Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
——–
I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
I am baking for my uncle & aunt family that just lost their son- my cousin that was 49 to Colin cancer yesterday. But right now I am forwarding this to my best 2 friends from forever before high school (we are 56) and telling them how fantastic they are and how much I cherish them. Sending blessings to you both
I tried leaving a comment earlier in the pickup line at school, but I’m not sure it posted. Holli, you are amazing. Yesterday I took my teenage son out for lunch and didn’t nitpick, give unsolicited advice, but just enjoyed our time together. Love heals and it matters more than all the corrections in the world. Thank you for your example of faith and perseverance. Thank you Mel, for sharing and for the opportunity to lift each other through faith, prayers, words, and deeds. Look at all the good!! ♥️ It warms my heart to see so many expressing their faith. Thank you all for being the good in the world. Let’s continue to be strong together.
Dear Mel, thank you for introducing us to Holli. I am so glad you two beautiful souls have each other. 2019 was a bad health year for me. I had never experienced pain, agony, surgery or not being able to walk ever in my life until that year. I called it my “Health Hiccup” year. Because of it, I can empathize now with folks like Holli much better and I am sure God gave me that experience for this reason.
Holli, bravery and courage are two of your greatest assets. Your strength is amazing and nothing can take away your hope! Keep fighting! In fact, fight like a girl cuz women are tough cookies. Speaking of cookies, I am confident Mel has been bringing your family some amazing treats. I wish I lived near you both so I could help up close instead of at a distance. The tough thing I am going to accomplish is to pick up learning French again.
I know with Mel by your side Holli, your rocky journey will have some joy, laughter and something tasty to eat. I will be praying for you and your family. Sending lots of love, Amy
Love this so much, Mel! Kelli, you’re inspiring!! God bless you and your family. You are in our thoughts and prayers. I shoveled my driveway. It sounds a bit silly, but we got nearly 18″ of snow and it took 2.5 hours to get it cleared!
Love this so much, Mel! Kelli, you’re inspiring!! God bless you and your family. You are in our thoughts and prayers. I shoveled my driveway. It sounds a bit silly, but we got nearly 18″ of snow and it took 2.5 hours to get it cleared!
Oh Mel, this just really really touched my heart. I will be giving up white flour and sugar through March 11th in honor of Holli. We can do hard things!! ❤️
Thank you Mel for your continual outpouring of goodness. Holli has left my life with eternal marks. I woke up and read this post and was motivated do go out of my comfort zone to make a visit I kept feeling “nudged” to make. Because of Holli, I had the courage to do this little visit and left it feeling God’s unconditional love for all His children in a way I had never before felt. Thank you sweet Holli and Mel.
Hi Holli! You are inspiring. I am grateful for your example of resilience. My “hard thing” is to be more present with my children and husband. I often get distracted with my phone, my to-do list, work, school… I will pay more attention and give more snuggles. Much love to you, Holli!
Holli. My mother always told me that God always gives you what He knows you can handle. You are so Blessed by God. I pray for you and for your family.
Sending love and prayers to your sweet, strong friend, Holli. I strive to be grateful for every little thing, every single day.
As an adoptee, I want to thank Holli for being a mother to children who would have never known that love. I lost my adoptive father to cancer when I was age 10, but his love for me and our bond is remembered as always perfect and pure. I never knew him or his flaws from an adult perspective, so my dad will always be my hero and protector from my childhood point of view. Please let Holli know that she has changed those lives for the better, and will leave a lasting memory of love.
Mel, thank you for sharing Holli’s story with us. Standing by a friend during the hard times is a testament to your faith and friendship. What a blessing to Holli and us, too, as we learn how to walk next to our friends during trials.
Holli, today I commit to praying. REALLY praying and sticking with it. I’m in what we’re calling a “dark night of the soul”–lots of questioning and grief and doubt. It’s hard for me to show up and pray without falling apart…so I just don’t. Your story is an inspiration to perseverance in faith and BECAUSE of faith. I commit to praying and listening to what God has to say, waiting for what He wants to show me, and maybe not ending it with “Welp okay bye.” 😉
Thank you both for your visible faith! I hope these comments provide joy, hope, peace, and laughter. If you need some comic relief hit me up–I’ve got multiple videos of my toddler trying to say “truck” and, well, that’s not what it sounds like he’s saying. 😉
Praying for you both. <3
Get my 72 hr kits actually redone instead of sitting in the basement dumped in a pile. Thank you for your example of strength and love. All our love and prayers Holli!
Get my 72 hr kits actually refine instead of sitting in the basement dumped in a pile. All our live and prayers Holli!
This post and all these comments made me weep. This year has been so hard on so many. Including me. I struggle to not crack like glass under all the strain. You, have taken the enormous pressure put on you and turned yourself into a diamond. This is beautiful. You are beautiful. My gift to you, myself and God is that I will go through the hoops and get food handler’s permit this week so that I can cook food for the homeless in my town. Thank you.
I have three children with a number of health issues. We’ve moved around quite a bit and I spend so much time and get so overwhelmed finding new health specialists for my children and getting everything I order that I typically neglect finding them for myself. We’ve lived in our current home for over four years now and I still don’t have a personal doctor. I haven’t had a physical or been to an obgyn in ten years (when my youngest was born!) This week I’m committing to prioritizing my own health along with my family’s. I’m going to find a general practitioner, obgyn and other specialists and schedule appointments. Thank you Holli for giving me the motivation to do something that has been overwhelming and overlooked for years!
Many many prayers are coming to you. God bless you.
What a beautiful and heartbreaking post, Mel. This is one of the very many reasons you are the best of the best. I am going to stop complaining about my aching back and continue to do my PT, even if I feel progress is minimal/slow. My thoughts and prayers are with Holli and her sweet family. You and Mel are an inspiration to us all!
I have been thinking about this post since I read it yesterday morning. When my husband asked me what I was reading, I burst into tears because I was so moved by your story. My three-year-old could not figure out why I was crying! I will work every day this week to clean up around my house. I have been a terrible housekeeper for the twenty years of my marriage, and I know that a clutter-free home would make my husband so happy.
Sending prayers your way. God bless.
I decided to go to the gym again. I’ve had back pain for years and last week at church I ask a spine surgeon friend what is the starting point to fix my upper back pain. I basically said I would like a pill, a new mattress, maybe some medical marijuana or a massage to fix it, but I really hate exercising. He said I should meet with their PT and she would show me some moves and stretches to help. Well darn it ♀️ I knew what he said was right. I needed to exercise and start eating better to fix it. So rather then spending a bunch of money to have someone tell me I needed to exercise I thought I’d start going to the gym on my own. I do the row machine and eliptical (exercise my ortho brother-in-law told me to do) I still had pain last night, but I’m working through it and not giving up. I hope your friend will see the peace in her trial. I have had hard thing as well happen to me. I’ve lost a child that was still born and nearly lost my husband twice once to a gunshot wound in his leg 12 years ago and again to a horrible dirt bike accident just 2 years ago. He spent 27 days in the hospital and had the same tear in his heart that killed princess Diana. While he was being healed physically I was being healed spiritually. Here is a quote I found while going through Instagram while I sat with my Husband at the Hospital that helped me so much I had it made into a sign.
NEVER REGRET A DAY IN YUR LIFE:
Good days give happiness
Bad days give experience
Worst days give lessons
And BEST days give memories
I’ll pray for your friend and her family. Mel I’m a big fan of all that you do. Thank you for asking us to share.
I have a friend whose family motto is, in this house we do hard things. Wish I had thought of that.
Blessings and strength to you both.
Tried to be extra patient with my husband and kids. Saying extra prayers for Holli and her family. This morning the song “Go Light Your World” was stuck in my head, and I couldn’t help but be reminded of your friend. She seems like the type of person who brings light. And, by her example, is encouraging all of us to bring light, too, even though we’ve never met her! God bless.
I work in a school, and the staff was asked to share something about their faith during the morning announcements. This is WAY out of my comfort zone as I am an under the radar type of person. For some reason, when I was asked if I could fill in for someone who dropped out, I agreed. This is a tough but good challenge for me. Prayers of comfort and peace to Holli. Thank you for the inspiration!
Thank you for sharing about this amazing woman. It helped inspire me to do something to help someone with challenging circumstances around me. I’m giving a man from church rides to and from his doctor’s appointments this week. I’m doing it for him and to honor Holli. May God bless Mel and Holli!
Good Morning Holli,
This morning as I was reading and praying I came across a song title “Raise A Hallelujah” by Bethel Music. Mel please play it for her.
Glorious Father we lift Holli up today in prayer. With one touch of your hand her health will be restored. We ask that you heal her body and comfort her soul. She is a warrior and a Jesus girl. We trust in your faithfulness and know that you surround her with your love. Give her strength for this journey and remind her that you hold her children in the palm of your hand. We love you Lord and give all the glory to you, In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
In Holli’s honor today I will enter into prayer on her behalf raising her up to the father than knows her best. Much love……..Tina
Hi Holli and Mel,
I wanted to share how your story has touched me and acts as an ever-constant reminder that gratitude and perspective are needed in living life every day. I know your husband and kids think you’re the rockstar amazing mom and woman that you are. Sending you love, hugs, and prayer. It sounds like you have an awesome support group around you <3
She sounds so, absolutely incredible. I have tears reading this. Saying a prayer for her and one for you for sharing this and encouraging us to show gratitude and to do hard things. I’m going to spend some one on one time with my little girls and put my phone away.
Dear Holli, I feel like I know you, you are an inspiration to us all. I want you to know how
proud of you I am. I will keep you in my prayers for as long as you need them, Thank God for your faith in Jesus. God Bless you and your beautiful family, take care and know how much you are loved and needed..
Many prayers being sent to you and yours! You are officially a member of the, “The No Sissy Girl Gang!”
Praise the Lord that God made women to be full of strength, grit, and the ability to serve and love selflessly.
Thank you for sharing Mel and introducing us to your amazing friend. It touched me deeply and made me see how I can be stronger and show more gratitude for my own life. Something I have needed to do for a long time is reach out to my brother. He is going through a difficult time and needs support but is in that “prickly”category which makes attempts to help tricky and sometimes feel unappreciated. But he is my brother and I love him.
Please tell Holli thank you for the little push I needed. I know it will help me feel better about my relationship with my brother. ❤️
Holli: Thank you for your being a faithful servant of our Most High God, with whom you have found favor. You are following the purpose you were called for, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps…
Not my words, but I’m sure you know that God gave Peter these words so we can find comfort in knowing that He knows how deeply we will suffer in this life to Glorify God. You have made a difference in so many lives and many people will be touched by your suffering. I’m sending you this verbal hug and prayer for you to have peace and blessings for your running of the race! Love and blessings.
In honor of Holli, today I’m not going to complain about being tired or exhausted or whatever little comments Have become so routine that I don’t even think of them as complaints anymore. I’m going to focus on speaking joy and positive thoughts today! Thank you for the reminder of what really matters in life and a perspective shift today to mediate on the good reports as the Bible says. Bless you Holli!
I went to High School with Holli and her sister Dawna. I am sad to hear about her situation. Although Holli and I weren’t in the same friend group, so was always kind to everyone, and made you feel like you were a friend.
Hollie I admire your strength and I will call my brother today (haven’t spoken to him in years). It will not be easy, but your beautiful courage has inspired me. Bless you and your family and friends. I will keep you in my prayers.
Holli, I will keep you and your family in my prayers! I will be grateful for every ache and pain in my body because it reminds me that I can still feel and move and it reminds me that I need to get up and move MORE! And I will not let the things I can’t do, keep me from doing the things that I CAN do and try to see the world through a half-full-glass lens. And because this is a baking blog I want to share that I have put a little snoopy mailbox in the front hall of our house and when I have baked something for my husband, I put some cookies in the mailbox, and put up the flag on the cookie mailbox so that when he comes home from work late at night, he can see that he’s got a little package sent with love. Yesterday’s surprise was https://www.melskitchencafe.com/soft-banana-bread-cookies/ and I received a text from him at work telling me he loved the flavour and texture. I also brought some over to a neighbour to share the love. Thank you to both of you, Mel and Holli, for inspiring me to do better and be better.
Mel and Holli thank you for the perspective shift and loving kick in the pants. Sending prayers of strength and comfort. My be strong for Holli goal is to get out of a prickly rut I am in with my teenagers. I will try to actively listen today, help solve problems, show love ❤️- not just see the things undone.
Praying for you and your beautiful family…such a hard story to have read but you must be an inspiration to many…keep up your fight!
Hi Mel:
HUGGGSsss First! (I miss Hugging so much now!) and Sending you and your beautiful friend..LOVE & Light~. I wanted to comment to show you support. You have the strength and the LOVE in your heart to show you the way….to guide you and comfort you during these very difficult times. I’ve been there and know how each moment is so very important. Nothing else matters…just be with each other as much as humanly possible. Since the pandemic hit, I found that my meals on wheels (I love to cook) has been helpful to others that are sick. I am dropping off a meal to a dear mentor/friend who just found out her and her husband have COVID. Thank you for sharing your heart…we love & support each other…we are warriors together <3 Love, Leelee
Holli, I am so inspired by your courage and your faith. I read this post yesterday and today when my alarm went off for my morning alone time (I have 2 small kids and try to get up before them), I didn’t hit snooze. I appreciated the fact that I can get right up with my only issue being that I’m a little sleepy. I’m bringing more grace and love into my day. Thank you for that. I’ll also be praying for you and your family – for strength and healing.
Hi Mel, hi Holly, I came to read this post as soon as I saw Mel´s story in IG. I am writing this a couple of hours later though because I wanted to find something real hard for me to change. While making the beds, doing laundry and baking Mel´s delicious white sandwich bread I had time to think (these daily chores are great to let your mind do its thinking quietly).
Since we are confined at home, with home schooling, home office and a kitchen that is open 24/7 I came to the conclusion that My BeStrongForHolli goal is to be less dramatic. I would love for my kids to collaborate more at home, to be more patient with each other, to sometimes go the extra mile with their school homework and invest a little more of time and dedication while doing it, but they are not going to learn that from a mother that is talking to them in a dramatic way. It is frustrating having to ask 1000 times a day (every day) to please pick up the toys and help me with basic chores, but I will do so in a good manner, even the 1001 time. It is going to be hard, but it is nice knowing we are doing this challange together.
Even if I don´t get them to collaborate more or to be nicer to each other, it will anyway be a winner situation since we will all have less drama ;). By the way, I am sure my kids ignore me when I am a “drama mode” and I am the only that ends up upset.
Thanks Mel and Holly for encouraging to be better every day. Lots of love from the other side of the world :).
Dear Holli,
This is the first time I’ve ever commented on a blog. I’m sitting here at 2am so sad. We lost my 16 yr old nephew 2 days ago in a terrible car accident. My niece is still in the hospital recovering. Your strength inspires me. Thank you so much. I don’t know you, but I love you. I love your family and will pray for them and for you. I’m going to go to bed now and wake up and take care of my hurting family. Tomorrow I will be strong for them. Thank you.
I am going to go one whole week without criticizing my children. If they need correcting, I will do it in a positive way and in private when possible. I’m going to smile more. I’ve been following Holli’s journey and I have been inspired by her example to try to be more like Jesus. ❤️
Holli, thank you for your example of doing the hard with love. I am going to forgive my ex-husband. Then I’m going to take the energy I’ve wasted being mad at him and turn it into more love for my children and more compassion for myself.
Holli, you are a rare person and I look up to you so much. I’ve had a lot of physical and mental ailments in my life, and I try not to complain, but sometimes I do. I admire you because you look outward and give in spite of how you feel, instead of giving into despair. Sometimes I get so discouraged that I can’t do as much as I wanted to with my life that I feel like a failure. I feel like I have failed God and my family and the world, somehow. So I loved these words, “And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy. I don’t care if they remember me. Only Jesus.” It struck me that there is so much humility in that, and that sentiment comes from a very forged character (like you) who is far greater than somebody who has “accomplished” the things they want. I love your positive outlook, and you have inspired me to do everything I can to forgive my shortcomings and be positive and happy with what I have in this life. To be happy for life itself. For me to see that you know your worth, and to recognize your humility, and your strength and courage, makes me realize that a positive mindset alone can make a huge dent in this world. I’m going to strive to change every negative thought I have to a positive one until I forget about myself. Thank you for inspiring me.
I will give up worrying about past choices and live grateful for where I am RIGHT NOW.
your friendship is inspiring and holli your spirit is beautiful. I promise I will work out every day for 100 days (starting tomorrow). I will think of you and your beautiful family. sending you love and strength from one mom to another from ann arbor, michigan <3
Last night 1-31-2021 my son -in-law passed away. He had been battling brain cancer for 3 years. He was the ultimate cheerleader for the Kansas City Chiefs. He was so excited last year when the chiefs won the Super Bowl. This Sunday we will be in Montana watching the supper bowl and cheering on his team and celebration his life. he was 45 years old and they have 2 kids that will miss him along with his wife, my daughter
Holli, I live in Cardston Alberta and have a few friends that know you quite well and love you!!! They give me such a warm feeling when they talk about you and your strength. It makes me wanna try harder to be a better person all around and reading this post today… i felt the spirit and knew i needed to make some changes I’ve been procrastinating forever (more because I’ve mean nervous and doubtful that i can make it better ) but after reading this post tonight i have signed up for parenting coaching and I’m gonna work on my relationship with myself and my Sweet Daughter who i often butt heads with. Thank you
You and your family are in my prayers
Hi Holli! I’m so sorry to hear how difficult your challenges have been. Your faith and will to always see the good is so inspiring! And reading Mel’s words, it’s evident your positive impact stretches long and wide. Sending lots of love and prayers from SLC!❤️ I’m going to write thank you cards to people who have been a light to me through this past year of trials I’ve faced in your honor.
Holli,
I struggle every day to want to stay alive. I feel incredibly guilty that my body works just fine, when amazing people like you have to go through what you are going through. I run marathons and do Ironmans, all the things. Chasing the next thing that might make life worth living. I’ve got a husband and 3 wonderful kids. But every night, I don’t know how I’ll get up the next day and do it all again. Since you are doing hard things though, I will try my best to be grateful tonight that I get to wake up tomorrow. That I get to be here for my kids. God bless you and your sweet family.