Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
——–
I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
Also, my hard thing is making it through homeschool with little sleep last night.
I’m going to write the thank you cards that I’ve been so overwhelmed by…sending love and prayers to Holli and her family and friends.
whoa, am I glad I decided to read this today. First of all, so many prayers are being sent your way, Holli. You obviously know that you love a good God and He is doing incredible things with you for others as they see you fight. Second of all, I will remember that God put me on this earth to live for Him and I don’t want to waste that. Thank you for the reminder that the purpose of our lives is to live for Him.
I am so sorry Holli & her family are going through this. Please let Holli know she’s in my thoughts & prayers. I am getting my annual mammogram today and taking the time out of my hectic schedule to do this for ME. As moms we don’t put ourselves first, but today I am! I will also find time today to get my 3 miles of walking in and will celebrate the fact that I have the physical ability to do so! Thank you for sharing Mel – the power of prayer is so strong!
Now I’m crying, on a Monday. I didn’t even cry this morning when someone came and told me the toilet was plugged. Holli is a wonderful person. From our interaction, she’s left on impression on our family. We prayed last year to find a family to help and found them. We will happily donate and do a hard thing. Our hearts and prayed are with them and you guys. To have wonderful friends is a true gift. Xo
Holli, I am crying silently, overcome with emotion at the loving friendship between you and Mel. I have followed her blog for years, and through her recipes, stories, and occasional Friday thoughts, I feel I have gotten to know who she is. I am not a religious person but please know I am praying for you and your family. Mel has had such a positive influence on me and I know on other readers, from afar, I can’t begin to imagine the impact she’s had on your life. I hope it is a comfort to have her in your circle, right by your side. I am sending you love from California! Julie
Holli,
You have stretched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I feel love for you and will be praying everyday for you and your family. I will pray that you feel the peace, comfort and happiness that come with the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
For my hard task I will not interrupt my husband all day long. That is the hard thing I am working on. I will do it!
Holli, I am just sending you and your family so much love and prayers from over the waters. <3 Mel, I hope the hugs you share today are the exact impetus needed to turn things around <3. For me, the hard thing I will do today is write out a game plan for getting my online yoga teaching going and do 1 step to put myself out there in an authentic way.
Dear Holli and Mel, Yours is a blessed friendship for sure. Today, I will phone an old friend who is usually the one to reach out and I will phone my mom…not always the smoothest relationship for either of us. I will lead these conversations from my heart not my head. Thank you for the reminder about the importance of connections.
My BeStrongForHolli Goal: I’ve been fasting and praying for strength and courage to enter into the workplace after being a stay-at-home Mom and Foster Mom for years. Today, I’m finding the marketing director for the company I’d love to work for and applying for the copywriter position. Thank you for the encouragement, Holli. God bless you and your family.
While I was undergoing treatment for breast cancer I was listening to music and came upon Miley Cyrus’ song “The Climb”. I had heard it before but never really “heard” the lyrics. I ended up listening to that song over and over and over! It still gets to me everytime and though certainly not a cure, it left a lasting and powerful message. Please share this one verse with Holli: There’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna make it move, Always gonna be an uphill battle, Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose, Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, It’s the climb. I will say a prayer for Holli and her family today
My eyes are filled with tears as I read this. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. You two are so blessed to have each other. So many people come in and out of our lives but only a few leave an imprint on our hearts. You both are in inspiration to me to do better and not take things for granted. I will call my sister-in-law today to see how she is. I’ll tell her that I love her (because I do, she is just a very challenging person to feel anything for) and more importantly, I will reach out to those that have imprinted on MY heart and let them know how much I love and appreciate them. Who doesn’t want to hear that they are loved, right?! Thank you for the challenge and the reminder about cherishing those that mean so much to us. My prayers are with you both.
It has been almost a year since my kids have been able to go to school in person due to Covid. Even though there are a lot of great things that have come from being together so much the last year, it is challenging to be without friends and extracurricular activities that we love. Thanks, Holli, for reminding me that we have a lot without all of that extra stuff. I have my eternal family, loving God, and so many blessings. I will give my six kids extra attention today in honor or you. Prayers to you and your family!
Holli sounds amazing. And I’m going to go hug my kids for a really long time and then I’m going to tackle all of the things in my life I’ve been avoiding. I might even do the laundry and bake bread. The weight of these times is excruciating some days… But having the opportunity to remember what matters is a beautiful gift to my day. Thank you Mel and Holli.
I checked Mel’s site for a salad to make for dinner and ended in tears as I read this post.
Holli- there aren’t words for your courage. I am so, so sorry for what you have had to endure in this life. Thank you for your example of valiant effort and faith. I won’t forgot your story and example! I live several states away, and was just looking for a recipe- but instead had my faith strengthened and my heart expanded. Prayers for you and your sweet family! I am going to take care of my special needs son with all the love, joy and generosity of spirit that you’ve inspired and renewed in me. Thank you! Much love and comfort to you!❤️
DEAR HOLLY,
I am 75 and I too have melanoma but on the top of my head. It resulted in a painful surgery which left a hole 5″x6″ of raw flesh which started healing after 7 weeks, last week. My gifts to you are 2-fold, #1 I will stop complaining and pray that God will take control of this situation. I know he will. #2. I will commit to praying for you every day and claiming HIS promises that he will take care of us, no mater what our situation.
My heart goes out to Holli and her family. What a lovely way to show your love for a friend. I’m going to clean my house today, I am perfectly able but with the pandemic, shelter in place and everyone home all of the time, I have lost the desire. While I am doing it – I will be grateful for my health and send strong thoughts to Holli. Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am.
Holli-you are amazing. Even when you don’t feel like it. The truth is, we all need each other to get back to our Heavenly Father. This life isn’t an individual battle at all. We all need each other or we can’t learn the things we need to do be closer to Him. So that means you are always a blessing. Whether you are feeling strong or weak, overwhelmed or encouraged, are giving or receiving. We all need all of us. And that includes every part of us. We love you and are sending thoughts and prayers your way! One of my favorite Elder Uchtdorf quotes is, “ Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely.” You keep trying Holli! You are loved more than you know! Good luck!
What a beautiful tribute to an amazing lady! So inspiring to see her faith and strength. My Holli goal will be to better prioritize my own mental health by limiting social media, and finally making an appointment with a therapist! Sending prayers and love to you both and your families!
Sending prayers for Holli and you to Mel! Our burdens are made lighter as I’ve recently experienced when we give our pride to the Lord, let go and allow others to help us and love us. Most of the time WE are the hands that bring about God’s miracles as we learn and practice to be like Him. ♥️♥️
I know that much good and positive change can and does come from our personal trials.
May God bless and comfort you both and your families.
Love Julie
What an incredible friend and follower of Christ you are. Thank you for your example! For Holli, I will not lose my temper on my 17 year old daughter for missing her early morning ACT prep class, like I’d like too, I will love her and forgive. I will also hug my children and clean my boys bathroom without swearing.
The snow is slowly falling this Monday morning in the little town you lived in Minnesota, and as I read your post my mind couldn’t seem to grasp the suffering that some people have to endure. My prayers will be for comfort in knowing God’s plan for Holli in the days ahead,
Of course I read your posts always and love to share your recipes with those around me.
During this pandemic an 87 year old neighbor has been separated from his wife who lives in Canada(very close to us)because of healthcare. So I’ve made food for him every so often to help him get thru this time.
God Bless You
Thank you for sharing this today. I have so much love in my heart for you and Holly and her family. I’ve been putting off my “no treats” challenge for a while because I just love food so much!! But I know how much better it makes me feel in the long run. This isbthe hard thing that I will start this week in honor of Holli and the hard things she is doing so steadfastly. I will be praying for you as well.
I teared up when reading this post! Lately I’ve been feeling quite discouraged about a number of things relating to living out my calling in life. As I read about Holli (and I thought of you – Mel – a stranger who has had such a profound impact on my life), I was reminded again of how often I make God too small – and miss the greater picture of how he’s at work – in the big and small things. This week I don’t want to give in to discouragement and hopelessness – but to look for small ways each day to live out God’s calling on my life. Thank you, Mel and thank you, Holli. May you know that “God who began the good work in you will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (Phil 1:6)
My heart hurts for Hollie! I hear stories like this and I think “How can something so awful, happen to someone so amazing?” I know there is a plan but I still cant help think WHY???
This week for Hollie, I will get out those dang board games that I despise and happily play them with my kids. I will think of Hollie during my dreaded workouts and when I want to quit, I will keep going a little more for her. I will look at our house chores differently this week and be grateful that I have a healthy body that allows me to take care of our home. And I will be praying for your sweet friend and her family every chance I get!
Dear Holli! What a warrior you are to keep fighting and not just giving up! What an example to all those around you near and far! I can’t even imagine but I do know that miracles happen maybe not what we think they should be but what God thinks you need! You are leaving such a legacy of faith, determination, and a disciple of Christ. I hate to even say this but I have been training for a marathon and it has taken me almost seven years to convince myself to work for. I have had for the last two weeks given up says I just can’t do it! Your story has made me determined not to give up on my goal! I should be grateful I can run at all and do my every day routine things, so I am grateful! Thank you Mel for sharing this and sharing Holli with us!! #beHollistrong
In honor of Holli I’m going to serve another family that has also received the devastating diagnoses during this last week with two of their children. (One parent is the PICU with the baby, the other in Seattle getting specialized treatment with their toddler)
Time to gather up my “keep kids busy bag” and head over to their house and make sure grandma who is tending the other kids, is still alive and kicking! I hate dropping in unannounced, and always question myself when I come to help others. Today I will be brave like Holli. I know this family needs the help! Prayers of peace and comfort for Holli and her sweet family at this time. Also prayers for the medical professionals taking care of her, that they will be inspired on how best to take care of her.
Thank you for this important reminder. Love and care to you.
Thank you f or sharing this story. I will pray for Holli’s comfort during this amazingly difficult time and for her family’s comfort. Inspired by Holli, I will not complain in February. February is routinely one of my hardest months because of seasonal depression. But this February, I will think of Holli and push through with a happy and grateful heart.
I’m going to get serious about my health and start exercising regularly. I’ve been meaning to, and I have everything I need but the will power. So I can work on that. Best wishes to your dear friend, her family, and all who know and love her.
Thinking of your sweet friend today. Thank you for sharing her story. For Holli I will not give up on my teenagers when they are being grumpy and all of their prickliness. I will hug and kiss them anyway. I will be joyful even when they are on my last nerve.
Mel, thank you for sharing Holli’s story, and Holli, you have inspired me to stop procrastinating, be more present in today, not regret yesterday, and remember that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Sending prayers to both of you and your families.
That was one of the most incredible and inspiring posts I’ve ever read. Wish I knew Holli.
Today I’m going to call my sister and give my 5 boys and husband extra long hugs- I’ve for sure gotten lazy about that and I hate that I’m taking them for granted.
I read this while sitting by a giant pile of clean laundry that needs to be folded and put away, while procrastinating starting my planned crockpot dinner for tonight. I’m going to start the dinner, I’m going to fold the laundry. I’ll even try to get it put away this week! Thank you for sharing Holli’s story, Mel. Prayers of love and comfort for Holli, her family, and those who have been (and will be) touched by Holli.
Hi Mel and Holli! Over the past 6 years, I’ve been diagnosed with and treated for two different types of cancer. I act like I’m all fine and everything is good, but I am so afraid of it coming back. And coming back worse. It keeps me awake at night and sneaks into my thoughts with every headache, backache, or basically any type of normal 40-something body ache! Normally, stories like Holli’s would send me into a tailspin of worry and survivors’ guilt. But not this time! It’s going to be hard, but this week I’m going to let go of that fear. For Holli. So much love and so many prayers for both of you today.
This post is what my soul needed today. It’s so easy for me (and us a humans) to forget that the things we have today are the very things we longed for, prayed for and hoped for only days, months or years ago. I forget that because as soon as I have something or achieved something, I quickly move on to “the next thing” on my list.
So in honor of your friend Holli, I will take time to actively WANT the beautiful things I already have in my possession— my husband, my 2 wonderful children (who I worked so incredibly hard to get here), my warm home, my capable body, my mind and my family and friends. I will be grateful for my 3 loads of laundry and my dinner to cook tonight. Thanks for reminding me of the beauty all around me. My own mother went through her own refiner’s fire with stage 4 melanoma cancer 16 years ago and it is unimaginably difficult. Prayers for Holli and her family. God bless them in their sacred journey.
Mel,
I will be praying for you and your precious friend and her family. This is very near to my heart. My best friend of 31 years, my soul sister type of friend, went to Jesus in April of 2020. She was truly a gift from God to me. My husband and I met her and her husband in our newlywed Sunday School class in 1988. Our kids grew up together. We were family. She and I both loved cooking and both of us subscribed to your blog and we would share our “Mel recipes” daily. She died of metastatic breast cancer. She leaves behind a husband and 5 children, 3 grandchildren. She knew Jesus as her Savior and Lord, and she is with Him now. I will see her again!
I feel very humbled by reading this and at a loss for words. Mel, you are a terrific friend and person. And Holli, oh dear heart what an inspiration you are to so many and how very precious you are. God smiles at you. We can only learn from this. Appreciate each day and be thankful for what we have. Many prayers for you Holli and your family. And lots and lots of email hugs too. And lots of hugs to you Mel…..
Claudia
Today, I’m going to go walk some stores. I’m 6 weeks out of abdominal surgery. It’s much easier to conserve energy and sit on the sofa, but doctor wants me walking and there’s 10” of snow on the ground. I tire easily and need to stay near a chair or my car, as my recovery diet still has me around 700 calories a day. I’ll walk Dollar Tree, then go sit in my car, drive to Goodwill, rinse and repeat. My recovery is going well and all signs report that the surgery accomplished what the doctor was planning. I’m fortunate, so very fortunate.
I will be praying for Holli for easing of pain, recovery from cancer, strength and comfort in the process. Also for comfort for her family and friends. Surety of God’s enduring love and plan.
Dear Mel and Holli, I lost my husband of forty years two years ago last month. He was the love of my life. My hard thing is I’m going to quit bemoaning the thirty years we didn’t have together. We always said we would celebrate our 70th wedding anniversary together. I’m going to start being grateful for the wonderful forty years I did have with him. I’m starting today looking for all of the positives in my life. Two wonderful children, five fantastic grandchildren and so much more. I have a God who has not let go of my hand since the night he took my husband to be with Him. Thank you for reminding me of these things.
My BeStrongForHolli Goal for today: I will snuggle up and read with my kids. I will observe the precious details about their little faces and look for the divine in each of them.
Thank you, Holli for the reminder today to choose light. Thank you for sharing your light.
May you feel the enabling power of Jesus Christ’s Atonement.
Thank you for your post. It is truly inspiring. Today, I’m going to try to not get frustrated with my children. Love and let go a little more. I’m also going to finally clean my kitten cabinets. Here’s to doing hard things. We can do it!
Holli- sweet warrior. Continue your fight!! The world may not Make sense But our will and courage does. Never cease in belief that your faith Will unravel the ultimate plan. Smile.
Laugh. Live. All our minutes matter, even the hardest ones. We are thinking and praying for you ❤️
And. I’ll leave you with a joke-
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use HoneyCombs
#MommasRule#NeverGiveUp#Don’tStopBelieving#WeCanConquer
Wow, I did not expect to read anything so inspiring when I came to look up recipes! Thank you Mel for putting into words a trial for what I am sure holli’s whole family is in right now. I am going to give my two boy teenagers an 8-second hug today. It sounds so small in comparison but I have been praying how to connect better with them—why are littles are so easier to love on— and maybe just starting with something small is the way to do it. Thank you for putting something out there that is just so good and filled with hope that it cannot be forgotten.
Prayers prayers prayers to Holli and her family.
Marriage has been hard lately. There’s been improvement–great improvement in the past year. But I struggle to let go of past hurts. I feel scared and vulnerable and I act poorly when I feel that way. I hold back, I question, I protect a little part of myself. I’ve been praying for help with guidance to move forward. Today, I will live with full fledged hope and act in that hope with love and patience.
Thank you Holli for both the nudge and permission to try it this way today. I’m excited!
Holli- Thank you for fighting, for choosing life over and over again! I am honored to know your name, to be praying for you. May comfort be yours in every needed way.
Today, I will take a long walk with my kids. I will paint the walls of my house with arthritic hands and a heart of thanks that I can do so.
how impactful and inspiring! Thank you for sharing the reminder of how th face trials ans adversity as God instructs in Scripture,
My BeStrongForHolli Goal is to strap on the snowshoes and the layers of clothes and head out into the -26 sunny day and walk around my farm. I am so inspired by this story of strength and determine. I can feel the love and friendship you have. This one is for you Holli! Thinking of you in Ontario, Canada.
Prayers prayers prayers to Holli and her family.
Marriage has been hard lately. There’s been improvement–great improvement in the past year. But I struggle to let go of past hurts. I feel scared and vulnerable and I act poorly when I feel that way. I hold back, I question, I protect a little part of myself. I’ve been praying for help with guidance to move forward. Today, I will live with full fledged hope and act in that hope with love and patience.
Thank you Holli for both the nudge and permission to try it this way today. I’m excited!
Sheesh Mel (and Holli) what a beautiful tribute! Nothing like starting Monday off with tears and gratitude. Thank you for inspiring me! We will be adding Holli and her family to our prayers. My “hard” that I’ve been procrastinating for months is that I have this office that is a catch-all and has been a disaster for months (coming up on a year). I’m the type where I need to have my space organized and clean before I can think. (It’s an issue with 4 kids!) I’m going to tackle my office this week and get it organized and functional once and for all! I’m so excited, thank you for the motivation. I’m sharing this post with my amazing mother and sister-in-law so we can all get after our hard things. Thank you for making the world (my world) a better place. ❤️
Thank you f or sharing this story. I will pray for Holli’s comfort during this amazingly difficult time and for her family’s comfort. Inspired by Holli, I will not complain in February. February is routinely one of my hardest months because of seasonal depression. But this February, I will think of Holli and push through with a happy and grateful heart.
Best recipe for life ever!! thank you