Friday Thoughts: Quick Life Update + Easing Back In
After being gone for several weeks, I’m easing back into blogging today with a quick life update.
It’s a hard one to write. Many of you “met” my dear friend, Holli, from this post a couple months ago. Thank you for your response on that post. I can’t overstate what your comments (and all the emails and private messages that flooded in) did to buoy Holli up during what would become the most painful and difficult weeks of her life.
She was so inspired by you. She cried as she read your comments (or as they were read to her) as she realized that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
Holli ended her earthly battle with terminal cancer a few weeks ago, and those of us who know her and love her feel the weight of the loss keenly – none more so than her husband and six kids and those extended family members close to her. My heart breaks continually watching this sweet family begin to pick up the pieces of a life without their sweet Holli.
Grief is a funny thing. It invites itself in and settles deep in the heart without asking permission. It can leave you breathless and numb one minute, laughing and crying the next.
At times over the last week or so, I’ve found myself trying to discount my grief and sorrow, telling myself that I wasn’t family to Holli – I was just a friend, and as such, maybe I just need to suck it up a bit? Get on with life?
But I’m learning, cautiously, that grief doesn’t exist on a continuum. One person’s grief is no less substantial or worthy than another person’s. It’s just…different. And we are all entitled to it.
After spending time with Holli and being in her home nearly every day for the last 21 months, I feel like I’ve lost a sister. And it hurts. I hurt for my loss. I hurt for Holli’s heartbroken family. I hurt for the injustice and unfairness of life. I hurt because, well, I just can’t help it.
Holli’s needs and her passing and her funeral (and everything else that is bittersweet and hard in this process) has occupied most of my life space, emotionally, physically and mentally, the last several months.
Added on to that is all the other daily demands of life.
You know. Like, helping an I-refuse-to-believe-he-is-this-old son get ready for his first prom.
And troublemaking pigs escaping fences and peering in at us from back windows.
And making nanaimo bars with a couple of Holli’s sweet nieces the day after her funeral (Holli was born and raised in Canada but her husband’s family had never had the deliciousness of a nanaimo bar, so we made them in Holli’s honor).
And going through the motions of Easter traditions (this is my buddy “T” – Holli’s youngest son), and he was particularly excited to dye hard-boiled eggs.
And fixing garbage disposals in shirts and ties in between church meetings because it’s the only five minutes in the day to do so.
And entertaining kids with spring break diversions (please note: the teenagers wanted nothing to do with the “exciting” rides at the arcade).
And generally just dealing with the other mundane and not so mundane details of a busy, ordinary life while the world, near and far, feels like it’s falling apart.
I don’t feel like I’m the same person I was last year or even a few months ago. I’ve hit pause on a lot of things to figure out how I want to move forward (spoiler alert: I don’t miss social media at all but I DO miss this blogging space and connecting with you).
Thank you to those of you who reached out wondering and worried if I was ok when it was so quiet here and on Instagram for so long. I honestly can’t believe any of you would give it a second thought or think to comment or email me about it. Your concern and prayers and thoughtful, thoughtful words have been a gentle balm to my aching heart. It means more than I can express in words right now. I’m sorry I haven’t yet responded to all the messages.
If you knew spunky, sassy Holli in person, you’d know that she’d be hollering at me to get on with life! Carry on! And “for the love, give the people the dang recipes they want, Mel!” (a direct quote from Holli, haha).
So I’ll be getting back to it little by little. I’m picking up some stray pieces of my own life that I’ve let go by the wayside the last few weeks, and all of it needs to get put back together in the proper order. Some areas involving my kids and other aspects will require a bit more time and TLC than others.
I learned so much from Holli. Namely: God is always, always in the details. She would say that over and over, even in the midst of her worst pain and distress. I have seen the evidence of this more times than I can count over the last couple of years.
One instance that stands out is related to this bagel bread. It is a pretty incredible story. Hopefully I’ll be able share it some day (this post is already getting too long).
In my short remarks at Holli’s funeral, I shared the following message and quote, and I felt like I wanted to share it here, too. It sums up the essence of who Holli is. She was continually focused on service and on her Savior, Jesus Christ, and despite her trials, she had a tremendous amount of hope in good things to come.
As you know, Holli passed away on Good Friday. And just like Christ’s friends and family spent days mourning and weeping after his death, they soon learned…that Sunday will come. The sadness of that Friday did not endure. The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death.
As Joseph B. Wirthlin so eloquently put it: “Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come.”
We love you Holli. Our hearts and lives will never be the same. We are forever changed by your dedication to the Lord as we witnessed how truly and completely you have always loved and ministered to others. I have no doubt that’s exactly what you are doing right now. I testify that Jesus Christ knows Holli. He knows us. He loves us. And He will carry us through the hard and beautiful days ahead.
{artwork from here}
Lastly, thank YOU for being here. For being patient with me as I have navigated a particularly difficult time. And for letting me share a piece of my soul here, even though this is “just” a food blog.
It’s an honor to share this space with you. I know we all face difficult, challenging, and messy lives at times. You are not alone. I am not alone. We are all in this together, and I have been strengthened by your goodness, your kindness, your vulnerability, and your virtual generosity in thoughts and words. I love your guts so very, very much.
I’ll be back next week with some recipes that have been patiently waiting for months for their chance in the spotlight. XOXO
Mel, we grieve with you in the bond of sisterhood.
Take all the time you need to find that part of you that got put on hold while you served your friend so faithfully the past two years. I’m going to go bake something (from your amazing archives I use constantly) and just try to be present and still a little more today.
My heart is broken for you and her beautiful family. Likewise my dearest friend passed away almost 4 years ago from cancer and it’s all those little things we shared that keep her very much alive in my heart and mind. I feel your pain and loss.. {{ HUGS}} ♥ ♥ ♥
Hi Mel —
Not knowing about Holli, I had worried about the hateful comments from your Instagram feed. I am so sorry that you had to read and endure those, on top of your personal challenges. I’ve checked your site twice a day for the last month, and am delighted to see you posting again. And I want to tell you that my promise to Holli – to play more piano and volunteer at the local hospice – is happening. Your post and “challenge” there was inspired and inspiring. I’m very glad to see you back.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words from the funeral for Holli, they are inspiring. May you find peace as you make the way forward in your grief. God Bless you and Holli’s family too.
Oh, this just breaks my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss, Mel and especially for Holli’s sweet husband and children. I’ll be praying for them.
Thanks so much for sharing the details of your life, even the hard ones. I so admire your willingness to share your testimony with the world, any chance you get. You inspire me.
Mel, I am sorry for your loss. God bless your family and Holli’s family. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Mel. I actually mentioned to my son just a couple of days ago, “I hope Mel’s okay. She hasn’t posted a new recipe in a while.” (He’s the one who says you’re a “good cooker” and that we should make all of your recipes.) I’m glad you are okay and I pray that you (and all those who love Holli) will be given the peace that passes understanding.
I am so so sorry, Mel. I had wondered if that was the case when I hadn’t seen any new posts from you, and I was deeply touched by Holli’s story. It brings tears to my eyes and I don’t even know her (or you, for that matter). Thank you for sharing your faith and testimony, and I pray that all involved will be comforted. Indeed, Sunday will come, although maybe not as quickly as we’d like. Hugs!
My heart hurts for you, Mel. It is very difficult to lose a sister and/or a dear friend. I appreciate your willingness to share your pain and your thoughts with your readers. I hope you can feel peace and remember the joy.
Mel, my heart is aching as tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks knowing somewhat of the pain you are experiencing. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear friend. Be gentle with yourself and take the time you need. The peek into your life through your words and photos feels like a sacred space.
I know we’re only virtual friends, but I wish I was there to give you a huge hug and shoulder to cry on. You are loved!!
Such a beautiful post. Keeping you and Holli’s family in my thoughts and prayers. ❤️❤️
Thank you for having the courage to share something so difficult. Your posts always bless me as well as your amazing food! I have been following your blog for many years now. And as a fellow sister in Christ I will keep you in my prayers! I pray that you take this time to rest in Him. And know that he will never leave you nor forsake you. I pray that he gives you his peace that passes all understanding. Love and hugs from Buffalo, NY!
This was sweet, tender, and heartbreaking to read. I knew that she had passed and though I never met Holli, I have been praying for her family, and for you and your family. She sounds like a truly remarkable woman. I’m so sorry for your grief and heartache.
God bless you in your time of grief. I lost my mother January 2020 to brain cancer and while yes, it’s my MOM… so initially you’d think it were uniquely different to grieve the loss of a parent for which you were the primary caregiver, it really is a loss to anyone who knew her. I love and appreciate that everyone is walking this path with me… That — that very thing in and of itself helps. I think that’s a unique aspect I’ve discovered on this journey is that LOSS is one thing we all have in common. And if there’s no other reason to extend grace, it’s that you know you’ve got more in common with people than you think. I’ve always told my kiddos when teaching them driving lessons (I’m going through that now) that when people cut you off or are speeding or just seem grossly inconvenienced by our presence… you never know what they’re going through at that very moment so please extend them grace you might need in your worst moment, too.
I wanted to reach out to check on you but I feel so nosy doing so. LOL
Social media is consuming and is a huge energy suck… having a creative outlet, however, is therapeutic. Do what you need to for YOU! We will all be here if and when you’re ready! <3 Sending much love
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts! I have missed “connecting” with you the last few months, and it’s good to “hear” your voice again. My thoughts are with you and Holli’s family too. What a wonderful friendship you have with her. Thanks for sharing your real life with us.
Dear Mel. I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done to help me through my own grieving through the love of cooking! My mom, my inspiration for all things fun and delicious in the kitchen since I was a little girl, passed away on Thanksgiving Day after dementia and surviving two broken hips, two subsequent surgeries and challenging but successful rehabilitations only to be taken from us from the insidious Covid. Your words have comforted me and I only wish I could offer to you even a small part of the gift that you are for Holli and all of us. My mom would tell us to “give flowers to the living, not to the dead” and you have done, and continue to do, just that! Hugs, hugs, hugs and thank you for being who you are! Corinne❤️
P.S. Please let me know if my comments are even getting through if you can.
I have been writing another longer response which for some reason is not getting posted. Please advise if you are able to. Thank you!
Dear Mel. I just want to say thank you for helping us all to see that we are all in this together! My mother passed away from Covid on Thanksgiving Day and as she was my inspiration in the kitchen since I was a very young girl I baked a pie in her honor that morning. You have suffered a great loss but you continue to honor your incredible capacity to love and give and your dear friend Holli was a brighter star because you were in her orbit. She felt you love each and every precious moment and your relationship reminds me of some of my mom’s sage and loving advice: give flowers to the living not to the dead. Thank you dear Mel for all of the flowers you share with all of us! Hugs, hugs, hugs! Corinne
I just wanted to send you a warm and virtual hug and thank you for sharing a very personal part of your world and journey. You were/are a most deserving friend of your dear Holli and you gave her the most precious of gifts while she was here. As my mom, who sadly passed away from Covid on Thanksgiving day would say, “Give flowers to the living, not to the dead.”. You have done just that, not just for Holli but for me as you offered me comfort in my own grieving over the enormous loss of my beloved mom. Your cheerful, warm and wonderful recipes are the greatest way for you to touch this world that far too often seems filled with angst and challenges. Thank you, Mel, for offering your love through the cathartic process of creating delicious food! Hugs, hugs, hugs! Corinne❤️
You have a gift for touching hearts, inspiring faith, and sharing hope. Thank you for your heart felt post. Thank you for your and Holli’s example of faith and courage in the face of crippling burdens. My husband and I read through tears. You and Holli make the world a better place and we are so thankful for it! Prayers for Holli’s dear family and for you and all who are mourning her beautiful life. I will think of her when I hear, God is in the details – and he certainly is! <3
When I was a kid my cousin died in childbirth. We were all devastated, she was really something :), anyway, at her funeral someone shared a quote, “to take the sorrow out of death we would have to take the love out of life.” Every time I have lost anyone (person or pet) I have thought of this and it has made me so glad that I had the chance at the love. I am glad you had the love, even though now it is causing the pain. You will have your “Sunday” and you’ll be stronger because you had the love. I wish you peace and comfort.
I say, as a long time reader, take all the time you need. I’ve discovered a bunch of “new to me” stuff on your blog to keep me going.
I’m so grateful Holli and her family have you and no doubt so many others supporting them. I’m so sorry for your loss.
You have a gift of touching hearts, inspiring faith, and sharing hope. Thank you for your heartfelt post. Thank you to you and Holli for your examples of faith and courage in the face of crippling burdens. My husband and I read through tears. You and Holli make the world a better place and we are so thankful for it. Prayers for Holli’s dear family and for you and all who are mourning her beautiful life. ♥️ I will think of her when I hear God is in the details – and he certainly is! ♥️
Mel, I’m so sorry for your loss, and I appreciate your willingness to share your life and feelings with us through the ups and downs. I was just thinking about you yesterday and wondering when we’d see you back here, and though I’d be sad if you ever decided to step away, you don’t owe us anything. Even for those of us lucky ones that haven’t lost anyone personally, this past year has made us all reevaluate priorities in a way that I think will have a lasting impact. So I wouldn’t have blamed you if you didn’t want to bother with the extremes of the internet anymore…but selfishly I’m so happy to see a new post again and therefore doing my best to tip the internet scales toward love. Sending healing thoughts from CT to you, your family and Holli’s family.
My heart goes out to you Mel. It’s okay that you’re not okay right now. Slow down and give yourself time to mourn. For me the thinking tasks are the hardest during challenging times. So don’t worry if you can’t hurry back into blogging right now. Be okay with just keeping it together. Love ya. ❤️
Deepest sympathies on the loss of your dear friend. I figured that was what happened when there weren’t any new posts from you. Holli sounds like an extraordinary woman in so many ways and you were blessed to know her. One of the most beautiful sayings I ever read is from Amanda Bradley:
Love Lives On
(Amanda Bradley)
Those we love
are never really lost to us–
we feel them
in so many special ways-
through friends
they always cared about
and dreams they left behind,
in beauty that they added to our days . . .
in words of wisdom we still carry with us
and memories that never will be gone . . .
Those we love are never really lost to us–
For everywhere their special love lives on.
Take care of yourself. Better days are ahead of you.
I just read that talk a couple weeks ago!! It’s SO good. I also love the part where it says “The resurrection transformed the lives of those who witnessed it. Should it not transform ours?” I think that could also apply to Holli and her life, she sounds like a pretty amazing person.
I’m so sorry for your loss of Holli.. I too have been wondering if you were ok and was worried something more had happened to her. Take all the time you need! We all love you, but we will be ok– no matter how much time you need! We get it. Sending love and virtual hugs your way <3
We’ve missed you, but we knew you were up to something important. I’m so sorry your friend is gone and that your days are emptier without her. I believe, in hope, with you, for all the Good that will come. In the meantime, your people are sort-of our people, and while you’ve been careful in the past, I hope you’ll allow us to help your friend’s family in any ways they might need, beyond the obvious: prayers for endurance, grace for each day, divine surprises that sustain them…
Much love to you, Mel.
A beautiful tribute to your friend. Praying for you and her family.
Mel! You are simply the best. What a wonderful friend you are, in every aspect of how you supported and loved Holli and her family! I am praying for you, and Holli’s sweet family, that you will have the strength to carry on and do exactly as you know she would be telling you to do. You are simply a wonderful human!! I am so grateful that I have the chance to know you and rub shoulders with you every once in a while. Hang in there. And know that we are praying for you and thinking of you often.
Mel, I’m so deeply sorry for the loss of your friend. My heart aches for all of the people who loved her. But I also want to thank you. Your post brought me to sobs, in a good, cleansing sort of way. My religious upbringing was traumatic and I left the church of my childhood long ago. As a result, faith has never been a source of peace or consolation for me. For decades I’ve carried a tremendous amount of anger over the damage that was done. But in recent years, I’ve been able to let go of some of that anger. Your occasional posts on faith, and your generosity, kindness, and warmth, are among the reasons for this. Your gentle spirit shines through your writing and softens my heart. It’s a reminder that my future faith experiences need not resemble the past, and that there is much good still to be found. I don’t know where my journey will lead me, but sometimes it feels like doors that have been bolted shut for a long time have opened at least a crack. Anger is a terrible burden. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for helping to ease it.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear sweet friend. I did notice your absence over the past few weeks and have been thinking of you lots and wishing and hoping and praying that it didn’t mean what I thought it meant. Alas… Please take your time getting back into real life, whatever that is. Sending love.
Mel, you have been missed and not just your delicious recipes I’ve been using regularly over these last 10 years. You’ve become a friend in my eyes with your vulnerability and witty words. I’ve appreciated it so much especially after moving to a new area and the isolation COViD created. I’m sending you my love and sympathy during this difficult time. Take the time and space you need as you grieve your dear friend.
I am so sorry for your loss and grief. I am currently battling terminal cancer and so I can confidently say, “Cancer sucks.” Your loving service for your friend will never be forgotten. Thank you from another mom fighting cancer for dying eggs with her son and making treats for her nieces. These are the exact things I would want done for my son and family members when my time on earth is over. This post made me cry this morning. Thank you for sharing your faith and talents!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve missed you–thank you for these uplifting words, and I hope they bring solace to you, too.
Among the terrible things about losing someone we love is noticing that the rest of the world just goes on doing its thing as if nothing had happened. Why is the sun still shining? Why are people just driving down the road and going wherever they’re going? Why is everyone acting as if nothing has changed? Don’t they recognize the emptiness that has happened because someone we love is no longer with us?
It’s so hard to keep going as if nothing has happened. But something has, and nothing will ever be the same.
Please know, Mel, that while we don’t know the pain you and Holli’s loved ones are feeling because we are just ordinary finite beings, there is Someone Who really does know and Who loves Holli and loves you all and will succor you as you struggle to find and put together the pieces left in your lives.
As you and Elder Wirthlin said, “Sunday will come.” Oh, blessed day!
Oh Mel- so very sorry. Grief is a strange thing- I like the analogy of the beach- some times grief just laps your feet but other times it washes over all of you. For me I say to myself “ better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. May you feel God’s arms around you and your family. May her family feel that also. I too know that Sunday is and will come. So so grateful for that. It gets me through many days. Hugs and love to you.
❤️ Sending so much love to you. You are a light in this world.
I am so sorry Mel. Prayers for you , your family and Holli’s family. ❤️
Oh my heart aches for you…I can’t help but think of a quote (from WandaVision of all places) “What is grief, if not love persevering.” How true this is…grief and mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love and I can tell that you loved Holli dearly.
A book that I purchased after a loss of a loved one was “Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss” By: Chuck DeKlyen and Pat Schwiebert. It was really helpful for me and my kids to read and re-read. Please know that you are loved and have prayers of comfort being sent on your behalf.
Mel…..so very sorry for your loss. It’s so strange how when you lose someone……your whole world seems to stop….but yet life goes on all around you. That’s Gods way of nudging us forward……kids going to prom, pigs on the loose, garbage disposals break etc. Take a deep breath……you’ll catch up…..it’s ok. Always enjoy hearing from you. Bless your heart. Lynn in Chandler, AZ
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. Though I came here for the food, I have stayed for you and for all that you share about your life and your family. I so appreciate your vulnerability and grace in sharing the ups and downs of life.
I love this post and all your beautiful thoughts on grief, life, and faith. I’m so very sorry for your loss ❤️ Thanks for sharing your beliefs, I feel the same and it strengthens me.
Feeling for you in your grief. My oldest friend lost her dad last week so I know where you’re coming from. The grief is complicated by the Covid restrictions since I haven’t seen my friend or her family in over a year. Even the funeral had to change due to Covid limitations in my country. I’ve had thoughts very much the same as you, I’m not family so maybe I shouldn’t be feeling this. Trying to remember that grief is allowed and to sit in the Holy Saturday feeling as long as I need. Hugs to you in your journey.
Wow, what beautiful words to hear this morning, thank you! I hope to be a friend like you, I see and can feel how much thought and energy you put into your friend and especially now her family. You continue to be a great friend to her by continuing to love and serve her family. Don’t worry about us, we have lots of recipes from the archives, take care of yourself, your family, and your dear friends family.
Take all the time you need. You are one of the brightest and most genuine places on the internet. Praying for peace and sending love to you and your family.
I wrote a really long comment and then deleted it because nothing feels adequate to say here. I’m so sorry for your loss. Take your time to feel however you feel and piece back together when you’re ready. We will still be here! Lots of love ❤️
Hey Mel,
I love your message and I appreciate your courage and honesty in sharing the deepest, most tender thoughts and feelings. I know God is in our lives and I’ll share my little experience of that with you.
I have not been on social media for quite a few months now. It’s made me a lot happier. The other day I did go on to check something and came across your post about sharing kindness. After reading that I felt prompted to pray for you.
This morning my 4 year old asked to make the “super hero muffins.” I was surprised he remembered them because we haven’t made any in over a year. So, I looked at your site and then read this post.
Even in the smallest things, God will guide us if we let Him. Thank you for being genuine, kind, honest and using your talents and interests yo bless countless lives. Thank you for sharing Holli with us and letting her story have a platform that will reach so many people that it otherwise would not. Love to you and everyone who is mourning the loss of such an inspirational person.
Oh, Mel. Sending so many hugs and prayers to you and Holli’s family. Grief is such an odd, hard thing. What a beautiful message you shared and what a beautiful legacy Holli has given. I’m glad you’ve been able to focus on what’s most important. Thank you for not only sharing amazing recipes with us, but yourself. We’re all better because of it. Love you, Mel.
I am so sorry for your loss Mel. I think you put it perfectly, grief has no existence on a continuum. Holli was so blessed by your friendship and her family will no doubt continue to be.
Just take all the time you need and don’t feel like anything your feeling is wrong! Someone was put it that grief is like the ocean tides. It never goes away, someday there are less tsunamis of grief, and more lower tides of calm, but there is never a permanent phase and they never go away.
I am sending all the virtual hugs your way, I wish I could do more! Have loved your content for over ten years now and am so impressed and inspired by you. Thank you for the update, you and her family are in my prayers ❤️
I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss. Please take the time to grieve – and don’t feel guilty about the laughter that will come your way unexpectedly.