Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
——–
I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
Today for Holli I worked out to my friend Hillary’s Zumba video, she is also battling cancer right now!
I finally mailed those cards to three friends and made a donation to the Pool family. Keep up the fight!
We’ll add you to our prayers.
Mel – you are right, our “hard” things are different for everyone. While my hard things aren’t physical in nature, they are still a challenge and a struggle that I deal with every day. This week I am going to do my best to not complain to my husband every night about how hard it was dealing with our children’s behavior in relation to their remote learning school. And I am going to try to be more patient and kind with my children as they struggle with online school.
Holli – prayers for you and your family. I know the Lord will bring you and them peace in this challenging time.
I’ve been dealing with some health issues recently and had an experience that reminded me that angels were helping to buoy me up. Heaven is so much closer than we realize. From a far I pray for you and your family that you will feel the strength and comfort of those who came before you. I’ve had a hard time wanting to move my body as I’ve felt sad and disappointed that it has let me down, but today I am going to put on my winter coat and take a walk in the fresh air and move my body-because we can do hard things.
mel you a a True Friend !! Holli will be in my Prayers.
Thank you for sharing Holli’s example today. It totally changed my trajectory. So I slowed down and snuggled by sweet babies who are growing too fast. Gave myself grace for not checking off as many things off my to do list. Thank you. Prayers for Holli and her sweet family.
Holly and Mel, thanks for the reminder to be thankful I am an 8 yr breast cancer survivor! Prayers for you and your family for strength, Peace, and Love.
You can face anything in your future with God at your side.
Holli…. lots of fun laughs we had during our college visits with you and Darin, Brett and I. How rude that I spent hours holding sweet baby girl, staring at her and you packed your place up to move. I’m sorry for that! Good heavens. And a few visits you have us when you came to Idaho Falls.
Today, I got in a good workout, even though I’m in pain. I didn’t complain. Just for you…I laughed through it all. That’s what you have taught me. Never a dull moment and there is always something to laugh about. We love you.
I do not think that it was by chance that I dropped by Mel’s site today to print off a recipe for a friend. Holli your story is inspiring. I’m so glad Mel has you. I miss her very much and it is wonderful to know that she has a bosom friend (think Anne of Green Gables) in you. I read a story this week about a man who was hiking in southern Utah when a giant boulder fell on his arm, trapping him. After 5 days, when he was about to give up and accept death, the man saw in his mind a small boy running toward him and being scooped up with his left arm. This was enough to assure the hiker that survival was possible. He was able to amputate his own arm and hike five miles for assistance. I cannot imagine the courage that must have taken!. The writer summed the story up with these words, “When we have a vision of what we can become, our desire and our power to act increase enormously”. I think Jesus knows you Holli. He has incredible faith in your potential and so must you. Today I will squeeze my out of shape body into work out clothes and brave a weight room full of bodies that I wish I had. I will be thinking of you as I sweat and struggle for air through my mask, but I will press forward with hope, knowing that you will too. God Bless your way!!
This seems like such a silly thing to comment about considering what I just read about your sweet friend Holli but here it is. A hard thing I am going to do is color my hair. I’m a red head and have always loved my hair color. I haven’t colored my hair for probably 18 years but…. I’m noticing so many grey hairs that it’s time. It’s an odd thing I’m feeling kind of guilty about but I’m also a little excited. Like I said, silly, but hard for me. You are an example of strength to us all Holli!
I’ve done some amazingly hard things. Losing grandparents seemed easy after the passing of my father and brother-in-law to suicided; I’ve watched a close cousin pass to cancer. I’ve survived a failing marriage, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety and through the grace of God, I and my husband have put it together where we are now thriving because of the Lord. Through all this, I know the Savior is the only way to overcome our trials. I’m sure you know that.
God bless you, Holli, and your family. I love Joey+Rory’s songs on youtube. Like you, Joey is a strong, amazing, woman who battled cancer. She inspires me and I hope you will find strength in her life and in her songs. Even though the cancer took, her she and her husband have an amazing story and celebrate a life well lived.
Yesterday, I renewed my temple recommend. I’ve reserved names to take to the temple and as soon as I get to go, I’ll dedicate that day to you.
Weather you survive or not, it’s all going to be okay. You’re family will make it! Families are Forever and you are too. I promise you that you will be there for them no matter what.
Today – I will complement each of my children and husband. Like you, they are my world.
“Our God is an awsome God, He reigns with wisdom, power and love. Our God is an awsome God. Blessings, and strength to you.” You do not face this journey alone. God bless you Holli and your family, I commit to supporting you and your family in our prayers. For my hard thing – counting my blessings instead of complaining of my difficulties.
I’m going to keep my social media off for the rest of my day, be grateful I can feed my kids a healthy dinner (cilantro lime bowls), and play a game with my kids. Later this week I’ll be ordering an exercise bike and will dedicate my first ride to you, Holli! Sending you, Holli, all my love and prayers. Your friend, Audra
Today, I did a virtual cycling class and instead of being angry that I was a few miles off my goal or didn’t quite complete it as fast as I wanted (dang OCD!!), I’m grateful for the way my legs can carry me through hard workouts and still walk me back home. My body is strong and capable, and I am grateful for what it can do!! So sorry about your friend, Mel, I’ll be praying for Holli!
Thanks for sharing, your friend sounds amazing. I know I take a lot for granted. I will pray for Holli and her family/friends. I will also strive to do some hard things today. Thanks again!
Holli, your story touched me deeply. My father passed away from cancer when I was 13, and as much as it hurt me to lose my father, I weep when I think what it was like for him to have to leave his family. With that perspective, I just want to say: your kids will be okay. They will thrive, they will fly, they will remember you always and miss you every single day. And they will be okay. When my dad died, I thought that was the end of happiness for me. It wasn’t until years later, when I was a mother myself, that I looked down at my baby sleeping in my arms and it hit me that I was SO HAPPY. There was so much joy in my life, and there had been for years and years. The Lord truly traded beauty for ashes. I miss my father every day, even though I’ve lived more of my life without him than with him. But there are things in my life that I’m confident he helped orchestrate, and blessings that have come that I’m certain he was a part of–he was just doing it from the other side. God bless you and your family. In your honor, I will cherish my time with my children today in the chaos of the after school hours. You are in my prayers.
Hi Mel and Holli. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re an amazing person. Today I went to therapy. I didn’t want to go and had planned on cancelling but then I read this post and decided to be strong and go, and I’m glad I did. I lost my mom to cancer several months ago and I was avoiding sitting down and processing it. Thanks, Mel and Holli, for the motivation. I will hold you and your family I’m my heart, Holli, and you and yours too, Mel.
You’re a fighter, Holli! You’re an example to us all. I am going to go on a walk outside to breathe the fresh air and say a prayer for you and of gratitude for my body that moves. I believe in miracles. Each of us in and of itself is a miracle and we are fortunate to be on this earth and learn from each other. And thank you, Mel for teaching us about the great human that Holli is!
I want to say thank you for sharing your friend Holli with us!
First, I held space for Holli! I prayed for her and her family! I was deeply moved by Holli’s story. I’ve had her on my mind since this morning.
I think it’s just beautiful the friendship you have together. What a blessing you are to each other. A friend that needs help and you offer it with a big heart! May God continue to bless you all that are part of her journey!❤️
I was motivated to get off the couch and get things cleaned up for my family. Then, I did some self care and as I was doing it I held space for Holli.
I then reached out to some of my friends that I hadn’t done so in a while.
Thank you! I will continue to pray for Holli and her family!
I will pray for you and your loved ones. I wish I knew why bad things happen to good people.
I will try to be someone’s rainbow.
Mel,
You are a wonderful friend to Holli.I believe that friends can be an amazing source of inspiration and strength . My husband suffers from dementia . He isbbn physically healthy so we spend our days talking and enjoying each others company. My co-workers are always there for me. My heart goes out to Holli and her family..
I am forever changed having Holli show up on my journey in this lifetime. Holli because you have shown me what Christ like love is I will always feel the presence of Christ when I hear your name. So today I reached out to my ex husband and officially let go of all the animosity and pain I have held onto for 5 years, you are a light and an inspiration . I love you,
Anissa Carlsen
I’m supposed to give a Scripture talk tomorrow to a group of ladies. I’m a young mom, and many of them have been walking with God far longer than I’ve been alive. I’m nervous and intimidated, so I kept putting off the preparation. Checking my email, refreshing Facebook, finding something to pick up around the house–pretty much anything but what I was supposed to be doing.
After I read your post, I tossed all my excuses aside, picked up my Bible, dug in, and found some insights that are special to me even if they aren’t to anyone else. Thanks, Holli.
I’m ugly crying now, Mel. Thank you for this challenge and letting us know someone so amazing and inspiring!
Holli – I am going to go fold a mountain of my laundry, with a little cranky 10 month old on my lap, and I’m going to think of you. Not innately hard, but I’m so incredibly sick right now, in the middle of another 1st trimester pregnancy fog. But, man, I’m so grateful for my beautiful, amazing life. Your life, Holli, definitely points me to Jesus. Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
You are an incredible example Mel, I’m so glad you two have each other and that you’ve welcomed this community. My BeStrongForHolli goal for today is to remain positive and optimistic, complete a tough workout and create my monthly calendar. praying for Holli
I took my teenage son out to lunch today and withheld any correcting, nagging , unsolicited advice and just “was.” It was an enjoyable time together after a month or so of differing opinions. It’s important to put those things aside and just lean into love. The rest will work out. Thank you for your inspiring story Holli. I will also keep you and your family in my prayers. I pray you will feel cup held in this most difficult time. ♥️♥️
Praying for you today, Holli.
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26
May God fill you and your family with his joy and peace.
I moved my body today even though I had a headache. Its hard to do that but I try to exercise every day because bodies are cool—even though they’re also weird and frustrating. Hugs love and positive vibes your way!
Thank you Mel and Holli. I’m in tears, and I’m more grateful today for my healthy body. From California, I’m going to take on your challenge and go work on some strained family relationships.
Hugs and prayers for you and your family Holli!! For my hard thing I am not going to complain anymore about my kids not being in “in-person” school. I will try and see the bright side of the situation and not focus on all the negatives. This is going to be super hard for me!
Long ago our oldest daughter taught her younger sister to run through the sprinklers. Something she had been afraid to do until then. When I got home the youngest ran up to me saying, “Mommy, mommy, Amy teached me bravery!” I’ve been thinking today it is Holli teaching me the bravery of everyday tasks!
A bathroom floor and shower were scrubbed removing mildew and the last of builder crud!
A blanket was washed and worked with until the grubbiness was gone! (Finally!)
A core workout was not only not avoided, but was attempted in good faith! (Even though it reminds me I’m weaker and older than I was)
Thank you to Mel for sharing the courage and beauty of Holli’s life!
Wow, this brought tears to my eyes as a read about all Holli has been through. I am going to do all the hard things today, without complaining, and with a smile on my face. I have been reminded today how lucky I am to easily do and be, so today I won’t take that for granted. I will enjoy the sun, the apples, reading a book, making dinner for my family, and hugging the ones I love. Wishing you nothing but the best Holli. I will pray for you and your family. And Mel, you are the most caring friend, what a thoughtful thing to do. Soul sisters are the best kind of sisters. Keep on being YOU!
Thank you for sharing and helping me to look outside of myself today. Prayers for Holli and her family.
Thanks so much for Sharing. You both sound like extraordinary people. I don’t know why bad things happen to such good people but Holli’s life has great purpose and she has impacted everyone she has come in contact with. Sending prayers and hugs. My neighbor has just been diagnosed with Covid and I am going to clean off their vehicles after the snow storm today that left over a foot of snow.
Please give Holli and her family a hug from me and I’ll hug my family also.
Holli – You are in such a difficult place, but I know you are fighting with all the strength you have to win this battle. I want to encourage your heart that Jesus is by your side helping you fight this critical battle. I pray for a miracle of healing by the power of Jesus’ blood that He shed on the cross. I ask for Him to bring His healing touch as Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. We know that there is nothing impossible for you Jesus and I ask that you bring healing to Holli, to her body, mind and her spirit. I pray that Holy Spirit would move to call many women to pray for this dear sister and that she would be strengthen and touched by the power of these prayers. May your love Jesus wash over her as well as her family so that all of them will experience your peace, comfort and faith.
Holli, I pray from Psalm 34:4-5,8-9,18 over you:
4 I sought the LORD and He answered me, and rescued me from all my fears.
5 They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! 9 Fear the LORD, you His saints; for to those who fear Him there is no lack of anything.
18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Holli, I pray that you feel Jesus’ presence with you in a real way, know that He is giving you all that you need to carry your through, even carrying you in His strong arms. May His love and blessings overwhelm and touch your precious heart so that you know how much He loves and delights in you!
Blessings and love to you and your dear family.
Holli,
Heavenly Father puts women like you in our paths to help make us better people. I can certainly share that each week I serve at a local Food Pantry and my hands and heart reach out to each client. Tomorrow I will think of you!
You are fortunate to have Mel in your life.
Stay for your dear ones and let God do the rest.
Ellie
My Be Strong for Holli goal: I will do my homework without complaint.
Holli, Heavenly Father does answer prayers. I am praying for you and your family. Thanks for your example and strength. I believe in miracles, and I believe you are a miracle and that Heavenly Father is very proud of you.
Dear Holli ! As my little children ask to be dressed for the snow the 3rd time today (normally I would try to encourage another activity after already dressing and drying the outfits twice today ) , I will be joyful and grateful that I am able to help them and I will give their sweet faces a kiss and ask them to build a snowman named Holli
I will write the two letters to two different friends who have been on my heart. One widowed a few years ago and another recently widowed. I want to send Gods promise of love, mercy and grace when you find yourself in a valley. Thank you, Mel, for being MY friend and giving me inspiration of all kinds. Holli is one of those once in a lifetime ladies and friends!!
Sending all my love and prayers to Holli and her family. She is a very brave woman and they have all been through so much.
Holli and her family will always be in my prayers, God Bless
As a mother of six (youngest is now 17!) I can’t imagine running a household from my bed with little ones! I am recovering from a pretty intense ACL repair and my husband and kids (who still live at home) have had to take up the slack. It has made me immensely grateful for their love and support personally, their help with the house, dishes, dinners and laundry. It has made me keenly grateful for them, for the help of neighbors and friends, and for all the functioning parts of my body too, and for my Savior who brings peace even amid the struggles. My prayers go out to Holli and her family! She is an inspiration! And I believe that Holli’s children will grow into empathetic, kind and thoughtful adults because they are truly needed to help and support at home, instead of just always being recipients. And to Mel, thanks for all the great recipes!
I am going to kiss my grown up kids good night. They’re older and have been back home due to covid and it’s not that it’s “hard” so much as they’re often up after me/not wanting me to, but reading this makes me realize I need to seize the opportunity while I can and also reminisce of the days when I always tucked them in and kissed them goodnight.
I am so very, very sorry. My love and prayers to Holli and also to you, Mel. I started home schooling my 12 year old middle schooler today. Schools are still not open in most of Oregon and it just wasn’t working doing what she was doing. For me this is HARD! I’m trying to have extra patience and show extra love and encouragement, as she’s a typical 12 year old and does not always respond well to her mom!
I am deeply moved by Holli’s story, Mel. Thank you so much for sharing. She and her family will be in my prayers. I am going to go on a walk today even though it hurts when I do. #strongforholli
First, my thanks to Mel. Mel’s kitchen cafe has helped my daughter and my husband get through the difficulties of 2020. My family has enjoyed many a good meal and dessert thanks to you! My daughter read me this post about Hollie. My heart goes out to Hollie and her family. A year ago, I learned the frustration of not being able to do the mundane things. My vestibular system is broken…my brain feels like I have internal vertigo 24/7. I have constant feelings of imbalance., like I’m trying to walk on a surfboard on the water. My eyes were impacted such that I couldn’t read, look at screens, drive, or see the world correctly. Every minute of every day was SO HARD! Hollie—I’m sorry that this has happened to you. How I pray that God will continue to strengthen you so that you can enjoy the moments. Thank you for your song. It has given me the words I feel in my heart. I needed them today. Thank you for doing hard things. You have given me the courage to do hard things today. I will keep on walking, even though it’s a challenge. I will push through the pain in order to enjoy the moments with my kids. I will find ways to share God’s love with others, even in my broken state. May God strengthen you and comfort you. I know He is a God who weeps with us in our struggles.
I am saddened to hear of your struggles Holli. I appreciate being able to have a moment to encourage you and pray for you and your precious family. I will remember today to be grateful for moments with those I love and to be grateful that I can go on a walk today. May you be blessed with the blessings you need for today.
Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave your nor forsake you.” My prayer for you is that you feel the loving arms of God wrapped around you. —Billy Graham
Isaiah 66:13. “As one who his mother comforts , so I will comfort you.”
I’m sorry about your friend, Mel. How devastating for her family and loved ones.
Today I baked chocolate crinkle cookies with my 3-year-old while the big kids were at school and felt grateful for that time with him. I’m often impatient with his “help” and it felt good to slow down and cherish him.
Our family motto is “We can do hard things.” I love your challenge to everyone to do something hard and appreciate how much we CAN do. Sending love to Holli.
Your story has touched my heart. Today I will stop complaining about all the housework I need to do and instead do it with joy because it is helping my family.
Same.
Holli, Eleven years ago (two days ago was my Cancerversery) I was told my doctors I had stage 4 melanoma. It was all in my lungs and intestines. I was told I had 3 months to live. I went to Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa. It was a 9-10 hour drive for us one way. We sold our home and brought an RV to recieve the treatments. You and I have had procedures I wouldn’t have done on a pet, but the will to stay with our loved ones drives us to do what ever it takes.
My family are LDS and it was nice to have the support of our ward to pray. I also called all our local church in all religions and asked them to add me to their prayer list. After I did everything I felt I could do, I turned it over to Heavenly Father. I never asked why me but why not me. I wish so much I could take this from you. I am praying for you to know you need. I”m sure you are already past this, but I joined a Melanoma Facebook group that was a real blessing of knowing new procedures. You are in my prayers daily!!