Friday Thoughts
Hey friends! How are you?? Like really, HOW ARE YOU?
It’s been a wild summer – much busier than I normally like things. #homebody And it’s been terribly hot. #whiner
This Idahoan is trying not to complain too much, but I’d love it if the 105+ temps stayed down south a bit. It felt like a good time to pop in with a Friday Thoughts post. Nothing too earth-shattering to share, just a lot of random thoughts as usual.
Be sure to chime in down below in the comments!
{This picture pretty sums up my coping skills right now – hanging out in the pasture with the miniature donkeys whilst snarfing down Trader Joe’s mini ice cream cones and avoiding real life and my children #notsorry}
1) Catch Up: Many of you have been here for over a decade. Others are newer friends. But I can easily say I have never been so inundated with kind, heartfelt, thoughtful messages of support and love as I have in the last six months. I always knew I had the best blog readers on the planet, but you have solidified that this year. Thank you for your incredible compassion as I shared some feelings after losing my friend, Holli.
So many of you have reached out with your own stories about grief and loss. You’ve sent cards, flowers, resources and books – and you’ve prayed for me and for Holli’s family. We’ve felt those prayers. Things aren’t easy (especially for Holli’s sweet loved ones), but life has a way of moving forward, and I’m grateful for your patience, support, and understanding.
Other factors, personally, have also felt particularly challenging this year. I think I’m the lone wolf that would gladly take 2020 back over 2021. Ha. I feel like I’ve been stretched beyond my capacity to be stretched in the last 6-9 months. Like: ok, got it! Learning lessons! Taking notes! Making changes! Can we stop now?? K, thanks. I’M DONE.
But. In a weird way, it’s just been in the last couple of weeks that I’ve actually begun to feel grateful for these mental, emotional, and spiritual challenges. They have deepened my empathy and compassion in many areas. I feel like my soul has expanded and my viewpoint has opened up widely. And I realized recently, rather abruptly, that I’m not the same person I was a year ago.
If I could sum it up in a sentence: these intense feelings and challenges I’ve had to face head on have stripped away so many of the unnecessary thoughts and beliefs I used to have and have fine tuned who I really am, what I really believe, who I want to become, and how I want to help my kids through similar situations and trials.
Anyway. I know that’s deep, and I’ve probably lost a couple people with my ramblings already, but…that’s life right now. And I love you guys enough to want to be honest about what real life feels like. I feel weirdly renewed after these epiphanies and ready to tackle the rest of 2021! Kind of. 🙂
On to lighter things!
2) Summer, Summer, Summer: Hi, how’s summer? What’s your summer shaping up to be? A travel summer? A stay-at-home summer? A work summer? A project summer?
Our summer, as mentioned at the top of this post, has been a bit busier than summers of the past.
That’s a good thing, and also an anxiety-inducing thing for homebodies like me.
Brian and my oldest, Jackson, spent 2 1/2 weeks in Belize doing humanitarian work for HEFY. It was everything we hoped it would be and more for Jackson (fun, but also hard and comfort zone pushing). My other kids are now talking about wanting to go and figuring out how to earn money to do so.
We took a trip to Montana to see my parents/family.
Cam and I snuck off to San Diego with my mom for a few days where we experienced the zoo and the beach and also Bobboi gelato (wow!) and ate at La Playa Taco Shop twice because it was so yummy…
…while the boys and Brian headed up to fish in Alaska. A bucket list item that is now checked off for them (proof of which is the 200+ pounds of fish in the freezer). Fish tacos, here we come.
{They had a deep sea charter with Tall Tale Charters and a salmon excursion (via plane and boat) through Alaska West Air. Neither of these are sponsored, but Brian says to tell you he highly, highly recommends both. It was an amazing, once in a lifetime experience for all of them.}
Now we are home and the teenagers are furiously spending the rest of their summer working. A couple full-time and part-time jobs, some lawn mowing and cookie dough selling. Anything and everything to get money in the bank!
3) Speaking Of Money + Teenagers: I feel like I might be opening up a can of worms here, but I’m always curious how other parents manage the whole “we pay for this, you pay for that” thing with kids and teenagers. Our system has ebbed and flowed over the years, but we have settled on a system that works pretty well, even though I always say it’s subject to change at any moment.
Tell me how you make this work in your home and family!
Our super fast version is we do a measly monthly allowance (google tells me I’m super cheap) until they turn 15/16.
In the “I get an allowance” phase of life, they put half of their allowance in savings, 10% to church tithing, and use the rest for their long list of wants. They usually have some type of occasional job like mowing lawns or selling cookie dough or taking care of neighbors’ animals to boost their spending money. In these younger years, we also pay for all of their basic needs like hygiene stuff, school clothes throughout the year and as they grow, etc.
As a side note, we don’t pay our kids for chores or jobs around the house or property. That just comes with the privilege of being part of our family (ha, said with some sarcasm).
Around the age of 15/16 when they can get a full-time job in the summer, allowance is cut off.
In the “I don’t get an allowance any longer” phase of life, the goal is to have a full-time job in the summer. Currently one child is working with a home builder and the other is working at a local ice cream shop. They put half their work earnings in savings, pay 10% to church tithing, and use the rest as spending money + buying many of their own needs (like their favorite hair gel).
This is also when we help them set up a checking account and debit card. As parents, we pay for four main things: car insurance, gas, phone, and a school clothes stipend*.
*a chunk of money they have to budget and use wisely for the school year and resist spending it all on, say, airpods, or else they’ll be wearing shorty shorts and high waters all year – oh wait, that’s actually the style rn
As a side note, several of you recommended the Dave Ramsey course for teens {unsponsored} last year when we were doing school from home, and my two oldest kids went through it. I haven’t read any of Dave Ramsey’s books, and I’m not making a commentary or opinion about his financial philosophies either way, but the teen course was super helpful for my kids. They learned a lot of basic personal finance principles.
Was the course interesting and breathtakingly engaging? Ha. Not really. They thought parts of it were incredibly boring, BUT, they’re still quoting from it a year later. LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE, SO THAT YOU CAN LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE. 🙂
Anyway, we’re learning as we go. My biggest thing is to make sure we are having a lot of open, honest communication with our kids about the whys and hows of what we’re doing and what our expectations are. No surprises. Just a lot of talking it through. So far everyone seems happy with the arrangement(s). Like I said above, it’s subject to change as we figure out what’s working and what’s not.
Right now my kids have a lot of opportunities to work and a lot of time to just be kids (trust me, they’re bored and they bicker with the best of them!).
I’d love to know how you manage teenagers + money + work in your family/home! Do tell.
4) My Friends: I know some of you aren’t on Instagram, so I wanted to share about some dear friends of ours (I told this story on insta stories last night).
Jared and Lisa are the parents of seven kids and the grandparents of three cute kiddos.
Four years ago, at the age of 50, Jared received the devastating diagnosis of Early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. A diagnosis that shattered his life and his family’s hearts. At the time of his diagnosis, he and Lisa had two sons still in elementary school.
Jared could no longer work; his wife, Lisa, had been supporting the family on a part-time salary while also going to school online to finish her degree. Recently Jared’s health has begun to decline even more rapidly, and Lisa had to quit her job – their only income – so she could be Jared’s full-time caregiver. Lisa and Jared’s families have rallied around them endlessly with time and resources, but they are all living in an unspeakably heartbreaking reality.
Soon after Jared’s diagnosis, he told one of his sons that before he died, he wanted to go on one last family trip to make lasting memories with his wife and kids. His dream has been to take them back to Guatemala where he lived for several years; he fell in love with the country and the people and always wanted to share that with his family.
Because of financial constraints, their family hasn’t been able to take a family vacation all together in years. Last night, I asked if we could make the unimaginable happen for this sweet family?
Could we pull together and raise enough funds to help make Jared’s last wish come true?
You guys. I posted that on insta stories less than 12 hours ago, and your response has brought me to tears – more than once!!
So many of you commented to say you wished you could give more, but all you could manage right now is $1 or $5. But you gave it, willingly.
I am witnessing a miracle as I see how many small donations are adding up to be something absolutely remarkable. Powerful, really. Don’t ever say that what you have to give isn’t enough. Whether that’s in money or time or energy or whatever. You are enough. And actually, what you have to offer is making the world a better place – it’s changing the world.
You make me want to be a better person. I honestly feel like I’m surrounded by greatness as I witness what you are doing to help this family.
I’ll be doing an update later to share the total of what has been raised for Jared and Lisa!
{If you wish to donate, you can do so on Venmo @MelAndFriendsGive or PayPal mykitchencafe@gmail.com}
THANK YOU. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
5) Gardening: after begging these amazing Armenian cucumbers off my friends last year, I finally planted them in my garden, and I’ve never been so happy to have a vegetable garden (if you’ve been around a long time, you know that my thoughts about gardening don’t always trend toward the positive – I love the harvest, I hate the actual gardening part, I hope we can still be friends).
Technically Armenian cucumbers are in the muskmelon family not the cucumber family, but you would never know that. The best part is they don’t get bitter. They are so good!
6) Oreo Cake: I just thought I should tell you that I’ve made this show stopping cookies and cream cake from Cake by Courtney four times in the last three months, and it ranks as one of the most delicious cakes in the history of ever.
And I’m not really that much of a cake person. I’d much rather have brownies or some other decadent treat. But this cake has changed all that. It’s incredible. (Two of the times, I’ve used Courtney’s chocolate cake recipe, two of the times I’ve used my favorite recipe – both fantastically delicious.)
That Oreo mousse filling is next level delicious.
7) I Recommend: it wouldn’t be a Friday Thoughts post if I didn’t recommend a game, right? Seriously, we have a game problem. We love them so much.
A reader recommended this brand, new game Finding Sasquatch {aff. link} to us, I promptly bought it from Amazon, and we are loving it. We’ve played it daily since getting it last week. It’s a bit like Clue – just Sasquatch related with a few little twists and turns. So fun! It’s great with two players (but even more fun with a few more).
I also just finished listening to a couple audibooks that I really, really liked {aff. links for books}:
–As You Wish by Cary Elwes (the story of the making of The Princess Bride movie – so entertaining!)
–Lovely War by Julie Berry (an interesting narrative viewpoint – this is a historical romance set during WWI)
–The Songbook of Benny Lament by Amy Harmon (loved this story – audiobook was so well done)
–The Book of Lost Friends by Lisa Wingate (Brian listened to this after I did; we both thoroughly enjoyed it)
–Anxious People by Fredrik Backman (I found this to be so well written and highly entertaining – the circling story kept me guessing!)
Lastly, my friend gave me this prebiotic lotion (I actually have no idea what that means), and it’s the best stuff ever. The smell. The feel. The ingredients. It’s a little spendy so I’m hoarding it a bit, but it’s worth recommending because I think I need it in my life and on my hands forever.
8) Fill in the Blank: my favorite movie right now is __________.
I need some good recommendations, what can I say. We never know what to watch when we *finally* sit down for movie night (either as a family or just me, myself, and I).
————————————
Ok! That’s a wrap.
It’s a long one today. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being my people. Thanks for loving me and supporting me and strengthening me.
It’s weird, I know. I don’t know most of you in real life, but you honestly make my life better. I love your guts.
I have more to share but I’ll wait til next time. Don’t let me forget! (Kitchen table, living room remodel, nail polish, skin cancer update, another update on my unsponsored Hatch alarm clock, and getting your advice on a couple important things). K, byeeee!
A quick comment re: the stresses of the current year (including last year):
I am not a regular commenter, but I do check in every once in a while. I find it helpful to remember that perspective is a wonderful thing. Historically, people have been challenged by far greater trials than we have experienced this past year. I’m thinking of the Plague in the Middle Ages, of the horrors of totalitarian regimes in the 20th century, or even a coworker who’s child is going through leukemia treatments as Covid carries on. We are stronger than we realize. Unfortunately, we get stronger only by stressing the muscles to the point they hurt, then allowing them to regrow. The same is true of our social/psychological strength.
My grandparents went through the Great Depression and WW2. Their parents went through the 1918 Pandemic. Their grandparents (so, 5 generations ago?) went through the Civil War (well, those who were already in the country).
We suffer, rest and get stronger, and suffer more. It is the nature of the world. But we help each other find meaning and do meaningful things, It makes that suffering worthwhile.
Bless you and your family.
Lark Rise to Candleford (4 seasons)
A friend of a friend did this with her high schoolers (maybe middle schoolers too?) and I had wished that I had done this my kids:
She set up checking accounts for her kids specifically so they were responsible for filling out (but not signing) all of those permission slips for school trips, incidentals needed for their sports teams, etc. So the kids were responsible for paying and filling out the forms in a timely manner. Great practice for paying bills on time.
Just saw a new game called Escaping Egypt created by friends. Here is the link if you want to check it out https://www.kickstarter.com/…/escapingegypt/escaping-egypt.
Hi Mel! Like everyone else, I love hearing your perspectives, questions and advice on any and all topics. I’ll add my two cents (haha) about teaching/modeling finances and budgeting to kids. First, I have no strong opinions about methods — whatever works.
However, over the past several years I have become more aware of economic disparities and systemic inequities in every facet of our society. I grew up solidly middle-class with very frugal parents and would consider myself quite frugal as well. However, I’ve come to realize that even being frugal is a privilege — I have time, resources and means to search out deals, access to high quality goods, ways to save, etc. When I ask for a loan, I am not implicitly or explicitly denied because of my name or my appearance. My job allows me flexibility and I have health insurance and sick days if I have a health situation, I can draw from my own savings AND know I could count on family or friends. I could go on, but these privileges based on my race, education, and socio-economic background allow me to be in control of my finances.
By contrast, I work with some amazing students in a job training program who have rarely been financially secure. For instance, it is very common for them to have multiple utilities/cable/loans in their names from other family members (often from when they were kids!) and this REALLY affects their credit score, and thus their ability to rent an apt, get a decent car loan, etc. Although I live in a state with universal healthcare (MA), the reality is that the quality of care and ability to take oneself or a child to a dr. is not easy. Transportation, time off work, caring for other children — many people do not have a support network and what would be a small inconvenience for many can lead to a job loss or catastrophic debt for others. When my students do start to build a rainy day fund, it is often difficult to hold on to it, because they are surrounded by family and friends who are often facing crises, and they tend to share any resources generously.
My point is that part of teaching our kids about self-reliance and finances is to get away from the mentality that we’re “good” or “better” because we budget or live within our means or save, even when we work hard. Instead, I try to remind my kids (who do work hard!) that their access to proper footwear, a beater car (that I pay the insurance on), a phone so they can stay in touch with employers, a decent HS education that set them up for success, not being responsible to care for younger siblings/disabled family members so they CAN work, people who support and care for them, etc., — all those factors and more have enabled them to save plenty of money for college, emergencies. etc.
Hi Mel!
We do basically the same same as you in way of finances with our kids. We do usually negotiate with them how we work out sharing costs of particular expenses, trips, etc. We have them pay for gas but will on occasion fill it up for them.
Yogi Bear is a clean enjoyable family movie that is lighthearted and fun to watch. Mighty Macs (amazon prime) is a great movie as well. (I usually take recommends loosely) but look it up its a good one too!
Thanks for all the good you do!
Recommended movies: ENCHANTED APRIL and THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY and COLD COMFORT FARM (which you really need to see at least twice to appreciate all the wonderful craziness of it).
Favorite movie: THE PRINCESS BRIDE
Also love CAMELOT and SILVERADO and lots of superhero and science fiction and fantasy series movies (which the above recommended movies are not, by the way, so don’t worry)
Not a movie, but a series. I just finished Mary Berry’s Country House Secrets. Mary Berry cooking in beautiful British estates??!! So fun to watch.
It’s so good to hear from you. Regarding teens and finances is your stake doing the Self Reliance courses? My husband and I did the Personal Finance one a few years ago and felt like so much of the info would benefit older teens and young adults. I think our stake actually had all the priests and laurels take it together at some point. Just a thought.
;0
Have you seen About Time? Sweet, funny, heartwarming, life-affirming. Seriously so good. Vid angel comes in handy because it has a couple naughty words, but seriously such a great movie.
Thank you too for your delicious recipes! My family thanks you too!
I love Mully on Amazon. It is so amazing what one man(family) can do for good. So many wonderful lessons taught.
Thanks, Moriya!
While family loved (& was amazed & kept taking about!) this one!!
If you have not already seen the movie “A Week Away” on Netflix. Like High School Musical but Christian Summer Camp. My boys pretended not to like it but did.
I’d love a post on how your kids sell cookie dough: which recipes, storing, etc. I don’t live in Idaho so won’t encroach on your kids territory.
Haha. My boys have pretended not to like several movies and then they quote them nonstop or ask to watch them again later. I love it. And no worries on the cookie dough business! My son makes four recipes (chocolate chip, fudgy brownie, snickerdoodle and s’mores chocolate chip). He makes a bunch, rolls into balls, freezes, and then pops 12 cookie dough balls into freezer ziploc bags with labels. When people order he takes them out of the freezer and adds a tag on how to bake and sells them that way.
Love all of your recipes that I’ve tried!
Instead of an allowance, we “pay” our kids for good attitudes and willingness to do what mom/dad asks (chores around the house) without having to be asked more than once. We randomly give them $20. They never know when it’s coming so they are very eager to help out…keeps them on their toes. We usually end up giving our 16 year old about $80 a month on average. He also has a part time job lifeguarding so his paychecks get directly deposited into the bank and he uses his “attitude” money for spending money. Works well for us, especially since I went back to work full time this year and the kids have really had to help out around the house! Keeps the nagging away.
What a fun “surprise” allowance system!!
I love all your posts and thoughts and always say, “If its not on Mel’s, it’s not worth making.” So, as always, thank you!!
Just to make you giggle- at first I thought your picture was of your kids holding giant pictures of your cake and pig you know, like how people will add a missing family member to a family picture ♀️
Hahahaha, oh my gosh, that totally made me laugh out loud. Photoshop gone wrong!! Haha.
Always love your Friday thoughts!
Also, Finding Sasquatch game was sold out on amazon, but it’s back in stock (not prime but shipped by seller).
You’re the best Mel! Love that you share not just recipes but let readers get a chance to know you too!
I’m glad it’s back in stock!!
Oooh I love that Oreo cake too, seriously the best recipe I’ve ever found for a cookies & cream type of cake! So worth the effort. But LOL I can’t believe you made it four times! It’s a lot of steps/work!
Movies I added to my watchlist that a friend recommended yesterday: The Father (with Anthony Hopkins), Words on Bathroom Walls (about a teen diagnosed with schizophrenia).
Good job on your garden! I started a vegetable garden this year too for my first year. I’m used to Manteca soil (central CA, very nutrient-rich) where I grew up, and here in San Diego, it’s not the same. So I’ve been using store-bought gardening soil and have been learning how to determine what needs to be added…just added some lime to my bell peppers for calcium deficiency. Seriously learning SO much this year. Also growing tomatoes and zucchini, and various herbs. Hopefully will have a bigger garden next year!
I think I missed some of your recent posts regarding your friend, but I’m glad to hear you’re doing ok, and I’m very sorry for your loss. Hope you can continue your positive mental state going into the next month.
-from a LONGtime follower! (I used to be “The Beachside Baker” way back when I was doing the food blogging thing, and when Google Reader was still a thing. Feels like ages ago!)
Oh wow, you are a very, very worthy and faithful gardener. I am a slacker! But I love that you are getting the soil just right! That was ages ago but I will always remember you!! XOXO
I love all your recipes!
Melanie, have I mentioned lately that I admire you so much. I know it was difficult for you to lose Holli, but I’ve seen you turn right around to give your compassion to others.
Thank you for your kindness and service to our family not just from you but from your family. I can’t believe how you do it, managing your blog, your wonderful family and home, playing the organ every week at church, helping your neighbors, loving those donkeys, chickens and pigs, etc. and doing all the kind things for others you constantly do. And just a side note, thanks for the delicious banana bread. We love you my dear!
Love you, sweet Carol!!
I’ve been following you for a lot of years!! It was like meeting up with a friend each week and finding a new recipe and getting thoughts and ideas on different subjects. You are an amazing person, full of kindness and love. Glad you are able to move forward and are also able to recognize the growth that has come of your struggles. My favorite movie and book is The Book Thief.
Thanks so much, Annie! Ten years ago I listened to The Book Thief every day picking my kids up from school, and I agree: it’s one of my favorites!
Movies (but really TV series):
The Chosen by Angel Studios
All Creatures Great and Small by BBC on Masterpiece Theater
Both beautifully written and produced.
Thanks, Julie!
Good clean movies are the best! There are 2 based on true stories that are centered around college football. One is called Greater and the other is Safety. They are good for the whole family. Clean feel good entertainment.
Thank you!!
I wondered with Jared and Lisa’s story if the Dreamer Foundation could help. I think it will take several resources and donations to make his dream come true. I do not have Instagram but I tried to go to the link on Venmo and could not get anything to come up. My husband’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in her late 40’s. It is a terrible disease for any family to go through. I hope his dream comes true. My thoughts and prayers are with them. Thank you for being so open and real. Sometimes it takes someone else’s worries to put my problems in perspective. I just love your honesty and opening your life and heart to others.
Hi Candice – sorry you had issues with Venmo! I believe their family looked into the Dream Foundation but for some reason they weren’t eligible, but I’ll follow up and ask them! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers in their behalf. Appreciate you!
K…..not a movie, but my favorite show ever has come back to TV! It’s called Leverage. They just started a new version (with the same loveable characters) called Leverage: Redemption. It’s a kooky group of former bad guys turned good and pulling cons as modern day Robin Hoods. It’s SO good! You can find all the seasons of both on Amazon Prime TV.
I LOVE this show so much!
I didn’t know there was a reprise! Thanks for that info!
Sounds fun! Thanks for recommending it!
I like your way of dealing with kids and money with the exceptions of…. you pay for phone and car insurance. We don’t do cell phones…. a million reasons, but bullying and pornography being at the top of the list. When our kids are 18 AND ON THEIR OWN they can buy their own phone if they wish, and pay for their own service. Phones are not a necessity. The other thing is car insurance. We have our kids pay for their own drivers education – this helps them be invested. Driving is a privilege, not a right. Then we have them pay for whatever our insurance goes up when we add them as a driver; it’s usually been around $50/month. We have also had our kids buy their own cars. We started this with our oldest, and he did really great, taking care of his own car. The second daughter, we let her use our van, got a little Mazda she dented or wrecked both… so we went back to … buy your own car, and now all 6 of our older kids that are out of the house have done that. We still have 2 left… and they are currently saving up to “buy an old truck” We have them get jobs at 15 or 16 as well and it has turned out great – motivated kids find jobs. Many people say there aren’t jobs for 15 or 16 year olds…. yes there are. It takes creativity and work finding them, and sometimes they aren’t very glamorous jobs, but they are out there!!! I’ll have to look into the Dave Ramzey for teens. Love your blog. Feel like I know you. We used to live in Middleton – on Lansing and Top Road. We were in the 2nd ward I think… we just lived there a few years…. maybe 2006 – 2009. Then we moved to Greenleaf, and now we are in beautiful Grangeville. It’s amazing. Thanks for all your inspiring and delicious recipes and ideas1! Hugs, Carla
Thanks for adding your thoughts, Carla! And love that we have some of the same stomping grounds! Cell phones can be a divisive issue, and I think it’s important for every family to do what works for them. I’m glad you’ve found such a good system for you and your kids! It’s so important to figure out what works. Sounds like you are raising some amazing humans!
Just watched a great movie with my husband the other night, but I know my kids would have loved it to. It’s called The Secret and available on Amazon Prime.
Thanks, Kimberly!
Love your Friday Thoughts posts. I’ve slowly been working my way thru some of the book recommendations you have listed on your Instagram. Supper helpful! Thanks for collecting and sharing those!
My husband and I are into clean and cheesy movies. We love “Take a Chance” with Kirby Heyborne and Corbin Allred in it.
We also enjoy movies directed by Brian Brough. He makes good, clean chick flick types. One of our favorites is An Hour Behind. We are able to watch his movies on Amazon Prime. I hope you enjoy it if you watch them.
Thanks for the recommendations, Alyson!!
We do You Need a Budget (YNAB) with my son. He’s 11. We gave him cash allowance until last year when no one wanted to touch cash. Our credit union lets us set up ‘lunch accounts’, and we could do a card in his name. He can’t overspend on it, it won’t pull money from our account, but he’s learning how to use a debit card now. Bonus – I set up an automatic transfer so I don’t forget to pay him! Plus, he loves seeing his number of dollars go up, so he’s saving more than he did with cash.
Since he’s 11, with no opportunities for extra earnings right now, he doesn’t pay for any necessities – clothes, etc. I’m not sure how we’ll handle teenage years, but I enjoyed reading your system and the comments! We also don’t pay for chores because I want him to learn how to handle money now so he hopefully will make less mistakes later. Which is why we have him use a budget.
Movies: We all enjoyed Raya and the Last Dragon (Disney+). Predictable, but I loved the message. Also enjoyed Home (Netflix), Camp Crustaceous (Jurassic Park cartoon series Netflix) with my kid.
Great plan for your son, Courtney! I love that. And thanks for the show recommendations!
This is u think my first comment. I am sorry for your loss. Losing friends is hard. We lost our granddaughter in march.our daughter was 15 weeks into pregnancy. We were as a family devastated but in our pain we grew closer togethe4. Also your story of you4 friend with Alzheimer’s reached me. My husband was diagnosed 10 years ago but still doesnt think there is anything wrong even though he cannt remember much of anything but we are grateful that he is physically healthy.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your granddaughter, Linda. So very sorry! And I’m sure it has been a challenge and journey with your husband – I’m glad he seems to be doing ok physically so you can have more time with him.
I adore these Friday Thoughts posts, and I adore you, Mel! I’ve been around Mel’s Kitchen Cafe since my kids were young, and now my oldest is 27! I’m a lifelong Mel fan 🙂 I don’t have a lot to add to the conversation, but wanted to say how much I admire you for using your platform for good (like helping your friends). Also, I’m an avid reader (and audiobook listener), so I appreciate your book suggestions. I also give 2 thumbs up to “As You Wish,” “Lovely War,” and “The Book of Lost Friends.” People should definitely listen to the audio versions of these – so good!
Oh Sheree, I’ve loved you for years even though we’ve never met! So grateful you are still here, always love seeing your comments. And now I know we are kindred spirits because of our love for audiobooks. They’re the best!
Mel, you are just the best. Your posts give me pause, they make me cry, make me laugh and overall bring me joy and peace in a crazy whacked out world. So, thank you, thank you for making me want to be better and thank you for being you!!! I wished I could have hung out with you while you were in San Diego! That would have been fun.
Always a fan,
Janette
Janette – thank YOU! Seriously. Thank you for being here. And now I just need to plan another trip to San Diego – right?? 🙂
I just love you more and more with each post. I feel like I have grown this past year too and it is good and hard!
Those mini ice cream cones are amazing and so are the mini ice cream sandwiches.
I loved The Lovely War and have been wanting to read Anxious People and keep forgetting. I will add it to my list.
Again I have to thank you for advocating dermatologist visits. My Dad had melanoma last fall and it was caught and dealt with quickly. I go too for regular check ups and enjoy the peace of mind.
You are such a source for good in our troubled world!!
Thanks, Jennifer! This post got too long, but I wanted to include a suncare/skin cancer/sunscreen section. I’ll have to wait til next time! I have a new basal spot on my face that I’m getting looked at soon and a weird spot on my shoulder. It’s keeping me on my toes! So glad your dad’s melanoma was caught quickly!
My favorite non-Christmas family movies are Remember The Titans (maybe not young children), A Simple Wish, Back to the Future part 1, and great musicals like Sound of Music, My Fair Lady, Greatest Showman, and Newsies.
For teens and adults: 13 going on 30, National Treasure, Dances with Wolves, Dumplin’, and The Blind Side (there is a couple swear words and a tiny bit of inappropriate conversation.) Freedom Writers (uses the F word once and some disturbing scenes. It is a good one to preview then watch it with your teens and discuss it. Based on a true story)
For adults: Bed of Roses, Babycakes, The Notebook, The Lucky One I love Message in a Bottle, however, I hate how it ends.
thanks for all the recommendations, Jamie!
Sorry, way too many topics, and details in one post. I love to read, but this is overwhelming for even several settings for someone does not know you. Therefore, that made it impossible to read or have time to comprehend all you have written.
Your recipes look delicious. Din’t have any time left to check them out for now.
This post was a little wordy! Sorry it was a bit too intense. When I get started, it’s hard to stop. 🙂
But please don’t stop! I love Friday Thoughts!!
Our favorite movie right now is Hidden Figures. Our favorite family game is Wink. My kids like Spaceteam. We’re a family of 11 and absolutely love games!
I’m so sorry about your friend. My best friend of 30 years (we all met in our newlywed Sunday school class at church in 1988), went to Jesus in 2020. Breast cancer. I miss her every day, but so thankful for the hope we have in Christ Jesus that I’ll see her again, for all of eternity worshiping our Savior! She and I have read your blog for years. I remember you posting about your daughter being born. ❤️
Thank you for the recommendations, Cindy! And my goodness, I am so, so sorry about the loss of your best friend (30 years!!). Your reunion in heaven will be so sweet. So much love to you.
Hi Mel,
I’ve thought of you often since the passing of your dear friend Holli. and prayed that you and her family have been comforted by many prayers on your behalf.
My husband & I have a real problem since being introduced to Kdramas with Crash Landing On You! We absolutely LOVED it, and we have only watched Kdramas ever since (remember I told you we had a problem) You can find it on Netflix ! Get ready to love it. It’s 16 episodes and about an hour and half long. ( most Kdramas are 16 episodes)
Let me know what you think. It will only take the first episode to get addicted. Your heart may ache throughout but it’s so worth it !
Hey Linda! I’ve heard so many people recommend the Crash Landing Korean drama. I’m going to have to buckle down and watch it! I just have to plan for it since I can’t multi task (hello, subtitles!).
I got on here tonight to find your comment and thank you for recommending “Crash Landing on You”!!! It’s a show both my husband and I LOVED!! We binged it and lost too much sleep! Such a sweet, clean show with many loveable characters. Now that it’s over, I miss it! I look forward to finding another good Kdrama!
Consider The Map of Tiny Perfect Things and Hunt for the Wilderpeople for your viewing pleasure. And do listen to The Princess Bride as read by Rob Reiner if you can.
I don’t know hardly anyone that has seen Hunt for the Wilderpeople – it is literally one of my favorite movies ever. I love you for including it in your comment.
I love Hunt for the Wilderpeople! My husband and I are always quoting from it!
My favorite go-to movie is Julie & Julia. I have seen it a million times so I watch it when I am cleaning the house (I even put it on once for background noise while driving from AZ to OR). Also, we were super fortunate once to bring home a whole lot of Alaskan halibut and if you get tired of fish tacos (if that’s a thing) then I recommend Emeril’s recipe of halibut patties. It became our favorite way to eat the halibut honestly.
Oh, I am SUPER excited to try that recipe. Thank you!!
Movie Recommendation: The Biggest Little Farm. We rented it for a date night and it filled us with hopes and dreams of what could be on our little acreage.
Went to Amazon to purchase the game you recommended and it said it was out of stock…will keep looking for it. Thanks for all the game recommendations on your blog!
Oh, I loved that show, Katy! It gave me some big, wild dreams, too. (So sorry the game is out of stock!!)
followed for forever—but i love you just as much today as i did the day i started following you!! you are one of the good ones…bless you for blessing us all!!!!xoxoxoxo
That honestly means the world to me, Jeni. You have no idea. THANK YOU!
Some movies that have truly touched my mama heart and always make me want to be a better mom are:
The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio
Dolly Partons Coat of Many Colors and
Dolly Partons Christmas of Many Colors
Miracles From Heaven
Some clean fun family ones we have watched recently:
Yes Day
Finding Ohana
When the Game Stands Tall
Ramona and Beezus
The Pacifier
O M Goodness I loved YES DAY it was good, and RAMONA & BEEZUS definitely a go!
The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio was also such a good book, heartbreaking but so good, a testament to the power of one person’s influence!
Thanks, Holly!!
Hi Mel! This is Holli’s Niece, Trevor Pools daughter. I miss Holli so much and it was sad that our family did not go out west that much, but I do know that when I met her she was the strongest woman. With the section Money+Teenagers I know I am only 12 but hey I am the youngest of six. The way my parents to it, is if it’s something you want like a cool hair exceserie then we buy it. But if it is clothes, shoes, school supplies, or gas then you pay for it. But if your child is 17-18 then a lot of the time they have a job and you just pay for gas and the yearly clothes and shoes trip, if they want to get a shirt that they like here and there, they pay for. I don’t really know about the school supplies for that age. In summary just pay for the big things, not the little things. 🙂
I loved reading your comment, Julia! Thank you! Your parents sounds wise and I may take some tips from them!
Hi Mel —
I appreciated all of your post today (and all your recipes always) but in particular your thoughts about internal changes over the last year. A number of years ago, I read a book that said that women frequently come into their own around the age of 40. Less doing what other people want or expect, more doing what you want or think is right. I just tried to find that book again and couldn’t, but did find several articles online that discuss the 40-something shift. It’s a milestone and a stepping stone and a doorway (how many metaphors can I find?:) into an expanded life. Obviously, your experiences of the last year were major also. But anyway, I just wanted to acknowledge you here and acknowledge the strength and introspection and honesty involved.
I was a little late with this shift — it happened around the age of 45 — and that’s been so long ago that I don’t remember any specifics, but I distinctly remember feeling myself as a new self. Enjoy! Revel in it!
Mel you’re a role model in so many ways! I always love your posts and feel inspired. Thanks for being you and making the world brighter!
Thank you so much, Allie!
Hey Margaret, your comment about women coming into their own around 40 really resonates with me. I feel that 40-something shift! And I’m not mad about it, although it has caused a bit of discomfort. I love the depth of your comments. Thank you!
I personally love to show my kids the classics I loved! Princess Bride, Three Amigos, War Games, anything older. It’s a whole different style and it’s fun to comment on the differences in storytelling, fashion, technology, etc.
In our house we rotate every week whose turn it is to pick. So everyone gets a shot and the whole family gets to(has to) be excited for them and support it. Not always my favorite choices but let’s everyone feel like they got to make a “big choice” for the family
Sorry for the struggles you’ve encountered but so proud of you for the growth you’ve experienced and the ability to reflect back with some good feelings in the mix. That is easier said than done!
I agree on the older movies! I need to dig up a few other old favorites.
Books I’ve enjoyed recently: Kitchen Front by Jennifer Ryan, The Book of Lost Names by Kristin Harmel, Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann (about the history of Osage County indiana, Ok where the Pioneer Woman lives. I think there’s a movie in the works). I’m now reading fluffy cozy mystery series The Library Lovers Mysteries by Jenn McKinlay–a little mystery, a little romance. Kind of like Hallmark movies mysteries.
I love reading your thoughts on family and life in general.
Thank you for the recommendations, Janice!
thanks for sharing! i am excited to read “as you wish” and make an oreo cake!
here’s how we do family dollars: i read “3 steps to a strong family” by richard and linda eyre a long time ago and have basically used its principles. after age 8, my kids have been in charge of buying most everything on their own. i do buy them a new coat and shoes as they grow out of them, and i usually buy school and activity supplies for them. also, birthdays and Christmas and random holidays 😉 allow me to sneak in anything i think they might need. during the schoolyear they earn money buy doing and reporting their weekday responsibilities, and on saturdays they can participate in an extra job auction. in summertime, we work out a “summer deal” of things they want to accomplish/learn/serve that we negotiate a price on (usually what they would need to buy school clothes +). also, as teens they get a summer or year round job to supplement and buy their own gas and phone (i do give them a discounted phone rate, and i do pay their car insurance). i also offer halfsies on things i think important and want to support. i paid half when my teens saved to buy a basic car. i paid half of their apartment rent while in college.
You are seriously the only other parent I’ve heard of that has read the Eyre’s book and set their kids money system up that way, besides my parents! It worked so great for our family growing up and I totally plan on implementing it for my kids 🙂
Thanks for sharing your system, Robyn! It sounds well thought out and super structured!! I like the “halfsies” principle a lot!
Favorite movie? Kate and Leopold probably. 90s, hugh Jackman, family friendly.
My daughter made that cake. I’m not a cake person but holy heck.
Checking out that game.
We do the same with our teens. We’re moving on to where she pays half her gas. They all have some sort of job. My daughter works at the bakery in Kuna. You want to go. My son does lawn mowing, yard stuff. My daughter does dog walking and helps in peoples houses. It works.
I’m listening to the lovely war and loving it. Fredrick backman is one of my favorites. And as you wish was so cute. Have a good one!!
There’s a bakery in Kuna?!?
Thanks, Heather! Busy, busy life!!
Hey! So my kiddos aren’t close to teenagers yet, and we are like you where we don’t really believe in paying our kids for normal, everyday chores But this summer, I made a job board with prices next to each job/activity and we keep a tally of what the kids do. (They want to get a Nintendo Switch and we told them they have to help pay for it). So far, so good, though we are finding that some kids are more motivated than others!
As for movies, we have loved The Mitchells vs the Machines on Netflix… Such a funny family movie and don’t be turned off that it’s a cartoon, totally worth it! My husband and I really liked The Tomorrow War on Amazon, though definitely not a kid movie.
Love your plan for your kids to earn a Nintendo Switch. That’s awesome! And thanks for the movie recommendations!
Hi Mel. My dad died 18 years ago of early onset Alzheimer’s- diagnosed at age 55. It is truly heartbreaking. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to donate to this family and please let them know they are in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing about your dad, Becky. Truly. And thank you for your generosity. My heart goes out to all of you who have shared your experiences with a loved one diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers. So much love to you.
Mel, I love you. Here are some movie recommendations:
For suspense/action but not too scary: 39 Steps (2008 version- I haven’t seen the old ones) or Charade (Audrey Hepburn). Even less intense, but good: Arrival (Amy Adams), U-571.
History: Young Victoria. Decent chick flick vibe without being nauseating or airheady. (I struggle with mind numbing chick flicks. Like give me something I can sink my heart into! Que British dramas.)
British drama: my husband and I just watched the A&E Pride and Prejudice again. So good! But if you’re looking for something new you may not have seen, Cranford is a DELIGHT. Sheer delight I say. Also, Doctor Thorne is WONDERFUL. If you’re looking for a British drama Brian might enjoy also, North and South or The Paradise are both phenomenal. My husband likes the business aspects of both, and the history of North and South.
Have you tried The Chosen? My husband and I do The Chosen on Sunday nights and I love it.
Thanks so much, Annie! The A&E Pride and Prejudice will always be forever my favorite. I love it. I also love North and South and Paradise. But I haven’t watched Cranford or Doctor Thorne, so thank you! (And I completely agree about mindless movies – I like some substance!).
Not a recommendation for a specific movie, per se, but have you heard of VidAngel? It’s a filtering system where you set the parameters of what you might find objectionable in a movie or TV series (anything from swearing to nudity to gore to random things like the word “fart”, etc.). Some of the possible filters make me laugh, but I also remember when my kids were super young and watching Finding Nemo was too much for them. I digress. 😉 Anyway, you set the parameters, which you can update for each specific movie if desired (the app specifies in detail what might be objectionable) and whatever you determine you don’t want to see or hear disappears. If it’s something visual, then that scene is omitted. If it’s swearing, the specific word is silenced although you can still see their mouths moving. Anyway, it’s now a monthly subscription, and for $10/mo. I now feel comfortable watching all sorts of movies included in my Netflix and Prime subscriptions I would not otherwise be watching. You do have to choose the movie or TV series from their app and cast it to your TV, but that’s not a deal breaker for me. We’ve been happy with it.
Hahaha, I laughed out loud at the Finding Nemo comment. So funny. Yes! We have loved VidAngel, but lately, more of the movies my kids want to watch aren’t available there, which is a bummer!