Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
——–
I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
This post is dedicated to Holli. I introduced our daughters to Mel’s kitchen cafe because a friend told me about it long ago. I have never posted anything before, but my heart “feels” with Holli. I had breast cancer, stage 1 on my right side in 2008. Had a masectomey, and 4 rounds of chemo. My youngest was 11 at the time. Amazingly, with the help of the Lord, my life went on. Then in 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer on the left side, completely unrelated to the 1st breast cancer. It was Stage 3. So another masectomy, 12 rounds of chemo, off to Mayo Clinic for proton radation, and a slow back to life. Just a month ago, I had stage 0 melanoma removed from my arm, which was only discovered by God’s providence to me. I really still don’t call cancer my enemy. It has made me realize that each day is a gift, no matter what it holds. Yes, there are still ups and downs, but I give God the credit for whatever he allows in my life and I know He will be a faithful friend to me as long as I put my complete trust in Him. I will say a prayer for Holli and her family as I go about my duties, that she can be given strength and courage for whatever the day may hold. I am sure her life will not be lived in vain, as you have so amply expressed to all of us. I will try to live my days more gratefully. 😉
This world is filled with amazing, strong, beautiful, inspiring people. Thank you for reminding me of that today. I am in tears reading just a handful of the 977 comments (so far!) on this post. Holli, you have done so much good this week for all of these families, friends, homes! Today I will stay present with my children during the entire witching hours instead of escaping to my room to read a book. I will strive to see the good amidst the noise and chaos. Sending prayers and love to you and Holli.
Wow, please let Holli know that even know she can’t do the many things physically that she has done in the past,she has stirred my heart and strengthened me spiritually and emotionally today. Today I will look around at all the beauty that God has given me. Thank you Mel for your very connecting and supporting post about your friend.
This. Was. Beautiful. So so beautiful. I don’t know you or Holli I will for sure keep her and her family in my prayers. But I will also workout for the first time in two months. And Tell each of my five kids one thing I think they are really good today.
Holli, I’m not sure what my “hard” is… I can’t go out and run at -30! However, you are inspiring me to make a real effort to complain less. It’s mostly an internal dialogue, but it is not healthy, so I will make a concerted effort to correct it, remembering how you rarely complain, with far worse circumstances than I have. Most importantly though, I will be praying for you and your family.
God bless you, Holli! I’m so sorry for your pain and struggles. I read this quote today “Try a little harder to be a little better. It was said by Gordon B. Hinckley. ”
I hope that helps! As far as trying to do hard things, I got up early yesterday went running in the rain with my friend. Usually, I just want to stay in my warm bed so that was an accomplishment . Then I homeschooled my son, who complains to be back in in person school. Here in Oregon they don’t allow that yet . You and Mel are shiny examples to us all. I pray for love and peace to you and your family!
You are both blessed to have a great friend. That is a treasure! Hugs to you Holli- know you are prayed for and may you feel God’s arms around you and your family. I will finish cleaning the cupboards in my kitchen and take time with people – either in person -when I can -or on the phone and to hug my older daughter everyday. Thanks for the reminder of what is so so important. Hugs and love to both Holli and Mel. Thanks for sharing and helping me look at my blessings.
Holli, I am not sure I have the right words to say. But I am inspired by you. I hope you know your strength and faith have blessed the world, including me 🙂 Take care friend.
Please let me start by including you in my prayers. Asking God to bring whatever healing HE can but also peace to accept whatever journey He has planned. You are clearly loved and I’m sure that means the world. All of our day to day struggles seem so petty in light of your struggles. Thank you for sharing and reminding us what’s important. I really related to paying attention to family, to being in the moment. I related to that closet of clothes that no longer fit that once seemed so critical and now has no significance. We’re reminded every day that none of us knows what the next minute, hour, day, year holds. All we can do is trust in God and know He has a plan for us. I know God will bring you the peace that passes all understanding. And thank you for providing peace to me and my family.
I published my first book in 2020 and absolutely loved the experience! But for many years, I have had another, more daunting book idea that has been hard to begin, but I keep feeling prompted to do so. In Holli’s honor, I had the courage to begin and am looking forward to whatever miracle I need to bring it to pass! Prayers for you, beautiful Holli!
Use my remote Wednesday time to not only do errands for 89 & 86 y.o. parents, but sit and be still with them, share a cup of tea and a conversation – the things they deeply hunger for more than the groceries I deliver in a flurry of activity I am grateful for this reminder that I am only given this moment. Be still and know….
Thank you so much for sharing this beautifully touching story with us, Mel. Holli- I am so grateful for you and your example of enduring well through the hard. I’m praying for you and your family and hope you will feel relief from the pain you are experiencing. Your example has made a difference in my life and has definitely changed my perspective and outlook. Today I asked a friend for forgiveness for something I did years ago. It has been hard for me to find the courage to do it but after reading your story I knew it was time for me to do that hard thing. Thank you for your example and God bless you and your dear family. Lots of love and prayers.
I have so many things I have been putting off because of this odd Covid year and my time spent with homeschooling for the first time ever. So here are a couple things I’m going to just start working on now:
-creating a more beautiful home (I always question myself and put this off since I don’t have the budget to do exactly what I WANT, but it’s time to do what I CAN and make a home that inspires goodness and keeps our home as a sacred refuge).
-doing real, personal scripture study each day. We read as a family, I listen to gospel material and podcasts, but I really need to have a habit or direct study for myself. I have felt the pull of it, and it’s time to make it a lasting and real part of my routine.
Thank you for the call to action and the inspiration of amazing people and their unique stories. Love to both of you and your families!
Thank you, Holli, for serving Him. ♥️
I started new goals yesterday for the beginning of February and was too tired at the end of the day to do my exercising goal. Then I read this, got up, and did a workout. My be strong for Holli is to complete all 6 of my February goals each day without fail. I have a habit tracker sheet I’m using to make sure I don’t miss a day. Holli I’m so sorry for what you have to go through, but if you can be strong, so can I. Thank you for giving me that motivation. I’m thinking and praying for you each and every day this month! Aloha from Hawaii, Jenn
Randomly came across the post late tonight and gave it a read. Sending a prayer to heaven for you Holli. I hope you feel very comforted and enveloped in love this week. Thank you for allowing your friend to share some of your story with the public – experiences like yours somehow make us all stronger and a little softer. My hard thing…I commit to deep cleaning my bathrooms tomorrow. I know that sounds silly. And alarming – I promise I clean my bathrooms! But the deep clean, the get-your-back-into-it clean…I avoid that kind of bathroom-cleaning. Tomorrow though, I’ll put my back into it, and I’ll think of you.
I am going to set up a time to take 2 sweet girls to lunch who just lost their mom, because losing your mom is hard, whether you’re 40, 20, or 10. Thanks for this sweet post Mel, praying for Holli, her husband and her darling children. ❤️
Hold on to Jesus Holli. I will do the same and I will finish writing my story to inspire others. Praying for you and your family to rest in God’s grace and His hand as you are enveloped by His loving kindness!
I shared this post with some friends and it turned into picking each other’s ‘hard thing’. I’ve been assigned the task of using catch & release mouse traps for our current rodent problem.
Joking aside, this is an inspiring & beautiful post. Holli and her family are in my prayers. Sending lots of love from NM. ❤️
Thank you so much for this post Mel. Holli I love you, you are an amazing, brave, fighting, soul and your example is unforgettable. You’re a hero and I look up to you for your faith and strength. You are a special human being and we have all been beyond blessed to know you.
For my hard…
I will spend a little more time hugging my babies and my kids and spending time with them, instead of being so driven to get so much done in a day.
I am also going to spend more time with my husband who I love and adore and just really don’t get to spend enough time with.
I am going to write a hard letter to a family member hopefully mending some hard feelings.
I am going to spend time with my 17 year old just listening instead of trying to fix the hard struggles she faces in her life.
I love you Holli, thank you for being an inspiration to all of us.
–Deb
All the best to you Holli. This year I am working on improving my relationship with my teenager (no easy task) and trying to soften my heart towards someone who has hurt me deeply. Both very hard things for me. Your courage is inspiring, and yours too, Mel. Thanks for giving us encouragement to do the hard things as you do. May God bless you both with your families. There is consecration in the struggle.
Mel, you are an angel. Thank you for sharing Holli’s story and challenging your readers to honor her by doing something hard.
When life gets tough I tend to mask my feelings, or bury the problem by staying “busy”. The hard thing I have been doing since reading your post has been to be still…. to give my mind and heart the space to sort things out, feel emotions that hurt, and allow tears to fall freely. Holli’s journey has been close to my heart. Darin and our son, Brian grew up together. Holli and Brian were diagnosed with cancer within months of each other. The highs and lows of Holli’s journey have been forefront in our prayers, right along with fervent prayers for our son. I don’t understand the “whys” of our challenges in mortality… but like Holli, I know that God’s plan is perfect and that we can trust Him. I know that because we have a Savior, someday everything that seems wrong or unfair will be made right and our sorrows will be turned to joy.
Being still gives me a renewed perspective and a greater desire to “Let God Prevail.”
Much love to you, Holli, and all that are carrying heavy burdens!❤️❤️❤️ -Melissa Schlerf
Dear Jesus, I pray for Holli. I pray you hold her tight and give her body the healing it needs. I pray you abolish all the cancer in her body and replace with healthy cells. I pray you give strength and peace to her family and friends. I pray this I’m Jesus name. Amen.
Thanks for sharing this Mel. Holli is a warrior who’s light shines brightly among the greats of this world. In honor of Holli, tomorrow I am going to not complain at all nor raise my voice at any of my children or 180 8th grade students. I’m going to try and find only the good in everyone I come across. We love you Holli! Thanks for shining your light so brightly and being a Christ-like example to all!
I’ll be honest, today I was struggling with the heaps of laundry from 7 people feeling a little bad for myself. I’m so grateful for this post to help me bring it back to what matters most. My faith and my family are what matters most and I’m so grateful for the reminder even through the moments that are hard for me. Saying a prayer for Hollie and her dear family. I thank her for her example of faith and hope in Jesus Christ.
Thank you:). This week and from here on out, I’m going to work on forgiveness. I’ve been holding onto some hurts for so long. It’s time to try, really try to let it go. Life is fleeting. Thank you Mel and thank you Holli. May God’s grace and peace be a constant comfort to you.
I admire your friendship. Holli sounds like an amazing friend and person.
I will slow down today by not checking my phone when I am with my son, and really listen to him when he talks to me instead of thinking of all the things that need to be done.
I don’t consistently check your website, but I’m glad I checked today to read your sweet tribute to your dear friend.
I will contact a difficult family member. I will only be positive, I will encourage and recognize small successes.
I started following your column Mel because you had the same name as my daughter that I lost 4 years ago to cancer. I look forward to your recipes and insights on life, You have a beautiful soul and I am so sorry to hear of your friend Holli. Such strength is rare. How blessed you are to have each other. I will add Holli to my prayer list, knowing God’s will will be done. Sending love and healing to you both.
I have been a regular follower so many years. I’m am so thankful for all your stories, recipes, and reminders to take care of ourselves. My heart goes out to you and Holli, but at the same time what beautiful a friendship and sisterhood you have in each other.
Holli, your continued strength, fight, and faith are inspiring. My BeStrongForHolli goal: This week I will one being more joyful and understanding at work. I take more to time to spend with my family…the dishes can wait, the dust can gather, and the laundry pile up, the after hours emails can go unanswered.
I will strive to be patient with one child who normally gets upset over many things-homework, having to eat dinner, do chores, etc.
this post is so tender. Lots of prayers for Holli, her family and friends.
Amazing…I will share this with my group of prayer warriors
I’m not sure what brave thing I’ll be doing yet; there are quite a few I could choose from. But I wanted to simply leave a comment letting you know that Holli and her family will be in my prayers. She sounds as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, and I’m sure is a blessing to all who know her. How lucky you both are to count each other as friends. Sending much love, positive energy, and prayers to Holli, her family, and to you as well Mel. xoxo
Dear Holli,
You are an inspiration to all you have crossed your path. I’m blessed to know you and to have served with you. I’m praying for you every day. My goal is to take time off from work to spend with my kids and Stephen without feeling guilty for all I need to do. I need to do a better job of passing on some of that to other people to focus on where I need to be the most. I love you dear friend!
Thank you for sharing Holli’s story. What an inspiration she is. I am going to do my best to start seeing what I do have & what I can do, not what I can’t. And to see all Gods blessings in my life. I will be praying for Hollie & her precious family
I was feeling very sorry for myself today. My son might be sick again. Holli’s kind of sick. And I have been wasting time being so angry about it. For Holli, rather than being angry about it, I am going to get up and put one foot in front of the other and find things to smile about. Then I’m going to walk up the hill near my house. All the way to the top. It may as well be Mount Everest. But I got this.
Wow thank you for sharing! My goal is to purposefully meditate to practice for giving birth in a couple weeks. It’s my second and I’ve been quite scared and haven’t made time to do the necessary mental preparation. Best to you and Holli! ❤️❤️
I don’t know Holli, but one of her sisters is a very dear friend of mine. I’ve followed Holli’s journey through her youtube videos and her sister and I am always so inspired and in awe of her faith and ability to see miracles and show gratitude in the midst of her trials. She is such an amazing example to me. Finding things to be grateful for is something that is hard for me because of mental health challenges. Every day this week I will write down things that I am grateful for. And Holli, I have been praying daily the past couple of months for you and your family to be surrounded and lifted up by ministering angels.
Thank you for pausing life for a brief moment to share Holli with us and allow us to all pause and be inspired. After reading about Holli and her beautiful light through her struggles, I couldn’t stop the tears. I realized my own inability to shine through my darkness. I am inspired to live more fully and intentionally, starting with gratitude every day.
2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.
Thank you Mel for sharing this story. Holli is very brave and hopefully knows that she is helping so many people’s faith.
I was able to be patient when my husband wanted to change, well, cancel really, our plans for our 25th anniversary. Due to the Coronavirus we’ve changed plans several times already. The day is April 21st. I’ve narrowed it down to an Airbnb in a relatively isolated lakeside community in our state (NM). It even has a dog run for our two dogs! I’m willing to take all of our meals so that they’ll just need to be heated (obviously relying heavily on MkC). We really won’t need to interact with anyone. We like to fish and there’s an excellent lake. But fishing is not a requirement. I just need to do something different!!! However. We had a heart to heart talk today and he admitted he really doesn’t know why he’s objecting and that he’ll keep an open mind. So will I. Thank you Mel and Holli.
I know what a blessing it will be to reach 25 years together regardless.
You have a beautiful family Holli. Our prayers are with you.
I’m not going to complain about all the things I’ve been routinely complaining about since the beginning of the year for the rest of the day (but it’s 4:10pm so I better include tomorrow, too).
And I’m going to pray for Holli and thank God He sends people like her and you to it.
My heart just breaks for Holli and her sweet family. Please send our love and let her know that we will be praying for her, for her comfort, her peace, and the knowledge that she has a Heavenly Father who loves her and is aware of her immense challenges. He had them too and he will comfort her if she asks. So very sorry.
I’m praying for Holli and her family. I will apologize to someone I hurt with my self-righteous judgment. I’ve been meaning to do it for a while now, but I will stop putting it off.
I will make the effort to memorize doctrinal mastery scriptures (probably in the shower), and take the time to figure out the right things to feed my body, instead of grab whatever, all week long. I appreciate Holli’s strength and good example. I have such friends, so I know she can be real!
I will make healthier choices for my body and focus on the things I *can* do with limited time and a lot of people/things demanding/needing it. Thanks for sharing Holli’s story and for asking us to do something hard. Life is Good 🙂
Heavenly Father please hear our pleas of comfort, protection and health for Precious Holli, her family and friends.Praise Holli is surrounded with a loving community near and far that continue to be inspired by the gifts you bestowed to her. It is by your divine presence that our hearts feel the kindness and Love of Hollis spirit through an electronic device. My pledge is to pray on my knees every night for 30 days.
Thank you for sharing Holli’s story. I got really brave and started a medication today that I have been needing to start for a while. Prayers for Holli, her husband, her children, and her family.
We all have hard things, that’s for sure. And I’m sorry that Holli’s are so hard right now, but she is lucky to have you as a friend. I’m going to put my phone down more and tackle my huge pile of mending, so that the kids can actually wear the clothes again before they outgrow them. It’s so easy to keep pushing little things like this aside, but I need to do them and need to stop having excuses. And I’m going to add Holli to my prayers as well!!
Mel and Holli, I have been deeply touched by your story. My eyes are filled with tears. I struggle to know what to say or do when friends or acquaintances are faced with huge life losses and trials. Sometimes I say very little. It tears me up inside because I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing so instead I say nothing. I will think about this person and their trial everyday yet not do anything because I don’t know what to do. Today and this day forward I will say something! I will send the Thinking of You cards, the Sympathy cards and I will pray for you and others. Sending you my love and prayers.
Holli,
You are an inspiration to me as I got to know you just a tiny bit through my cousin Mel. I’ve only had small tastes of some of what you’ve been through and can’t imagine it all together, and I certainly can’t imagine enduring it without a fair bit of complaining. But I guess that’s what makes people like you (the few that there are) so very special and important. You show the rest of us how to endure well the tests & challenges of life. I pray that you will continue to be buoyed up by the love of your family & friends during this last, long stretch in mortality. You emanate beauty & it is reflected in the faces of each of your hard-won children. Whatever comes, please know that in far-away Wisconsin, you lifted & inspired another tired mom of six to keep fighting that good fight and to maybe have a better attitude in the process. I’m glad you’ve got Mel in your corner, she really is awesome, but hopefully she won’t start posting your recipes for the vegan slime quite yet…
Love from one Momma Bear to another
What a beautiful post — your friend Holli sounds incredible, as you are an incredible friend to her. How lucky you have each other. I will do some hard things. And I will pray. Sending healing thoughts.
Thank you for this post and your beautiful invitation. My goal is to look for the beautiful moments in the midst of the mundane and sometimes frustrating moments of trying to raise my little humans. And also to find some simple ways this week to look outside myself and find ways to brighten the days of some people around me. You and Holli are both an inspiration to me. Please tell her I’m adding my love and prayers to so many others on her behalf!