On a Personal Note: What Happened to My Face
This is not an April’s Fools post/joke (I wish!) although the timing is a little funny. Kind of? Ok, not really.
I wanted to step back from food for a minute and talk about something a little more personal today in the hopes that maybe my experience can help even just one person reading this.
I’ve been grateful over the years as my blog following has grown beyond what I ever expected – it’s given me a lot of reason to wonder if I’m really doing good and how I can do more. In addition to sharing delicious, tried-and-true recipes, I hope I can help people in other ways. Maybe today is such a day.
Warning: somewhat gruesome (depending on your tolerance level) pictures follow, not to mention more selfies than I’ve ever taken in my life, so read at your own risk. Also, this is taking a bit of courage to post; I hope I can count on you to be kind with your comments (no unnecessary compliments, not fishing for those, but please no cruelty).
Last fall, I ended up at the dermatologist’s office getting a spot on my back checked out. A deep, elliptical biopsy and 12 stitches later (plus a week or so of waiting) and the good news came back that it was not melanoma like the doctor suspected but instead a dysplastic nevus (precursor to melanoma but very good news, nonetheless).
While I was there for that appointment, I asked the doctor about a tiny spot on my nose that had been there for a couple months and seemed like a scab that wouldn’t heal. I actually felt a little silly for asking about it but figured it wouldn’t hurt since I was already there.
You can see the spot here (as I’m intently whistling – or maybe trash talking – while working on a puzzle over Thanksgiving last year):
After about three seconds of examining the spot, my doctor was 99% sure it was basal cell carcinoma. I went back in a week or so later for a biopsy and sure enough, a few days later, the results came back that the seemingly innocent spot really was basal cell carcinoma.
Basal cell carcinoma is a fairly common type of skin cancer but still taken seriously by my dermatologist. To my credit, I didn’t really freak out (kind of a shocker, really) because it was such a small spot and I figured it would be pretty easy to take care of.
Fast forward several weeks later to December 1 when I was scheduled to have MOHS surgery on that spot. I knew that I would be getting a local anesthetic for the area (needles in the nose – ouch!!!) and the doctor would little by little remove an area of skin including and around the basal cell carcinoma spot, send it to the lab to be inspected under a microscope and come back with results (all while I waited in the room).
That process would continue until the borders were clean – meaning, no cancer. I was certain, positively certain, it would be one small removal and I’d be out of there.
Unfortunately, that very tiny spot on my nose had decided to get naughty underneath the surface and after several cuts (and more dang shots in my nose!), clean borders were finally found. What I was left with was a decent sized (and quite deep) hole in the side of my nose.
{Click here for the super graphic surgery photos – probably not fit for young children or really anyone who gets queasy at the sight of gruesome, bloody pics}
I didn’t feel any pain (thanks to the terrible but blessed little shots) and didn’t feel any panic in that moment (thanks to a very competent doctor). That is, until he showed me the area in a mirror and drew with black marker up along my nose where he would now need to cut in order to pull skin down to cover the crater in my nose (after we ruled out the option of a skin graft since it would be nearly impossible to match the skin color and tone of my nose).
The pictures of that part of the procedure are too gory to share on a nice cooking blog like this, but suffice to say, I started to panic a little. Ok, a lot.
An hour later and I was the new owner of 20+ stitches front and center on my face (with more underneath the skin) and lots of iodine to enhance my natural coloring.
Oh, and the doctor did give me this note also. I’ll give you one guess as to whether or not I obeyed doctor’s orders.
I left the office. And I bawled all the way home (mistake: driving myself to and from the doctor; in hindsight, I was in a lot of shock and am grateful I made it home in one piece – my hands were shaking so bad and I could barely see because I was crying and my contacts were all fogged up).
For a few days I had to keep the bandage on and it didn’t seem so bad, although it hurt like the devil.
But then I took the bandage off. I was still in a lot of pain; it was so tender to the touch, and the bruising and swelling were just getting started. Plus, even though I know it could have been worse, I was struggling a bit with the emotional pain of wondering if my face would ever look “normal” again.
While at the doctor (and even before during the dysplastic nevus episode), I endured a stinging but deserved lecture from my doctor about sunscreen.
I’ve actually been a stickler about wearing sunscreen and covering up since I’ve had kids and been in my 30’s but before that? Sunscreen was never really that important to me. I never did the tanning bed thing but I spent a lot of time outdoors and I didn’t concern myself with hats and sunscreen as a teenager and in my 20’s, thinking the color on my face and arms and legs would be welcome and pretty, which is kind of laughable because I’m so fair skinned, I usually burn and stay pale.
Combine that with the fact that I grew up in a generation where many mothers didn’t sunscreen their children (yes, my mom feels a lot of guilt which is silly since she was one of millions letting their kids blister in the sun in the 70’s and 80’s) and you have a recipe for basal cell carcinoma.
And honestly, based on the fact that I’ve never been a bikini-wearing, beach bound, sun lover spending hours laying out in the sun, I’m certain that if this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.
It’s an understatement to say our holiday season was very low key. I didn’t leave my house for several weeks and my 8-year old couldn’t look at me for a long time because he said “I’m not trying to be mean, mom, but your face gives my tummy the jigglies.” I can’t blame him.
I shouldn’t have been self-conscious but I was (and still am a little even though I’ll show you below how amazingly my face has healed in a few short months).
I’ve never worn makeup besides mascara and a little eyeshadow, but all of a sudden, I wondered how on earth I was going to cover this up once it healed a bit? (Spoiler alert: I’m still rocking the no-makeup look because it’s really hard to teach an old dog new tricks.)
That dang swelling decided to settle into the left side of my face and stay awhile. Plus, what do you think about that natural eyeshadow I’ve got going on? Who needs makeup, anyway??
You may or may not have noticed the lack of cooking videos over the last few months, but this basal cell carcinoma “experience” has put projects like that on hold and is also the reason, if you know me in person, I became even more of a homebody recluse from December to February than I already was.
It was such a relief to finally get the stitches out. Can you see how my left eye is pulling slightly in the corner?
That bothered me quite a bit for several months – I couldn’t close my eye all the way and my contact always felt like it was going to fall out (annoyingly, I couldn’t wear my glasses because they sat right there where the stitches ended at the top of my nose and it hurt too badly to wear them for a while).
As the weeks went on, it was amazing to start seeing the progress of healing, helped along, I have no doubt, by many, many prayers, lots of essential oils and Mederma. (Sorry about the death glare on the right; I take selfies very seriously, apparently.)
For the essential oils: I used a combination of rosehips oil, frankincense oil, helichrysum oil, and lavender oil.
As I think about the whole process, I’m beyond grateful I was in the dermatologist’s office back in early fall when I had a suspicious mole on my back.
I never ever ever would have made an appointment for a “silly” spot on my nose but being able to ask the doctor about it at the first appointment was divine intervention. Who knows what would have happened had the cancer had even more time to spread?
This experience has made me think a lot about what I’m going to do going forward when it comes to sun control for me and my kids, but it’s also made me realize that by sharing this with you, all of you, maybe I can bring awareness to how important sunscreen and covering up in the sun really is.
I already have a separate cancer history (from seven years ago) and combined with this latest basal cell carcinoma issue (and the data that shows there’s a high chance it will come back in some form on my body, especially my face), I’m determined to make changes to protect the future of my health even though we have been sticklers about sunscreen and hats for well over a decade now.
I’m throwing away my pride and deciding that even if I’m the only one at the lake and on the boat and at the park and working in the yard and at soccer games this summer wearing a large-brimmed hat and carrying an umbrella and donning sunscreen from head to toe and a long-sleeve swimsuit and even a long skirt at times, it’s ok. It’s really ok. It’s a small price to pay to have healthy skin; I certainly do not want to relive the events of the last few months.
Will you think about your sun exposure and that of your kids if you have them? For me? Think about it and consider ways you can protect you and your family by choosing the right sunscreen, wearing hats when possible, and being smart about sun exposure.
After spending countless hours online (why do I do this to myself?) looking at other stories and cases of basal cell carcinoma and MOHS surgery, I’m immensely grateful that in the end, my cancer spot and removal area really was quite small compared to how it could have turned out (my doctor said he’s spent 15+ hours chasing skin cancer around patient’s faces, and I wanted to kiss his feet that I was only there for a couple hours).
It’s miraculous and amazing how the body can heal. If you would have told me last December that I’d actually want to look in a mirror come March, I would have laughed (ok, probably cried) in your face. But I am so blessed that I have healed well and am continuing to heal.
Please learn from my experience.
Be smart! And stay safe in the sun, ok?
Love ya.
UPDATE: I cannot even tell you how overwhelmed I’ve been at your response to this post. Your kindness has brought me to tears more than once. More than that, though, have been the stories you’ve shared of your own skin cancer or of your loved ones. Many of you have emailed me personally and commented below that because of this post, you or a family member went in to the doctor and were able to either preempt a skin cancer situation or find out you had skin cancer of your own that desperately needed attention. In all my years of blogging, I’ve never been more impacted by your comments and stories (and again, your kindness). Thank you a million times over.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been thinking I should go to a dermatologist for a whole-body mole check, but have never done it. I think your story will be the one that compels me to make the appointment.
And you look great,BTW!
Thank you for sharing. That is amazing how well bodies heal. I’m so glad you caught it when you did. I feel like I have pretty good habits for myself and the kids, but I’m redoubling my efforts. Have you heard of swim zip? They have great rashguards for everyone.
Thank you for sharing Mel! You’re incision has healed very well. You have motivated me to make a dermatologist appointment. I keep putting it off but have a spot that I’ve been nervous about. Thanks again!
Thank you for being brave enough to post this. And so happy that you caught it early and are healing. My mom and my sister have both had melanoma, so I get my skin checked every 6 months. I have had lots of dysplastic nevi. Recently though I also had basal cell carcinoma – on my back. It is a serious wake up call, and I was already very serious about sun protection. It is hard to make up for all that sun we had when we were young! My boys always wear long sleeve rash guards and hats. And they get scared to go outside in the summer without sunscreen. π I may have brain washed them a little too much, but I think they will thank me when they are older.
You seriously are so brave for sharing your story, and those pictures. I actually had a similar experience a few years ago where I had a red spot on my nose and then watched the news last night where they said that if you have a red spot on your nose that doesn’t go away it’s a major red flag for cancer. I went in and I was actually fine, but while I was in there I mentioned that I have a large birthmark on my leg with a lot of freckles and spots in it which they said was a major precursor to getting cancer, but I still don’t have it. I have to go in annually to have my birthmark and all the spots counted and measured, and I have to make sure that I’m using sunscreen. Before that, like you I never really cared that much, but now it’s something I’m hyper aware of with my kids, husband and I, and we always, always put sunscreen on everyone now before leaving the house in the summer, but we still have room for improvement for the rest of the year too.
I’ve been a Mel’s reader for a few years now but I don’t comment too often. I just want to say how brave you are to share your journey with us and thank you for reminding us that self care is important too. Thank you!
I’m so sorry you had to go thru this Mel, it looks very painful. But I’m very happy to hear you are doing well and you look so good. Well done.
God bless you, Mel. We all love you so much and appreciate all you have done or us.
thanks so much for bravely sharing your story to help your readers ! I would love a follow up post on which sunscreen you are using.I am so lost in my quest for safe daily sunscreen but not too sticky or thick so my makeup still looks nice! maybe your dermatologist gave you a good Rec for one? thanx and take care
It’s so silly that I want to cry when I don’t even know you but I do! I’m so glad you were taken care of by a wonderful doctor, that our miracle bodies can heal and that our Father in Heaven listens to our prayers. Thanks so much for sharing – I know you’ve helped a lot of people…almost as much as your thick and chewy bar cookies have helped me be a superstar whenever I make them!!!
Thank you. What a powerful reminder. Wishing you good health.
Not a fun experience, but your after pictures look great! My mom had a similar experience recently, but ended up needing to have the entire end of her nose removed. The doctor was able to do a paramedian forehead flap reconstruction and after 4 months it is barely noticeable. Thank goodness for good doctors. My family and I are now dedicated sun screen wearers. Thanks for the good reminder to always protect your skin.
First off- you look amazing! Secondly, thank you for being brave enoughto share your story and raise awareness. I hope you continue to heal and bring us lots of yummy recipes. You are one of my favorite bloggers and I love your site!
Thanks for posting this personal story and helping others. Seeing and reading your story made me cry. It is amazing how brave you are! I love your blog and recipes, but this sharing is so unselfish. You have come a long way these past few months and I know they have been painful. You look wonderful and I know it will get even better with time. I use sunscreen, but as a child (I am 67) I do not think I wore it unless we went to the beach! Everyone reading this will have a new awareness of how devastating skin cancer can be. Thanks again.
I’m so glad they were able to get it, and sorry you had to go through this. Prayers from Texas
It healed wonderfully! Thanks for sharing for cancer awareness. I had a melanoma on my lip. I underwent Moh’s surgery and then had a skin graft. Thankfully the melanoma was caught very early. But it was definitely emotionally traumatizing. Glad I got great results too once it all healed.
You look amazing! What a blessing he was able to remove it. Thanks for being brave!
Hi Mel! I’m not one to comment on blogs, but I want to thank you for sharing such an important message! Yours is the only blog I follow & every one of your recipes becomes a favorite! I too have had a similar experience. I had several moles removed from my back, legs & stomach in my early 20s. A few tested as a-typical, so I was ok with the Frankenstein-like scars that replaced them. After the birth of my son 5 years ago at 34, I scheduled an appointment with a dermatologist to have a brown inch-long mole-like growth on my stomach checked. I was relieved when he told me it wasn’t something to worry about. While there I asked him about a mole on my toe that I thought had changed, I never would have scheduled a skin check for it. It turned out to be melanoma in situ. I now have a beautiful heart-shaped scar in its place. It took 4 months for it to heal enough I could wear tennis shoes again. Being fair-skinned & blue-eyed I learned at a young age to wear sunscreen & sun hats or I’d burn & blister. Never once though did I think to sunscreen my feet! I no longer wear flip-flops or pretty sandals in the summer which is hard, but I’m so glad that I went in- it saved my life!
Mel, I’m so glad you shared this experience with us. It took courage to post your pictures and tell your story. You have healed nicely and you look fantastic. By the way, you have the most beautiful eyes! I intend to pass your advice on to my son and daughter-in-law and my granddaughters. They spend so much time in the sun and with very little use of sunscreen – I think it’s a cultural thing as my fabulous D-I-L is Asian and darker skinned and the girls have inherited some of that. Nonetheless, they do need to use sunscreen so I’ll go to see them this summer and badger them about it! You know how mothers and grandmothers can be, LOL. Glad to see you are doing well and back to cooking – you are my favorite blog.
It has healed so beautifully, Mel! I actually really needed this post. Thank you.
You a such a sweet woman, Mel–I’m sorry you have had to go through this ordeal. But it is truly great of you to make lemonade (so to speak) out of this painful and “sour” experience by sharing your story and pics. I know you will inspire many folks out there to be sun-careful while enjoying the outdoors! Thank you!
Thank you Mel for sharing all of your story. I have had a couple chunks taken out of my legs and work much harder now on keeping covered up. Check out REI for stylish sun protective hats. Expensive but worth it. Also take a look at this study about a vitamin-nicotinamide and think about sharing it with your dermatologist. I took nicotinamide for years for cystic acne and then stopped as my hormones decreased. After I stopped, I have had two rounds of precancerous but odd cells, which were removed. My dermatologist said that although this is off label usage of nicotinamide she thought it was a good idea based on the study. Seven pharmacies near me didn’t carry the drug but Amazon does! Make sure you get the Nicotinamide not niacinamide-it is different! I get the Biophix flush free, 500mg and take one morning and night.
http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa1506197
Wow thanks for sharing this. I have an appointment with the dermatologist next month and will be going in with my eyes wide open. And amen on doing better for our kids. thanks again.
Thank you so much for posting about this difficult journey and spreading awareness! I dread our local dermatologist’s office, but I might give it another go after reading this.
Bless you, sweetie. Thank you for sharing your story and your very brave experience. You look beautiful – before AND after. π
Well you know you’ve already helped me discover my first skin cancer! Yay? π You look amazing! I am so impressed with how well it has healed and I pray mine will heal as well. You’ve made me a bit more nervous, not realizing how serious it really could be under the skin. Eek. But if you can be strong I can be strong. Love yer guys!
Thank for sharing this story you are so brave for sharing this story and all of the pictures with all of us I don’t know how you got through all of that and still managed to take care of your family, homeschool your kids and post recipes on your blog. You MUST be superwoman! I try to be for vigilant with sunscreen now too. not so much when I was a kid though. I have never been to a dermatologist, but now I think I should make an appt,to see one soon.
What a brave and generous woman you are to share this moment in your life. Wish you the best in the future and believe me I have learned from your experience. Thank you and G-d Bless you and your loving family.
What a journey, thank you for sharing your story. A good reminder for the rest of us to not get complacent .
You are truly a rockstar, and not just in the kitchen. Can I say I love you even though I don’t personally know you? Cause I do! Thanks for sharing, this is a message that is close to my heart, too. And your face looks amazing!!
This will definitely make a difference! Thank you for posting! Not only will you keep your skin safe, it will keep you looking younger and healthier for much longer. Yes, I’m vain and shallow, but a deep shallow person π When I attended my 10 year class reunion in (gulp) 1989 I was shocked at how the prettiest girls, who were always tan and beachy, looked like old leather purses. I had started using the very first “actual” sunblocks on the market about 5 years earlier, on my children as well, because I’m a fair-haired redhead and I looked basically the same as when I graduated. I still look dramatically younger at the age of 55 and no cancer! Thank you for posting.
Dear Mel,
I applaud your courage in sharing your detailed photos and your story. I am a retired licensed esthetician, who preached and preached to my clients about the dangers of UVA light exposure. I am so glad that you did ask your dermatologist about that spot on your nose. I have a friend who had a very similar MOHS surgery done on her nose, and it really scared her. Just a little friendly advice on sunscreen. Your can wear an SPF of 50, and that doesn’t necessarily mean you are getting the protection that you need. Be sure to use a “full spectrum” sunscreen with minerals (aka titanium dioxide). I wear mineral makeup, because it looks very natural and gives additional sun protection. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this, but thankfully it was caught just in time. Bless you for sharing your story– and thank you for all the wonderful meals I’ve made, and bread I’ve baked, because of you. You are absolutely beautiful without makeup. I’m serious!
You’re an amazing woman! I love you and wish I could give you a great big hug! You look amazing! Still wishing you were living here still. You are missed!
You have my attention. Thank you for sharing,may God continue to bless you and your family.
Thank you for this post. I put sunscreen on my son every day. Just this spring he has started giving me absolute fits about this routine. I plan on showing him these pictures to show him how vital it is to wear sunscreen every day – not just the days we are in the pool. May God bless you and keep you in His care.
Wow…. I cant believe how well you have healed up. You look great.
Still the best food WEB site on planet earth. Hands down.
I read this post in the early hours of the morning and it hit really close to home. My grandparents on both sides have dealt with this, as well as my mom, and because of my naive teenage years, as well as living close to beaches while growing up, I know prevention is way out of the question today. Now it’s up being aware of what’s going on with my skin, and diligently protecting it from the sun. It’s more impactful to be given loving warning and caution from trusted people (even if we’ve never met in person), than from doctors, sometimes, so thank you. You look absolutely lovely, like always. Thanks for sharing your personal experience, it will definitely help me to remember why all the hassle is worth it, but that things will be ok.
Talk about doing added good! Thank you for sharing this story. I’m sorry you had to go through the pain but am so grateful it was not worse. It’s a good reminder how important it is to follow those promptings. I have a weird spot on my arm that I want checked. I go once a year, but after reading your post today, think I will bump up my appointment. It’s also a good reminder as a Mom to be make sure my kids are caked in sunscreen. Soccer games start this Saturday so your timing is excellent. Thank you. I love that even in such an important post you are apologizing for the serious selfies. You always win with your humor. Combining that with your authenticity and amazing recipes, it’s not wonder your site is a smashing success! π
I read this post in the early hours of the morning and it hit really close to home. My grandparents on both sides have dealt with this, as well as my mom, and because of my naive teenage years, as well as living close to beaches while growing up, I know prevention is way out of the question today. Now it’s up being aware of what’s going on with my skin, and diligently protecting it from the sun. It’s more impactful to be given loving warning and caution from trusted people (even if we’ve never met in person), than from doctors, sometimes, so thank you. You look absolutely lovely, like always. Thanks for sharing your personal experience, it will definitely help me to remember why all the hassle is worth it, but that things will be ok.
That really is incredible how well that healed! I’m sorry you had to go through such a thing! That’s awfully scary! After 2 olive skinned babies, I got one that is a pale blondie & I forget that even being outside in the early spring when it’s barely 60 degrees out, will make his little cheeks redden right up. You have made me realize how much more diligent I need to be for all of us! Thank you!
I just read this post and turned to my husband and told him “Mel” had skin cancer. He knew exactly who I meant! I hope it’s ok we call you friend when you have bettered our lives by blogging. This just adds a new dimension to making us better. So what is the right/best sunscreen? What has the least harmful chemicals? I sure love everything about this blog. You are a beautiful person, Mel. Have a wonderful weekend!
Wow! You had a very skilled Doctor! Thank you for being so vulnerable with all of us. I’ve also had skin cancer and have three large scars on my back, stomach and thigh. I now go for skin checks every 6 months and if I see anything suspicious, I get in to the office right away! I live at the beach and when I see the young girls laying out, I want to go up and warn them about the damage they are doing to their skin (including wrinkles as they get older). Thank you for sharing your experience. It may just help someone to take better care of their skin.
Wow, you are very brave for sharing, this is an important reminder for me to protect my skin, I also am super fair skinned and am tempted by “a little sun”. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story Mel. I was a small child in the 1970’s and recall sunburn after sunburn during the summertime. It’s just the way it was (we thought). Did they even have sunscreen back then? I am blonde with blue eyes & fair skin, and having had so many bad sunburns as a child I figure I’m the poster child for who can get skin cancer. I am always on high alert for any suspicious moles & will keep an extra sharp eye out after reading your story. I’ll be sure to share your story with my children, too. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story – you have healed beautifully! Long live sunscreen & hats!!
Mel – As with the other readers, I’d like to thank you for your bravery in sharing this story and pictures in hopes of making a difference! Not only does this remind us to wear our sunscreen, wear protective clothing, get questionable things checked by the Dr., but it also gives all of us a visual that the body can heal, so (heaven forbid) if any of us have the same experience, we can be reminded that you made it through, and the wounds will heal. I’m so proud of you for sharing. More so, I’m glad your story ended well! You are a rockstar in every way! π
Hi Mel
So glad to see that they got all of the cancer. Back in 2000, I had a similar spot on my forehead, smack dab in the top centre, just below my hair line. It was a basal cell as well. I wear my hair VERY short (1/4 to 1/2 “) all over, so there really was no hiding it under bangs. When I first showed it to my doctor (I use the term ‘doctor’ lightly), he glanced at it and dismissed it as acne. I looked at him and said, “Look at my face. Do I look like I have acne? This ‘thing’ is the only mark on my face. It won’t go away and it’s actually getting bigger. I want to see a dermatologist…now!” I could feel the ‘eye roll’ he gave me and reluctantly said he’d refer me.
It was a bit of wait to see the dermatologist but when I finally did, he took one look at it, measured it and told me that he was 95% sure it was a basal cell. He also told me that because of how long I’d had it and the size of it, there was a small chance that it could be a squamous cell. It definitely had to be removed, either way. He said that he would be referring me to a plastic surgeon instead of a general surgeon because of where it was. There is no extra skin on the forehead to work with and only a plastic surgeon would be able to do this, and leave minimal scarring. When I arrived at the plastic surgeon’s office, I had no idea what to expect.
His office was actually in an office building. I was wondering, “Where is he going to do this?” As my husband, my daughter and myself were in the waiting room, we overheard many conversations at reception. There were some who were there for mole removal but for the most part, there were a lot of ladies making their regular appointments for botox, tucking, tweaking, enhancing, decreasing, etc. This doctor was very popular and his waiting room was very busy. My husband, patted my hand and said, “He’s popular…this is a good sign, Honey.”
The nurse guided me through the hallways (the place was more like a small hospital than an office) Much bigger than I thought. It definitely had a ‘spa feel’ to it. She led me into an operating room. (I’ve had many surgeries over the years so I was used to seeing an OR) She asked me to sit up on the table and that Dr. Martin would be in shortly, which he did. He looked at my forehead, confirmed what I already knew and said, “Well, let’s get rid of that today, ok?” He then told me he was going to draw on my forehead, where he would be cutting. He gave me a mirror to see what he was doing. It looked like he’d drawn a big eye on my forehead, with the cell in the centre. He told me that because there was no loose skin around, he’d have to pull the skin around the cell together. He cook see my eyes widen and smiled, “Just look at it as a forehead lift, for free. This is a medical procedure, not voluntary (at this point, all I could think was “Why would anyone want to do this on purpose?”) He said, “Your dermatologist was right to send you here. We’re going to take good care of you.” He smiled again and I relaxed again…a little. This was still something I’d never experienced. He’d also mentioned that they would just be freezing the area. I would be awake for this. I laid down on the table, the nurse covered me in a slightly larger version of the bib that you wear at the dentist. She held my hand as Dr. Martin prepared to freeze the area. He was sitting behind my head and thoroughly and kindly described each step. The freezing wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be even though he showed me the needle. Then he patted shoulder and said, “Now we wait for the freezing to kick in. See you in a few minutes.” He and the nurse left. It felt like it was taking forever. Then, I could feel the freezing…my head started feeling like a football…like it was swelling. I was started to get really nervous. I just took deep breaths, closed my eyes and prayed for a sign that God was with me. Just as I said it, the nurse walked back in to the room, came over and took my hand. A calm washed over me at that moment and I was fine. Dr. Martin came back in and started, talking to me through the whole procedure. He told me when he actually removed the cell and was taking samples of the tissue and bone around and under. He mentioned that he absolutely loved my hair (as did the nurse). He asked me about my poetry and my art. A good hour and a half later, I asked him if he had got all the samples he needed. He leaned over my head, smiled and said “Oh I got all needed about an hour ago. I’m just doing what I specialize in now. You’re doing a great job, Kelley. Thank you for keeping me company while I work.” As nice as he was, I was never more thankful then when I heard him say, “Well, we’re all done here.” They helped me sit up. The nurse sat with me on the bed until Dr. Martin came back in the room with a mirror. He explained again that they had to go deep in order to get the samples of bone and tissue. Pathology would need all that. He told me that there was already some swelling and bruising. Then he handed me the mirror. I thought I would panic but I didn’t. Yes, there was definite swelling and bruising and I knew there would be more to come. Yet, I looked in the mirror and saw a person who would no longer have that ‘thing’ on her face. It was worth it. The cancerous thing was gone. I would find out 2 weeks later that they had got it all and that it was not a squamous cell.
To tell you the truth, I wasn’t even concerned about the scar. It would be no different than the ‘war wounds’ I’ve had from my previous surgeries.
He explained post op procedures and what to look for. He told me that later that night I would have a horrendous headache. There was only a large bandage and gauze covering the area. Pathology would have the results in two weeks. I was to go to my dermatologist for the results. Then as Dr. Martin and I looked into the mirror, he asked, “So, are you all set. Are you okay? Any last questions?” I started to giggle and asked, “Um…how long will it be before I stop looking as though I’m constantly surprised?” The way the freezing and swelling was affecting the nerves in my forehead, it had travelled to my one eyebrow and it was raised higher than the other.
Dr. Martin laughed and said, “You’re going to be just fine. It was a pleasure to meet you, Kelley. Do me a favour? Never change your hair. It suits you for many reasons.”
I told him, I probably never would and I haven’t. My husband Dan and daughter Meg, met me just outside the OR. When I came out, they hugged me tightly. They both got a good look at my face. We all agreed that my freezing/swelling induced face had temporarily given me a surprised/sceptical look. It took a while before all the bruising and swelling disappeared. I was still getting little pin prick nerve twitches in around my scar for a little while after. This was normal due to the area and how deep they had to go. Whenever it happened, I’d put run my finger across my scar. All of us being huge Harry Potter fans at the time, Dan and Meg would look at each other and say, “Look, Harry must be feeling something.” I would just shake my head and raise my eyebrow at them.
My scar is barely noticeable now but I know it’s there. As I said, I have a number of ‘war wounds’. I’ve been through many surgeries for different reasons. Yet I cherish each one. Scars to me aren’t things that remind us of hurt and fear. To me they are reminders of what we have endured, reminders of our strength and that we have lived.
I’m so glad that you are okay, Mel. I didn’t really think of taking pictures but the swelling and bruising I saw…I can relate. π You’ve healed so nicely. That’s wonderful news. Take care of yourself. Here’s to sunscreen and hats! π
O my gosh! What an experience! I have a sore in the crease of my nose that just won’t seem to heal. I have a doctors appointment already set for Wednesday for another reason and I’m definitely having my spot checked out at the doctor. Without this post, I don’t think I’d think much about it. Thank you!
If your dr. isn’t a dermatologist, please go see one.
Great post- and you can join me and my family at the pool. We will be the ones with long sleeve rash guards and hats on.
On one hand this could freak me out because I’m a year out from thyroid cancer and still trying to recover, and sometimes I feel like there will always be some other disaster around the corner, but in another way it was encouraging.There are so many pictures of God’s beauty and goodness in this. How it was caught fairly early by chance. How AMAZINGLY you healed!! I sure wish you would not have had this experience, but I’m grateful that you are returning to normal!! On another note, it is another reminder that the impressions we get of people’s peaceful, well ordered lives on social media and blogs are not all that’s actually going on. π
Wow, what a journey, thank you for the post, it’s important everyone know the innocent signs of skin cancer. My brother-in-law has had skin cancer twice. Its very important to wear sunscreen. On a lighter note, my face/eyes looked like that too, but after an elective surgery…nose job. I remember being so happy with the results when the bandages came off, and someone said “don’t worry that piggy look will go away”. Pig look, whaaattt??? I’m glad to see you’re healing and you look fantastic!