Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
——–
I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
As I pray for Holli, I am touched by her gratitude, love, and dependence on the Lord. I pray for continued strength and healing. I will endeavor to not complain, but instead find gratitude in all my daily living.
Praying for Holli and her family, may God grant them grace, strength and unending faith as the travel this journey. My hard thing will be spending the day ( going to try for the week) only seeing and speaking the positive no matter how large or small the stressor. We have so many blessings and it is hard to see them when you focus too much on the negative. Thank you for sharing the inspiration of you dear friend and changing my perspective.
Holli I am praying for you, your family and miracles today!
Thanks for sharing this with us. I feel so inspired by Holli (and you Mel!). My goal is to have a tough conversation with my mom and try to repair our broken relationship. Oh boy. I’m nervous already. Thanks for helping us remember what’s most important in this life. Praying for you!
My heart breaks for you and your soul sister Holli. I have a soul sister too, and I cannot imagine the pain you feel for her. I am glad that Holli knows Jesus, and I pray (and I WILL pray for her) that she feels His comfort and peace and love. I, like most of us, even though we trust Him, we wonder WHY Lord? I read this post about 5 minutes after my husband received a phone call from his surgeon from 4 years ago, she performed a very intense, complex and rare surgery on him for stage 4 colon cancer and that was 4 years ago and his scan is clear. She called him herself, she has not been involved in his care for 4 years, it was given to the cancer agency, but she called. We were in tears with joy and then I read this post. So, my heart breaks for Holli. Today I will take my overweight body out for a 2 mile walk. I have been pretty consistently doing 1 mile so today it is time for a push. Please know that I WILL be praying for Holli and also you Mel. I pray the peace of Jesus, the peace that makes no sense but it is there all the same. Only He can do that. Love, Shelley
I talked to my sister for the first time in months today. We have become somewhat estranged after I have put down strict boundaries between myself and my abusive parents. It was different than I thought it would be and oddly liberating. I hope that soon she can break the abusive cycle, she isn’t there yet, but close. Thank you for inspiring me to do a hard thing.
So many things I need to do to be better. I need to take care of me first. Spiritual especially. I’ll start there so that so many of the other things will fall into it lace natural…I hope. Thank you for your strength and example. Keep up the good fight and keep on keepen on for as long as the good Lord will let you.
Holli and Mel,
I cannot express how much I envy your friendship. What a blessing that you have each other to help share this immense burden. As many of Mel’s commenters noted, I too take my many blessings for granted, so today I will pray for Holli, your family, and all your friends like Mel, who are with you in your fight. I will pray for my family, may I never take them for granted, especially my husband, who annoys me way too often these days! I vow to go easy today and remember the love that holds us together. And, I send my love to you both, hoping that you feel the warmth from so many caring souls pouring out to you today. May God bless you! XO
This week for Holli I will be present with my kids. I will show patience when I am short on patience. I will show love instead of reprimanding them. I’ll do those things that are hard for me. Sending peace and prayers to Holli and her family.
Thank you so much for sharing Holli’s beautiful story. I am three months postpartum and struggling with postpartum depression and PTSD from a traumatic pregnancy and birth. My kids haven’t been to in person school since last March and we are very strict with our social distancing to protect our new baby and high risk daughter. Everything feels so hard and lonely right now. Today I am going to enjoy doing yoga with my older kids, and snuggling my baby, and not worry about the messy house and endless to do list. It’s hard for me to not feel guilty and anxious about how little I accomplish every day, but I’m going to really concentrate on how much I love my beautiful girls and how precious our time together is.
When I was going through my battle with cancer for 3 years some songs sustained me in my darkest, hardest hours. I played them over and over 24/7 when it would be very hard.
McClean – You’re not alone, even though right now you’re on your own, your needs are known, you’re not alone.
Janice K Perry- Didn’t He say He sent us to be tested. Didn’t He say the way would not be sure? …After the trial we would be blessed But this Life is the test.
Nicole Nordeman -Let the skies grow black and send some mercy down; Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid. But maybe not, not today maybe You’ll provide in other ways. And if that’s the case…We’ll give thanks to You, with Gratitude, For lessons learned in how to thirst for You. How to bless the very sun that warms our face, if You never send us rain. Oh, the differences that are between everything we want and what we really need.
May these words comfort your soul as they have mine. Prayers for your peace.
My bestrongforholli goal is to finally dig deep into prayer and communication with Heavenly Father. I have felt it in my heart for a long time to work on it gets pushed to the end of the list. It is not easy for me to slow down my thoughts for this, but I am going to start today!
Thank you for sharing. I’m very much a complainer, even though I know how incredibly blessed I am. Holli, thank you for your example. I don’t know you, but it’s evident that you have a huge heart and a very close relationship with the divine. I hope to emulate that in my life. Prayers, good vibes, and lots of love to you and your family.
Today for Holli I want to do all the hard things. In this moment I am going to choose to approach virtual homeschooling with my kids as blessing rather than a burden. Thanks for being a good example of wholesome good living.
Wow, what a truly inspiring person you are Holli! Recently, I’ve been tasked with writing a book review but I’m dealing with writer’s block (go figure). In honor of you, I will make it a point to sit down today & write that review. Also, I will make a point to tell those in my life how much I love & appreciate them. Thank you so much Mel for telling Holli’s story so eloquently! The friendship the two of you share is definitely something to be cherished!
BeStrongForHolli! Today, I resolve to be more grateful of the things my husband does for me. Like this morning; he emptied the dishwasher. While I thanked him, I need to tell him how much I truly appreciate such a little, somewhat mundane, chore (I secretly HATE emptying the dishwasher!). I resolve to appreciate the little things in life, as well as the big things, but it is the little ones that happen every day that go by without recognition that need to be shown they, too, are stars. Above all, I resolve to include Holli, her family and her healthcare providers in my prayers for guidance and direction. Holli, may God and his angels hold you close during your time of need.
Thank you for the reminder to do something hard. I am going to move my family across the country this week (sans husband) and my goal is to not complain once about it!
I will pray for your dear friend Holli. Holli has motivated me to finely clean out my upstairs reading room. It’s been awhile since I’ve used it to read only to store boxes of useless clutter. May God be with you both. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story.
Today, to honor Holli, I will organize and tidy up my sewing space . Mel, you are indeed a wonderful friend. Your story really touched my heart, and made me realize how minor my own issues are. I will pray for Holli and you as well as your families.
Lots of love as you walk this difficult road together. God bless you both.
What a beautiful friendship. I will do my best to remember that Father God has it all in His hands. May He continue to give you and your family peace, Holli.
Holli sounds like an amazing mom, friend, wife, and human being. She has blessed so many lives. I’ve been stagnant for far too long in many aspects of my life. I blame it on Covid but there’s really no excuse to not try to be better each day. I am going to take care of me so I can better care for my family. That means mindfully eating, exercise, and cleaning areas of my home that make me stressed out by how unorganized they are. These things seem trivial when compared to Holli’s trials but I’ll do them because doing them will bring peace to my life which will bring peace into my home and my family. I’ll be thinking of Holli and how she is getting through the hardest and darkest of days each day with positivity. If she can do it I can do it.
I really struggle with my oldest child. We just clash. Tonight, when all the other kids have gone to need. I’m going to sit and really listen to him instead of pushing him away and saying that it was my alone time.
Holli. You are such an inspiration to me! I feel that we have some things in common. I have been a dental hygienist for almost 36 years! I dealt with infertility issues and finally gave birth to twin girls when I was almost 46! Almost 4 years ago I was diagnosed with melanoma and the surgery left quite the interesting scar on my left arm. I also love your friend, Mel. After reading her post, the song that kept going through my mind was “As sisters in Zion.” I believe that we don’t have to know each other to love and serve. Thank you for your wonderful example of happiness despite your circumstances!
Oh my …. my heart… my soul… every bit of my being aches for you. It aches for the mama and spouse I know you want to be. It aches because I wish although I dont know you I wish I could take it all away through a simple prayer. Thank you for the reminder of what is around me. About small blessings and small challenges that are conquered. If she, or the kids can get mail, please reach out to me. I’d love to have our three girls (well, 2, one of them is 7mo) send them your way. Oh sweet mama I’m wrapping you in prayer. God is good. All the time. Even in the lowest valley. Today, I will hug my children tighter, love my husband fiercely… and wrap you in endless prayer.
Thank you for sharing! My SIL is going through her second round of cancer and it is a bit of a beast. This time the cancer will more than likely shorten her life significantly. Thank you for the reminder to be grateful for the little things. My goal for Hollie and my SIL is to get through this week with a cheerful attitude. My husband had to travel for work last minute and I haven’t been too happy about it. Thanks for the reminder. Hugs to her and you!
I cried my way through reading this! Holli sounds amazing! One of my very best friends is named Holli and her Dad is battling cancer right now. Her story made me think of my dear friend and i couldn’t help but cry.
I recently moved and have been feeling SOO lonely. I’ve been waiting for others to help that burden go away. Today I will stop waiting and reach out to people instead of waiting. I will try to be brave and strong like Holli.
My families prayers are with Holli!
Oh, man. I cried. Thank you for the gentle push. What a beautiful list of suggestions. I’m going to call my grandmother this week. I’ve literally never done that and it’s been on my heart to do it. It’s hard because she has never been interested or involved in my life (there’s more to this messy story that I would tell you face to face) but now she is elderly and lonely.
I think I might also purge my too small clothes. I’ve had several babies and I’m proud of my body and what it has done. Current me is so much more cool and funny and soft and loving than thinner, younger me. Goodbye, younger me and her pants which seriously aren’t even in style anymore.
Thank you so much for your strength and inspiriting message. I almost feel bad that this has been a struggle or overwhelming after reading Holli at story. I am going to reorganize my kids room.
I am very task oriented and live by the motto “work first , play later.” But I’m learning that’s not always best for my family. I tend to say that after I get all my chores done, then I’ll play with my kids. But somehow, the day gets away from me and I am constatly dissatisfied with how I have spent my time. It’s a terrible cycle that repeats more often than I’d like to admit. I asked my daughter today what I could do to be a better mommy. She said “play with us more.”
Today I started my day playing for 30 minutes with my kids, instead of jumping to the chores like I normally do. My goal this week is to spend 30 minutes every morning first, before anything else, playing with my kids. It surprises me everytime that rather than causing me anxiety over all the things that still need to get done, playing with my kids seems to make me more calm when I make it a priority. And then, I can do my chores without feeling guilty. Thank you Holli for giving me a reason to do something that should not have been neglected in the first place <3
My BeStrongForHolli goal is to increase the intensity level on my stationary bike! I’ve been sitting at level 3 for almost a year and Holli is the motivation I needed to push myself further. We are blessed and surrounded every day by amazing people who we may or may not know. Holli is one of those people who we all need. We need to be inspired, uplifted, and taught what it means to have faith, to endure, and to look to God in all we do. What a beautiful example she is to those around her and to those who know her story. Mel, thank you for sharing her with us and thank you Holli for being a living, tangible example of goodness and strength. Isn’t that what we all need right now … goodness, kindness, faith, and hope? I will pray for you and your sweet family Holli, that you all may be sustained and strengthened by a loving Heavenly Father who knows your needs and walks with you with each hard step you’re taking. God bless you.
Holli, You are a blessing I will pray for you for rest and peace for your beautiful family. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me NEVER take anything or anyone for granted.
Oh my. I am truly humbled. Holli is a tremendous example. I complain way too much. Today, my BeStrongForHolli goal is to look for the positive in everything I do. Instead of having a negative though, replace it with a positive one. No matter how simple. I will fine joy and happiness in the mundane, chaotic and frustrating parts of my life. If Holli can do it, so can I! I truly have much to be grateful for.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: Lacing up neglected sneakers to gift my body some much needed love by hitting the pavement. In honor and inspiration of you, Holli, I am finished with all the mean, negative, and downright hateful thoughts I’ve directed towards my body. It’s time. It’s time to enjoy with gratitude the abilities I am blessed with. Please know your example has truly lifted me and spoken to my heart. All my love to you and your family.
Holli
You are so loved by each and every one of us. ❤️I will commit to worrying less with my anxiety, pushing through my school to be a therapist for trauma survivors and walking more to be healthy for my babies. You may not realize it yet but you are making a legacy. Stay strong. We love you. God bless you and your family. ❤️
Mel & Holli- your words and examples touched me so deeply. I got brave and sent a long overdue text to someone that I need to mend a relationship with. Time is fleeting and love matters most. Thank you ❤️
Hi Mel and Holli,
Holli, you are completely inspiring and I am sending much love and positive energy your way. I will keep your message in my heart ❤️.
Holli, my prayers are with you and your family. I will remember to not feel exasperated with the college students who ask questions that seem to have obvious answers .
Holli and Mel, Two amazing women! Mel your writing ability is phenomenal! Thank you for sharing so beautifully Holli’s journey and continuing faith and struggles. She is a woman warrior on so many fronts. We pray for her and her family continually. She is a wonderful example of her faith.
I have been making baby books for my grown children as their birthday gift for this year. You need to understand their ages range from 49-36. I started strong but have lagged behind and now am in a crunch. My BeStrongForHolli will be to get back to finishing these books. Today will be a good day as I start up again. Hugs and prayers for Holli and her sweet family.
Holli-I’m going to be strong for you by nurturing my spiritual wellness journey. That will include meditation, prayers, gratitude, compassion and healing. For it’s when my soul is sound that Light abounds. May your light continue to sparkle from within.
Just stopped and breathed a prayer for Holli and her family, asking for peace, comfort, and that the Holy Spirit will surround her and give her everything she needs at this time. Thank you for being such a good friend and sharing your Christian faith!
Holli: I’m sending you the lyrics of my favorite song, “Let There Be Peace on Earth, And Let It Begin With Me.” It’s my favorite “Church Song”. I hope it gives you peace at this trying time for you and your family. Blessings.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me
Let There Be Peace on Earth
The peace that was meant to be
With God as our Father
Brothers all are we
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.
Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With ev’ry step I take
Let this be my solemn vow
To take each moment and live
Each moment in peace eternally
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me
How inspiring! I want to be like Holli and not complain (*as much as I normally do… it’s very easy for me to see the “realistic/negative.”). Thank you Mel for telling us about her; she has made an influence on my life even though I’ve never heard of her before today 🙂
Today I am going to complete a work out. I haven’t worked out since the beginning of the year before I got COVID. Since then I’ve let all the normal excuses creep in: too tired, too busy, I don’t want to have to shower, etc. but mostly I’ve just been avoiding it because I know it’s going to suck. I’m out of shape. But the really hard thing I’m going to do is that when I’m on my bike and it’s hard and horrible, rather than swear, I’m going to express gratitude that I have a body and a mind and a soul capable of doing hard things. Keep up the faith, Holli!
Holli, with tears in my eyes, just thinking about you. Someone I don’t know, who needs some help, love and prayers today. Not sure what I will do, but I will do something just for her. I will not take for granted the little things that I can do today. You are blessed with a great friend who cares about you. Good friends really are the best. Prayers and the nothing but the best for you Holli. ❤️ Bobbi Ogden, UT
I really needed this today. My soul’s been aching regarding a trauma I need healed. I feel humbled by your words. I will ask Heavenly Father today what else I can do to release it into His hands.
I have been battling some major anxiety this year, my whole life really but this year it’s been intense. After my brother’s suicide 10 years ago, driving on the freeway became nearly impossible… Panic attack after panic attack has seemed to cripple me but today I’m going to drive my son to Salt Lake for a dermatology appointment. I am going to get on those insanely high speed roads for you Holli and for me. I’m terrified but I choose today to be Holli strong. I’m going to say lots of little prayers for us both!
Prayers for Holli! Friends like her are hard to find! I am going to make the point of reaching out to my friends more–COVID-means we haven’t and can’t meet in person in months, but still need to reach out more. Being grateful I can see, hear, touch and smell!! And I can walk. Will walk more because I can and I have an amazing body! Thanks for this reminder Mel! I can do hard things. I have a list and won’t go into here. Like was said Be kind, everyone is fighting a hard battle. We can fight those battles with strength from others when they are kind. Be kind. Bless you and yours and Holli!
Holli and Mel,
You’re both an inspiration to me! Reading this centered me, helped me focus on what’s important. Reading this gave me the kick in the pants I needed on a Monday morning and reminder that now, this moment, is everything. I love the challenge to do something hard Mel. Staying out of my pantry full of Girl Scout cookies feels really hard. Sending lots of love and amazing juju to you Holli – kick cancer’s buttox!!
Holli and Mel, what a blessing you are for each other! Today, and each day going forward I will make a point to be thankful for the blessings I have while I fight my own medical battles. Sending you love, prayers and strength.
Lately I’ve found that checking out has become my go to coping mechanism so reading this post was very timely. It’s a beautifully written reminder to focus on the positive things in my life and to make sure my friends and family know how much they mean to me. In honor of you, Holli, I’m going to take a 20-minute walk with my 18 year old son. We’ve been saying we’d start doing it daily for awhile now so today is the day to start.
I’m also so fortunate to have a very good friend but we’ve grown apart lately. I’m going to call her as soon as I finish writing this to let her know how much she means to me. Holli and Mel, I will be sending positive thoughts and love your way and wish you all the best.