Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
——–
I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
Wow. I’m so sorry, Holli. You sound like an incredible fighter. Thanks for letting Mel share your story to remind us all to be grateful and to never give up! Today I’m tackling the tedious task of creating an inventory of my food storage using Mel’s gigantic (and helpful) spreadsheet! 🙂
Holli, you are my inspiration to record a podcast today. I’ve felt overwhelmed by it for over a year now, but if you can do tough crap, so can I! You’ve got this sister. Sending all the good vibes I can possibly muster!!! Thank you for sharing your strength❤️❤️❤️
What a beautiful & touching tribute to your friend, Mel. She sounds like a rockstar human and she has inspired me today to really dig deep and remove the yelling from my own parenting in my home. I seem to have an endless commitment to reduce the yelling from my parenting, but today I’m placing that much more creativity, focus, and energy towards parenting with love & patience.
Thank you so much, Holli, for fighting your fight for your family. It’s absolutely inspiration of the truest sort for this mom to find peace and gratitude in her every day chaotic home life.
There is an East Coast mama rooting very hard for you today. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Sincerely, Meg
Holli & Mel,
This past fall, I was headed to visit this sweet, faith-filled, friend who had just lost her husband and sister in a horrible car accident. (You probably remember the story.) I wondered what I could say to help comfort her.
In the back of my scriptures, I have a “favorite list.” As a friend drove us to her house, I started scanning the list, looking for something that felt right. Nothing seemed to fit and I started to worry about what I may say.
Then, my scriptures fell open to a bookmark I’d placed there in 2004. (I know this because it has verb conjugations and I put it there while I was learning Spanish in the Missionary Training Center. I don’t think it was a coincidence that it somehow and just lived on that page all those years.)
I probably put it there because of Psalm 46:10. “Be still and know that I am God” was the favorite scripture of my Pastor that was such an influence on me during my teenage years.
But, this time, it was the first verse of the chapter that stuck out to me. I knew that those were the words that my friend needed. Psalm 46:1 states, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
In our times of trouble, God is “very present.” He is more than aware, He is there.
He is a strength and will share that strength to help us move forward on the covenant path. He knows the next steps even when we do not.
He will be a refuge. Synonyms of the word refuge include stronghold, sanctuary, protection, fortress, haven, retreat, and shield. He will provide a place of rest, comfort, and security even when we may feel we have nowhere to turn.
Holli, like with my friend, I can’t even begin to comprehend what you are experiencing on every level. But I know someone who can and that someone loves you (and your husband and kids) dearly. Find comfort in His love and compassion.
Today, before I read this post, I texted a friend who I haven’t heard from in a while who I heard through the grapevine might be struggling right now. I took a shower and reveled in the increased movement I am getting in my arm and how i can finally turn my hand to wash my hair after breaking my arm just over two weeks ago. I squished my 8 month old in a tight hug and kissed her and played peek-a-boo.
Holli, your story is inspiring. I’m going to lift up my Rosary this week for you (I pray it with my 6 monkey, I mean kids….im also going to get off my butt and get out for a 30 minute walk, even if it’s too cold to go out…
So inspired by Holli! I’m going to avoid the grocery store this week and stretch our budget by getting creative (not my strong suit) and plan meals for the week based off of what we already have. Thank you Holli for being an example of strength and perseverance! If you can do all of this hard things, sure I can make my brain get a little creative. Sending love and prayers!
What a good friendship. What a blessing you must be to each other. My hard thing will be to continue to encourage my mother with the mental health struggles she currently have. Big hugs to each of you.
Holli, you’ve inspired me to appreciate the little things in life. Thank you for your faith, thank you for your hope and thank you for your courage. You are amazing! My #BeStrongForHolli goal is to help a total stranger this week.
Thank you Mel! And, thank you Holli! Both of you are such incredible examples of the kind of woman I want to be. Holli – you inspire me to never complain again and enjoy the little things that I almost always take for granted. Mel – you are the kind of friend everyone needs in their life…especially when the going gets tough. Thank you for the reminder to look on the bright side today and look beyond my own problems to see how I can lift someone around me. Praying for you, Holli and your family! ❤️
Hi Mel. I have a very hard time not falling apart over stories like Holli’s. My ‘mom heart’ is always so tender,. I wanted to thank you for giving me a Action to take, instead of being frozen fear or sorrow. I don’t know Holli but I feel her strength and her power and I’m grateful for her.
Today I have done 2 things that I often think about doing but don’t: 1- commenting on this post, 2- donating to Holli’s journey. The 3rd thing I have done today is commit to a WFPB diet. This is hard for me!! I am always thinking of all I can’t eat (allergies, addictions), but today in Holli’s honor I will change that thinking and look at ALL I can eat!
Thanks for sharing Holli with us, and through her personalized mortal journey, inspiring us to BE and DO better. ❤️
Holli, I found this post so awesome! Mel I started following you about 12 years ago when I lived in Toronto while my husband was going to school. I had the privilege of attending junior high and high school with Holli and Dawna many years ago, ah they were inseparable then as well! When I saw this post it warmed my heart so much to see the two of you were friends, god is so good! My goal that I dedicate to you sweet Holli is to read my scriptures everyday this week and journal my thoughts, I will play at least 2 board games with my kids before the weekend and go on one nature walk with my daughter before the snow flies on Wednesday. Holli you have been on my mind so much, I’m sending you all my love, all my good vibes and praying the pain will be abated and you will be surrounded with a blanket of love and peace. Give Dawna a squeeze for me too! Thanks Mel for this, I know you were inspired to do this ! ❤️❤️❤️
Today I killed a spider, cleaned under the bed, tackled a very dirty diaper, and went for a run. All things I didn’t want to do, but I decided to be like Holli and not complain. I found so much joy spending time with my baby and living in a clean space without my 8 leg friend peeking over my shoulder.
Holli, I don’t know you, but we are praying for you and each of your kids! It’s evident that you have been such a positive influence on all those around you, but especially in those kids lives. From the post it’s clear to see that your life and influence will continue to reach so many people! Thank you for your example!
I’m 35 years old. My entire life I’ve been terrified of my parents. Their abuse was without cause, out of control, and left me a most bewildered and lonely person. In church we’re taught families are forever, as a child and teen that sounded like hell, not heaven.
For Holli, I am writing down and practicing what I will say to my parents. I want to invite them over, sit on the couch, and tell them my feelings but mostly tell them I’m giving this pain, these nightmares, this devastating loss of not having loving parents, to God. I’m giving Him my pain because he knows what to do with it and I don’t want to let it canker my soul any longer. It’s poison and I don’t want to drink it anymore. They don’t have to change but I’m going to. My little brother killed himself two years ago. I don’t want to let the loneliness win. I’m still scared of them, their anger knows no bounds. But they are like broken children in adults bodies, and more than that they are children of God. I don’t think they’ll lose it if we’re at my home. I can be brave like you and face my biggest fear.
Prayers for you I know there is so much more to our existence. I nearly died in 2019 when my lungs filled with blood clots. I know there’s a place where pain, fear, and crippling loss does not exist. I know because God took me there and let me choose if I was ready to come home or stay and keep learning.
Bless you for your strength and light.
Thank you for sharing your friend Holli with all of us. Yesterday a friend’s 16 year old son died after a tragic car accident. His older brother urged everyone to hug their loved ones and even though that is simple, it is profound. We o my have this moment for sure. So hugs. And I suppose I should also fold some laundry too, at some point this week.
I walked 6 miles today on knees that betray my every step! All of this world’s goodness and God’s blessing for you, Holli! ♥️
I am praying for sweet Holli and the people she loves!!!!
Dear Holli!
Your story reminded me so much of my dear sweet friend Kim White IG @kimcankickit. I want You to know that I’m so incredibly impressed that you share with my late friend a toughness that only God can perfect. As requested, I’m going to do something hard in honor of you! I’m going to do the positivity course that Yale University put on for free that I signed up for but hadn’t had time to sit and do it. I’m pretty cheerful person but it will be interesting to learn more on this topic that the whole world could use. I can do hard things!
I’ll be praying for you to have strength and energy to enjoy those around you. Lots of love to you!
Holli sounds like an amazing person and friend! I am so sorry for the hard challenges and am praying for her!
Today I called the dentist for my 4 kiddos to make an appointment. This sounds silly but my husband has been unemployed for over a year. We can’t go to our amazing pediatric dentist anymore without insurance so I need to take them to the dental clinic. Every time I have tried to call before I hung up crying because it is just a reminder of his job loss.
But kids need the dentist so I did it.
Thanks for being an amazing example Holli!
Hello You Two:❤️
Quickly, let me say that I am 68 years old and have suffered severe neuropathy in my feet for the last 16 years. Like so many afflictions it came suddenly and out of nowhere; I try never to complain about this particular misery—“just keep going.”
“Extra” walking is very difficult. But, today I will walk an extra mile praying for Holli all the way.
❤️ “Leaning on The Everlasting Arms”
This breaks my heart and has me in a puddle of tears. And even still I am inspired by your relentless, strong, humble friend, Holli. My prayers are with her.
I have struggled off and on with depression for years. After progressively going down yet another dark path, I’m finally owning up to my struggles and getting some help
Holli is a great example of doing hard things. ❤️
Holli we love you!! I am going to be asking someone to preference (which is so scary!!) for my first dance and you have helped me find the courage to do it. Life can be so hard (especially with a pandemic) but people as strong as you help make it so much better, get feeling better soon and we’re praying for you
I’m going to get myself to exercise this week. It’s been forever. I know it will make me feel better mentally and physically. I’m so grateful for a healthy body and I need to take better care of it!
Mel, thank you for sharing. Holli, thank you for the inspiration to do hard things with hope and faith and a smile. This week I will do something that I have avoided for too long, family history.
Holli, your story deeply touched my heart. I have tear stained cheeks right now! You are such an inspiration. I’ve never heard that song until today, but it made me want to be better. Thank you for sharing Holli’s experience so beautifully, Mel.
Today, I will start reading my scriptures and praying before I do anything else on my phone like emails, texts, social media, etc. My goal is to do this for the whole month or longer to get my priorities straight. I will also try to spend a few quiet moments of hugging and talking to each of my six kids individually today. Thank you for the motivation to do something that is hard for me.
I will choose to be greatful for yet another snow day that means all ten of my kids get to be together for one more day before my oldest seven his mission. Today I started out out this snow day a little grumpy that there was no school, barely any snow and too cold to go do anything and a husband working nights who needs it quiet to sleep. I will choose to cherish the snow day they just announced for tomorrow. And not be grumpy about it’s stresses.
Thank you for sharing about your sweet friend. It sounds like she has definitely been through a lot lately. I know a lot of people have suffered this past year, and I am not discounting this pain in anyway. We have all suffered to some extent. Today, I am trying to recommit to a life of positivity in honor of your friend. I will follow her example and seek for joy in any circumstance. I like to think of life as a trek , my pioneer ancestors, after trekking during the day would sing and dance at night. I like this African Proverb, “when the music changes so does the dance”, when life gets hard I still want to smile and dance
I’m going to hold my kids and husband a little tighter this week and forever! Prayers to Holli Darin and the kids Thanks Mel
2 Corinthians 4:8 – ‘We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. ‘
Keep fighting your fight, running your race Holli. May God bless you and keep you.
Bless that sweet girl! Life is rough but God will never give us more then we can handle (even if it seems excruciating and confusing) and often times we will choose our own trials a thousand times over when opening our eyes to others. I for years have wanted to start an interior design business and get extra education in the field. This is the week i will find a school and enroll. Thanks for the push Holli! Prayers and love!
Wow, what an incredible person Holli sounds like. Thank you, Holli for this reminder today (and to Mel for delivering the message so many of us needed to hear). I started a new ‘diet/lifestyle’ this week for various reasons. There will be some hard moments as I adjust to this…and instead of saying, ‘poor me!’ I will be thankful for my able-body and the fact that I get to choose this path for myself. Take care, Holli. You will be in my prayers.
Today I sent a message to someone apologizing for a knee-jerk reaction I had toward them when I felt offended.
Thank you for the inspiration to be brave. My heart goes out to Holli.
Prayers from Kentucky. My heart goes out to you and your family. God is a big God and he loves you bigger than we can imagine. I pray that God heals you completely and you continue to live an amazing uplifting life .
I want to voice my feelings on this post too! I was so touched!! Holli it sounds like you have some amazing courage! Also I’m so thankful that you have a friend like Mel! And reading all the different replies just shows how close to our hearts a situation like this is!! First of all I want to tell you too that I will be lifting your name in prayer to our loving Father in Heaven. That you and your family can feel His nearness. And then after that I want to say that I will have loads of love and patience with my lively, busy, sometimes fighting kids! And to just ponder the wonderfullness of being able to care for them and calm them and settle their disputes. I take that all too much for granted!!
Love & prayers
Rose Jantzen
Oh Mel, that story tugged at my heartstrings and brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing friend that you have in Holli and she has in you. I am so sorry to hear what she is facing now. This is what I plan to do as my BeStrongForHolli goals:
1). Pray for God’s Healing Grace for Holli and her family.
2). Take time every day to enjoy and celebrate the blessings in my life: my kids, my husband, my parents, my extended family, my dog my friends, my neighbors and my colleagues.
3). Learn to take better care of myself so I can live a long life. I hope to find time to eat better, lose weight and get my HA1C in better control as a type 1 diabetic.
4). Tell people I love, care about and appreciate them more often.
Mel, my husband and I have followed your blog for about 10 years now, and your recipes and posts never fail us! Please give Holli and extra hug from us, and please tell her that we are praying for her!
~Stephanie Mavis
Bay Village, Ohio
Today I will take joy in helping my kids with their school work and create a peaceful environment in our home.
Mel and Holli… today felt so full and busy today, I couldn’t add another different hard thing. So I thought of Holli as I grocery shopped (which I always dread) and tried to remember my gratitude that I CAN do that for my family. So much running and helping kids today, it’s hard to be the mom sometimes. But such a gift at the same time. So I’m grateful for my small hard things today, while I think of and pray for you Holli!
I am going to go swim laps because I love swimming but I have avoided it for the last year because I have gained a lot of weight and moved to a new place, and going somewhere new is scary for me. BUT I am going to go celebrate and USE my body as an instrument not an ornament to do something that makes me happy instead of being stuck and unhappy behind my insecurities.
I will happily wash all the baby bottles tonight and be grateful for the opportunity I have to do so. ❤️ Thank you Mel.
She sounds like an amazing friend/mom/person! Thank you for sharing her story with us…good reminder to be grateful and use our time here wisely, as we never know who we will inspire. Sending light and love to Holli!!!!
I love your recipes more than words can say but I loved this diversion from your recipes equally so! Thank you for sharing Holli’s fiercesome spirit with us!
Today I will not complain about the 1 billionth day of distance learning for my kids but embrace this time I have with them. I will cherish this rare opportunity during their childhood rather than bemoan the extra dishes, mess and bursting at the seams feeling of having everyone home all day.
Thank you for your perspective and call to action.
Sending so much love to you, Mel, and to Holli and her family!
I literally sobbed through most of this. You are an amazing and thoughtful friend. Oh how we take so much for granted. I think it’s a big deal because I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, however, we pray that it is non malignant. This posting puts my life in perspective. I will hold Holli in my heart and in my prayers. In the meantime I will get all those valentine cards addressed to my widowed friends and those who are alone. WE LOVE YOU more than you will ever know!
That stinks. Big time. Life is hard. In honor of Holli I will finally write in my journal about the birth of my sweet baby boy who was stillborn at 34 weeks old almost six months ago. I keep putting it off so I don’t have to relive all the emotions. But I’m going to do it today. Take some time to feel all the feelings.
This week my hard will be reaching out to 3 people that I do not know that I go to church with. Sounds easy for someone that loves people like I do, but reaching out to those I do not know is HARD for me. Thanks for being the inspiration that I need this week. May you feel the Savior in your life and the life of your family.
So many prayers for your friends journey on this earth. She sounds like she has that whole “well done thou good and faithful servant” thing done! And I guess that’s all any of us really want deep down. I promise to tackle some of my hardship, and seek Jesus with more urgency and delight. So much love to each of you.
This brought back a memory of my dear departed sister. She had brain cancer. But there towards the end, I remember her fighting to walk. She battled and tried to walk for a good 2 weeks after she started having trouble moving her feet. Through Covid and less going out, my own disabilities have become worse because of not moving like I should. I’m going to appreciate that I can move and start moving, even if I have to start 5 minutes at a time. God bless you.
We never know how much time we are gifted here on earth. Holli, you have inspired me to forgive someone who honestly doesn’t deserve to be forgiven but I know I can give this burden to the Lord and I can forgive and move on. I feel angry when I can’t sleep at night because I’m upset at what this human has done to my family and I but I know that is not productive and I don’t want to give them one more minute of my life. Thank you for your example. Our prayers are with you.
Hi Holli!
After a serious eye injury this summer I have had to put a hard contact lens in my, just turned two, year old sons eye every day. It’s really hard and I spend most mornings dreading him waking up because I’ll have to put it in. My husband and I wrap him in a blanket and hold him down. He screams and cries and it’s the worst. It brings back the pain of the accident everyday and I’ve really been struggling with it. Your story has inspired me to do two things that have felt impossible for me. 1. To stop feeling so much resentment that I have to do this to my sweet little boy everyday and to trust that God can make all of this work for good in my life and my sweet little sons life. And 2. To look at it as a privilege that I am physically able to put the contact in his eye.
Thank you for your wonderful example and may God bless you and especially your children every step of the way. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Sending prayers and love for all of you!
Thai post spoke to my heart. Sending love to Holli. She sounds like a warrior. ❤️
My heart goes out to Holli and her beautiful family. I am sending prayers for peace. I can see the wonderful friendship you two have in what was written here. I will try to be like Holli and not complain about things!