Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
——–
I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
You are such a strong example Holli! Today in honor of you I am going to not get that Diet Coke from Sonic that I have been craving like crazy because I haven’t been sleeping well! My prayers are with you are your family! May the Lord continue to give you the strength you need! He loves you!!
My BeStrongForHolli goal: Get back into my pilates/yoga/toning practice 3 times a week minimum. I’m healthy and my body is strong. Hearing Holli’s story reminded me to never take these things for granted. I’m sending so much love and prayers to Holli and her family. I honestly believe that even though we are strangers, prayers are sent and received.
Mel, you summed up the essence of Holli perfectly. She reminds me to just TRUST JESUS, no matter what, no matter how hopeless things might seem or how dark the day might be. She turns everything into something to laugh about, and that is my favorite way to live – laughing through the pain and smiling through the tears. Holli, I love you forever and ever! Spending all that time together as the “giggly Young Women leaders” was my favorite! It makes my heart smile to have all those good memories and moments together. I got to know so much of your faith and resilience, and they are nothing short of impressive – in the most humble way. Today I am going to nourish my body with healthy foods and eat 3 servings of veggies because I often don’t take the time to give my body what it needs. Eating healthy consistently is so hard for me! And yesterday I fasted – like a legitimate fast that I haven’t done in years – and kept reminding myself that if Holli can endure these hard things then I can miss a couple meals. And I did it! I’m over here being awesome because of you! Love you so much! And love you too, Mel!
-Rachel Edgel
What a beautiful friend your Holli is!! In honor of her strength, I will open the online Pilates class which I haven’t done in a while. Then I will do the class! (I almost stopped at the opening part.) I will think of this wonderful woman and move and care for my body with gratitude, remembering that this ability can be thwarted at any time. I will also say a prayer for Holli, with love and faith!❤️
My goodness, the water works are going today. Holli and family are in my prayers. I know God hears us and is blessing you.
You are both beautiful women, inside and out. Thank you for the reminder to not “compare hard”. Comparison is a struggle for me. Today I let that go, and will focus on loving myself, my body, my children and DOING things. I have a short list of to dos that Ive put off for several weeks. Today they will be done… including tossing out those old jeans that haven’t fit in 10 years. I’m worth a new pair of jeans!!
Holli, I will pray for you by name and keep you in my prayers. I will pray for your kids too. I will pray that you all can be filled with peace. In honor of you, I am going to write each of my kids a short note telling them of their strengths and my love for them. And I am going to focus on spending more one on one time and a whole lot less time on my phone.
People like Holli are very special. While you said not to compare our trials and challenges, I’d say hers are way up there. I lost a friend to this kind of cancer some years back.
All I believe (know?) is that the Lord gives each of us trials tapered for our needs and experience. Holli will go on in the eternities to be a great Goddess. She will have profound empathy for those who suffer. She will know how to succor her sons and daughters and lift them from the depths of their suffering.
I stand in awe of Holli and wish her peace and comfort . Now, if I could just drag my own resisting body up and actually accomplish something good today, I will have done well.
Thank you for posting this! I went to high school with Holli and she was just as amazing then as she is now. A great example to everyone and so very kind. How lucky for you to know her!!! Today, while thinking of Holli, I’m going to finish tackling the toy room that I’ve been slowly trying to make look like well behaved little people play in. (And I do this while they are at school so I can get rid of half of the ”stuff” that they don’t need). Thank you for being there for Holli. Please give her a soft squeeze from me and let her know I love her and pray for her. (And also, thank you for the wonderful game recommendations that have gotten my family through Covid and helped us make many wonderful (for the most part ) memories together.)
Healing thoughts and prayers for Holli and her family. I often wish I could make everything all better, but my husband reminds me that’s not the way this life is meant to be. This week especially I will work on treating every patient in our ICU as a person with feelings, needs, and a life outside the hospital. (Sometimes I get so consumed with treating the disease that I don’t pay enough attention to the person.)
Thank you Mel for the reminder and best of everything to Holli.
People like Holli are very special. While you said not to compare our trials and challenges, I’d say hers are way up there. I lost a friend to this kind of cancer some years back.
All I believe (know?) is that the Lord gives each of us trials tapered for our needs and experience. Holli will go on in the eternities to be a great Goddess. She will have profound empathy for those who suffer. She will know how to succor her sons and daughters and lift them from the depths of their suffering.
I stand in awe of Holli and wish her peace and comfort .
13 years ago I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It was a huge sucker punch that I did not see coming. When the neurologist was telling me I had MS, my first thought, my VERY first thought, was that I was so thankful that it was me and not my husband or my two little boys. That little bit of gratitude has made all the difference. It has made the difference between being dragged through a life of MS and walking through it with my head held high. To this day, 13 years later, I’m still thankful that it is me and not my husband or my two boys and my miracle daughter.
I will have MS until the day I die, but I am bound and determined to smile, and laugh and love my way through it all.
Prayers for you and your family from my home here in Kansas ❤️
Holli-
I am so grateful you let Mel share your story with me today. I am inspired by your pure goodness, strength, and testimony of Jesus Christ. I am sure that everyone who knows you are grateful for your light and example in their life. We all go through difficult things, and as you go through your difficult trial, you are drawing us closer to God because of your example of faith in Jesus, love, and enduring to the end. I will include you in my prayers and I know that angels can and will surround you. My BeStrongForHolli goal is to look for the good in my children, instead of noticing all of the bickering they do with each other. I tend to get so frustrated when they argue, that I make the problem 10 times worse. I will give them more one on one time. I will also stop eating sugar, which makes me crazy! (except on Holidays and birthdays:)) One of my mom’s, and now my favorite scriptures is Roman’s 8:28. And we know that ALL things work together for good to them that love God. I loved reading other comments on this post, there are so many lovely and loving people in this world!
Wow. Scrolling along and up pops a love letter about a friend. Thanks for sharing this wonderful picture of friendship and strength. May Jesus wrap his arms around you and give you both peace. Heaven awaits and I hear it’s worth everything.
My favorite quote is: “In the depths of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer!” Today, for Holli, I will start being myself for others to see. I will show up everyday knowing that no matter what, the good or the rotten, I can spread warmth and light to those around me.
What a wonderful, inspiring read. How fortunate you all to have such a great friendship!
Prayers for Holli, her family and her care team. Prayers for peace and strength for all. I’m going to send an email that I’ve been putting off. Holli, thank you for inspiring me to do a hard thing. 🙂
I will spend extra time in prayer today, praying for Holli and her family and friends. Prayer time when I don’t complain to the Lord about my problems (I do a lot of that) but simply ask for his blessings on Holli. I will pray for her health and that of her family and for strength and courage. I’ll keep praying for her-daily. God hears every prayer and his love is incomprehensible.
God is good.
Mel, thank you for sharing your heart and giving us an opportunity to support you and Holli. I will pray for Holli & her family. My #BeStrongforHolli goal today is to make that phone call I’ve been putting off and to hug my people today. When we see each other all the time, I forget how important physical touch is. Blessings.
Dear Holli,
I am moved incredibly by your story, and I am in a bible study in which we are studying John this year…Jn 14:27 says “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” I will pray for you and your family! Mel is a blessing to you and yours for telling your story to all of us…I should never complain again. Marlene
Sweet Holli,
I don’t think you know me, but Dawna was my seminary teacher as a newly returned missionary. She and I were so close in age (I was 18) that she quickly became a friend. Over the years, we have stayed in touch. When my husband passed away unexpectedly a few years ago, she reached out so many times. She checked in often, shared inspiring messages, and was just there for me. It meant a lot to me, especially as time passed and others moved on, she still remembered me. When she told me of your diagnosis over a year ago, I was SO heartbroken for you and for your family. I have prayed MANY times for you. I can’t even imagine going through such a difficult trial. I won’t pretend to know how you must all feel. But I do know grief intimately. I know what it feels like to have my world ripped out from under me. I know what it feels like to worry constantly about my children and how they could ever possibly be OK. I know what it is like to feel abandoned or forgotten by God. It has taken a lot of work to get my family where we are now. Hindsight is always so much clearer of course. But now I can see, when I look back at the most heart wrenching parts of our trial, God was EVERYWHERE. He didn’t forget me. He didn’t leave us comfortless. He put the people we needed in our path exactly when we needed them most. Hundreds of earthly angels helped my burden to be lightened. He has helped me to be what my children have needed as they have worked through their own loss. He has shown me again and again that he is very much aware and involved in our lives. And I have felt my husband helping us on the other side as well. I hope that you can feel the hundreds (probably thousands) of prayers that are being said on your behalf. I am positive that angels on both sides of the veil are watching over you and your sweet babies. Please have Dawna contact me if there is anything that I can do for you.
Love,
Monica Bell-Little
Love this! I’m going to finally call my neighbor that I haven’t talked to in years who randomly called me before Christmas! She’s elderly and I keep thinking how I need to stop being anxious and do it before I find it too late. Thank you for the motivation. Sending prayers to you and your friend.
Holli- you are so strong. I am so inspired by your strength and love. I am helping a good friend pack up and move away today. I’m so sad to see her go, but I want to wish her and her family the best in their new adventures!
Dear Mel,
I’m sure I am not alone in wishing that there were such a thing as a Healing Energy Bank that we could all withdraw a little bit of super healing energy to direct Holli’s way and heal her!!! Such a lovely smile despite all she has suffered. I am touched
also by the enduring friendship you and Molli have. Sending best wishes and healing thoughts, maybe another remission, and, no more pain.
Very best regards.
Will you girls come and be my friend’s? Because you have not only written a beautiful story, it has touched me and inspired me to be more grateful for my life. My prayers will go with you Holli and your family! I know that God gives peace which passes understanding….I pray that for you today. Bless you all!
Dear Holli,
I don’t know you, but I know our Father in Heaven and our brother, Jesus Christ both know you. They both love you immeasurably. I am sorry for the pain and struggles you’re undergoing. I will pray for peace and comfort for you and your family, and I will work harder at being a better human being and lifting others the way you do.
Hi Holli- you and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am going to work on not judging, especially those closest to me, but every one I meet. It’s been a goal of mine for years. And just when I think I’m doing ok I’m challenged again. I just want to love everyone no matter what their journey looks like. Sending you all the love and prayers on your brave journey.
Holli is the kind of woman I wish to be one day. What a beautiful and inspiring story. Thank you for sharing. I will call my grandparents this week and read my scriptures each evening this week.
I hope this makes sense, because I can hardly see what I’m typing through the ugly tears. What a beautiful blessing friendship is. Especially when it gives and hopes and lifts. A friend you can share your soul with, learn with, laugh til you cry, or just cry with is one of life’s greatest gifts. I’m so glad you and Holli found each other.
I’m a clean mom. Messes give me major anxiety and so I spend my days making meals and cleaning while my kids play. Today, I’m gonna leave the mess (deep breaths) and play WITH them. An entire day being a play mom instead of the clean mom. Playing hide and seek, spotting the 800th back walkover, being whatever character I’m assigned in their world of make believe. Thank you Holli for being an inspiration and giving life perspective.
Holli (and Dawna) have been my best friends since I was 12. They helped make my junior high and high school years so fun and full of laughs. I’ve yet to bond with new friends as easily as them. I’ve been making recipes from this blog for years and years and many are saved in my recipe binder. What a small world that you have become one of her dear friends. Thanks for helping take care of her. I’m sad I can’t be there. I want to clean her house, push her in her wheelchair, braid her daughters hair, talk to her and laugh with her. My challenge will be to not complain and to think more of my blessings and be more like Holli. Crying right now thinking of what she means to me.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: To read the Bible more on a regular basis. I have slipped severely in this. Holli, my heart aches for you. May you feel the Lord holding you up, comforting you, wrapping His arms around you when you feel you can’t hold on. I will be praying for you and your family as you continue to go through this. What an amazing, beautiful family you have. I’m hoping someone has made you a play list of encouraging songs to listen to when you just can’t read. That’s what I rely on, even when I can’t find the words to pray. I wish someway I could share my playlist with you. (I love that Casting Crowns song too) When my friend was fighting pancreatic cancer, she loved the Psalms being read to her. Reading your story made me think of this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nLXXephYRI
I am blessed to know you both! ❤️ This message pulls my heart in different directions. I feel so much gratitude for the many beautiful things that have happened in Holli’s life and so much sadness that her time is short. My BeStrongForHolli goal for today is to mop my floor. A few years ago, I couldn’t fold laundry, vacuum or mop, but now I can! And today, I will think of Holli and mop my tears up as I go!
I’ve been struggling with infertility issues for years. Today I will trust in divine timing and that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. And I’ll be grateful for my breath.
Thank you for sharing, sending all the positive energy to you, Holli, and her family.
I’m so sorry fit Holli. Today I will give all the hugs, do the laundry with a grateful heart and bake something decadent for my family. Sending love and prayers.
Holli–you are not alone.
Im 73. I never knew that postmenopausal spotting is a sign of ovarian cancer. I was surprised by a diagnosis of ovarian cancer in august–without treatment, would have been dead within a year . Now I’m in chemo treatments with radiation to follow. I have 7 grandchildren from 2 years to 20 years old. I want to be alive to see them grow.
my pain and hair loss is my offering to my husband, my daughters, and my grandchildren.
each day of life is a gift from god. covid-19 has slowed us & allowed us to seek what really matters. cancer has taught us to spend our short lives loving, cheering, and praying to be the eternally courageous women we are.
Praying for each Holli and you – and everyone in her world.
My eyes are leaking as I read this – Mel, she is very lucky to have you in her life & as a side-kick. The Lord works in mysterious ways – and thanks for the reminder of that, even when life is hard.
Thank you so much for sharing this with your readers. Sounds like Holly is a very special friend and person. Please let her know I am praying for her and her family. We have a BIG God as she already knows. Thank you Holly for being an example for others based in what I just read about you.
My “Be stong for Holli Goal” is to walk to our mailbox and back today. I love Holli and have always been so impressed with her sweet, exciting personality, her determination and her love of the Lord. I can never forget her thoughtfulness in bring ME a soft, comforting, blanket when we were BOTH fighting cancer. She is a marvelous, valiant young wife and mother. Love you Holli, Darin and kids!
My family lost my dad to lymphoma on Saturday. We have many difficult steps over the next several days Holli, and I will undertake them with a love and reverence in your honor Holli. Praying for your journey Holli, for peace and comfort for you and your family and for you to be blessed in all the ways you need to be blessed. Jennifer
Holli, inspired by you and Mel, I’m going to finally stop eating and drinking things that I know are bad for me. I have been trying to work up the courage for months, and today is the day I will truly begin. Thank you for the love you are both putting into the world. My prayers are with you.
Dear Holli, Your strength and courage have touched my heart. I will pray for you each day. The other thing I will do is spend more time with my 83 year old neighbor, who so enjoys my visits. I will also try to take her on outings that she would like. Please stay strong, and let’s hope for a miracle for you! Sue J.
Things like this just remind me that my life is only as difficult as I think it is, there’s always something or someone else experiencing much harder things. What an amazing story and a reminder that we are only given trials that we can handle. I will pray for and her beautiful family that they can find comfort and strength in all this. What a crazy year 2020 was! I will be hanging pictures on my walls today that I have procrastinated for weeks. And I will give much ❤️ to my family, thanks Mel for being an awesome friend to Holli.
Your request for help this morning left me breathless. What beautiful people you and Holli are. What a wonderful friendship. I understand because I have such a friendship, and I love her dearly.
As I write this I am praying that God will give Holli and her family the strength to face the challenges ahead. I pray for her recovery, but it is Gods will. I am sure He has a special place for her. What a courageous person. Thank you so much for introducing us to her. What a special person. God bless you all, Hugs, Jenny
Your post about Holly inspires me to take a moment to say “thank you” for all the things I take for granted every day: getting to work out, complain about something at work, or driving my daughter around.
Holly is fortunate to have you as a friend supporting her while she fights for her life. You are all in my prayers.
Holly, your legacy is safe with Mel!
God bless.
Holll I am 66 years old and can’t take pain meds I fell and tore my rotator cuff and my bicep muscle in my right arm in order for me to use it I had to have surgery everyone warned me how painful it would be but it had to be done because I’m right-handed I have never prayed so hard in my life for the Lord to help me through this and he did I have not had any more pain than dull toothache I know my experience isn’t any thing compared to yours but I do know the Lord will help you and you will complete your plan on Earth we have a loving God and sometimes the trial isn’t just for us but those around us keep smiling and keep praying and having the faith that the Lord will see you through this
Less social media/time wasting and more playing with my kids! And lots of prayers for Holli and her family! ♥️
Today – I’m going to call my doctor to face some issues I have been ignoring for a long time. Prayers for you Holli – for all that you and your family needs right now.
Thanks for sharing Mel and Holli
I am coloring with my two babies today in gratitude instead of stressing over my to-do list.
God Bless
Hello Holli and Mel,
My name is Lauree and you are now added to my Heroes List. I had a good friend who was so much like you that you could be her reincarnated! She always gave of herself to others, including me and my family, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
None of us knows how much time God has put on our calendar, but a lot of us know not to waste the days. AND YOU NEVER DO. I love a good woman who will fight for what is important to her no matter the cost.
I am now heading toward the 82 year old mark and still plugging along doing what I can and sometimes what I can’t……..I’m kinda stubborn that way. (ha)
Keep your head and your faith up……I’m praying for you and the rest of us women with no quit anywhere in our souls.
God bless and keep you in the palm of his hand. Lauree
I will spend less time focused on running the house (cleaning, organizing, etc.) and more time connecting with my kids. Thanks for sharing and challenging us, Mel. And thank you, Holli, for inspiring us in the midst of such great adversity. Best wishes to you both. Xoxo.
I’m going to get my guitar out of the storage room that I havent played in almost 15 years and play for my kids today.
Thank you Holli for being brave. I’m going to be brave today too.
With the pandemic and endless nights of eating at home, we had gotten into a significant blah zone with meals. I sat down today and wrote out a basic meal calendar for February, the first month to do so in almost a year. It’s not fancy, it includes takeout once a week, and I’m sure we will deviate from the plan at least once. But it’s something, and I was so grateful for the amount and variety of food we have access to. I’m actually looking forward to dinner again!
And Holli-you are a rockstar. Keep fighting, and keep resting in God’s incredible love.