Friday Thoughts: Quick Life Update + Easing Back In
After being gone for several weeks, I’m easing back into blogging today with a quick life update.
It’s a hard one to write. Many of you “met” my dear friend, Holli, from this post a couple months ago. Thank you for your response on that post. I can’t overstate what your comments (and all the emails and private messages that flooded in) did to buoy Holli up during what would become the most painful and difficult weeks of her life.
She was so inspired by you. She cried as she read your comments (or as they were read to her) as she realized that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
Holli ended her earthly battle with terminal cancer a few weeks ago, and those of us who know her and love her feel the weight of the loss keenly – none more so than her husband and six kids and those extended family members close to her. My heart breaks continually watching this sweet family begin to pick up the pieces of a life without their sweet Holli.
Grief is a funny thing. It invites itself in and settles deep in the heart without asking permission. It can leave you breathless and numb one minute, laughing and crying the next.
At times over the last week or so, I’ve found myself trying to discount my grief and sorrow, telling myself that I wasn’t family to Holli – I was just a friend, and as such, maybe I just need to suck it up a bit? Get on with life?
But I’m learning, cautiously, that grief doesn’t exist on a continuum. One person’s grief is no less substantial or worthy than another person’s. It’s just…different. And we are all entitled to it.
After spending time with Holli and being in her home nearly every day for the last 21 months, I feel like I’ve lost a sister. And it hurts. I hurt for my loss. I hurt for Holli’s heartbroken family. I hurt for the injustice and unfairness of life. I hurt because, well, I just can’t help it.
Holli’s needs and her passing and her funeral (and everything else that is bittersweet and hard in this process) has occupied most of my life space, emotionally, physically and mentally, the last several months.
Added on to that is all the other daily demands of life.
You know. Like, helping an I-refuse-to-believe-he-is-this-old son get ready for his first prom.
And troublemaking pigs escaping fences and peering in at us from back windows.
And making nanaimo bars with a couple of Holli’s sweet nieces the day after her funeral (Holli was born and raised in Canada but her husband’s family had never had the deliciousness of a nanaimo bar, so we made them in Holli’s honor).
And going through the motions of Easter traditions (this is my buddy “T” – Holli’s youngest son), and he was particularly excited to dye hard-boiled eggs.
And fixing garbage disposals in shirts and ties in between church meetings because it’s the only five minutes in the day to do so.
And entertaining kids with spring break diversions (please note: the teenagers wanted nothing to do with the “exciting” rides at the arcade).
And generally just dealing with the other mundane and not so mundane details of a busy, ordinary life while the world, near and far, feels like it’s falling apart.
I don’t feel like I’m the same person I was last year or even a few months ago. I’ve hit pause on a lot of things to figure out how I want to move forward (spoiler alert: I don’t miss social media at all but I DO miss this blogging space and connecting with you).
Thank you to those of you who reached out wondering and worried if I was ok when it was so quiet here and on Instagram for so long. I honestly can’t believe any of you would give it a second thought or think to comment or email me about it. Your concern and prayers and thoughtful, thoughtful words have been a gentle balm to my aching heart. It means more than I can express in words right now. I’m sorry I haven’t yet responded to all the messages.
If you knew spunky, sassy Holli in person, you’d know that she’d be hollering at me to get on with life! Carry on! And “for the love, give the people the dang recipes they want, Mel!” (a direct quote from Holli, haha).
So I’ll be getting back to it little by little. I’m picking up some stray pieces of my own life that I’ve let go by the wayside the last few weeks, and all of it needs to get put back together in the proper order. Some areas involving my kids and other aspects will require a bit more time and TLC than others.
I learned so much from Holli. Namely: God is always, always in the details. She would say that over and over, even in the midst of her worst pain and distress. I have seen the evidence of this more times than I can count over the last couple of years.
One instance that stands out is related to this bagel bread. It is a pretty incredible story. Hopefully I’ll be able share it some day (this post is already getting too long).
In my short remarks at Holli’s funeral, I shared the following message and quote, and I felt like I wanted to share it here, too. It sums up the essence of who Holli is. She was continually focused on service and on her Savior, Jesus Christ, and despite her trials, she had a tremendous amount of hope in good things to come.
As you know, Holli passed away on Good Friday. And just like Christ’s friends and family spent days mourning and weeping after his death, they soon learned…that Sunday will come. The sadness of that Friday did not endure. The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death.
As Joseph B. Wirthlin so eloquently put it: “Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come.”
We love you Holli. Our hearts and lives will never be the same. We are forever changed by your dedication to the Lord as we witnessed how truly and completely you have always loved and ministered to others. I have no doubt that’s exactly what you are doing right now. I testify that Jesus Christ knows Holli. He knows us. He loves us. And He will carry us through the hard and beautiful days ahead.
{artwork from here}
Lastly, thank YOU for being here. For being patient with me as I have navigated a particularly difficult time. And for letting me share a piece of my soul here, even though this is “just” a food blog.
It’s an honor to share this space with you. I know we all face difficult, challenging, and messy lives at times. You are not alone. I am not alone. We are all in this together, and I have been strengthened by your goodness, your kindness, your vulnerability, and your virtual generosity in thoughts and words. I love your guts so very, very much.
I’ll be back next week with some recipes that have been patiently waiting for months for their chance in the spotlight. XOXO
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So sorry for your loss. It is a very sad situation on many levels but especially because 6 children and a husband are left without their mom and his wife. Thankfully they have a beautiful person like you that will help them and her husband through this. I am sure Holli was comforted knowing you will be in their lives. God bless and powerful prayers still need to be spoken for everyone left behind. She is whole again. You will be in my prayers and thoughts.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Holli was such a beautiful soul and touched me greatly – a Catholic mama living some 2,000 miles away. Praying for you all. Thank you, Mel, for sharing your beautiful friend’s story and witness. Big hug, love, and prayers!
I’m so sorry you lost such a special person in your life. Thank you for sharing. I always feel uplifted reading your posts. Take care of yourself and your family. Xo
So sorry about your loss. My best friend passed away 10 years ago, leaving behind 4 small children and it was devastating for me. I learned there’s no timeline on grief, and it definitely feels like the world is going on the same while your world is so changed. Be good to yourself and take this time ❤️
Oh Mel. My heart just goes out to you and Hollis family. I have missed you. My friends and I were just taking about how much we missed you just yesterday. I went through a time when a dear friend passed away too young leaving a young family. There are so many whys and grief is powerful. Unfortunately that is the price we pay for love. It is crazy that time marches on. Prom, pigs and traditions. Even if you have to somehow make it through each day, you’ll make it. Love you friend.
Oh Mel. My heart just goes out to you and Hollis family. I have missed you. My friends and I were just taking about how much we missed you just yesterday. I went through a time when a dear friend passed away too young leaving a young family. There are so many whys and grief is powerful. Unfortunately that is the price we pay for love. It is crazy that time marches on. Prom, pigs and traditions. Even if you have to somehow make it through each day, you’ll make it. Love you friend.
Thanks so much for sharing! You have been missed on here, I check your blog everyday, it not just for recipes though, I read every single post. I feel like I know you and your family and my heart aches for you! My heart aches for Holli’s family, I’ve had her in my thoughts since your first post about her. So glad to be apart of the same gospel as you and knowing where she is and that you will all be able to see her again. It still hurts terribly even knowing that, she was so young and so loved here on earth! Prayers will continue to go out to you and all her loved ones!
Hey Mel. I want to add my condolences and sympathy at the passing of your friend Holli. My heart breaks for her family and for you. She sure sounds like the kind of friend everyone hopes to have and her love and faith in Jesus is something I will always remember about her, even though I never met her. Thank you for sharing her with us. My prayers will be for peace and comfort for you all. Grief is hard, and confusing, and unpredictable. Thank you for having the strength to get back here and sharing your life and for keeping this community going. It really is something I look forward to! And I have to say great picture of your oldest son – handsome guy! They sure do grow fast. My one and only son is finishing his freshman year in college! Unreal! Anyway, take care and know you have my support and prayers. 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing a little of Holli with us.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful self today. It is a truly sacred experience to grieve and to mourn with those who mourn. Loss changes our perspective on every part of life and gives us new eyes to see what is truly most precious. I want you to know what a bright light you have been to me and my family over the years. The days you post a new recipe I get a text from both of my daughters telling me we need to make it the next time we are together. Food is love and you have shared that with us and helped us love our families and friends with your amazing talents. Thank you for being so authentic and sharing yourself and your testimony of Jesus Christ. He is the healer of all broken hearts. Chocolate chips help too. Love you Mel.
Deepest condolences to you, your family and Holli’s loved ones. A lovely tribute to a dearly loved friend and a gentle reminder to us all to embrace the pauses in life (sometimes they are forced upon us and other times we feel the gentle nudges to step back and breathe). Continue to give yourself and those you love the space and grace mourning needs … it’s our soul’s way of tenderly caring for us
Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I love this saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.” I’m sure she feels the same way about you.
Keep on doing. Keep on loving. There are more people who will be blessed by knowing you.
I’ve silently followed for years and it’s not just for your wonderful recipes.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Your Friday thoughts posts are some of my favorites, even when they’re on hard or sad topics. I have learned that grief really is a reflection of the love that we have for others. That love is still there, but when we lose them, the love takes on a different form. Like love, we experience it in our own way and on our own schedule. And when (if?) that schedule eventually brings you back here to this space, we’ll be here. In the meantime, we will mourn with you and support and love you from afar.
(Also, if you’re interested, check out “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis. it is a beautiful look at his experience with grief after the passing of his wife Joy and brought a great deal of comfort and understanding to me after the loss of a loved one.)
Thank you for your beautiful testimony! Lots of love sent your way and to Holli’s family at this time! ❤️❤️❤️
Mel, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m indebted to you over and over for helping me feed my family; I pray that God will give you spiritual comfort food for your grief right now.
While I didn’t reach out — you’re a busy lady — I do check your website every day and have wondered if everything is OK where you are. Clearly not, and now we know why.
Loss is part of the game, but man, it hurts. And family is those who are blood relatives and those who are soul relatives (I just made that up). You and Holli had a soul connection and that makes her part of your family.
Remember that she’s not really gone as long as you tell the stories. Tell us the stories please.
Virtual hugs all around.
Thank you so much, Mel, for sharing your story and Holli’s with us, your loyal readers. I’ve prayed for her and feel her loss. Thanks also for your words on grieving. Four years ago, my best friend lost her husband to cancer, leaving behind 5 children ages 4 to 15. Sometimes I’ve felt, like you, that I shouldn’t grieve as much as I have. Thanks for giving me permission. ❤️ Love you, Mel! You’re such a part of my life and kitchen We may not meet in this life but when we do, I think we’ll be good friends!
Sending you love and peace. Give yourself time to heal. What a beautiful friendship you had. This great community could probably raise some funds for Holli’s family if needed. While I am waiting for your next recipe… I will make some sour cream banana bread.
You’re amazing, Holli is amazing! I love you both. Thanks for being you and taking care of her and her sweet family, more than the rest of us. I loved your talk at the funeral and I think we need that Nainamo recipe!!
All the virtual hugs!!!!!!!!!!
Mel, I’m was so sorry and sad to hear about your dear friend. Thank you for sharing her inspiring self with us- (it gave me courage when I needed it- God IS in the details) you got this, one day, one minute at a time, but you got this- sending prayers your (and Holli’s families) way .
So very sorry for you and everyone that loved her. Sounds like you were and are an amazing friend to her and her family.
Thank You for your beautiful message. It has brightened my day and my faith. Certainly God’s plans for Holli’s loved ones will be revealed, and they will carry on her mission. You have helped so many during this difficult period, it is now time to follow your heart. I am nourished by your brave outlook and delicious recipes.
I do not have words, so I will just sit, cry and pray with you virtually. Holli was a gift, thank you for sharing her with us (me) and sharing your heart, not just today, but through the years. Just like Holli, we are forever changed by your dedication to the Lord and how you share his love. How can I help?
I was so worried about you! The scriptures tell us to mourn with those that mourn. As a child I never could understand why I needed to be so sad if someone else was feeling sad. Why should two people feel the pain? But then as an adult I’ve learned how important it really is to go through that pain with someone. To truly mourn with someone means that you are feeling some of that pain, heartache and grief alongside them, just as our Savior has done and continues to do. As we walk that road with them, our hearts are expanded and we become more like our Savior. And that is a beautiful thing, a beautiful detail. Thank you for helping each of us reach a little bit deeper into our hearts.
Mel, I am so sorry for the loss of Holli. I am glad she is no longer in pain, but ache for her sweet family and friends like you. Take the time you need to grieve. Thank you for spending time with her family during this incredibly difficult time.
Oh Mel, I am so sorry for your loss! Prayers for comfort for your family and Holli’s family!! Your Sunday will come!❤️
Oh Mel, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your heart.
After reading the update on the post about Holli a few days ago, I included you and her family in my prayers. May you all continually be strengthened during this difficult time. Thank you for your beautiful testimony and words. Jesus Christ brings so much hope to our lives and you testifies of that so beautifully. May you continually feel buoyed up by him at this difficult time. You truly are amazing Mel and beautiful, inside and out.
What a beautiful post. I am so sorry for your loss. Holli inspired me to tackle a chore I had been putting off for over a year, and there is a weight off my shoulders since I completed it. Thank you for sharing her inspiration. My thoughts are with you and I hope for your healing. Your service to her cannot me measured, but I believe she can and will be there in spirit, to return the favor.
I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of Holli. I consider you Mel as one of my friends, and yet we’ve never actually met. You’ve helped me so much in the kitchen through your recipes snd helped turn me into a “rockstar in the kitchen” . I began following your recipes as a young wife and mother years ago. And now I have 8 children and often double your recipes. You’ve helped me so much! . From reading your remarks the last few months I can tell you were an amazing friend to Holli. We miss you posting recipes, but please take all the time and break you need. Love you!!
Thanks for opening your heart to us. I shed a few tears reading your message.
We have missed you. But take the time you need to come back.
You and Holli were lucky to have shared such a close friendship. Hopefully many wonderful memories will help ease the pain.
Take care!
Oh Mel!!! I am so. so sorry!! She sounds like such a lovely person and those friendships are so special! It also sounds like you have had some really special times remembering her the last few weeks. I will be praying for you. Take your time easing back in. No one is going anywhere. We are all here for you! Also,,,I especially love the picture of the pg.
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Mel, I am so sorry. We long-time readers missed you (not because of new recipes – your back catalog is deep enough to keep us busy for years!) but because we knew what the absence signified for you and your family. It seems contemporary culture is often so inclined to rush the grieving process, but learning to live with grief, man, that is where the growth comes. Prioritize yourself, your faith, your family and those closest to you. The rest will come in time. Sending prayers for peace.
Hi friend, I’ve wanted to text you so many times when I found out about Holli. But I just couldn’t. I knew you already were in a puddle of grief (a helpful puddle but still) and I just understand that feeling. But know we’ve prayed continually for Holli’s family and that we will keep doing so. My family and I were all so sad to hear about it and I’m just grateful we got the chance to help a tiny bit. The funny thing is we used your recipes to help not knowing the impact you were already having. When my brother in law passed away from a stroke at 30, we were all crushed. It still does a number on us and always will but Sunday will come, you are right! And it will be the greatest Sunday we have ever known. That is the blessing that comes from grief. The reward is that you get the Sunday. But in the meantime, that Friday and Saturday can feel extremely long. So we’re here! We’re available to help anytime. Life has its way of getting back to “normal” and we’re here especially then. So, make the recipes and know that they do a lot more than just feed people. They create friendships, help through hard times and create memories! Holli was blessed to have a good a friend as you. Also, your son looked darling for prom. And wahooz is my least favorite place lol and I agree with you on social media. Ok bye
Thank you Mel. You have a beautiful soul. You have lifted and inspired me with little comments over the past 12 years I’ve been following you. I know you have been blessed by Holli in your life, and she was blessed to have you.
Thank you for being so open with the world. In my struggles (a divorce that I never wanted or expected) your vulnerability feels like a tender mercy. Your testimony a boon to my sometimes weak heart.
I hope you recognize what a blessing you are to so many people in this world with your recipes, joy, and love.
Beautiful words. All the feelings.
Mel, I am so sorry to hear about Holli. This was a beautiful tribute to her. What can we do for her family? I wish you peace on the days when the sting of death is strong and please know you are loved in our home.
I am so sorry for your loss and for the grief and pain all of your dear friend’s family and loved ones are experiencing. Thank you, thank you, Mel, for shedding some insight into the terrible beauty and perspective that can emerge when we are made raw. I know it’s cliche to say so, but your words and experience were an absolute inspiration and answer to my specific prayers as I navigate some difficult times. May God’s peace and strength buoy you up.
Mel, praying for you and your family and Holli’s family during this difficult time. It sounds like Holli was an amazing person, and you are an amazing friend. So thankful for your testimony, and that Holli is pain free and rejoicing with her Father in Heaven. Thank you for everything you do for all of us!
Maybe Those adorable pigs knew you needed a funny moment. That picture made me giggle. Your words made me cry. It is beautiful that you and Holli had such a connection and now you are sharing your love and skills with her family. What a blessing you are.
A very gentle welcome back to the corner of the world that absolutely loves you and the inspiration you share with all of us, both in the kitchen and in life. I’m so sorry for the loss of your ‘sister’ and know that Sunday will indeed come! (One of my favorite quotes too).
My heart hurts so deeply for you, Mel, & for all who were touched by Holli. Thank you so very much for sharing her w your community & for your bravery in the worst of times. You inspire me to take a breather when pain hits, & put one foot in front of the other when facing adversity. May God continue to bless Holli’s husband & six beautiful children today, tomorrow & always~Team Holli – I may not have been on it during her earthly life but will remember her the rest of mine. Offering up peace & prayers for you, Mel, giving thanks for the gift of friendship you extend to All~
Mel! I just commented to my mom yesterday that you’d been quiet on your blog – and then I saw Holli looked and saw Holli had passed away and I figured you were busy with many things. I’m sure I’m one of many who has missed you here – and I considered this to be much more than “just a food blog!” I know you have made a difference in so many lives through your food, your stories and your sharing of your life (Reminds me of Paul’s words in I Thess 2:8 – we loved you so much that we not only shared the good news of Christ – but our lives as well). Praying for you, your family and Holli’s family! I look forward to hearing more stories and recipes from you – but in our culture we often don’t give enough space for people to mourn, grieve and rest. May you experience peace, comfort, and rest!
Mel- I have been reading your blog for what seems like forever and it always feels like a friend is writing to me when I see your name pop up. I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss. May Holli’s memory be a blessing. Take care.
I am so very sorry to hear of this devastating loss. What a privilege to have such an inspiring friend, as close as a sister. I love the thoughts you’ve shared today and am grateful to hear you’ll still be engaging with the blog, but also encourage you to be gentle with yourself and your grief. Take all the time you need. <3 Love and prayers to you all
Dear Mel, so nice to hear from you again. I am so sorry for your loss. Loosing a friend is hard. After all friends are the persons we freely choose to be by our side (we cannot choose our blood relatives) and finding a good friend is a treasure. Thank you for this beautiful community you have created, where we cannot only learn to cook but gives us the chance to share so many other things. Oh, and that pig is too cute!
So inspired by you both! Your writing Mel is deeply touching and equally down right cheeky My Culinary Institute of America mug quips…
“FOOD is LIFE, Create and Savor Yours”.
You live that and feel blessed and buoyed by your
Recipes, words, faith and family. Thank You.
Dear Mel, I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet friend. It’s been cold and rainy and depressing here in Michigan and yesterday I made your pot roast. It brought warmth and coziness to our family table. Even in your absence you are blessing families with your love. Grief takes the time it takes. Be good to yourself. I’m sure Holli would have wanted that. May God hold you and your family gently.
I was worried about you. I know this has been a difficult time for you, and I pray God will comfort you, Holli’s family, and all who loved and cared for her. Feel what you feel for as long as you need. Also, your son looks very handsome and happy in his suit!