Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
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I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
This post resonated deeply with me and was something I feel I was divinely led to read. I will pray for Holli and her family. Thank you for sharing this and I will do something to honor Holli’s admirable strength. Thank you, Mel.
Prayers for your sweet friend and her precious family!! Stay strong Holli and know that you are being surrounded and held up in prayer! With love and sincerity ~ Paulette in Michigan
I came here looking for a recipe for baked donuts that a friend posted on Facebook. Instead I found a heartbreaking but inspiring story of Holli. I will keep Holli in my prayers and I thank her for the inspiration to keep strong and trust God. I will not complain when I am waiting on my husband whose back and legs are aching from a slip on the ice. I will be so thankful for my good health so that I can help others. Holli you are blessed to have a great friend like Mel. I am also blessed to have a group of women who are like sisters to my. Our Prayer Group has been together for over 30 years (I am in my 70’s) and so are they. I promise that we will keep you on our prayer list for continued strength and peace and for you to get all the help you need from the angels that God will send you. Sending virtual hugs.
Mel, I love reading your posts and your recipes never disappoint. Reading this post about Holli really made me stop in my tracks. Sounds like you two have been blessed with a friendship many only dream of having. I have been having anxiety because my husband is about ready to start back up traveling, leaving me home for multiple days with four small children and a new puppy. Sounds silly typing it out, but this does give me much stress. However, now, when I am amid that stress I will stop and pray for peace for not only me, but Holli as well. Your story has been heard and I will carry it with me as I mother my children. Holli, you are a child of God, loved and saved through Jesus Christ. Prayers attend.
Dear Holli, you are a living testimony to your family and to the world, of the power and the truth of the living God. We never seem to get the “why” questions answered in our lives but God always answers the “what”. I know God is answering you whats and that you are strengthened, comforted and filled with peace.
Praying for you and your family.
Thank you, Thank you for showing us all to love life fiercely, to continue no matter how hard, to love no matter how weak we are, to be who we are no matter what comes our way. Forever grateful and forever praying.
You’re right, Mel. Your readers are amazing. Their willingness to help (in whichever way) is inspiring. Love and prayers to Holli, her family, and friends who obviously love her.
I’m grateful for this post. It reminds me to care for those who need us.
I’m grateful for this post. It reminds me to care for those who need us.
Have never seen this blog before and it is so random that I accidentally came across it today. I had googled something about basal cell carcinoma and up popped Mel’s post about having her spot removed from her nose. I loved how she wrote about it and appreciated the photos (yes, I looked.) I then noticed this was from about 5 years ago so I decided to go to the blog and read what was there today and—-there was Holli.
Holli, know that I will be praying for you and that you can stay calm and focused on using all your energy to fight this disease. And praying for your family too. Mel, you have helped me with your basal cell post as well as with this post, helping me to push myself on a lot of things that I have been knowing for a long time that I should and have just been plain lazy not to do so. I am grateful to have found this post in such a random way. There are no coincidences. I was meant to read it. Prayers and positive energy coming your way.
This post broke my heart. I came here for easy dinner recipes and I’m leaving with more insight than I’ve had in a while. I’ve been struggling for a long time trying to figure out if I was working the right profession. I’m not happy. And I’ve felt stuck. But life isn’t guaranteed. I can’t sit around forever being unhappy and thinking I am guaranteed to get to a place of happiness. I need to do what makes me happy now. Thank you so much for sharing, Mel. And Holli, God bless you. You’re one of those souls that shines in life and we all flock to it. Wishing you and your family the best from a Minnesota gal.
Mel and Holli, thank you for inspiring me to be better! I am going to work hard on improving my prayers. You will both be in them!!
I don’t think I have ever commented on a blog post. This one took me by surprise and is such a beautiful idea. I also have had a devastating diagnosis a few months ago. I will have 3-9 pain-free months and then life is going to get very difficult. Sometimes my fear of what’s coming overwhelms me to inaction. But because of this post, that time I have been given feels really precious. The commitment is to take some time this weekend and plan out how I am going to use this miraculous time I’ve been gifted. I’m going to make a list of things that I want to do before my illness makes things things too difficult. What a good friend you are. It’s so easy to think we are alone in our struggles. But the truth is that life is just hard. Knowing that other struggle helps me to know I’m not alone
Holli is my little sister everything you’ve said is true. I have admired her strength as she has powered through every challenge in her life. I am deeply saddened due to international travel restrictions, I haven’t been able to see her. Knowing she is suffering and her Canadian family can’t be there to love her, help her and comfort her has been heartbreaking, Thank you for being her friend and offering her the love and support you do. She speaks very highly of you,
I wish I knew how to cook
My hard thing I will do, inspired by Holy, is to find gratitude throughout my day.
I hate to say but I usually don’t read your posts… for some reason, today I did… and it brought me to tears. Hugs, prayers, well wishes and good vibes to Holli. She sounds like an amazing person. And thank you for being there for her…❤️
It sounds like Holli has created a Christlike legacy. Prayers for her and her family. She is truly inspiring. https://youtu.be/_zi3CkmEAnc
I have never comment before but was in tears reading this post. My goal is to serve others more and not take my family for granted even in the midst of the chaos. I am praying for this precious woman, a sister in Christ and her beautiful family.
My hard thing will be to pull myself out of this depressive funk I’m in today, and go do something productive. I have my struggles but they all seem much smaller now. I will keep Holli and her family in my prayers.
Holli….lifting you up in prayer, to our Most Wonderful and Gracious Father……
I’m considered a front line worker, and frankly, this past year has been physically exhausting and mentally draining as well, People have been nasty, mean spirited and not gracious at all….on the other hand, I’ve been complimented, appreciated and thanked…I’m worn out from the nastiness, but I’ve decided to follow Mel’s advice and I’m just going to concentrate on the niceness and leave the nasty people out of my head and lift more of those nasty people to HIM and let HIM deal with it and not me.
Holli, I will continue to pray to HIM for your health, well being and safety….sending a hug, actually, like a million!!!!
Thank you for sharing your friend with us today Mel, what a beautiful example she is to all of us without even knowing her personally! She has made me want to be a better person by recognizing my blessings everyday! Living with a grateful heart and lifting those around me, thank you Holli! You will be in my prayers!
My bestrongforholli goal is to believe that I can make a difference in the world for good. That I can spread the love of Christ and the love of the scriptures to my family and other women and beyond. I find it really hard to believe that I can do it. That I can succeed. So I’m working on believing. Love to you and your dear strong friend.
Thank you for sharing about Holli! What an amazing woman! Her example has helped me just have a shift in my mind to remember to be more grateful for my life. It’s a blessing to have the ability to put that pile of laundry away, catch up on doing dishes, and snuggle my kids. Thank you!
I don’t know Holli, but your story propelled me to give. Through the GoFundMe page, I learned she is a dental hygienist, as am I. I just wanted to say that I am praying for Holli and her family. She sounds like an amazing person, and I am proud to call her my sister of the scaler!! God’s healing to you.
I am new to your website and read your article about Holli. I was overcome with thankfulness for friends and the desire to be a better one because you let me see the beauty of yours.
As much as we love our friends here on earth, we are also called friends of God. Just imagine.
God bless you both.
I never ever thought I would reply to a bog post, but your request truly touched me.
I am probably a whole lot older than your average readers-more that 3/4 of a century!- and therefore have seen many instances where my complete faith in God and his mysterious ways is challenged by the pain and suffering I witness . I have come to many conclusions, one of which is that it truly is all right to say out loud, “Okay, God, I do trust you but I am hurting so much as I try to understand .” The second thing I believe (& it is probably why I am answering you) is that you, Mel, need a little extra love and care also. So tell your family – both your husband and your children and your pets and farm animals too- that you are hurting and need their love, support and understanding. Whatever struggles are occuring within the family (and there’s always something going on when there are children, adults and responsibilities involved) it can be put aside so they can envelop you in their special love and care. While none of these actions will cure your friend, they will help you as you fulfill your call to be a change agent of God by bringing more love, peace and caring into our world and to your friend. And I will add you and Holli to my prayers.
Dear Holli and Mel, Wow! I just made Mel’s Chocolate Chip Cookies and my family said they were the best ever! I went to the website this morning to look for a sugar cookie recipe and found your heartfelt post! I am will be praying for you, Holli, and your precious family. I am thankful you know where your strength comes from! I pray your faith in Jesus will continue to be strong, a testimony to everyone that needs to hear it and lives will be saved!
“May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
I pray for God’s healing touch, a miracle! I love the song, “I Speak Jesus” by Here Be Lions.
It has been my prayer the last year when praying for my family, especially my precious grandkids. When worry and fear enter in I speak JESUS over them. It has spoken to my heart when I have listened to it over and over!
Sending God’s love and prayers to you both, Holli and Mel.
Thank you for sharing Holli’s story. It must be so difficult to watch your treasured friend go through such hard trials. I read your post this morning (Friday) and was inspired to take your advice and run a mile. I love to walk and get a few miles in most days, but I Do Not like to run/jog. So, I challenged myself to jog a mile on the treadmill today. At 3/4 mile, I was done and really wanted to walk. But as I thought about Holli and the hard things she is trying to do, I slowed the speed slightly and pressed forward, finishing the mile. Holli was my inspiration to keep going even when it was hard. I know the Lord is mindful of Holli, her family and their struggles. May the Lord bless her and her family in their righteous desires.
Tears and admiration for both of you. What a wonderful friendship you have. I have chronic daily migraines, and I want to be more like Holli and less of a complainer. Sometimes I just complain to myself, but that is definitely not doing me any good. When I look for the good in my life, I find lots of it. I’m going to re-adopt my forgotten mantra of “See the good & be the good”. Daily pain can make daily tasks a little extra challenging for me, but I am about to get up and empty the dishwasher and then fold the heap of clean clothes on my floor (which I was about to keep putting off) and I will do it with a grateful heart because of Holli! Hugs and prayers for you and your family, Holli!
Thank you for this post. I normally don’t read through blog posts. I just skip to the recipe. Holli, you are amazing. I will do my core corrective exercises today. Thanks for inspiring me.
I’ll call my mom. We grew apart a lot last year, and we haven’t spoken other than texting in probably over a month. Thank you for your example, Holli. Bless you.
Hi Mel and Holli,
I posted a comment a few minutes ago, but just felt like I wanted to say that I know Holli’s strength and compassion and love for others will make me a better person, will make me not put off a simple act of kindness because I am to busy. Please know you are touching many people who have never met you, and you are making a positive change in our lives. I hope the best for you. God bless you! xoxoxo
Hi Mel and Holli,
Thank you for sharing Holli’s story. What an amazing, courageous, woman. My heart breaks for her and her family. What inspires me is her upbeat attitude, her smile, and her willing to help people along this journey. To still show love and bravery. even when each day must be a challenge. I hope that I could be even a little bit like her under those circumstances. I wake up each morning feeling blessed and thankful for my health and my family and friends. Now I am thankful that Holli has such wonderful friends and family standing by her side and loving her.. She will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I know hearing her story will make me appreciate the little everyday things even more, and reach out to help other people. God Bless you Holli.
I will pray for Holli and her family. I had had a really bad morning when I read your post on Monday. I hadn’t been the best mom to my kids that morning and had been very impatient with them in getting them out the door to school. I will appreciate these moments with them; even the rushed ones. For Holli, I will not take these mornings for granted!
I read this Monday and have thought about it non-stop since….all week everything I’ve done she has been in the back of my mind and I sent little bits of love and light and honor to her and in the silliest of ways I hope that she can feel it in a little tingle or pinch or something. Holli you are an inspiration to me. xoxo Andrea
Thank you for this post. It really makes me stop and be thankful for everything that I do have and for the very little things in life that aren’t so little when you actually step back and take a look. Like the warmth of my bed, the feel of my blanket on my skin, the promise of a new day, fresh, fallen snow that shimmers and shines, hot water in the shower, the smell of freshly brewed coffee…I could go on and on. I will stop and appreciate the little things and the little moments and know that I am so fortunate to have what I have and experience these things fully. Thank you, Holli. Wishing you peace and love.
Why don’t we dedicate a hashtag on peloton to her and do a ride for her?
I was inspired by this post this morning. After I read it I realized I needed to respond to a strange and unexpected note I received in the mail. The note was from someone who was apologizing that she had been mad at me. I had no idea she was mad but hearing her apology brought up all kinds of feelings about a difficult situation that happened more than a year ago–I’m not positive but I think that’s what she was referring to. Anyway– I was prompted about how to respond and realized that my initial reaction was quite prideful and passive aggressive and wouldn’t help heal anyone’s emotions. I realized that I don’t need to get the last word or explain my position and I was able to feel kindness and grace towards everyone involved. I didn’t even realize how much I needed to do that and I honestly wouldn’t have done so if I hadn’t read this post. Thank you and I will remember you and your family in my prayers Holli.
My heart aches for you Holli, your family and your friends. I am inspired by your strength and courage! I was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma when I was 23 and pregnant with my 3rd baby. Going through the surgeries and year of chemotherapy was the hardest thing I have every done. I cannot imagine what you are going through! I often get consumed with fear of the possibilities of what is reality to you. I am grateful for your example and feel inspired to try harder to live with gratitude in all things! I will try harder to have hope, faith and have more courage. My BeStrongForHolli goal is to say more gratitude only prayers, spend more one on one time with my kids each day this week and be strong in a challenging goal I have been working on for my own health. I will be praying for you and your family!
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I know Holli adores your friendship! I want to do something amazing to honor Holli but I’m not sure yet what it is..I have so many things I have been slacking on lately. But I will hug my girls and show my husband a little more
Holli and I were junior high/high school best friends. So many great memories together. Going to the video store with $1.06 to rent a movie. Tubing down St. Mary’s. Road trips to Lethbridge, Calgary, and Edmonton. Countless sleepovers and walking home after school discussing life. Holli used to joke that she was going to start the first Mormon Nunnery, but I am still single and she has a beautiful family. Holli has always been a strong individual and my heart breaks for her and her family and if I could swap places with her to give her more time with her kids I would. I love her to bits because she has persevered in life with her hard work and determination, while always keeping a smile on her face. She is a great friend and example to me. Love you Holli! ❤️ Ginger
My bestrongforHolli goal is to do something for someone else each day this next week in honor of Holli.
Holli holds a very special place in my heart … and always will. I remember driving her and my sister, Ginger, to dances and watching them giggle for hours. Holli is a ray of sunshine! I was particularly touched by Holli’s last YouTube post, when she shared about not taking for granted your abilities. My hard will be improving my “self talk” to include more gratitude for my abilities rather than criticism and self judgement. I love you, Holli! ❤️
Holli sounds as self reliant and independent as I am. I quietly carry my set of challenges. I never want to be a burden for anyone, almost to a fault. I’ve been a single parent for over 13 years & have 3 amazing teenagers/missionaries. Holli inspired me to ask for help. In doing so, the spirit of God was incredibly present. Jesus Christ has amazing power to fill our hearts with love us as we work with one another. Thank you Holli!
Thanks for this invitation Mel. My BeStrongForHolli goal is going to be pray to know who might feel invisible today and let them know they are seen. I have been blessed to have been reached out to in that way. Praying for courage, continued strength and comfort for you, Holli.
I will never, ever grumble about folding laundry again.
To Holli and her family, may God be with you always. I have put off calling some elderly friends simply because they are chatty Cathies. It’s been embarrassingly long in two cases. I will call this week, and remember that agape love involves self-sacrifice, which I’ve been such a recipient of myself. Love to you.
We don’t know how much strength we have until we need it. Sometimes we need to dig deep for strength, sometimes we have to feel extremely grateful that we’re not experiencing the challenges that others face. I’m saying prayers for your recovery. You are a beautiful example of how important human connection is and how much each of us can impact another person.
I don’t know if you have already read these comments to Holli but here is mine. Holli you are not alone. I won’t get into my medical history but sufficed to say that I too have a body that has betrayed me. When I got married I was a spunky active person and now I am in a wheelchair and I am unable to do many of the things I used to do. People often tell me how they can’t believe how I hardly complain and the truth is I always think, what would that solve. When I hear stories like Holli’s it makes me want to drive straight to Idaho (trust me I seldom have that desire) and throw my arms around you to let you know you are not alone. I know you can be surrounded by family and friends and yet feel completely alone because you know that they just don’t get it. I get it. It is the worst club to be a part of but know you have a club. You have those that understand and love you. I know you don’t know me at all but know that I am thinking of you and hugging you from Utah. I do hard things everyday when you become disabled but for you Holli I promise not to be frustrated with my husband when he helps me clean the closet on Saturday. Trust me that is a good one.
Thank you so much for the reminder that each day is a gift and life is so precious. I have so much to be thankful for! Inspired by Holli, I will take the first steps to work on a goal I’ve needed to accomplish and I’ve been putting off for a year (and will try to be grateful for the opportunity to do it!) prayers for Holli and her family!
I set a goal to run 25 miles this week. This was a big deal because I never run more than 3 miles in a single workout. but I am almost there!! so thankful for this body!
I love Holli, and I don’t even know her! I love Mel for being Holli’s friend. (I also pretend like Mel’s my BFF, and she doesn’t even know me!) My BeStrongForHolli goal is this: I will make dinner a meaningful event for my family every night this week. I have two teenagers–18-year old boy and 16-year old girl–and a husband. We usually sit down to dinner together, but making dinner meaningful family time is really hard. I’m going to do it for a week. For Holli. Also, I’m super good at praying. I’m not trying to brag or anything. There are a lot of things I’m not good at, but I’m good at praying, and I am praying for Holli!