Monday Thoughts: Will You Help Me?
UPDATE: I wanted to let those of you know who check back here for an update, that our sweet Holli ended her earthly battle with painful terminal cancer on April 2, 2021. I don’t know anyone who lived life as full of faith and testimony and love for God as Holli, so it was bittersweet and beautiful that she passed away on Good Friday, just days before Easter. Words are inadequate to describe the heartbreak of the last few days as her husband and six kids have faced this new reality, but her family has been comforted and buoyed up by the knowledge that Holli is finally free of pain and suffering, and they are clinging to the knowledge that they are not alone, that God is aware of them, that He will help them, and that they will see Holli again.
Thank you for your overwhelming support on this post and through other means for Holli and her family. Her sister and I read her your comments as they came in – she was brought to tears every time as so many of you shared your own personal challenges. She couldn’t believe over 1,000 of you chose to do something hard for her. It touched her in ways impossible to describe and gave her peace that carried her through her final days as she contemplated that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
We love you, Holli! Life will truly never be the same without you.
——–
I’m taking a little departure from my usual recipes today. We’re going straight into Monday Thoughts (never been done before). Just go with it.
I have some things weighing on my heart and mind that I want to share with you.
But first, I want to tell you about someone.
Her name is Holli. She’s an incredibly dear friend of mine (think: soul sister type of friend).
In all my years of blogging, I’ve never dedicated a whole post to a real, live human. Chocolate chip cookies? Yes. Random Friday thoughts? Yes. Special human beings? Not so much.
But today, I need your help. Holli needs your help.
It might not be the “help” you are thinking of, but if you have a minute, stick with me for a story and then a request (spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with money).
The back story: I’ve known Holli for six years – ever since we moved from Minnesota to Idaho. She’s spunky. She’s hilarious.
She’s a truth seeker and a fighter for justice. She’s an amazing mom to six wildly wonderful kids. She constantly serves everyone around her. To know Holli is to love her.
Amid all of Holli’s greatness, she’s had an incredibly challenging life. Not all of the details are mine to share, but suffice it to say, her life has not been easy. Intense infertility, adoption, countless (and I mean countless) surgeries for health issues related to colitis, job stresses, and the list goes on.
Most people don’t know many of these things about Holli because she is in that rare camp of: Fiercely Independent Non-Complainer.
Seriously, if I didn’t love her so much, it would be almost annoying, because she just.never.complains. That girl can fight through pain and struggle like no one else. (And yet, she still listens when I complain about my pigs escaping or my cookies burning.) #goodfriend
About a year and a half ago on top of all the other challenges Holli has faced in her life, after finding a seemingly innocent lump, she was unexpectedly and devastatingly diagnosed with stage 4 internal metastatic mucosal melanoma. This diagnosis came out of nowhere, and needless to say it has rocked their family’s world.
The last 15 months have been filled with immunotherapy, radiation, flights to Mayo clinic for consultation, more treatments, pain, and indescribable stress and worry.
(Not to mention six kids and all of their daily, busy, and often difficult emotional needs.)
Through it all, Holli has remained one of the strongest warriors I’ve ever seen. She has powered through horrific treatment side effects that would easily fell the rest of us, and has quite literally taken on the full-time job of fighting cancer.
She has not once given up hope. She has retained a strong and abiding faith in a loving God who knows her and has a plan for her.
Miraculously, 2020 gifted Holli more than six months of respite, thanks to a combination of immunotherapy, holistic treatments (gosh, I could tell some stories involving slippery elm gruel and tinctures here but I won’t), and a complete shift to a sugar-free and vegan diet.
Last month, things started to fall apart for Holli again. Sudden seizures, many ER trips, and lots of pain revealed the cancer had ferociously spread throughout Holli’s body and into her brain.
She no longer has the full function of the left side of her body and she is in excruciating pain nearly constantly.
And still. She continues to show more strength in her pinky finger than I have in my entire body and soul.
Today, I wanted to give back to Holli in some way. Sure, that can easily be done through their GoFundMe page.
But I wanted to also do something else.
Holli has spent her entire lifetime being strong for other people and using her inner and God-given strength to conquer her greatest challenges, but her body is failing her right now, and she is no longer able to do some of the things that you and I probably take for granted.
Fold laundry.
Braid her daughter’s hair.
Take a walk around the block.
Load the dishwasher.
Send a text message.
I don’t believe it’s healthy or constructive to compare challenges. Hardship and stress and grief is individual. It’s sacred. Hard is hard no matter what you are going through or dealing with.
But if I’ve learned anything from Holli’s situation, it is to look for the good (even on very bad days), appreciate the mundane, and be grateful for each and every day.
And this is where I need your help.
Will you do something for me? For Holli? For you?
Will you do something hard today? Or this week? Something that perhaps you’ve been procrastinating?
It may not be something that would be hard to anyone else, but remember: that doesn’t matter. Your life is your own.
- Maybe it’s getting off the couch and finally running that pesky mile even if you haven’t run in years.
- Or picking up the phone to call a family member who you haven’t talked to in a while.
- Maybe it’s just being grateful that you have the ability and motor skills to fold laundry today.
- Or giving your spouse or child a hug even if you (or they) feel prickly and unloveable.
- Maybe it’s finally ditching the three-sizes-too-small jeans hiding in your closet and buying a pair of jeans that fit your amazing and able body.
- Or saying a prayer for the first time in a long time (or ever).
If you feel so inclined to share, will you leave a comment on this post? Even if you aren’t sure you can do it yet, write your plan in the comments and we’ll be strong together.
I am going to plop myself on Holli’s bed and read all of your comments out loud to her. And let her know that there are people across the world inspired by her story and strength.
Holli does not like attention or being a burden or inconvenience to anyone (if you know her in real life, you know how true that is!), but she does feel as though her life has purpose insomuch as it has inspired others that they, too, can do hard things and be stronger for it.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: finally get through a 30-minute virtual cycling class without falling off and quitting and acknowledge that my body is strong and able (and also give each of my kids at least three 8-second hugs today – our home has been filled with contention lately and I need to be the impetus to changing that). Love you, Holli.
Thank you for letting me take a departure from food today.
I’ll leave you with the words of one of Holli’s favorite songs:
And I, I don’t want to leave a legacy
I don’t care if they remember me
Only Jesus
And I, I’ve only got one life to live
I’ll let every second point to Him
Only Jesus
I have the best readers in the world. Thank you for being here and for all you do to make this world a better place.
Our family has been going through some difficult times in the last few weeks, and it has been so clear even in the midst of the muck that God’s presence is everywhere. I pray that you and your family feel that, Holli! Today I pledge I will stop living in the future – trying to figure out what will be and how I will handle it, and I will remember to sit still enough to see God in the now. A quick Bible story that helped me a lot – I was reading the story of Abraham being asked to sacrifice Isaac, and the question was asked, “What was God asking Abraham to do?” Obviously he wanted God to trust Him enough to give up even Isaac – trust His plan enough to follow even when it didn’t make sense. It became so clear to me in that moment that not only did Abraham need to trust God’s plan for HIS life, he needed to trust God’s plan for Isaac’s life. So in this moment, I pray that you not only trust God’s plan for your life, but that you also trust His plan for your husband’s life, for your kids’ lives – that somehow, what you are going through was part of what God always knew he would allow in their lives too. Nothing is wasted. We may not understand it, but we know we can trust it! Love from Minnesota!
I’m in recovery. This is a welcome reminder to appreciate the mundane, tell your loved ones what they mean to you, seize the day.
I struggle with fear and anxiety. Holli’s story is inspiring. It reminds me to get out of myself. Each day I work with others and each day, in this way, I get out of my anxiety. May the universe bless Holli. Thanks for the beautiful post, Mel.
Going to be grateful and have a positive attitude about my job, the work that I can do and the ways that I can serve others with a smile on my face!!
I love this. Holli, thank you for inspiring all of us to do hard things. To take the next right step. To trust that God is guiding us even when it’s hard to distinguish his hand at times. ❤️
Today I’m committing to staying mentally, verbally, and non-verbally patient with my beautiful children.
Hang tough sister.
Prayers for Holli and her family! ❤️
I wish I could be there with both of you. I feel your love for each other. We should all be so fortunate to have that level of friendship in our lives. I’m deeply moved and will strive to be the type of friend you both have been to each other. Love and prayers from Michigan.
God bless you both. I will say my prayers for you on an on-going basis and if you should ever want something to read everyday, please go to Amazon and get the small book called Jesus Calling it gives inspiration, from Jesus’ own words, written by a woman pastor, Sarah Young, after battling her own issues. I sincerely hope that you are healed and pain free and I do believe that miracles happen. This world is so crazy I believe there is a better place waiting for all of us. God bless your families too and hope their strength and hope remain forever active.
My BeStrongForHolli goal: As I write this to you, my tears are blurring the keyboard, and I am connecting heart to heart with you, strong woman. Although I don’t know you, I know I love, appreciate, and honor you as a Sister. My goal is to show up for my inner calling to serve in a bigger brighter way as a bodyworker, a writer, and a speaker. To believe I can do this now and take daily actions instead of staying small and only thinking about it. Sending LOVE.
It’s true, Holli is just an amazing lady!! I’ve long admired and, let’s be honest, been pretty envious of women like her, like you Mel, and so many women that seem to have it all together with clean homes, amazing- everything made from scratch meals, always being there for all the PTO/PTN/whatever it’s called in your neck of the woods meetings, organizing and heading up community events, and so many other huge talents. Often I feel as if I’m just trying to keep my head above water & doing my best to not complain!!! Knowing Holli personally as well as watching her YouTube videos, those are just a couple of her many talents that she exudes: positivity and having an eternal focus. She rises above her challenges with such elegance. Even when she stumbles across the obstacles she’s been given in life, she still keeps her head lifted toward God & thanks Him for every moment, learning or triumph. That has been my biggest take away lesson I’ve learned from her. It makes a tremendous difference when you focus on things you’re grateful for in spite of challenges, & take time to enjoy life! That’s what my goal is, and… run that dang mile or two. All my love to you & Holli! ❤️
Wow Mel and Holli I am in tears. My heart aches for your struggle and I am praying for you. What an amazing thing to read all of these posts. Today is going to be full of kindness, light, love and change for the better for SO many people because of your inspiration.
My goal for you is to reconnect with my teenage son that I haven’t felt very connected to lately. I’m going to go down in his room tonight and sit on his bed and have a good conversation with no judgement and criticism. I’m going to hug him tight and make sure he knows how much I love him. Thank you Holli for reminding me what’s important and inspiring me to change. May God bless you and your family
Sending huge bunch of hopes and hugs from Switzerland, far, far away from Idaho.
How blessed you are to have a friend liked Holli in your life to show you the way. And Holli too is blessed to have you for support. My prayers are for both of you and your families as you navigate the upcoming days.
Mel, I have loved your recipes for years! I often direct people to your site for the yummy things I have made. Thanks for sharing this post. Today I will do all the Monday pick up, cleaning and laundry and put it away so that when my kids get home, I won’t nag them and we will go outside and play together on this beautiful Texas winter day. Thank you Holly for the reminder that the mundane is wonderful and I’m grateful that I am able to do it.
The love you have for your friend is a beautiful thing! I can see how grateful you are to have her in your life. I am grateful to be reminded how precious friends are and friendship is. Thank you both for reminding me. I completed my first 60 min spinning class (at home) inspired by brave, beautiful Holli! Thank you, sweet friends ♥️
What a beautiful post, for a beautiful person. Holli and her family are in my prayers.
My BeStrongForHolli goal will be one that I’ve struggled with for years. I have three amazing sons, and a husband who has little interest in being a dad to them. I have allowed the bitterness over that to affect me for way too long. Instead of dwelling over it, I will be thankful for my boys, and the close relationship that I have with them. I will also be giving the 8 second hugs to each of them throughout the day.
I will be thankful and I will be praying for Holli.
Mel, you’re a sweetheart and I ache for Holli and all that she and her family go through, She’s part of my meditations from now on, sending her all the healing energy I can.
I started drinking coffee with no sugar a few days ago (very hard for me to do) and will now stand by that resolution even more. A sugar-free diet is what I know I need.
It’s so you to post this, and I love you for it.
I just came here to meal plan this morning, and saw this new post so I read it first. I have tears streaming down my face for your sweet friend. I am going to face my current challenges with courage rather than anger and feeling sorry for myself (which I’ve been doing too much of lately). After reading this I’m feeling grateful for my own trials and that they look nothing like this. I’m going to run with your idea of giving my kids some long hugs after school. We all need it. I’m going to be grateful for every little tedious act of house work I do today because I have the ability to do it. Thank for sharing this with us, and I will pray for Holli.
Your post made me cry. Not because of the sadness of what Holli has been through, but the strength that she emanates, even through a secondhand post of a friend.
My life has been full of hard moments lately and this morning, I was done. I didn’t want any part of the hard anymore. And then I read your post. While I am still feeling extremely buried in hard, I decided I could do one more hard thing today, then maybe another tomorrow.
So today, I will hug my kids and speak calmly to them. I will focus on them and how they’re feeling for 10 minutes, instead of being consumed by my own feelings.
Thank you for your words, Mel.
Thank you Holli, for your courage and strength and faith.
For Holli and Mel. As a Canadian Snowbird sitting in Florida this morning and complaining that it is cold here today, I’m so glad I found Mel’s post. I will not complain about the weather, COVID, border closures or anything else I can’t control. I will think of you both as you travel this journey together. Holli, your Mel is a blessing in your life. May you both find peace.
You are such a wonderful friend to do this for your amazing friend Holli. She seems to be a wonderful, strong women and is fighting her health battles with all the strength God has given her. I am going to start reading my devotional bible guide daily so I can feel closer to God and show my gratitude to Him for all that he has blessed my life with. Thank you for sharing this story and I will try less to not complain about all the everyday tasks I am able to do each day.
Dear Holli,
There is not much that I can do at this point in my life. I turn 78 in a couple days. But I do promise you one thing. I will add you and your family to my prayer list and I will pray for you all each and every day from now on.
Gene
My BeStrongForHolli goal: After working nine hours today, I will fold the four loads of towels currently sitting in my laundry room with joy that I can fold them and put them away. I will start another load of laundry because it is endless – you know, you have six kids! Tonight I will do it with the knowledge that some moms cannot do these tasks and pray for you and your caregivers, nurses, and doctors. My heart aches for you and your fiercely independent self! Feel the love, it is surrounding you and your family. Thanks Mel for sharing Holli’s story today.
Wow. This is such a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing. I had total knee replacement surgery three months ago. It’s a long journey. One of a lot of pain while I do my therapy. This has convinced me to stop and be grateful. Not to complain. I tend to do that. I am a grey prayer warrior. And a true believer and follower of our Lord and Savior. God Bless you as a friend. And your beautiful friend Hollie. I will be lift Hollie and her family. I have followed you for years and you are my gosh to for recipes. God bless. Trish Jackson
May the Lord watch over you Holly. I will keep you in my prayers.
I feel grateful that you shared Holli through your post today! Reading it-I felt uplifted! It sounds like Holli has a “recipe” for success and happiness through humor, through her service, through her grit and determination-through her steadfast and independent nature. Reading about Holly I noticed sun streaming in through my windows, and I thought of all my daily blessings, of family, friends, faith. I already know I can do hard things-but I can stretch farther, reach out more, and lift others more. I will be praying for Holli and her family, and I will challenge myself to physically get up and out and move more-since that is an area I struggle with. Grateful for Yours and Holli’s examples of friendship!
I will help my husband prune the fruit trees today—without complaint!
I will also pray for Holli and her family.
Prayers for Holli! Thanks Mel, for sharing.
I’m 83, a 2 x breast cancer survivor, mastectomy in 1994, other side in 2013. Because many loved and prayed for me, many I didn’t even know, I have been cancer-free for almost 8 years. There are other problems, of course at this age. But, Like Holli I believe God’s purpose in this life hasn’t been completed yet.
Mel, you have helped the Lord let Holli into our lives, so I will continue prayer for her and for her family: her dear six boys and their wonderful father.
Oh, my heart aches. I can feel your love and admiration for your friend, and I can just feel that she is so loved and so special.
Before I read this post, I did a hard cycling work out. The instructor said, “Someone out there woke up wishing they could move and work the way you are right now.” That hit me so hard. What a true blessing and gift it is to have this body that can work hard, can get things done, can hold my babies. I will do all of those things today, longer and harder and with more gratitude and purpose, in honor of your lovely friend.
I will be praying everyday for Holli and her family. Cancer is a wicked disease that affects the whole family and dear friends. May Jesus hold you in his loving arms, give you comfort, hope, and know how much you are loved.
Cheryl
Dear Holli and Mel, Holli my heart goes out to you today. God in his glory comes to us in mysterious ways doesn’t He? He comes to you in the form of physical suffering. Today He is coming to me through Mel as a prayer warrior for you. Today and many days forward I will stop and pray specifically for you and your family that you may find peace and even joy amidst your pain. God Bless You Holli.
Wow. What an inspiring lady your friend is. Today, I will pray for her and her family. God provides miracles. I pray for one for Holli. Meanwhile, I am going to flip the script and be grateful I GET to do laundry and cook for my family. Because it is a gift, I see so clearly after reading your thoughts today. Blessings to Holli, her family and you and yours, Mel.
Our family has been going through a similar situation with my brother in law with melanoma. We had an amazing experience as a family that I wanted to share in hopes that it might lift Hollys spirits. The news covered it. All our love.
https://www.deseret.com/faith/2021/1/30/22256654/byu-football-equipment-truck-utah-mans-dying-wish-ride-cancer-community-kalani-sitake
https://ksltv.com/454282/byu-football-truck-fulfills-clinton-mans-dying-wish/?fbclid=IwAR0gJqfOlVyeggwt_VoQopVaU5Fl7oZwlW_FdOQWo65jhBsDY7xmftV2otY
Praying for Holli and her family. And reaching out to join my church’s prayer team.
I love that song! One of my favorites. My goal for holli today is make progress on my business by creating my Facebook page and give my kids a good long hug. Thanks for this wonderful idea and a good way to have some perspective about my life today.
I am bawling now…unapologetically, because a beautiful (unknown till now ) friend is hurting so much. If I lived next door to Holly I could find a million ways to help her. Stay strong, Holly– I already have a candle lit for you and will keep you in my prayers. God bless and help your children and may you all find resolve and strength that only
God can award you. Surely you will be rewarded in Heaven when God calls you home. I love you and the example you show your family.
I’ve been severely lacking in motivation or enthusiasm. Today I will give my kids my focus, and homeschool them without one eye on my phone. I’ll get outside and start my woodworking project.
Thank you for sharing. I prayed and cried as I read and I will do several hard things without complaining. I am currently recovering from a severe injury to my arm. It is healing – physical therapy and cortisone and God are helping me regain strength. I will do my exercises and limit my activities and let my husband do the things I can’t without resenting it or complaining in my head. I will pray for Holli instead. I will rejoice for her life and I will be thankful for mine.
Mel & Holli what a beautiful & precious friendship you share! What an inspiration you
are Holli to so many others that cross your path.
I will be extra patient with my husband(we
share tooooo much retirement time togetherness)
You & your family will be in my prayers
Isiah 41:10
Your message really moved me and left me questioning why good people suffer so much! We’ve seen so much evil in the last few years and with the pandemic, it has brought out the selfishness and stupidity of a lot of people who disregard the safety and health of others.
Your friend sounds like such a kind and giving person and yet she is suffering more than one person should have to. Life is really unfair! The only morsel of goodness I can find is that her children will remember a mom who was wonderful, kind and giving and hopefully that will impact them in their future and help mold them in her likeness.
In the name of our mighty Lord and Savior, Jesus, I pray for comfort, peace, and strength for Holli and her family. I will love my family with all I have and give them a positive attitude. Sending love and hugs.
Mel you are a great friend to this incredible woman. Prayers for healing from Carson City, NV.
Praying for your dear sweet friend. Your post had me in tears. I am going to do a hard workout this morning in honor of Holli. I was going to take the esay route but won’t today. Thank you for sharing your post had me in tears. What a good reminder for us all that we can do hard things and that we have oh so many blessings to be grateful for despite all the trials we maybe facing!!
Good Morning sweet Holli – Many of us need an inspiration to do the difficult things in our life. You are now my inspiration! Like everyone, I have a long list of things in my life I need to address. I have been an athlete all my life and thought I was invincible. A small heart attack last summer was a huge slap in my face. Mel will appreciate this…I bought a Peloton in October and have been going a bit crazy putting in countless hours each month. I am now too weeks into an eight week team challenge on the bike. I have eight classes each week that I need to complete. Each week gets harder. I got through the second week, but now things start getting really hard. I am going to think of you Holli, each time my legs and head want to stop. God knows there is no comparison to your challenges, but I will rely on your strength to push me to be a better person. Bless you Holli. You are a warrior!!
I will be praying for you, Holli and your beautiful family. You’re right, Mel. Don’t take anything for granted, instead of complaining we should see every trial and frustration as a way to serve Jesus and be thankful we are able to perform the tasks we are given or look to Him for strength to perform those tasks. I am a nurse, I’ve taken care of so many COVID patients that did not survive. Heartbreaking. Don’t take life for granted.
Katherine from Arlington, TX
I am so sorry to hear of the pain and illness your friend has gone through. It’s not fair and it sucks.
My BesteongforHolli goal: my husband has been talking for years about hiking a mountain he climbed as a kid. I am more of a flat terrain hiker. He has asked me to hike it with him. I’m going to do it. It’s going to be hard.
Praying for Holli and her family.
I have cancer fighters in my family. This quote is from the book “Everybody Needs a Brain Tumor.” This embodies how my brother fought his fight with cancer, and it sounds like Holli is made of the same stuff. Godspeed to her and her family. “When someone dies from cancer, the fight isn’t lost because their body was overtaken. The fight took place in their mind, heart, and soul. Victory is not determined by if or when they die, but how they lived while they were fighting. Cancer, like life, will do what it must, but we can control our attitude, how we treat others, how we live, and how we feel about the world. Beating cancer shouldn’t be about being cured from cancer; beating cancer should be about mentally and emotionally overcoming a difficult and sometimes terminal situation. It should be about living life to the fullest and being happy, even when everything seems to be pulling you the other way.” – David Koelliker
I just love this! My #bestrongforholli goal is to wash, fold AND put away all the laundry in my house today. I find doing laundry to be one of the least glamorous chores in the house. Often I’ll get more excited about a different chore and postpone the laundry until it can’t wait any longer. But today, after reading this post, I am going to do it with gratitude in my heart that I physically can do it and that I live with people I love who wear these clothes. Holli, you sound like an amazing person. Stay strong, you’ve inspired me!
I’m going to get on the treadmill! I ruptured my Achilles a few months ago and I’ve been making excuses to just not do any exercise because it feels stiff and uncomfortable. But I have the ability to push through and do hard things, so I’m going to do it! I am grateful for my body and for this opportunity to not take for granted what I can do that others cannot. Bless you Holli. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your heart, sweet Mel. Holli, in your honor I’m going to stop silent screaming about how painful my Multiple Sclerosis has been lately. I don’t like to complain either. I’m going to confide in my husband who deserves to know, and then I’m going to put the pain past me and play with my kiddos in the snow.
Sweet Holli I don’t know you but I love you. Oh those precious kids who are blessed to witness a mother such as you. I am also a mother of six young kids and I feel one of the greatest things I can give my children is an eye for seeing the good. I will pray for you. Thank you for your story and strength. Today, I will pick up the phone. I have a grandmother that lives states away and wants nothing more than to see and talk to her family! I don’t call because, well frankly, I don’t make time. It’s hard to prioritize things that don’t feel important to me which I realize in incredibly selfish. You are amazing. You are wonderful. We can all do hard things!!