Friday Thoughts: Quick Life Update + Easing Back In
After being gone for several weeks, I’m easing back into blogging today with a quick life update.
It’s a hard one to write. Many of you “met” my dear friend, Holli, from this post a couple months ago. Thank you for your response on that post. I can’t overstate what your comments (and all the emails and private messages that flooded in) did to buoy Holli up during what would become the most painful and difficult weeks of her life.
She was so inspired by you. She cried as she read your comments (or as they were read to her) as she realized that her life and example might have possibly inspired others and maybe even helped change lives in some way.
Holli ended her earthly battle with terminal cancer a few weeks ago, and those of us who know her and love her feel the weight of the loss keenly – none more so than her husband and six kids and those extended family members close to her. My heart breaks continually watching this sweet family begin to pick up the pieces of a life without their sweet Holli.
Grief is a funny thing. It invites itself in and settles deep in the heart without asking permission. It can leave you breathless and numb one minute, laughing and crying the next.
At times over the last week or so, I’ve found myself trying to discount my grief and sorrow, telling myself that I wasn’t family to Holli – I was just a friend, and as such, maybe I just need to suck it up a bit? Get on with life?
But I’m learning, cautiously, that grief doesn’t exist on a continuum. One person’s grief is no less substantial or worthy than another person’s. It’s just…different. And we are all entitled to it.
After spending time with Holli and being in her home nearly every day for the last 21 months, I feel like I’ve lost a sister. And it hurts. I hurt for my loss. I hurt for Holli’s heartbroken family. I hurt for the injustice and unfairness of life. I hurt because, well, I just can’t help it.
Holli’s needs and her passing and her funeral (and everything else that is bittersweet and hard in this process) has occupied most of my life space, emotionally, physically and mentally, the last several months.
Added on to that is all the other daily demands of life.
You know. Like, helping an I-refuse-to-believe-he-is-this-old son get ready for his first prom.
And troublemaking pigs escaping fences and peering in at us from back windows.
And making nanaimo bars with a couple of Holli’s sweet nieces the day after her funeral (Holli was born and raised in Canada but her husband’s family had never had the deliciousness of a nanaimo bar, so we made them in Holli’s honor).
And going through the motions of Easter traditions (this is my buddy “T” – Holli’s youngest son), and he was particularly excited to dye hard-boiled eggs.
And fixing garbage disposals in shirts and ties in between church meetings because it’s the only five minutes in the day to do so.
And entertaining kids with spring break diversions (please note: the teenagers wanted nothing to do with the “exciting” rides at the arcade).
And generally just dealing with the other mundane and not so mundane details of a busy, ordinary life while the world, near and far, feels like it’s falling apart.
I don’t feel like I’m the same person I was last year or even a few months ago. I’ve hit pause on a lot of things to figure out how I want to move forward (spoiler alert: I don’t miss social media at all but I DO miss this blogging space and connecting with you).
Thank you to those of you who reached out wondering and worried if I was ok when it was so quiet here and on Instagram for so long. I honestly can’t believe any of you would give it a second thought or think to comment or email me about it. Your concern and prayers and thoughtful, thoughtful words have been a gentle balm to my aching heart. It means more than I can express in words right now. I’m sorry I haven’t yet responded to all the messages.
If you knew spunky, sassy Holli in person, you’d know that she’d be hollering at me to get on with life! Carry on! And “for the love, give the people the dang recipes they want, Mel!” (a direct quote from Holli, haha).
So I’ll be getting back to it little by little. I’m picking up some stray pieces of my own life that I’ve let go by the wayside the last few weeks, and all of it needs to get put back together in the proper order. Some areas involving my kids and other aspects will require a bit more time and TLC than others.
I learned so much from Holli. Namely: God is always, always in the details. She would say that over and over, even in the midst of her worst pain and distress. I have seen the evidence of this more times than I can count over the last couple of years.
One instance that stands out is related to this bagel bread. It is a pretty incredible story. Hopefully I’ll be able share it some day (this post is already getting too long).
In my short remarks at Holli’s funeral, I shared the following message and quote, and I felt like I wanted to share it here, too. It sums up the essence of who Holli is. She was continually focused on service and on her Savior, Jesus Christ, and despite her trials, she had a tremendous amount of hope in good things to come.
As you know, Holli passed away on Good Friday. And just like Christ’s friends and family spent days mourning and weeping after his death, they soon learned…that Sunday will come. The sadness of that Friday did not endure. The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death.
As Joseph B. Wirthlin so eloquently put it: “Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come.”
We love you Holli. Our hearts and lives will never be the same. We are forever changed by your dedication to the Lord as we witnessed how truly and completely you have always loved and ministered to others. I have no doubt that’s exactly what you are doing right now. I testify that Jesus Christ knows Holli. He knows us. He loves us. And He will carry us through the hard and beautiful days ahead.
{artwork from here}
Lastly, thank YOU for being here. For being patient with me as I have navigated a particularly difficult time. And for letting me share a piece of my soul here, even though this is “just” a food blog.
It’s an honor to share this space with you. I know we all face difficult, challenging, and messy lives at times. You are not alone. I am not alone. We are all in this together, and I have been strengthened by your goodness, your kindness, your vulnerability, and your virtual generosity in thoughts and words. I love your guts so very, very much.
I’ll be back next week with some recipes that have been patiently waiting for months for their chance in the spotlight. XOXO
Thank you for this beautiful, uplifting post.
Thank you for sharing these beautiful thoughts Mel. I’m so sorry for your pain and loss and so happy for the friend you continue to be to Holli, her family, and all of us. You’re a great example of what is good, real, and lasting. Thank you for the light you spread.
My best friend of 30 years (like my sister) went to Jesus last April. I totally understand your pain. God is so good and He is so near to the broken hearted. I am so thankful that I know Him as my Savior and Lord and that I will see Marla again. I will pray for her family and for you.
I love everything about this blog and YOU! ❤️ We’ve never met, but you are a big part of our everyday lives and the ONLY reason my family eats delicious food. Thank you for being you and for sharing yourself with us.
Sending lots of love, prayers, and virtual hugs your way and to Hollis family. Grief is hard ❤️❤️❤️ Take all the time you need. We will be here when you are ready ❤️❤️❤️
Oh Mel, this is so hard. You’ve been through a lot. We sure miss you, but take the time you need. Holli and her family are so blessed to have you in their lives, and you’ve been blessed by them too. Sending lots of love!
You may not have missed social media but you were missed. I’m so sorry you and Holli’s family had to go through this trial. But thank you for sharing your faith and Holli’s faith with us. It helps. Thank you for being real, for sharing your “hard” so that others can see a way through their “hard.” And that talk by Elder Worthlin is one of my absolute favorites too. A friend of mine included it in a powerful talk she gave when she was suffering with what would end up being terminal breast cancer. What a wonderful promise- Sunday will come!
Sending hugs and love ♥️♥️
I’ve been thinking of you and the loss of your sweet friend <3 You were/are undoubtedly a great comfort and bright light to her and her family. We should all love and be loved so well.
Thank you for sharing this incredible story with us! A great reminder of how precious life is and how we all need to cherish our relationships with our loved ones and friends. What a great gift Holli had to share with us all! Being from Minnesota it is always nice to hear how well our Mayo Clinic is able to help and comfort those who are so ill too. Keeping you, your family, and Holli’s family in our thoughts and prayers.
So sorry for your loss. May the knowledge of the gospel be a comfort to you and Holli’s family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Yesterday was the birthday of a dear friend of mine who passed away 3 years ago to cancer, so similar to Holli’s situation – young family, amazing lady, dearly missed. It’s not easy saying goodbye. I loved your quote by Elder Wirthlin. This is one that comforts me by Pres Nelson, “The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.” It makes me realize how much I appreciate the moments and the memories and the opportunities to love.
Thank you for being so open and honest about life and faith. “Because He lives, we can face tomorrow.” Your blog about Holli has me in tears because my heart breaks for you, Holli’s family, and all those out there that cancer has touched (myself included). Thank you for your recipies, but thank you more for being who God called you to be.
Mel, we don’t know each other, so you certainly don’t need my unsolicited advice. However, as a follower of your wonderful blog for many years, working mom of 3 and wife who has also experienced a lot of grief and loss of loved ones- I encourage you to know we’ll all be here when you are ready. Don’t feel obligated to us & take time. Take lots of time. You have given us all so much! is there something we can do for you in the meanwhile? How can we give back? Can we send you some crazy family recipes of our own that we love for you to get laughs or inspiration to improve upon? Can we send you our favorite games or puzzles we’ve discovered in the pandemic for you to easily put together a ‘best of/favorites’ post you do so well? You’ve created a community here. No better time to lean into it! Xo
I’m sorry you lost a sweet, dear friend. She sounds like the kind of friend I wish every one would have. I have missed your recipe posts…. but goodness there is no shortage of recipes posted here on your site! Take your time grieving the loss of your friend….. no one is going to go hungry because of lack of inspiration here on your site. Hugs!!
Thank you for sharing this. Thinking of you and so sorry for your and the whole community’s loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost a dear friend to cancer in January and it’s been so hard. You spoke directly to my heart with the feelings of “I’m not family, I should just get on with it.” I felt like I wasn’t worthy of my feelings. I’ve come to find a small group of about 5 friends of hers from different places she lived in her life, a sort of 5 best friends groups and we’ve been able to talk almost every day. It’s done so much for me in being able to not feel alone in my grief. At first though, I felt the need to qualify in my mind that I knew her less time than the other women…what you said made so much more sense to me. There’s no continuum for this. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss of this clearly amazing friend.
Mel,
The talk you gave at Holli’s funeral was absolutely beautiful and so poignant. Holli was so lucky to have you in her life, and especially during her last months on earth. I know you feel just as lucky to have had her in your life. I truly believe that there are eternal friendship that we make here , and no doubt your and Holli’s friendship is an eternal one.
Hi Mel. I’m so sorry. I sent you a note last week on Insta because I hadn’t seen you there for a while. Just now seeing this. I am so very sorry. Everyone needs a friend like you. What a blessing you must have been in Holli’s life <3
love you.
Si
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend! Hugs!!! I lost my Dad the day before Easter due to COVID complications, so I know the pain you are going through. Grief is such an odd thing since everyone deals with it so differently. I hope you find peace in knowing that she is in a better place and no longer suffering. That’s how I find comfort with the loss of my dad.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Holli left behind a very strong village which must be a testament to her life.
Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart. It lifted mine today! Bless you, prayers sent your way!
Thank you for sharing your life, your love, your recipes and your grief with us. I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending love and positive thoughts to you and yours for healing and peace. ❤️
Wow. Thank you for this. I got on to reprint for the 25th time your German pancake recipe, but instead got fed spiritually as well. My niece and her boyfriend died in a tragic car accident on December 18, 5 days before her 23rd birthday. The quote you shared from Elder Wirthin was incredible. I will share with her family. Grateful for the gospel perspective of Sunday’s. Best wishes to you and all you are trying to do. ❤️
I am sorry for your lose. I went to High School with Holli and she was such a sweet girl. I know her family is devastated that they couldn’t be there for the funeral. Good friends are such a blessing.
I am very sorry to hear of your dear friend’s passing. Much love to you and all who knew her.
Oh,my heart. I have thought of Holly so often since your last post. I had a melanoma skin cancer removed right about the time of the post and it hit close to home. I am so sorry to hear that she has passed but what a blessing to know of the Plan of Salvation, Sunday will come. You and her sweet family will be in my prayers.
I’m so so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost someone special recently too. Getting back to living life without someone is so hard. ((Hugs))
My dearest Mel, I asked Calvin because I wanted to send you a card. But he doesn’t. And a post online feels not personal enough. But I wanted to let you know that you have been on my mind. Grief is a tough, tough thing. Don’t feel bad that you aren’t the same person. There is no doubt that you have been Holli’s personal angel here on earth. Take all the time you need to heal and some more. And please know that thousands of people adore you, are cheering for you and praying for you. Love you and miss you, friend.
Love you so much Mel!♥️
Blessings for your friend and her family and YOU. Sounds like you and Holli were wonderful gifts to each other. +
Thank you for sharing your feelings and the words you shared at Holli’s funeral. I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to your friend. You are absolutely her family, and the way you have served and are serving Holli and her family is the best way a sister can lift and bless someone else. I hope you know you have lots and lots of friends you have never met out here that love you (and your recipes). Take your time coming back, do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and your family. You are different after what you’ve gone through, and the loss you are experiencing. So it’s ok if the you moving forward is different than the old you.
Thanks for being you. We’re here when Mel is ready to come back in any form that works for you!
Sending Lots of love,
Joyce
Lehi, UT
Mel, you put in to words exactly exactly how I have been feeling but didn’t know how to express it in paragraphs 5-8. Thank you for this beautiful post and for being such a beautiful person. You are a huge example of love and kindness, probably more than you know. It’s been an honor to meet you through Holli.
Sadie
What a beautiful tribute to an amazing woman. I‘m so sorry for your loss and your hurting heart. Don’t feel any pressure to come back until you are ready. While we wait, we’ll be praying for you and your family.❤️
Several years ago my awesome sister in law introduced me to melskitchen cafe. I quickly fell in love with Mel and her amazing recipes and take in life. You reminded me so much of my sister in law Leesa who introduced you to me. She had five sons and a little girl at the end just like you. She shared You’re purposeful living and willingness to put your family first. And every time I read your Friday thoughts, or made a great recipe, I was grateful to have such wonderful women influencing me. Oct 2019 our Leesa was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. She passed away six months later, after a painful battle with the the cancer. Loosing Leesa has left a huge hole in our lives. She too, like your Holli wanted us to keep living life, and we are all trying. I feel your pain and grief. Life can be so hard and so sad. Thank you for being such a good friend and example to us all❤️
A dear friend of mine lost her baby girl (she lived 50 days) the week before Easter. You so eloquently described some of the grief that I have felt both myself and for her. Thank you for your words, your goodness, and your vulnerability. I needed it today.
I have loved your recipes, and was just thinking I needed to see what was new, as I haven’t checked in a few weeks. And then instead here’s your beautiful message, instead. My mom just recently went through brain surgery to repair an aneurysm, and I have been going through my own battle with grief and heart break. She is miraculously recovering now, but I understand your post in the deep regions of my soul. I’m so grateful for the peace that can come before, during and after the storm. I’m so grateful for prayer. And I’m so grateful and filled with wonder at the doctrine of the endurance of our souls after death. Thank you for sharing your words and thoughts, Mel. I am touched more than I ever thought possible by a food blog!
Sending hugs and prayers to you and Holli’s family.
What a sweet, beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing such a tender part of your heart. I love this about you, as much as I love your incredible recipes. Prayers for you and for Hollis family
What a truly beautiful post. Much love to you, your loved ones and her loved ones as you navigate this time.
Thank you, Mel. This post is why you’re my favorite cooking blogger ever. Love and prayers during thus difficult time.
This was such a beautiful tribute to your friend. Thank you for sharing. I am inspired by your friendship with Holli. Sounds like you were both really lucky to have known each other. Hopefully, there will be lots of peace and love in the days ahead for all of you.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.
Just wanted to send out a virtual hug. Losing someone–anyone close to us–leaves such a hole in our heart. We are different on the other side of the experience. While we know death is part of life, those of us left behind have incapacitating grief at times. Give yourself the space and time to begin to live again. Find the support you need through positive memories and share experiences with those who also loved her. These suggestions and the gospel of Jesus Christ have been a huge support to me through my grief–hopefully you find they make a difference for you as well.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet friend.
Been thinking about you Mel, so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you’re getting through this difficult time and making space for what you need. <3
My daughter, who is 13, and I have been checking your blog to see when you were on again. Thank you for your tender post. We share your faith and I am crying now at your grief – thank you for sharing it all. It’s a hard thing to know how to carry both grief and faith with over-riding hope. I pray you and your family and all who love and know Holli are blessed. Thanks again for teaching all of us and for sharing. We love you (I think in heaven you’re going to be shocked by all the blog friends you have there – can we have a “best of” food party as we all get to know one another face-to-face while we feed our faces? 🙂
Mel thank you for sharing your inspiring deepest thoughts. Hearts and prayers go out to you for all that you do!! I’m sure that the blessing of Holli goes both ways. When we serve and give both are blessed. Glad your back. I appreciate you sharing your recipes. Karen Wardle
We love you Mel!! Thank you for opening your heart to us this week but also every day opening your family, home and love of food to us. I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend. I hope that you can be comforted during this hard time as well as anyone who loved Holli.
I’m so sorry to hear of Holli’s passing. I cannot imagine her husband and kids going on without their wife/mother as most women are the nucleus of a family. It will leave such a huge hole and void in their hearts. Prayers for strength, love, support, and faith to carry on each day.
I can feel the love and support and friendship you (and I’m sure many others) had for Holli as well in your words. It can be so hard to process death when things are so busy and hectic and pulling one’s life in so many directions. Don’t forget to breathe through it all. There is no schedule on grieving. You can be okay one minute and a wreck the next.
Just take life a day at a time and know some days will be harder than others.
As to rest of your post, your son looks very handsome for prom! It is amazing how fast time goes once your children are in high school.
That pig picture is too much! What a cutie pie! I grew up on a farm and we had pigs and I will say they were notorious for escaping their pen! Those little rascals liked to roam around.
Rest of pictures were great too. Making bars, coloring eggs, husband dressed up fixing disposal, etc. So many moments make up life. We all have much to be thankful for.
Take care, God bless, and thank you for enriching all of our lives with your blog ❤️