My seven grand treasures ages 19-6, yes one mommy one daddy, only have access to the internet in the common room in their home. I am so thankful for my daughter and son-in-loves protection over their family. Oh did I mention no TV in their home? A program may seem alright to watch and then come the commercials. So if they desire to see a program they go on Hulu and watch it with a parent present. Are their parents too strict? Let me just say I wish all parents were more concerned about values and less concerned about what other parents allow their treasures to watch and hear. Blessings
Thank you, Pam!
We’ve gone kind of middle of the road on this one…my 14 year old has an iPhone so that she can text groups of friends, use the imessage feature, use the camera, FaceTime, and access Spotify for music, which is very important to her. But I don’t like her having access to downloading apps, using the internet, or social media on her phone. I figure she can use her school computer or the home computer for any internet needs, so we use the built-in parental controls on the iphone. We have a restrictions passcode that she does not know. We have it set to hide the internet from her phone and it does not allow the downloading of any apps. If an app seems like something we deem helpful or appropriate, we can always input the passcode to allow it. It’s annoying because we’re paying for full smartphone usage that isn’t being fully used, but wonderful because it gives her some freedom and access to friends without complete access to everything. It also keeps her from spending every spare second on her phone, as there is only so much to do on a phone without internet and social media.
We search online for ways to break the parental passcode that my kids could use and so far haven’t found anything, but if any other readers have found ways this parental control can be bipassed, I’d definitely love to know! So far, this has worked for us.
I like the middle of the road approach, Jamie! Thanks for sharing!
Thought-provoking post. First on the cookbook, I rarely use cookbooks anymore because I actually like reading recipes online and then scrolling through comments to see if others have adapted or what their reviews of the recipe are. With that said, if you someday create a cookbook I’ll be the first to buy. I bought your E-book a few years back, and I am happy to (financially) support your efforts to publish awesome recipes, in the same way I try to use your affiliate links when there is a product you’ve shared that I’d like. I truly appreciate the work you put into your blog, and I hope you feel that from everyone who uses your site.
For phones, after reading comments, I guess I’m on the older end of “kid life” with a 21, 18, and 16 year old. My husband and I, too, are very tech-careful. My girls each received flip phones when they turned 13 so we could text and keep in touch as they were at school, babysitting, etc., and their friends could text them as well. My oldest (deprived, “tester-child”) 😉 got an iPhone as a high school graduation gift, and we had 3 months to model/teach appropriate smartphone usage before she went to college. With our 2nd, we decided a 17th birthday was a better time frame so she could have it her senior year and we’d have more time. Really, one of the issues we’ve encountered that was a motivating factor was that for our girls, their church young women class leaders were frequently sending group texts letting the kids know about activities or details and often flip phones cannot receive group messages. So they were missing out on a lot. The same thing occurred with their friends; they ended up being left out of activities because they weren’t on the group text thread. (As a youth leader myself, I group message some of our youth, and then send individually copied messages to the few kids who don’t have a smartphone and can’t receive group messages. It’s not that hard, but not everyone is mindful to do that, so my kids were missing out.)
My 16 year old had a funny thing happen a few months ago. Her flip phone broke, and because we have a family phone insurance policy with our cellphone carrier, I called them for a replacement. They knew her phone was a flip phone, and said they would ship out something “equivalent”. The day the box arrived in the mail, my daughter opened it and was ecstatic to find a brand-new Android smartphone as her free flip phone replacement. 😉
We have used SafeTeen for filtering on our phones and tablets. Another thing we’ve done when our kids received smartphones was to share “appropriate usage rules” that if violated would result in the loss of the phone for a time. (No phone at dinner, no phone out when you are having a conversation with someone and should be engaging in eye contact, no speaking negatively on anyone on social media, limited social media time, etc.)
Thanks for buying that ebook, Alicia! And just for your support. I appreciate it! And I appreciate your thoughts on smart phones. The group text issue has come up several times as an issue for kids getting communication from teachers/leaders. That’s hilarious about the replacement phone being a smartphone! Thanks for your thoughts!
I would buy your cookbook in a minute, but I would probably still use your blog as my go to recipe source. I haven’t bought a cookbook in years, thanks to food blogs. As for phones, I think you’re doing it right. For safety, my kids got phones when they began driving.
Thanks, Teresa!
I have a few favorite cookbooks – one is “The Best Recipe” by the editor’s of Cook’s Illustrated. I love the explanations of all the things they tried to come up with “the best recipe,” and we have some favorites from there (like most of my muffins are a variation of their basic recipe). Recipes I use a lot I sometimes print and put in a binder because I prefer cooking from print (I need to print more), but I most often cook off my iPad, and your site is my number one source for recipes. Lots of your recipes are in my binder. But if you made a cookbook, I’d buy it.
As for phones, we’ve had lots of general talks but haven’t established too many hard and fast rules because only my 14 year old has one, and she doesn’t use it a lot (I have to remind her to take it places, and it stays downstairs at night). We do limit screen time on any device (computer, tv, tablet, phone), and have talked about dangers of social media. The one with the phone does not have any social media accounts (has never asked to have one). She did discover Pinterest for a while (and told us every funny Harry Potter/Narnia quote she found). I think we are just lucky because she is pretty nerdy with a nerdy bunch of friends, so her friends aren’t on the phone a lot either.
Thanks, Laura! I love that Best Recipe book, too. It’s kind of like my cooking/baking bible and I work out of it a lot. And seriously, nerds forever. I pray my kids will be nerdy. 🙂
Mel, I just want to say bravo to you for weighing your family’s needs against the seduction of another success. I have no doubt that you could do an amazing cookbook and I would love it, but I really admire that you are centered on your family.
Thank you so much, Jan.
I have appreciated what everyone has said here. Thank you, Mel, for opening up the conversation!
I agree, Jileen – it’s really great to read what others have to say.
Check out @annaistheworst on instagram. She has a whole guide for kids and social media. I have two teens and a preteen (and two litties) and I agree with her (almost) 100%. I don’t believe being extreme and ditching it all is helpful nor is giving them untethered access. Anyway, she’s much more wise than I am
Thanks for the recommendation, Natalie!
I would absolutely buy your cookbook! I use to have a huge love of cookbooks and still pull them out for my tried and true recipes- so all of yours! Therefore I’d buy yours for that reason. Also to give my tech locked down kids more access to your recipes. It would probably also make it in to my go to wedding shower gift stash!
Thanks, Elle!
Hello. I am an email subscriber and get both your daily recipes and newsletter. For some reason I’m not getting your Friday thoughts as a separate email. I only sometimes see the link from the newsletter. Do I need to sign up for it separately? Or does it not come as a separate email post? Thanks for the help and I love your recipes!!!
Hey Miranda, it’s not you, it’s me. 🙂 I sometimes don’t send the Friday Thoughts out as a separate email because it goes out the same day as the newsletter. I’ll try to be better at sending it out separately, but I’ll always include it in the weekly newsletter if not. Sorry for the hassle!
I think a flip phone is all kids need? They are already spending most of their day in school with their friends and other sports/activities. There’s only so much we can do for our kids, what really matters is what some commenters have said about open communication, trust, some rules, to give them a good example of how we use social media and to pray for them. Just like with everything else.
Cookbook. I don’t use cookbooks, I use your blog or search online. Thanks for your hardwork on keeping your blog with delicious recipes and good extra content. You are amazing!
I think you summed it up perfectly – open communication and trust with some boundaries! Thanks, Jocy!
While I would definitely buy a cookbook by you, I would probably look through it once to enjoy the yummy pictures and then go straight to your blog the next time I wanted a recipe! It’s just easier for me to read recipes off a vertical laptop screen than from a horizontal cookbook that wouldn’t fit on my counter.
I totally get that, Debbie!
Wear the sunglasses! They are styling without being over the top plus functional with UV protection. (I’m an optician, I work with glasses all day long).
Thanks! 🙂
I think with the phone/social media thing, it’s really important to find a balance rather then restrictions. I don’t have many rules about YouTube like some have commented, my kids love using it for diy projects and I love watching them learn and be crafty. The rule in our house is it can be used for doing something (shake breaks, diy videos etc.) But no watching shows where people are living their life( grown ups playing with kids toys and unwrapping kindersurprises etc) I want to see them play. These rules made sense and my kids lost any interest in these types of things. My oldest daughter who is 13 recognized how social media makes her feel (the comparison game) and is relieved to stay off of stuff like that. It really is all about open communication and kids seeing their parents have healthy boundaries, and spending time with them so it’s not #1 in their life. It can become just like any other activity out there. It’s definitely a real struggle tho, and I can see that it is harder for my 5 year old who I feel like has has more exposure to it then my 13 year old.
I hear you, Melissa. YouTube has been great in our house for searching for DIY drawing tutorials on ArtHub and such, but it gets the no-go for aimless “sitcom” or “reality” watching. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
My that was a good Friday thought!
My cookbook is a bright yellow 3 ring binder with pocket dividers. I print out recipes from my favorite foodies, and they go in the pockets. Once we try and approve a recipe it gets a first class upgrade to a sheet protector.
It’s my go to dinner Bible! I have other cookbooks but they are usually collecting dust.
Haha, love that the upgrade is to a sheet protector! Makes total sense!
My 17-year-old and I have a 51 day streak on Snapchat. It’s a fun way to connect with her. Don’t worry, lots of other connections going on. I’m probably the most lenient parent in this thread, though. My daughters are quite open about what they do with social media. And I know they have it. I would not assume that because I don’t “let” my kids have an account that they don’t have one. Kids can create an account in any number of ways. I don’t advocate my way of doing it, I wish I were a stricter parent, but it hasn’t worked out that way. Mostly I guess I just feel that even though my high schoolers get smartphones, they’ve so far been fairly successful in their academic, extracurricular, social and family lives. They do so much communication on their phones. My second daughter writes all her papers on her phone, my first has managed much of her communication regarding college apps with her phone. I combat any isolation by making sure home is a pleasant place to be. I invite them into my sphere, we turn up the show tunes (using our smartphones) and have a great time. Everyone can what they think is best, but I thought I’d put my two cents in for not being too afraid.
Thank you, Katie! I love hearing from ALL sides of this issue, and I think you are doing a great job with your girls. Lucky to have an open-minded, open-hearted mom. I love it.
Ohhhhh cookbooks…I have over 50 but maybe use them once a month. ♀️ I understand your dilemma about publishing one! To me, I get frustrated when bloggers produce cookbooks of their previously posted content. I don’t mind a few recipes! But when the majority of the book contains recipes he/she has already shared I don’t purchase it. I like unique content in my cookbooks! But maybe that makes me some kind of weird cookbook diva?
Truthfully I’ve stopped buying cookbooks altogether unless I check them out from the library first and find at least 10+ recipes we like. Other than that, I stick to blogs! It’s just so much easier to find what I’m looking for sometimes. Also, selfishly, I think I’d be sad if your regular posting slowed down! Okay, I would probably panic. Your recipes are just too good!
All in all I say do what’s best for you and your family. We’re not going anywhere! Take your time and if you get a cookbook idea you love, follow your heart.
In terms of social media, I don’t have much to offer as a parent. My sweet boy is just over a year and we’re expecting another in September () so we’re not in the same boat. BUT I’ve worked at a university for the past 6 years and I can say after working with my students, it’s all about open communication as a family. I think honesty with your children is HUGE and shows an element of trust. Make decisions that work for you, your family dynamics, and your children’s hearts. I love that you’ve committed to prayer because I think that’s the best thing you can do. ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for your cookbook thoughts, Kayla! You and many others have said checking them out from the library is the way to go!
I already commented at length upstream…perhaps one of the few voices thinking that kids should start using technology and have more access than less. I think responsible use and open conversation is key, but highly controlling behaviors can backfire. Anyway. The other point I remembered is that smartphones, tablets, and laptops are becoming critical for schools. Many districts struggle to get funding to keep up adequately with tech. Our district is one of many that are initiating BYOD policies—Bring Your Own Device—to aid in classroom research. Teachers post homework assignments online, kids write and edit in Google docs, check their grades online, get updates, reminders, notes, etc from teachers through group texts. Kids plan study sessions (as well as any social gatherings) through text. Flip phones may get individual texts, but usually can’t do group texts. Just the lack of that one feature can mean social and even academic isolation for a child. It’s not about having the “cool” phone, it’s about having access to the platform that the rest of the community is using to communicate.
Hey Jolie! Thanks for your feedback (both comments!). I really do value it and it gives me a lot to think about. I agree that approaching smart phone and social media usage with kids from a place of fear can be damaging, and I like how you bring up having a lot of dialogue and open communication. That’s key, I think! I’ve explained to my kids a lot about why we have the rules we do, especially when they push back and ask for more. But your comments have been helpful for me to see this from a lot of different sides. Thank you!