On a Personal Note: What Happened to My Face
This is not an April’s Fools post/joke (I wish!) although the timing is a little funny. Kind of? Ok, not really.
I wanted to step back from food for a minute and talk about something a little more personal today in the hopes that maybe my experience can help even just one person reading this.
I’ve been grateful over the years as my blog following has grown beyond what I ever expected – it’s given me a lot of reason to wonder if I’m really doing good and how I can do more. In addition to sharing delicious, tried-and-true recipes, I hope I can help people in other ways. Maybe today is such a day.
Warning: somewhat gruesome (depending on your tolerance level) pictures follow, not to mention more selfies than I’ve ever taken in my life, so read at your own risk. Also, this is taking a bit of courage to post; I hope I can count on you to be kind with your comments (no unnecessary compliments, not fishing for those, but please no cruelty).
Last fall, I ended up at the dermatologist’s office getting a spot on my back checked out. A deep, elliptical biopsy and 12 stitches later (plus a week or so of waiting) and the good news came back that it was not melanoma like the doctor suspected but instead a dysplastic nevus (precursor to melanoma but very good news, nonetheless).
While I was there for that appointment, I asked the doctor about a tiny spot on my nose that had been there for a couple months and seemed like a scab that wouldn’t heal. I actually felt a little silly for asking about it but figured it wouldn’t hurt since I was already there.
You can see the spot here (as I’m intently whistling – or maybe trash talking – while working on a puzzle over Thanksgiving last year):
After about three seconds of examining the spot, my doctor was 99% sure it was basal cell carcinoma. I went back in a week or so later for a biopsy and sure enough, a few days later, the results came back that the seemingly innocent spot really was basal cell carcinoma.
Basal cell carcinoma is a fairly common type of skin cancer but still taken seriously by my dermatologist. To my credit, I didn’t really freak out (kind of a shocker, really) because it was such a small spot and I figured it would be pretty easy to take care of.
Fast forward several weeks later to December 1 when I was scheduled to have MOHS surgery on that spot. I knew that I would be getting a local anesthetic for the area (needles in the nose – ouch!!!) and the doctor would little by little remove an area of skin including and around the basal cell carcinoma spot, send it to the lab to be inspected under a microscope and come back with results (all while I waited in the room).
That process would continue until the borders were clean – meaning, no cancer. I was certain, positively certain, it would be one small removal and I’d be out of there.
Unfortunately, that very tiny spot on my nose had decided to get naughty underneath the surface and after several cuts (and more dang shots in my nose!), clean borders were finally found. What I was left with was a decent sized (and quite deep) hole in the side of my nose.
{Click here for the super graphic surgery photos – probably not fit for young children or really anyone who gets queasy at the sight of gruesome, bloody pics}
I didn’t feel any pain (thanks to the terrible but blessed little shots) and didn’t feel any panic in that moment (thanks to a very competent doctor). That is, until he showed me the area in a mirror and drew with black marker up along my nose where he would now need to cut in order to pull skin down to cover the crater in my nose (after we ruled out the option of a skin graft since it would be nearly impossible to match the skin color and tone of my nose).
The pictures of that part of the procedure are too gory to share on a nice cooking blog like this, but suffice to say, I started to panic a little. Ok, a lot.
An hour later and I was the new owner of 20+ stitches front and center on my face (with more underneath the skin) and lots of iodine to enhance my natural coloring.
Oh, and the doctor did give me this note also. I’ll give you one guess as to whether or not I obeyed doctor’s orders.
I left the office. And I bawled all the way home (mistake: driving myself to and from the doctor; in hindsight, I was in a lot of shock and am grateful I made it home in one piece – my hands were shaking so bad and I could barely see because I was crying and my contacts were all fogged up).
For a few days I had to keep the bandage on and it didn’t seem so bad, although it hurt like the devil.
But then I took the bandage off. I was still in a lot of pain; it was so tender to the touch, and the bruising and swelling were just getting started. Plus, even though I know it could have been worse, I was struggling a bit with the emotional pain of wondering if my face would ever look “normal” again.
While at the doctor (and even before during the dysplastic nevus episode), I endured a stinging but deserved lecture from my doctor about sunscreen.
I’ve actually been a stickler about wearing sunscreen and covering up since I’ve had kids and been in my 30’s but before that? Sunscreen was never really that important to me. I never did the tanning bed thing but I spent a lot of time outdoors and I didn’t concern myself with hats and sunscreen as a teenager and in my 20’s, thinking the color on my face and arms and legs would be welcome and pretty, which is kind of laughable because I’m so fair skinned, I usually burn and stay pale.
Combine that with the fact that I grew up in a generation where many mothers didn’t sunscreen their children (yes, my mom feels a lot of guilt which is silly since she was one of millions letting their kids blister in the sun in the 70’s and 80’s) and you have a recipe for basal cell carcinoma.
And honestly, based on the fact that I’ve never been a bikini-wearing, beach bound, sun lover spending hours laying out in the sun, I’m certain that if this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.
It’s an understatement to say our holiday season was very low key. I didn’t leave my house for several weeks and my 8-year old couldn’t look at me for a long time because he said “I’m not trying to be mean, mom, but your face gives my tummy the jigglies.” I can’t blame him.
I shouldn’t have been self-conscious but I was (and still am a little even though I’ll show you below how amazingly my face has healed in a few short months).
I’ve never worn makeup besides mascara and a little eyeshadow, but all of a sudden, I wondered how on earth I was going to cover this up once it healed a bit? (Spoiler alert: I’m still rocking the no-makeup look because it’s really hard to teach an old dog new tricks.)
That dang swelling decided to settle into the left side of my face and stay awhile. Plus, what do you think about that natural eyeshadow I’ve got going on? Who needs makeup, anyway??
You may or may not have noticed the lack of cooking videos over the last few months, but this basal cell carcinoma “experience” has put projects like that on hold and is also the reason, if you know me in person, I became even more of a homebody recluse from December to February than I already was.
It was such a relief to finally get the stitches out. Can you see how my left eye is pulling slightly in the corner?
That bothered me quite a bit for several months – I couldn’t close my eye all the way and my contact always felt like it was going to fall out (annoyingly, I couldn’t wear my glasses because they sat right there where the stitches ended at the top of my nose and it hurt too badly to wear them for a while).
As the weeks went on, it was amazing to start seeing the progress of healing, helped along, I have no doubt, by many, many prayers, lots of essential oils and Mederma. (Sorry about the death glare on the right; I take selfies very seriously, apparently.)
For the essential oils: I used a combination of rosehips oil, frankincense oil, helichrysum oil, and lavender oil.
As I think about the whole process, I’m beyond grateful I was in the dermatologist’s office back in early fall when I had a suspicious mole on my back.
I never ever ever would have made an appointment for a “silly” spot on my nose but being able to ask the doctor about it at the first appointment was divine intervention. Who knows what would have happened had the cancer had even more time to spread?
This experience has made me think a lot about what I’m going to do going forward when it comes to sun control for me and my kids, but it’s also made me realize that by sharing this with you, all of you, maybe I can bring awareness to how important sunscreen and covering up in the sun really is.
I already have a separate cancer history (from seven years ago) and combined with this latest basal cell carcinoma issue (and the data that shows there’s a high chance it will come back in some form on my body, especially my face), I’m determined to make changes to protect the future of my health even though we have been sticklers about sunscreen and hats for well over a decade now.
I’m throwing away my pride and deciding that even if I’m the only one at the lake and on the boat and at the park and working in the yard and at soccer games this summer wearing a large-brimmed hat and carrying an umbrella and donning sunscreen from head to toe and a long-sleeve swimsuit and even a long skirt at times, it’s ok. It’s really ok. It’s a small price to pay to have healthy skin; I certainly do not want to relive the events of the last few months.
Will you think about your sun exposure and that of your kids if you have them? For me? Think about it and consider ways you can protect you and your family by choosing the right sunscreen, wearing hats when possible, and being smart about sun exposure.
After spending countless hours online (why do I do this to myself?) looking at other stories and cases of basal cell carcinoma and MOHS surgery, I’m immensely grateful that in the end, my cancer spot and removal area really was quite small compared to how it could have turned out (my doctor said he’s spent 15+ hours chasing skin cancer around patient’s faces, and I wanted to kiss his feet that I was only there for a couple hours).
It’s miraculous and amazing how the body can heal. If you would have told me last December that I’d actually want to look in a mirror come March, I would have laughed (ok, probably cried) in your face. But I am so blessed that I have healed well and am continuing to heal.
Please learn from my experience.
Be smart! And stay safe in the sun, ok?
Love ya.
UPDATE: I cannot even tell you how overwhelmed I’ve been at your response to this post. Your kindness has brought me to tears more than once. More than that, though, have been the stories you’ve shared of your own skin cancer or of your loved ones. Many of you have emailed me personally and commented below that because of this post, you or a family member went in to the doctor and were able to either preempt a skin cancer situation or find out you had skin cancer of your own that desperately needed attention. In all my years of blogging, I’ve never been more impacted by your comments and stories (and again, your kindness). Thank you a million times over.
Thank you Mel for sharing your story. I’ll definitely think twice about heading out without sunscreen.
You are very brave to share your story. Thank you! So happy you are healing beautifully. Our bodies are truly amazing. I very much appreciate your honesty in sharing this very sensitive subject. Skin cancer awareness and prevention is so very important. But human vanity and venerability shape so much of what we share with the world, especially online, where it is so easy to hide behind a curtain of perfection. So thank you for keeping it real and honest! As a fellow fair skinned lady, I can totally appreciate your struggle. Sunscreen is a way of life for me and my children. No struggles, because there has never been an option for them. They get lathered up every day when we are at the pool or in lots of sun. Also, I will try to be as brave and start sharing the seemingly silly and uncomfortable issues with my dermatologist!
Thank you for sharing. I had my daughter (11 going on 21) read this too. Last summer, she fought me about sunscreen because she wanted to get some “color”. Your story has made an impact.
Your surgeon did a wonderful job and you look beautiful!
You are so brave for sharing your story. It was a good reminder for me. I have a little darker skin and have only burned a couple times in my life so it is easy for me to neglect putting sunsceen on myself or my kids when we go outside to play. Now that I have a redhead with fair skin I need to be more diligent. One thing people don’t realize is that sunscreen becomes less affective over time and should be replaced every year unless you can find some with titanium dioxide. My father in law had a spot on his tummy and had to have it removed due to skin cancer and is now battling mesothelioma. Blessings to you for sharing your story and creating awareness, those of us with cancer stories are all grateful! Plus your food rocks!
Yikes- I am so sorry to hear of your scary time- living with fear is the worst. So glad you have gotten through it and you have healed up perfectly- adore you and glad to see you looking and feeling as fab as ever- xoxoxoxox
Thanks Mel I made an appointment to see a dermatologist.
Thank you for sharing so personal experience. I’m so happy that you are recuperating really well. A lot of love and health!
Thank you again!
Hi Mel-I am not a usual commenter, but I am a lover of your recipes! 🙂 I just wanted to thank you for your courage in sharing your story. I will definitely be more careful when it comes to sun exposure for me and my family! I’m so happy to see how well you have healed and that you are using your trial to help others.
Hi Mel,
I love your cooking blog! My mother, who also loves your blog, forwarded me your article on your skin cancer. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I too am a skin cancer survivor (melanoma) and also would have never thought it would have happened to me. Sunscreen and being smart in the sun is so important!! Skin cancer can happen to anyone.
Oh you poor sweet girl!! I love your blog and I feel like we are friends even though you don’t even know me. Your blog has helped me and my family so much! I am the kind of cook that when we sit down to dinner my daughter sometimes adds in her prayer “please bless my mom will learn to cook better.” Ha! Your blog has helped and inspired me to feed my family better meals. Thank you for sharing this! I am so happy your healing is going so well! You are beautiful!
You have healed amazingly!! Last fall I had a melanoma removed from my stomach. I am now the proud owner of a 4 inch long scar from my surgery and now get to see my dermatologist every 4 months. I also went in for a different mole than the melanoma. It terrifies me that it’s not a matter of if but when it will come back. I’m such a sunscreen supporter now! Glad you went in!
THANK YOU for taking the time and being brave enough to share this!!!!!!!! I am showing my boys too so when they complain about sunscreen and hats they can understand why we need them:) My dad (60 yrs) had some BIG patches removed off the top of his head a few years ago…..we tried to drive the point home then. But my boys were so young then and hard to understand and remember now. I appreciate this post so much. It was a good reminder and wake up call!
Mel..thanks for this post. It has given me the urgency to be even more vigilant as summer approaches. You are beautiful!
First of all, you were so brave to show us all your pictures. Your nose healed beautifully! I have a cousin who just had to have a toe removed recently due to melanoma, so it is serious stuff. I hope you continue to do well. Love to you and your family!
Mel, thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I’m so glad you’re doing ok. I know far too many people that have been in your same shoes. I was such a stupid teenager when it came to the sun, but thankfully in my early 20s I got smart about sunscreen. Hopefully this post will make others be more careful. Take care♡.
Wow! Thanks for sharing such a personal journey! It really has healed beautifully! I could name so many recipes that my family loves that I got right here on this blog but sufficeth to say that you frequently accomplish your goal to make me feel like a rock star in my kitchen! Lots of love!
This touched my heart as my husband was diagnosed with cancer in December. He just finished his radiation treatment yesterday. 9 weeks, 5 days a week. Pretty brutal. The prognosis is very very good…but doesn’t it just rock your world?
You look beautiful and have healed so well! Wonderfully written post, thanks for sharing your story. Clink to health and hats!
Thank you for sharing! I am so happy that you caught it when you did. I would love a post on the products you use to protect you and your family from the sun.
Thank you for sharing and I’m so glad you are on the mend.
Thank you for sharing! I have a mole that needs to be removed and I keep putting it off. I’ll make an appointment today. You look beautiful!
I never, ever comment, but just had to on this one. I seriously cried when I saw your face with all those stitches, and the vainess in myself came out, saying, “Oh, my gosh! That poor girl!” And then you showed that last picture, and it is stunning!! You can’t even tell you had all those huge stitches! You look beautiful!
(I know it’s more important that you’re healthy, but you look good, too! And I just had to say it because although it shouldn’t matter, it kind of does.)
So glad you are okay!! Thanks for posting. I am definately wearing sunscreen from now on. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband goes in on Thursday for the same thing but on the top of his bald head. I am worried but it is such a blessing to hear how your story turns out just a few months later.
Thanks Mel for sharing! I was just talking to my kids yesterday (especially my red headed 10-year old who hates that I’m always making them put hats/sunscreen on if we’re going to be out for the day) and I was able to share with him that it happens to real people and that it is real and serious. I am glad to see that you are doing better/feeling better. What a year you must have had!! I worry about leaving my 6 momless too…I’m glad that they found the cancer early. Thanks again for sharing.
You are brave. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this and be reminded of the importance of covering up in the sun. Especially now before the summer months when I take my family outdoors. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing. You’re part of my cyber family and I hate when bad things happen to good people. I am glad you healed so well and will be more mindful of the sun because of you posting this!
Wow, so scary Mel! But so glad everything turned out ok. I’m amazed by the last picture, you really are healing well, I can’t even tell there were ever stitches there. Your Dr did a nice job!
Thank you for sharing. My mother-in-law had a similar thing happen while at the dr with her husband. She had a little feeling in her throat and just happened to ask the dr about it. Lo and behold, it was lymphoma. She is in remission now, and I’m so glad you are recovering too!
BTW I think it makes you look tough, like you had to fight for that last package of chicken breasts at the grocery store, but you got it!
Mel, I only know you through this blog. But I’ve been reading for a long time (6 years? Whoa!) so I feel qualified to say this: You are a beautiful person inside and out. I’m sorry this happened but glad your doctor was able to diagnose and remove your cancerous spot. Thank you for sharing your experience, pics and all, in order to help others. I’ve been on the fence about going to a dermatologist (money, time, and just overall disliking doctors) but you’ve convinced me I should get a skin checkup.
Wow – I am so amazed at the human body and how well that has healed!! What a scary thing to have to go through, but I’m so glad that you had the spot checked. I am pretty good about sunscreen, but I know I’m not good enough. Especially since my kids got their dad’s skin and they don’t seem to ever burn – it makes it easy to get relaxed about things. That will definitely be changing!
Strong – Brave – Beautiful!
Mel, that is such an important post and so selfless of you to post it to try to help others. It is way too common and I worry all the time about this. I am great about putting sunscreen on my kids, but am so bad about doing it for myself. And I know so many others who are the same. Thank you for sharing your story. Glad you are healing well.
You are beautiful and your courage to share this is beautiful. Thank you!
Mel, you are amazing, strong, and beautiful! Honestly you would make mud look great, let alone another victory against cancer! Thank you for bravely sharing your story with us! That last photo, you can’t event tell you had surgery! Serious!
I hope you know how much we your readers love you!
Thank you for sharing and your honesty. We had the bbq chicken braid last night and the whole family agreed it was a keeper. For something lighthearted, King Arthur flour just posted their annual April Fails. God bless you and your family.
Wow—I’m (almost) speechless. I don’t know how you continued to cook, bake (except those two weeks right after–wink wink) and blog all while your surgery/recovery was going on. Not to mention the 100 million other things a mom of five has to do. Then add in Christmas and all it’s activities. WOW……………………
Don’t EVER question whether you are making a difference. Just your blog alone has touched so many lives. It is my go-to favorite ‘cookbook’. You are my (and many others ‘virtual’ friend.) How blessed all of your readers are that you take the time for us when you had so much going on in your own life.
Thank you so much for sharing this personal trial with us and for the lesson that comes with it. You are a beautiful soul inside and out. May God continue to bless you as you bless all of us.
Mel, thank you so much for sharing! You are so strong! I have no experience with this but I have had friends who have dealt with it. People, myself included, don’t take these things seriously. Thank God you asked your doctor about it. Too many people are afraid of sounding stupid or asking questions they might find embarrassing. I hope people learn from your shared experience. Never be afraid to ask your doctor anything that is concerning you! So glad you asked.
Thank you for having the courage to share this Mel. I am so happy that everything is okay now, although I can’t imagine that few months you endured. We all love you Mel, thank you again for sharing!
Oh Mel, I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this…however, by sharing your experience, think of how many of us readers are going to make appointments to get checked out! I was reading Shay’s blog (mix and match mama) a few months back when she talked about her skin checks and I decided it was a good idea to make an appointment. I was 100% sure everything was fine, but my dermatologist ended up removing 2 moles, one of them I had to go back in to take more skin. It was only precancerous, but still scary!
Thank you for sharing this, and know how much we love you (and your recipes, ha!)!!!
Mel! Thank you for sharing. You had me in tears, and I’m so glad things went well. You are amazing and an example in so many ways. Thank you!!
Hi Mel,
Thank you for sharing your experience. You got an amazing job done surgery wise. I used to go out in the sun without any sun protection whatsoever , thinking I was never going to have cancer. ..I’ve been struggling with basal cell carcinomas on my face for more than 25 years (I’m in my 40’s) with some of them on my nose, and I know how painful the shots and recovery is…! I already developed several melanomas, and one of them (on my upper lip) has been recurring (3×), until a year ago that I was blessed to be able to go to MD Anderson in Houston, and finally they got rid of it. I had to have a graft taken from my neck about 3″×3″ to cover the big hole. As of today I’m free of cancer, praise God. Please, all of you out there, use sunscreen, sun protecting clothing, big hats, etc!
Keep up the good job, Mel! God bless!
Thank you so much for sharing this, Mel. What a great public service announcement!! I hope that you post will encourage others to a yearly skin cancer check at the dermatologist.
I am stunned by your honesty and courage Mel. This post deserves to be shared and shared again to make people aware of the dangers and the risk in ignoring the little things. You are so brave and beautiful, inside and out.
You are beautiful, inside and out. Thank you for not only sharing your ridiculously wonderful recipes and organization tips, but for being such a deep and considerate person in a culture saturated with self-absorbed idiots. I am Asian and thought that meant I had a “natural” sunscreen that would make me impervious to skin cancer. Now in my early 30s, I am kicking myself for a youth spent burning in tanning beds and laying out in the sun. I check myself and my kiddo’s skin anxiously and only buy basically 100+ SPF protection for the family (even though my Caucasian husband bemoans he won’t be able to tan). Health first.
I am so sorry for all you had to go through. As you said it could have been worse. You truly have healed beautiful. Thank the LORD!! Thanks for sharing your story.
One thing I worry about is the things I have read about sunscreen causing skin cancer. So confusing!!
Thank you for bravely sharing your experience.
Oh, beautiful, beautiful Mel! What an incredible experience you’ve been through! Thank you for sharing. I thought I knew “everything” about these kinds of things and yet I still learned more from your post. I am stickler for sunscreen and sun protection and yet, there are always further measures we can take. I’m certain your post will influence many. Everyone knows they should be protecting themselves, but the visual journey you just took us through should definitely be strong enough evidence to convince anyone how important it is to actually do it .
Thank you for sharing this! I am sure you have made a difference in someone else’s life as a result. Through it all you still kept your sense of humor – you are remarkable. Isn’t it amazing how our body can heal?
Thank you so much for sharing this, and I’m so glad you are ok! Our son had a bad accident when he was two and a mirror fell on his face. He had to have internal and external stitches on his nose and corner of his eye. We were devastated, but two years later and it has healed beautifully. We did all the research and wanted it to heal the best way possible. So, two things we learned after all of our research that may still benefit you. The first is wear sunscreen every day rain or shine for the first year over your scar. (And everywhere else) and silicone is the only thing that truly helps scars. I’m glad mederma and vitamin e worked for you, our research showed not to use those. We used biocorneum (which is a silicone based gel sunscreen spf 35) We got it off amazon and it is expensive but lasts a long time. Also, the second thing is after 8 weeks to massage the area to help with any scar tissue. The nose is an excellent place to have a scar in terms of skin stretching, etc. but if you massage any earlier then 8 weeks your body can act like there’s new damage and create more scar tissue. Best of luck and you are still beautiful so no worries there! Again, thank you for sharing!!
Honestly Mel, even in the photos where your swelling and bruising is at its worst, I’m still struck by your natural beauty. You are incredibly brave to bare it all on the Internet like this and I know your story will have a great impact. My daughter is 12 months old next week and we’ve been very cautious about her sun exposure and will continue to be. I cannot say I’ve ever had the same concern for myself and your story will change that for me. Thank you.