Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
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I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
Today, I’ll be 100% patient with my “threenager”. So much love and peace to you, Holli.
Prayers prayers prayers to Holli and her family.
Marriage has been hard lately. There’s been improvement–great improvement in the past year. But I struggle to let go of past hurts. I feel scared and vulnerable and I act poorly when I feel that way. I hold back, I question, I protect a little part of myself. I’ve been praying for help with guidance to move forward. To leave my heart more open. To not focus so much on me. Today, I will live with full fledged hope and act in that hope with love and patience.
Thank you Holli for both the nudge and permission to try it this way today. I’m excited!
What a wonderfully hard this must be. None of us would want to go through this sort of life changing thing. My throat is tight and has a lump in it for your sweet friend. And I pray her family feels the hands reaching down from above as they pray for the strength to finish the race.
Thank you for sending this message. I’m incredibly moved moved by your message and Holli’s story, and am so much more grateful for my life despite my own struggles. They are miniscule in comparison to what Holli has gone through. God bless Holli and her family, and she will be in my thoughts and prayers. She is blessed to have a good friend like Mel.
I am reading this at work and just barely holding back the tears! I work at a Middle School in the office and today I am gonna smile through this dang mask for all the world to see and try and make someone’s day brighter! I am humbled and strengthened by your story and will pray for you and your family! Thanks Mel for sharing this today! Here is a big smile and a hug for you both!
Hi Holli, What a sweet woman you are and someone to emulate. You are setting such a wonderful example for you children. Hope you can feel the love and prayers from NC. Just hearing your story makes me want to be a better person ❤️
Hugs, Susan
To Mel and Holli,
You guys. Your friendship and your faith makes me want to weep. I will pray for you through this hard, hard time. In honor of Holli, I will commit to putting my unhealthy eating habits aside ( something I know I’ve needed to do for a long time, because of a family history of severe heart disease) and will get out there and take a walk even when its cold and snowy and nothing in my body wants to get up and go. Be strong, God is with you!
So wonderful and humbling. This is the second time that I have been impacted by someone’s story in the last 4 days, where I feel so rebuked in my little problems and daily complaints. Thank you, Mel for this post! And please give Holli BIG virtual hugs for her faith and perseverance.
My BeStrongForHolli goal will be to have my most purposeful day around my house (without complaining!) Bless you both!
Nothing about me – just all about you two. What an incredible story of passion. I only wish I had that smile and intensity I just saw and read about. May your days be UNICORNTASTIC!!!! You are inspiring young lady!
Mel (and Holli), your post came on a Monday morning when I was feeling heaps of mean toward the people I love most in my life. They’ve been moody and grouchy and I’ve allowed that to turn me into nitpicking, sarcastic mom/wife. Thank you for this reminder to see them and snuggle them up instead of pushing them away. Today I will do just that.
Today I will spend time in my home serving my family and worrying less about closing my rings and checking off my personal to do list. I’ll even fold the heap of laundry on my couch and remember that I am truly blessed physically and spiritually. Thanks, Mel and thank you Holli for being an inspiration to remind us that life is so much bigger than ourselves. I always tell my kids that no man is an island. We are here to connect with and serve one another.
To Mel and Holli – being an avid gardener, last October I pulled a muscle in my left shoulder. After viewing numerous physical therapy videos(!) I succumbed to going to the doctor last month. I’ve now started physical therapy. I’m told it will be easily three months to heal……..that’s a long time to me because as much as there’s things I can do, I’m not able to place my left arm behind my back and have limited ability to raise same arm high. Yet, keeping Holli in the forefront, more effort will be made. And Mel, having made your recent recipe for Banana Peanut Butter bread with chocolate chips was truly a out of the park homerun with family/friends. I ate over half of the bread before offerring to hubby! lol Also being an avid baker, I will make this creation for Holli and share with friends. God bless you Holli and you too Mel for being the friend you are to Holli. Know God is with you on this journey and have faith! xox
I ask Jesus to lift you up and hold you in his amazing grace and embrace. I ask this in Jesus’s name for Holli and all those she holds dear.
Wow…here I was sitting, feeling like life was impossible cuz I cant get my kids to listen, my husband’s new job has majorly changed our schedules, and I’m tired always. But man….I’ve got a lot to be thankful for. So I am going to get up and clean up the tenthousandth mess today due to homeschooling kids and realize that if we cant get our act together today, we are still living life and living it together.
Thank you Holli, for reminding me that I can do hard things. I’m pregnant and feeling so tired a lot of the time, but I know I have the strength and discipline to get off the couch and get my house in order and play with my preschooler. Prayers for you and your family!
Today I’m also going to bring in all the groceries from the car and put them away first instead of procrastinating (pregnant over here so all of these are a huge win for me.
Sending prayers your way holli! And so much love! For the last two months we’ve been tossing around the name of Holli if we have a little girl, after reading this post I’m even more certain that’s her name.
I will hug my husband each night before I head up to bed this week.
Thank you Holli, for reminding me to appreciate the gifts I have. I will also be praying for you and your family.
oh Holli! You are a fighter and God is with you. The other day I was reading in Ecclesiastes God says the day you die is better than the day you are born! I was blown away with this verse. I am always fearful of death, of pain etc. It sounds like you have so much joy despite all the pain. I want to be like that. I don’t want to complain, I want to see the joy in life. I want to see God’s promises and focus on what God has for us, to set my eyes outside of this world. I am going to stop complaining and be more like Holli. I will pray for you Holli.
What an inspiring brave courageous woman.My prayers go out to her and her family.Sending love xxx
I’ve been sad lately as we are packing to move. Leaving friends, my church, etc. Today I will be thankful for the gifts God gives us daily, for our health, for family, for the beauty in the world he created and his grace and love. I am going to workout today to give my mind and body a lift and to help refocus my heart to be grateful instead of sad.
First of all – Holli, I am a stage 3 breast cancer survivor. The treatments nearly killed me. It IS a full-time job fighting cancer, and it tests your faith to the tipping point. You are doing an amazing job. You are inspiring people as you fight.
Second of all, Holli, today I’m going to choose to forgive a father-in-law and a couple of my friends who cut me to my very core. It’s really hard for me to push through the pain of rejection or attack on my beliefs, but I have to let it go so I can heal.
Let everyone take care of you. They will do a great job. Your job right now is to hug your kids and rest. I’m sending up prayers for you.
Hello Holli! I’m late seeing this but I will still comment. Oh my, it feels like yesterday that we were all at YW camp! Ha I loved reading what Mel had to write. I hope you know how accurate it is. Ok. I am going to be happy this week. I am not going to let the little or the big get in the way of being happy. I’m going to take time to be grateful. Love you Holli!
I am addicted to screens- mainly my phone. I commit to reducing time on social media to 1 hour a day. I will take back that time for my family and for the benefit it will be to my mental health. Thank you, Holli, for motivating me to do this hard thing. Thank you for the extra time with my family.
I will go back to the gym and run a mile! Prayers and strength for your dear friend.
I’ve never commented on something online before but sweet Holli is my cousin and I couldn’t pass this up. Our family has been praying for you Holli since we first learned about your cancer over a year ago. We pray for your children and your husband too. You have been a solid example of doing hard things.
Every year in February I give myself the gift of running a private, on my own 10k just to see if I still can. This year I really didn’t want to and have been trying to talk myself into it. Now I’ve found a purpose and will dedicate my 10k to you. I love you Holli
Sending love and prayers Holli’s way!! Thank you so much for your testimony and sharing Holli’s journey with us. You are right, we take everyday for granted and my goal is to finally get the pesky wallpaper off my kitchen walls that I have put off for 3 years!! I will also give my 4 children the biggest hugs I have ever given them. Thank you Holli for being a great role model for all the strong women out there. May God bless you and your family!!
You are blessed to know someone like Holli and now we are blessed to know of her as well. I have been complaining so much about washing dishes non stop during covid and after reading what she has been going through and endured I feel shameful…. I will carry out my chores without complaint in honor of Holli and keep her as a source of inspiration. I am in awe….
Mel and Holli thank you for being inspirations across the world today (reading from some of the comments). I sat down last night with a planner for the year, and gave up; for the quarter, and gave up; for the month and finally went to bed discouraged. I picked up a book for the first time that a friend had given me months ago to help with this discouragement. I read four chapters. (The Red Sea Rules by R. Morgan) Today, in honor of Holli’s strength and inspiration, I’ll finish up a plan for the month and use it to guide me through the rest of the quarter, including in it: better meals, exercise, and getting to the writing projects I’ve been setting aside because “life is hard.” Life is Once, and I need to get back to it.
So grateful for this post and reminder to value your own strength and life exactly how it is, praying for you and cheering for you Holli! All the way from
Mississippi❤️ Today I sat down and read one book like 20 times to my 1 year old—and then played unicorns with my 3 year old for an hour—a solid hour but I really tried to soak it all in and was reminded that no project or meal or job is more important than spending time with her. Thank you Mel for the challenge and for always keeping it real!
This is a beautiful tribute to your amazing friend and it brought me to tears. Her strength through all of her difficult times is truly inspiring. My prayers will go out to Holli and her family. She is also blessed to have you as a friend because I know how much a good friend can help you through trying times. Today I will work with my students at school and know that I can help them through their struggles. I am also feeling blessed that my elderly parents recently made it through COVID and I believe they are still hear for a reason. I will continue to strive to bring joy tho those around me.
Hugs and prayers to you.
Thank you for sharing Holli’s story with us. I needed to read this today. I’ve had close friends with stage 4 cancer and their strength and courage truly amazed me. I’ve watched their children take on some of those same qualities because they witnessed those qualities in their mothers. Tell Holli that she is giving her kids a priceless gift… her example. I’ll be praying for her daily and today I will run a mile. I’ve never been successful at running but mostly because I tell myself I can’t run. If I ever want to be strong for future trials I have to start believing in my own strength. Thank you Holli for inspiring us to be better.
Knowing how Holli loves people unconditionally I’m going to try my hardest to do that. To see them as our Heavenly Father sees them. To not judge. To serve even when it’s inconvenient. Love you and your family Holli! Thanks for your examples and friendship! And love you Mel! Thanks for this post, your friendship and making me a better cook!
Holli, I am 81 years old. Have lived a long, inconsequential life! I would give you a part of this life to you if I could! You are a very special person according to your friend. God bless you, Holli! I wish I had known you on my own journey! You could have taught me a lot!
Dixie, no ones life is inconsequential. The very fact that you offered Holli part of your years on earth if you could says a lot about you already. Learn to love yourself as the Lord loves you. There is still time.
I heard that song earlier last week. That is where my heart is right now with all that is bombarding us. Just Jesus and His truth!!!!! I am seeking to find a place of service in our new home in an effort to be part of God’s plan for his people. Praying for you, Holli and those who love you. Thank you for the blessing of being a small part of your walk with Him.
In honor of Holli I will be cleaning a pile of clothes that I’ve just been needlessly procrastinating because I’ve been sick. But I’m well enough to make a dent! And I’m going to be doing child directed time with no screens for my kids this week again. It’s only 10 minutes each but it changes our whole day. Thanks for the challenge to rise above and be a little better. ❤️❤️❤️
What an amazing story. Those six children and husband have an special person in Holli. May St. Jude look upon you and guide you through his amazing abilities.
I hope you remain strong throughout this journey you are on.
God Bless you.
This was exactly what I needed today! Thank you. I love Holli. (I don’t even know her, but through you, her example shines brightly!) This week I’m going to do something hard each day! I will forgive someone who has hurt me incredibly badly, even though my body hurts due to my own medical reasons, I’m committing to walking at least 3 miles each day because I still can, I’m going to pray for my parents- their ani-mormon attitude/take on life has hurt me deeply since I joined the church years ago, but especially lately, and it’s time to just move on and pray for them, I’m going to finally tackle the ever-growing pile of clean clothes next to my bed so my husband doesn’t have to complain anymore, and I’m going to sit through my daughter’s soccer practice without complaining- I can sit through almost any other practice except soccer!
I’m also going to pray for you, your family, Holli, and her family. Those things aren’t hard to do!
Sending love and prayers to Holli and her family. Today I will serve someone extra in my neighborhood.
What a beautiful tribute to your friend, Mel! Today I will finally pick up that kettlebell I got for Christmas and do the workout I’ve been simultaneously excited to do AND terrified of. Fear has been winning lately. However, Life (and mentors) recently taught me to use that little word “and” more than “but”. Life is hard AND incredibly wonderful. I don’t need to pick one or the other
Yes! I will pray and support!
I needed to read your words “I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.” I want this on a tee shirt ♥ Thank you for sharing Holli’s story.
Hi Holli. You sound like one woman. I am inspired by your grit. In your honor, I am going to work on loving my body despite feeling frustrated with it for how broken it feels right now. (It’s not a body image thing… no, it’s that my body has given me a lot of grief lately with health stuff and I’ve been mad at it.) I need to make peace with it and know I can, I just need to be grateful for what it can do, instead of what it can’t.
Thank you for the inspiration. I’m going to get off this couch and computer and be more present.
Sending prayers for Holli and her family. Sent a donation from my family to yours.
What an amazing woman. I am going to think of her whenever I feel discouraged or overwhelmed by a problem or a concern. I am going to feel more grateful, happier and content with my life and my problems and thank the Lord for the problems I have, because compared to many like Holli and others, I am very blessed. She and her family will be in my prayers!
Goodness; I am sitting here at work trying not to weep. Thank you for sharing Holli’s story. She and her family will be in my prayers. I have been on a weight loss journey the last few months but have put off starting to exercise- it’s too hard, I don’t have enough time, I’m too tired. I will change that today, in honor of Holli.
In honor of Holli we’ll have an abundance of 8 second hugs here and we’ll go visit my mom ❤️
In honor of Holli, I just made the call to schedule my next pap smear – which I should have done last year but have been trying to avoid and have used every excuse possible to not do it.
What a beautiful post and tribute to your friend! My Be strong for Holli goal is to get back on my bike today-even though I’m still very sore and tired from my last ride. ❤️
Thank you for sharing Holli’s story, Mel! Today, I’m going to be grateful for my healthy kids and my sweet husband. We have been going through some hard things and I’ve spent a lot of time nitpicking and wishing life was different. Instead, I’ll put down my phone and cuddle my babies and thank my husband for the many things he does. ❤️
Wow! What an incredibly inspiring, painful, beautiful and most importantly LOVING post. Mel, you, Holli and her family will be in my prayers from this second forward and I vow to use my body and my love to do things that I often take for granted. Today, I will reach out to a loved one in my life whose relationship has been very trying to maintain. I will let down my defenses and just let us BE as friends. I will set aside petty differences to let the importance of love and understanding be the guide through our journey. It is not the amount of times that matters here on Earth, but the quality of that time. From your words, I gather that Holli spends her time making others know they matter. She spreads love, hope, humor and her devotion to Christ, and this one girl from Atlanta vows to take that inspiration and apply it to my life moving forward.
By the way, my friend just called me back and we are meeting at 4:30 this afternoon. God Bless you, Mel, for sharing: And God Bless Holli, her family and all of her friends through this incredibly difficult time.
Praying for God’s mercy and strength to continue to burn brightly in you Holli. Lord God, the dead cannot praise Your name or tell of Your goodness. If it be Your will Lord, please heal Holli today, completely. May the evidence of You be so obvious no one will be able to say it was anything but a miracle. Hold her husband and children tightly in Your arms. Give them all peace beyond understanding. In Jesus name we pray. Amen