Let’s Talk: Ministering Through Food
I’m taking a quick departure from recipes today to talk about something that’s been on my mind (and in my heart) for a while.
Ministering through food.
{If you don’t have time to read the whole preface, will you take a second and scroll down to the question?}
Food is an integral part of my life (and I know many of yours, too). I mean, I talk about it with all of you several times a week here on the blog and on social media: sharing new recipes, reminding you of old recipes, and probably over talking how deeply I feel about dark chocolate and carbs.
But food has an importance in my life much deeper than just sharing a killer recipe or eating a delicious dinner or hiding in the pantry with my beloved chocolate chips.
And a lot of that is because I have been greatly impacted by people in my life who have ministered to me and my family through food over the years.
From my childhood, I saw my mom constantly serving and ministering to other families by bringing them dinner or bread (I can’t understate the impact her example has had on me). Also, due to my dad’s job in the oil industry, we moved about once a year growing up. Every single move and new house and unfamiliar town found us unpacking boxes and shedding a few tears because moving is hard; unfailingly, the doorbell would ring with another neighbor bringing over a home baked treat or simple dinner to say hello and start a new friendship.
My own little family (5 kids + husband) has moved seven times over the last 17 years. And while I submit moving is the absolute worst, each time, I’ve been overwhelmed at the kindness of neighbors and new church friends who have appeared, food in hand, to help.
Fast forward to the early years of marriage when I was having babies (what felt like constantly, and yes, I realize this was a personal problem :)), and I had an endless supply of warm dinners brought in to my home by smiling, gracious women who I could tell genuinely wanted to serve me and my family.
It’s been a decade, at least, but I still remember my dear friend’s amazing homemade bread that changed my life forever (she brought it to me weekly for at least two months) and another friends’ epic homemade pizza she brought over one Friday night (the same day that she came over unannounced with her five kids and made me sit on the couch while they cleaned my house).
Then a season of health struggles (cancer diagnosis, surgery, radiation, four very small children at home), and a friend from church showed up unexpectedly with a plate of the most divine cookies I’ve ever tasted and spent an hour reading my anxiety-driven toddler books (she was his nursery leader at church and the only person he would go to outside of me and Brian). Another group of ladies from church left a huge basket on my front porch with more chocolate than a girl could ever need in order to help me get through radiation. I could cry just thinking about it.
Later when I had traumatic, unexpected, surgery on my face for basal cell skin cancer, friends dropped off dinner (even when I acted like I didn’t need it and maybe a couple times pretended I wasn’t at home so I didn’t have to answer the door and show my stitched and scarred face – yep, they still left it for my stubborn, old soul) and others sent dark chocolate through the mail when only dark chocolate will do.
And now, to a phase of life where sometimes it’s hard to breathe because life is busy and hard and awesome and full. Brian’s had a couple major surgeries the last two years, and he also carries a huge responsibility at our church these days. Combined with his demanding job, he isn’t home a lot; his time is very divided and weighted. It’s ok. We manage (and I know some families have it much harder than we do). But yet, neighbors and friends and church members still minister to us without being asked.
Now and then women from church will just show up at my door with dinner for no apparent reason other than “I was thinking about you and your family.” The stubborn part of me initially wants to protest and say “gah, don’t think about us! serve people who really need it!” But in truth, we have really needed it, and their confident, sweet assurances that they knew our family could use dinner have seriously endeared them to me forever, forging a connection that wouldn’t have come otherwise.
I could go on and on. For any and all of you who have ever ministered to me and my family, food or not, thank you from the very depths of my heart.
There is strength in ministering to others…but there is also strength in allowing others to minister to us, don’t you think? It colors our lives with a profound, wholesome beauty that cannot be painted any other way. It’s hard sometimes to be on the receiving end. But the divine impact of ministering (and ministering through food) would reach a sudden, and tragic, end if it was always only one-sided.
While there are certainly many, many ways to minister and serve that do not involve food, I feel like food can pave the way to minister to others like nothing else can. Like my cousin-in-law, Tami, has told me: anyone will talk to you if you show up with a loaf of homemade bread. 🙂
Whether it’s an anonymous drop off or a scheduled take-in dinner, I absolutely believe ministering through food can change lives. It’s changed mine. Food is the gateway that can lead to deeper, truer friendships and possibly alter the course of someone’s life as they see, taste, and believe that there is another person out there thinking of them and choosing to minister to them.
A dear, wise man said this: Ministering means following your feelings to help someone else feel the love of the Savior in his or her life.
I’m so far from perfect at any and all of this. I struggle with selfishness and wanting to protect my time, and sometimes I’m anxious in new, out-of-my-comfort-zone situations. But I know because my life is so blessed, much is expected of me, so I am trying. I’ve been making more of an effort to genuinely ask in my morning prayers if there is someone who needs me that day and then *hopefully* showing through my actions that I will listen and follow. I don’t necessarily say I’m willing to whip up a batch of brownies to go along with the prompting, but I think He knows. 🙂
Sometimes the answer is very simple and clear that my ministering efforts need to go straight to one or all of my kids or my husband. Keeping ministering in-house is maybe some of the most important ministering we can do. Other times I feel a strong impression to reach out to a specific friend or neighbor. And of course some days I don’t necessarily feel a pull one way or the other and so I do my best to go throughout the day open minded and willing. And I always have my freezer stocked with cookies just in case. Basically, I love to show my love to other people through food. I just do.
I’d love to hear from you.
Be inspired by you.
Whether you’ve been on the receiving or giving end of ministering through food, I’d love if you felt comfortable sharing below.
Your comments are what make posts like this absolutely pop with inspiration and happiness! Love you guys.
If you are interested in another quick story, here’s the Parable of the Cheeseball I shared last Christmas that goes along with what we’re talking about today.
As someone who suffers through a very restrictive diet with food allergies, the idea of other people cooking for me causes great anxiety. When my Dad died last year and people were bringing over food for the rest of my family it added an additional layer of pain. All the food I could not eat just reminded me of another thing I lost. I wish someone would have taken the time to feed me during that time.
I have just recently become more acutely aware of the possibility of people not being able to eat the things that are so sweetly shared. I appreciate your words here and the caution that they bring to seek out deeper information so that we can truly minister and love others.
I relate so much to this.
Barbara – you summed that up perfectly! I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve felt, Venessa. But I appreciate you and others leaving comments like this in this thread because they are needed voices in this conversation!
Just last night a friend brought my husband and I some soup because we have been sick all week, and it meant a lot to me!!
What a sweet friend!
I was at an LDS dentist spouse conference this past August at BYU where Chef Brad talked about this exact thing. Food can definitely be a powerful tool in ministering!!
I’ve heard he has an amazing presentation on ministering through food!
Thank you for this beautiful post! I can remember every meal ever brought to me. I’ve also shared many meals and treats with others, but those blur together over the years. The funny thing is that my family always RAVES about meals that are shared with us (after having a baby, for example), even if it’s very simple food. They can tell that the person made it with love and that makes the meal extra special.
So true! I can’t remember really any specifics of the meals I’ve brought people but I can remember with finite detail the meals brought to us (and so can my kids!).
My mother-in-law passed away this January & I cooked a lot for comfort in the weeks following for my husband & father-in-law. One of my work friends insisted on sending dinner home with me (despite my protests) and it was such a moment of relief knowing I was “off” that evening. Much to my surprise, she did the same thing a few months later, when it was feeling like life should be back to normal, but of course it wasn’t.
Last night I made your easy breadsticks, and it was so nice to be able to whip up something homemade for my family after what has been a long week at school (and I realize, it was only Wednesday!).
What a beautiful post that spoke right to my heart.
Thank you, Renee! I think it’s an important reminder that sometimes we rush to help people in those critical times and then forget that they may continue to need it for a while…things don’t always get back to normal as soon as we would like.
This post made me cry- I can relate to this post 100%. The time, effort, and thought put in to homemade food shows our genuine love and support for one another. Like you I grew up watching my mom minister with homemade pies, bread, etc etc. As a new mom and each successive time I’ve had a baby (I have 6!) I have felt overwhelmed with love from sisters around me. After baby #5 I was having a particularly rough time, my husband was working out of town and I had a horrible eye infection and my sweet neighbour brought over the most delicious hearty muffins I have ever eaten. Now my baby is two but I love to pass on the love I have felt so many times.
And that’s what I love – so many women saying the same thing that they’ve been ministered to over the years and they want to pass that on. It’s the best, most amazing aspect of ministering.
I love this!! I can relate to ministering with food. It’s what is comfortable to me. But in this world of fad diets, intolerances, allergies, etc. I get a little self conscious showing up with food for someone I don’t know well. I worry they’ll be sugar free, gluten free, nut free, etc and my offering will be rejected. I know, it’s silly. But I always worry about it. Your sweet message reminds me that I shouldn’t worry about it and instead just follow the prompting.
It’s a valid concern, Tara! I have a few back pocket recipes that seem to be pretty safe for many allergies but I do worry about this, too. (Although following the prompting seems to usually work out pretty well – I’m reinspired to be better at that!)
I am going to preface this with the statement that I love food and of course am a huge fan of your recipes. (My family and I often joke around when I refer to my friend Mel, whom I have actually never met.) So here is my thought: I wish people could learn how to minister without food. Food in our family is really complicated. I have celiac, my husband needs a super low sodium diet to manage his Meniere’s disease, and I have a daughter who has a severe tree-nut allergy. As a result, people often don’t know how to help us in hard times. I don’t even know what to suggest to people who want to help us. Food (in LDS culture) has become the “go to” way to serve/minister, such that people are incapacitated when that option is taken away from them. I know I am going to be in the minority for this viewpoint, and that is o.k. I just felt that it needed to be said. Food allergies/sensitivities can be alienating on so many levels and this is definitely one of them.
I have often wondered about this as I know of several families with similar health restrictions. Can I ask what kind of service your family would appreciate? Food is my go to because it gives me such an easy way to drop by and show love. Without something in my hands to drop off I don’t know how to proceed. Is there something else a family like yours would appreciate receiving? If it’s a family I’m close to then it’s easier but when it’s just a family in my ward/neighborhood that I don’t know particularly well but I do know they have food restrictions, I’m kind of lost.
That’s the rub. There is a reason why food is such a go to: it is easy. You can work it around your existing schedule. It isn’t a huge time commitment. When thinking of things that I really need: someone to watch kids at my house, someone to help with the chores/errands, etc.–that is asking a lot more of a person. And what I have found is that people aren’t as willing/able. Also, to ask those things of a person, especially someone who isn’t a close friend, is so hard. Much harder than accepting food–because it is so much more demanding. I am still trying to figure out how I can help people and receive help without relying on food. However, for some easy ideas, especially to new people: cards with a thoughtfully written note. Fruit is pretty safe, and flowers are nice too (however, they may get discarded quickly if they are too fragrant, or sneeze inducing.)
Great questions, Lucy. I’d love to know, too! And I think it’s wonderful that you share that perspective, Deanna. I think it is a complicated, tricky issue and it motivates me to open my mind and heart to truly know the people I am ministering to first and foremost and if food is not the answer, find a way to genuinely serve them in other ways. Thank you for bringing this up.
I don’t think you’re alone in this feeling actually. I quite often second guess taking people food since it seems everyone has their own dietary restrictions & preferences these days. I recently heard some ideas about alternatives which I thought were great such as offering to do yard work or taking care of someone’s pets. What I’ve also done as an alternative was buy someone a gift card for a local food delivery service (ie. Skip the Dishes or UberEats).
Thank you for this. I too would really appreciate more ideas of what is helpful in cases where people have complicated eating restrictions. Phone calls and visits? I guess, as was said by another commentor, getting to know the people that we want to minister to well enough that we can learn the needs that we can help with probably shows more love than anything.
Yes!! So much YES! I’ve always taken the “Feed my sheep” thing quite literally. There are so many ways to help and minister, but all His sheep get hungry and yummy food always fills a need. My dearest friends became that because our families get together once a month for “treat night.” Yes, yummy treats are shared, but more so these families contribute such love and strength to mine as we eat and talk over delicious treats. Thanks for your thoughts and always thanks for so many delicious recipes that help me minister to my family and friends!
Someone else mentioned the literal interpretation of “feed my sheep” and it certainly seems appropriate here. 🙂 I love that you’ve formed some strong relationships through your treat nights. That’s awesome.
Your article brought tears to my eyes. I was in a horrible car accident last year an while trying to recover from that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The out pour of prayers an food from friends an family has helped greatly. Especially on chemo days, it has also instilled in my kids that there are more ways to help out than just praying for someone. Thanks for posting this today.
Be blessed
Tonya
Oh my goodness, Tonya, I am so, so sorry to hear of the challenges you are facing. I will pray that army of angels continues to strengthen you and your family!
Your post encouraged ma to act on this feeling. I have a friend going through difficult times and when I have offered to bring food she has said, “oh that’s okay -you know I like to cook”. But just dropping off a loaf of homemade bread and some soup would be a great comfort I think!
Yes, I think you are exactly right, Susan! And I bet she’ll appreciate it more than you know.
It’s funny that you should ask about the very thing I’ve been pondering a lot lately (well, the ministering part, though there have been some thoughts about ministering through food too). I’m one of those stubborn people who would rather give than receive help. I’ve always been that way. But then I married into a family where they just naturally jump in and offer to bring meals and minister whenever there is a need and. It’s a foreign concept to me to offer to bring meals to family members, but I am trying to learn to adopt their way of thinking and to also be open to accepting help. We also currently live in a congregation where so many sisters are willing to help out by bringing meals, but I’ve either kept our needs quiet so that we won’t have people offering to bring meals, or I’ve declined the kind offers to help.
The past few months have been rough on me and my husband, health-wise. In July I had a heart attack scare as a result of a prescription medication I was taking, and I ended up in the ER at 3:00 am one Sunday morning. When my sisters-in-law heard about it, they jumped into action and we had meals for a week. I feel like letting them help has even improved my relationship with a particularly difficult SIL.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, a month ago when my husband went in for shoulder surgery, his heart stopped on the operating table. They were able to revive him within a minute, but that began what was probably the scariest 48 hours of my life. He was rushed by ambulance from the surgical center to the ER and was then admitted for an overnight hospital stay for observation. Doctors had a few different ideas about the cause, but it took time and tests to finally identify the reason (turns out it was a reaction to the anesthesia).
The ministering during that time came from so many people and I will be forever grateful. My ministering sister (who has little kids including a baby) stayed up late texting with me to make sure I was okay. Another dear friend called to talk because I was too freaked out about everything and couldn’t bear to be alone in the house. And when Jon finally came home, we had meals and visits from friends and family alike and felt so loved and cared for. One friend even stepped in at the last moment to teach my Sunday lesson. I am eternally indebted to everyone for that love and care.
I wish I was there to bring you something
Thank you Wendy! That’s such a sweet offer!
What an amazing set of ministering experiences, Jana! But oh my, what a terrifying set of challenges for you and your husband. I am so sorry for what you’ve had to face. But thank you for sharing how opening your heart to ministering from others (food or not) has improved relationships and truly helped you during these times.
Oh I’m already crying. This is going to be a good day. 🙂
This post has my heart, 100%.
I used to think that bringing food was just what we did when we didn’t know what else to do. You know, something happens in a family, and no one knows how to help, so by default they just go home and cook something up and take it over? I changed my mind 12 years ago when my grandfather died and I was on the receiving end. Tons of family came and were staying at grandma’s house, and she had just lost her husband. Within hours of his passing, people from the neighborhood came with delicious orange rolls, sandwich platters, and other foods. It took the stress off grandma to feed us, and we could meet our own needs by making a sandwich. But the best part was the orange roll plate… It tasted like love. Those rolls tasted like hugs and like everything was going to be ok. (Stop by Geraldine’s Bakery if you’re ever in Idaho Falls. You can thank me later.)
And I also completely love your thoughts on serving our family. My mother in law is struggling through the last days of her life, right now. Last night I prayed to know how I could best serve and support my husband, and the thought God put into my mind was, “Make dinner tomorrow night.” (I’m ashamed to say that it doesn’t happen every day.)
Mel, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post. Thank you. I will be thinking about it much more in days to come.
Oh Jana, your words were thoughtful and wonderful. Thank you! Ministering through food can take so many different forms and I, too, have had those promptings that I need to center my efforts on the people closest to me. Much love to you and your husband through what must be a difficult time with his sweet mom.
A few years back I had the impression I should cook meals for a friend and her family of 4 adults. (She and her husband lived with her parents). I felt awkward but I’m so glad I did it anyways. I couldn’t have known how much it was needed. At times it was multiple meals each week. Other times homemade bread. They felt comfortable calling me for help when they needed it. My youngest has autism and anxiety and she helped me with everything and I can see how much good it did her too. My friends father passed a couple years ago, her mother’s funeral is today. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to serve them and didn’t let my awkwardness stop me from following the prompting.
It sounds like it created a beautiful friendships…and is such a great lesson on not letting the uncomfortable feelings stand in the way. Thank you for sharing!
Dear Mel:
I can’t even begin to tell you how many of your wonderful recipes have been used by me to try to ease the burdens of many a household, not only in times of need but in times of friendship. Whether it be a tray of cookies, a fresh loaf of bread with a pot of homemade soup, or the sweet and sour chicken, every single dish was more than appreciated and enjoyed. I truly believe that whatever effort that was involved was minimal compared to the feeling of joy that it gave on everyone’s behalf.
Thank you so much, Carole!
Thank you, Mel. I read your words this morning with tears of gratefulness. Gratitude for you and the reminders given about serving others. How hard life can be and how wonderful, too! The years go by and it seems like yesterday I was your age with time filled with children, work and always and most importantly family. Now, seasons change, both metaphorically and literally. I sense being in the autumn of my years a peacefulness, quietness yet longing for those days filled with the busyness of life. It all goes too fast. Thank you for connecting us to those years of our children’s youth. The fun we all had as families and knowing you and others like you. You may never realize or know why how important it is to still touch a part of that joy through hearing your voice in the recipes and comments shared. Just know you minister and serve in so many ways. Thank you, Mel!
Thank you so much, sweet Bev!
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this. It strikes me deeply right now! Almost 2 years ago, we moved to Estonia the week after Christmas. Within 24 hours of arriving, we were at the children’s hospital in that unfamiliar country with a sick child. We (thankfully) already knew ONE family there. They met us at the hospital, helped us get settled, and took our 4 other kids to their home, where they fed and entertained them until we were done. They even helped us navigate the overnight pharmacy and then sent us home with leftovers for my husband and I! Over the next week or two, as each kid succumbed to illness and while we were very much in the throes of some major jet lag, they continued to minister to us. I will never forget the huge jar of homemade soup that sweet friend brought over and how much it nourished my soul.
We moved back to the US almost three weeks ago now. We’re in another phase of transition, (thankfully a MUCH smoother transition than last time!), and will be for several months. Though my kitchen and living situation is not ideal, I’m looking forward to figuring out how I can help those around me–through food or otherwise!
Thanks for sharing this, Amanda! I can’t imagine that same type of experience but I felt the warmth of that families service to you through your description. What a blessing!
Yes, yes, yes, Mel! I couldn’t agree more. And your post made me realize that I am REALLY lacking in my ministering skills!! You have had some AMAZING friends bless you and your family! I know my family comes to my house to be nourished not only physically by food, but spiritually, too! Food does that! And thank YOU for ALL of the amazing recipes that I have tried of yours that I LOVE. You are my favorite! 🙂
Thank you, Lynne! I truly have been so blessed. It’s hard to really wrap my mind around all the service that has been given to us.
I have so many thoughts about this- I agree 100%. A couple of years ago I was struggling so bad- we had moved and I felt very alone. In order to survive I started make double dinners on Thursdays and dropping them off randomly to wherever I felt guided. It saved me. Homemade bread has brought down many walls and I always try to think of who needs a loaf when I make it. It does far more good for me than I think it does for them. Probably one of my hardest experiences was when, after the birth of my third baby I had complications and for whatever reason, I was missed. No one brought dinner and I struggled. It hurt even more when the reason I was given was “well, you’re such a good cook no one wanted to cook for you.” I’ve tried to lean from that- no one cares what you make or bring- they just want to be thought of! Thank you for this post. I needed it!
What’s so fascinating about this, Katie – is that during your difficult time what saved you is YOUR service to others, not necessarily what someone did to you. If that isn’t a powerful testimony of ministering, I don’t know what is. Thank you so much for sharing! I’m so sorry that you felt forgotten after having a difficult delivery – but you are amazing for turning it around and deciding to let it inspire you to never forget someone.
Best post EVER. Thanks for a moment to pause and ponder the important things in life.
Thank you, Eileen!
In my morning prayers, I (like you) ask God to put people in path whom I can serve and be his hands on earth. He answers! And I feel humbled. I have been ministered to with food when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, been sick, had babies, or “just because.” And it touches my heart every time! (As a side note…ladies, get your mammograms! I am cancer-free, because we caught it early!) Mel, I love this post – it’s full of truth and love 🙂
Thanks for your thoughts…AND the side note, Sheree! More important than words can even suggest.
Thank you! Your recipes and comments today have encouraged me to get baking!
Thanks, Debbi!
I love this post! I feel that food nourishes the soul as well as the body. One time early in a pregnancy when I was super sick, but no one knew that I was pregnant yet, peanut m & m’s sounded really good to me. I wished I could have some because it was rare for something to sound good to me. The very next day my friend stopped by and said the store was having a sale on chocolate and she had picked up a big bag of peanut m & m’s for me. She had no idea I was pregnant or craving peanut m & m’s! It meant the world to me because she had obviously been guided to serve me in that way that day. It also meant a lot because that pregnancy became very complicated and scary, but the whole pregnancy I felt that God was very aware of me. And the first tender mercy was a simple bag of m & m’s.
As someone who is not a natural cook, I become paralyzed when wanting to help a family through food. It seems to come so easy to some “I’ll just whip up something. “. I end up stressing over what to take, then a trip to grocery store, $30 later and im wondering what I’m doing. It’s probably not cheesy enough or healthy enough. I know this takes all of the love out of it. It’s a real struggle for me and I want to do better.
I don’t think you are alone in this, Des! If it’s stressful, maybe have a go-to storebought treat or snack that you can share?
What? That’s amazing, Lindsay! Thank you for sharing that. I hope I’m living in such a way to be inspired with thoughts like that to help someone that may need something as simple as M&Ms. Love that.
This post made me cry. You wrote it beautifully. I too have felt the power of ministering through food. When my dad was dying 3 years ago and we were caring for him, countless friends brought us food. And it heals, it strengthens. It forms a bond between you and the giver. When your family is hurting food is comfort. And that’s what the Savior wants of us. To comfort each other. Now I need to stop blubbering so I can get out of the car and go into the vet. Thanks for warming my heart again first thing this morning. This post has rekindled feelings for me, and I want to minister to someone today with food. ❤️
You are so right, Marne – it forms bonds that would be difficult to form otherwise.
Yes and amen. I’m someone who grew up watching food be taken to families following deaths, babies, surgeries and did the same as an adult. When it came time for me to need it, it was hard to accept, but so appreciated. As a known cook some people felt intimidated and I told them that I would be grateful for PB&J – the mere fact that they made the food for me and my family would be such a gift and appreciated especially after surgery when you’re so tired you can’t move but you’re family needs to eat. Hospitality doesn’t have to be Martha Stewart approved. Your take-in meals section is a great resource for meal ministry. Nowadays I check for food allergies as well.
Awesome! Every point.
I think you are right, Theresa – the idea that someone is thinking of you is the real gift no matter if they are an accomplished cook or anything like that. “hospitality doesn’t have to be Martha Stewart approved” – truer words hath never been spoken!
Mel I love this post and believe it is true. I appreciate your vulnerability to be real.
I too am a cancer survivor. I am a childhood cancer survivor as well as just hit my 5 year mark for surviving stage 3A lung cancer and Melanoma. I still remember a day when I was 13 when my piano teacher and neighbor brought just me ( which is a big deal in a family of five kids) a plate of homemade eclairs. Fast forward to 2014 a dear friend made me a kick cancers butt meal. Each item had a name written on a menu and how it would kick cancers butt. Grateful and unforgettable.
You are an inspiration, Jennifer!!
I love this article Mel. My love language is cooking/baking for others when in need. And now I am in a season of need, and my kids and friends are serving me. I totally agree that there is something special about ministering with food!
Love and Blessings to you!
Karen
I am so glad the tables have been turned and there are many serving you, Karen. Much love to you.
Yes! I have said it for years. Food is my love language. It’s how I feel loved and how I show love. Great thoughts on ministering and totally made me tear up. And now I need to go make cookies to keep in my freezer, because that’s so much faster and easier. haha
Haha, yes it is. 🙂
I miscarried a baby in 1979 when I lived in Houston. It was the second miscarriage in six months. I was devastated. A friend from church appeared on my door with a plate which she handed me and then left, crying. She had written a note which accompanied cupcakes, something along the lines of she was sad to hear of our loss, she knew she couldn’t fix it, but she hoped I knew she loved me. Her words were surprisingly comforting, and at that moment, 40 years ago, I learned that love can bring healing. She was as young as I was, she didn’t know the right thing to do, but she chose to act and show love in the best way she knew how. Sometimes food is simply the vehicle for the message.
This was so incredibly touching to me, Julie – thank you for sharing. Your sweet story is the best reminder that the service doesn’t have to be fancy, perfect. smooth, gilded, or over the top. Just show up. That’s the important thing.
oh my gosh! the tears! so true! so inspiring!
This comment thread has left me so, so inspired.
Every year for ten years I have run our community craft fair which helps raise money for playgrounds and other good things. One of my friends from church unfailing shows up at my door at the end of the event as I collapse from exhaustion with the most delicious dinner ever made. Her kindness has left an indelible mark on my heart and my life.
It has also been my experience that making two yummy warm pots of soup and some homemade bread to deliver to my elderly neighbour, sick friends, my son’s teachers and those in need is the best date night with my husband. We visit as we drive and deliver – it is meant to life those we serve and love but in the end it lifts me and that is the power of ministering and food.
Everyone needs a friend like that!! And isn’t it such a powerful reminder that there’s more than one blessed recipient in the ministering and serving. I am always left feeling better than when I started my day whether I’m on the giving or receiving end. Thank you for sharing!
Tears fill my eyes after reading that! Yes! So much truth! I am so grateful for the gift of service and food. I had a miscarriage four years ago and unexpectedly ran into a friend as I left the ER and was filling a RX before heading home (she didn’t live very close). She offered to bring me dinner in a few days, I didn’t think it was necessary, but agreed. When she showed up with dinner it was exactly what my body and heart needed!! It still makes me cry because I am so grateful for that act of love.
What a sweet gesture from your friend, Rachael! I know I’ve missed opportunities like this and it makes me sad. But I’m inspired to follow those promptings…and then actually follow through!
Thank you for writing this. It is literally an answer to prayer. I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face. You are the best.
Me, too, Jamie – reading through these comments has been joyful and tearful and inspiring.
I was recently at a Stake leadership training on ministering and the visiting authority actually talked about ministering with food. The point of ministering is to serve and love like the Savior, and Jesus frequently ministered by feeding people. I’d never really thought of it in that context.
Oh, I love that! I’ve never made the connection. Thank you!
When I had for kids under the age of eight, I broke my leg and needed two surgeries within two weeks. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to manage not being able to walk for 3 months! A dear lady who was the nursery leader came to my house every weekday and took care of my baby and toddler, made lunch for everyone, put my kindergartener on the bus, and put my little ones down for a nap. She always left a homemade treat for my kids to have later in the afternoon. Her example is one that I continue to try – and fail – to live up to. I also had many ladies from church bring me dinner, and one of my favorites was a gal who brought something I had never tried and she said, “This is a Mel recipe!” I knew right away it was going to be delicious. It was the first time we had Kansas City Sue’s Chicken, and we loved it.
It really is all about showing up for people! It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it really lets people know you care.
Yes, Rachel!! It’s all about showing up and I feel like I want to write a follow up post after reading all these comments with these two sentences: just show up and it doesn’t have to be over the top. Thank you! (And so happy you love that kansas city recipe…)
Oh Mel! You have ministered to me over the years with your wonderful recipes and motivated me to get cooking and try something new.! I thank God for you, knowing how you parent, and knowing your love for your family makes my heart sing! So yes you just keep on being a shining example and I will keep on trying and gifting your wonderful recipes. God bless you, sweet friend.
Thank you! I have thought many many times over the last several years in using your recipes about how much you have blessed my life. You have greatly ministered to so many of us sharing your recipes, enthusiasm, humor and wisdom. You have saved many a dinner hour over at our house, and I’m not sure i could ever adequately express thanks! You are a wonderful example of ministering!
Thank you so much Deb and Marian!
Love that, Sydney!
I’ve been on both sides. I’ve delivered food to people who have suffered a loss and those who were sick. My best friend of 30+ years had breast cancer and I felt so helpless that I felt the only way I could help get was to cook.
Then in March when I unexpectedly lost my son, I was on
the receiving end. Even as I write this tears come to my eyes because of the love I felt with just the small gesture of someone delivering food. Imagine my reaction when I opened my door 2 mornings later and a roast chicken with all the sides was between my doors!!! There is so much more to food than eating.!
This is also why I love this site. The recipes are wonderful and the community is equally great!!
Thanks, Mel
Oh Wendy, tears came to MY eyes reading your comment. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your son. What a blessing that there were people ready to minister to you.
Thank you, Mel. I wrote to you once before about my son and how your website is a comfort and inspiration. What a wonderful community you have created!!!
When words can’t help, food fills the void. We bring food to new neighbors, grieving friends and neighbors, new moms, and family get togethers and receive in kind. So many memories….
As a mom of twins, I reached out to a new mom of twins to help her feed her family during the first month. She said it kept them from eating at McDonalds so often. 🙂
Also, when my father passed away, I was able to chat with people that I had not seen in over 20 years and share memories. (although I was overwhelmed at the amount of fried chicken and mac n cheese we were offered. I think I shamefully said to one sweet lady ,”Oh wow, more fried chicken.” Ugh)
Thank you for being a great human and reminding us that other ‘s need love and a hand in the form of a simple treat or meal.
Thank you for sharing, Sheila! I love that because you knew firsthand the joys and trials of twins, you were better able to minister to someone else in the same situation!
I’m with you on ministering through food! I’ll never forget the one meal that was brought to us when our first baby was born. Our circle is pretty small and we aren’t involved in a church but that one meal meant so much to me! I’ve also been the giver of food many times during good and bad times in the lives of others. It’s always such a wonderful feeling to know they are being fed either a meal or yummy treat in the midst of their situations. Thank you for going beyond “recipes” and being our friend and cheerleader and for opening our eyes for ways to do better and be better. XO
P.S. Your Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins are my go-to treat to include on food gifts 🙂
Thank you so much, Melanie! Reading all these comments has made me want to do better and be better, too.
Taking food to families who have lost a family member or have someone going through a medical crisis is something I have done many times. The thing is, I was never confident with the food I made. I would bake or cook something, taste it and then decide it wasn’t good enough to share. Next, I would buy a honey baked ham or something and take that. But things have changed since I started reading your blog years ago. Now I actually make bread, homemade cakes and cookies, and entire meals for others. Just last week I took your no bake lemon cheesecake and the new beef broccoli ramen recipe to my sister. So, your kindness in freely sharing your recipes has had a farther reach than you know. Thank you for making life a little easier and yummier.
Thank you so much for your sweet words, Teresa. That meant so much to me.
I love this! Food is one of my love languages and I love serving and ministering to others using food. The other day I took dinner to a friend who just had a baby as well as to a woman in my neighborhood whose husband works out of town, so she is usually alone during the week and eats sandwiches for dinner. The funny thing is that I made two of your recipes! The slow cooker tortellini sausage soup and the parmesan garlic knots… And I picked both because they are DELICIOUS and I knew the others would like them (which they did!). Thank you for continually sharing great recipes and other uplifting content, Mel!
That’s a dynamite combo of a meal, Nicole!
I believe this with my whole heart. I have been on the receiving end of this many times. I believe food shared with others has magical powers. Maybe it isn’t even the food as much as someone saying I made this, I love you, It’s all going to be ok.
I also try to think about ministering to others daily. Your blog is such a gift because we can easily find wonderful food, tips and instructions. Thank you for ministering to all of us with your blog. Love you Lady!
You inspire me on the daily, my friend.
Thank you for sharing this sweet post. I agree with you and I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum right now with people bringing me meals after having a baby. It’s hard because I could do it myself! I’d be a crazy person, but I could do it. It’s been humbling and a huge blessing to let my friends minister to me in this way.
And isn’t that the wonderful, beautiful point? Many of us *could* do it, but it’s so amazing to see the benefit of letting others help (even when it is so hard to accept that help). I’m proud of you!
It is so true what you said. Food can help you get in doors sometimes when nothing else can. It’s hard for someone to be super grouchy with you when you are standing there smiling with yummy food in hand! I have been blessed by so many good people showing up in times of need with meals for my family. But I also have to be careful that I don’t minister just because I don’t have a yummy treat to take. I have found myself beginning a day with the best of intentions to make bread or a yummy treat and deliver it to someone on my mind and then my day is so busy and crazy that I don’t get the treat made and then I don’t go! I have realized I have to go with or without the food. It is definitely less awkward if I have something to give but sometimes I just do it and have never regretted it once. Thanks for your post! You are inspiring and I feel we would be great friends! Even though I am not nearly as good of a cook.
Right on.
You are right, Emily! I need to remind myself of that, too – show up! Even if I don’t have food to bring.
A few years ago I was thinking a lot about ways I could make a connection to others that was natural and genuinely “me”. I also needed a way to be creative and focused in my efforts without expending a lot of extra time or energy, of which I had almost none (still don’t). I looked at what I was already doing (and mostly enjoying) almost every day for my family — it was cooking and baking. I began making double or triple batches of food on a regular basis. I particularly made bread, but also dinners, cookies, brownies. When I feel a tug to visit with or help someone (often in my own family), I almost never go empty-handed. I know not all problems can be solved with a plate of Rice Krispy treats or a bowl of shrapnel and chips, but it somehow feels meaningful.
We are now in the middle of a kitchen reno and I’m without my oven and any sense of order in the kitchen for 6 weeks, and will be without it for another 8. It has been unexpectedly hard to have my primary method of showing and sharing love turned off. Seems that my kitchen is my version of a childhood teddy bear.
Julianne–where do you live? We did a kitchen reno a few years ago and I know how hard that struggle is! I WILL BRING YOU FOOD!!!!! xoxoxo Melanie
Food is absolutely a meaningful way to minister because we need constant nourishment! I too have been on the giving and receiving end SO many times. I don’t think I could add more than all the comments already posted. I did however want to point out that whether we are on the receiving OR giving end, don’t be afraid to speak up! Ask people you want to minister to if they have allergies, food restrictions or preferences. If you are on the receiving end, tell people if you have allergies, food restrictions or truly prefer not to get food. I know it’s hard to be so open but I think that all people who truly have a desire to minister will be grateful to know the very BEST way to serve. It sure helps to be told because otherwise we just don’t always know.
Haha. I love that your kitchen is your peaceful playground! I’m sorry you have to be without it for so long. I had no idea you guys were going through a kitchen remodel. I wish we were neighbors.
Mel, you are so right! Food provides so many opportunities to minister and spread love. If a friend is sick, having a hard week or just needing a pick-me-up, I’ve found a plate of cookies or meal is a great way to let them you are thinking of them (and care about them!). I also find that food helps me show love to my immediate family- it’s a treat to be able to make them smile because we are having their favorite meal or treat. I love, love, love your site and recipes! ❤️ Thank you for the reminder that food is so much more than just sustenance!
Thank you, Karen!!
We are in the middle of relocating from Central Texas (which we love deeply) to southeast Idaho because of a better job offer and closer proximity to family. Since June, everything has fallen in to place with perfect timing. Each tender mercy confirmed to us that this life-changing decision was the right one. Then we put our house on the market. What we thought would be another simple step in the process has been the most trying. It’s like the real estate market stopped the day we listed our house. After 7 weeks on the market (and 6 weeks of keeping my house spotless while also trying to live in it), 2 weeks with my husband living in his brother’s basement in Idaho as he has started his new job, and countless prayers, I thought yesterday was the day we would finally get an offer. Turns out, while the wife loved the house, the husband thought it smelled like pets. No, sir, that was the smell of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies I so lovingly made for you. I was devastated. I texted a friend, “I need a friend” and without asking why she replied, “I AM THAT FRIEND!” She instructed me to come to her house immediately and my kids and I were greeted with a warm, heathy meal. Dinner didn’t solve my problem, but it was exactly what I needed. Someone was taking care of me.
I take food to neighbours regularly. We have good neighbours and they enjoy what I make and send. Last summer I broke my left hand and a not very close friend gave me some of her baked beans. I had been buying them at her table at the farmers market for ages. When our basement was flooded a very close friend brought us a big pot of soup and some buns because I barely had time to cook. Both of these generous gifts literally change how I give. Mel your recipes are tasty and easy to give..very easy. Thank you.
I love those experiences, Val! Thank you for sharing!
I want to cry (and weep and wail) for you, Erika! What a terribly difficult and stressful time. I am so, so grateful that your friend showed up for you.
Thank you for this open and touching post Mel. Love this sentence ~ I’ve been making more of an effort to genuinely ask in my morning prayers if there is someone who needs me that day ~ I also believe food can open doors and bridge troubled waters.
Yes, yes!
Between my four kids (including a special needs son) and the short term emergency foster care hubby and I do, I rarely sign up to take food to anyone. Mostly because I never know what my day will be like. Between some things that have happened and your post my heart is full and I think I need to expand my service.
You are amazing – don’t forget that you are ministering greatly every single day to the sweet souls within your home.
Food ministers to me in huge ways. Cooking is hard for me. It doesn’t come naturally and it takes me a lot of work and mental energy. People that bring us meals for any reason truly just fill me up and encourage me. One friend recently asked if she could bring us dinner after having found out that I’m pregnant. She didn’t just bring us dinner. She brought us THREE FULL MEALS and I still can’t get over it. The whole process of bringing meals is so amazing to me….planning what to make, shopping for the ingredients, then spending time making it just shows me their care for me. Then, when she dropped the meals off she told me she spent time praying for my baby. It was (is!) an unbelievable blessing. Other friends have dropped food off when we get home from a trip or when they know it would make my day. Food ministers to me in HUGE ways!!!!!!!
Three full meals – INCREDIBLE!
Three full meals – INCREDIBLE! And what a huge blessing.
When my dad suffered a massive stroke several years ago, a lot of people brought meals for our family. Unfortunately I could barely eat. My friend showed up on my doorstep unexpectedly with a huge bag filled with all kinds of healthy snacks and junk food alike, along with magazines and a beautiful card. She wrote that sometimes when she’s going through a hard time, she finds it difficult to stomach an entire meal and she hoped the snacks would help. It was a sweet gesture that I’ll never forget.
I love this, Tara!! I love that your friend brought you exactly what you needed (even though you probably didn’t realize you needed it!).
Oh Mel. Basically, I’m nodding my head to everything. The giving, the receiving, the ministering. I love taking a meal to a shut-in or a new parent. Barriers are broken and relationships strengthen through this simple act. Or as you said, when moving, and friends just show up with a delicious meal or basket of goodies. As a receiver, I can’t tell you what it meant when food just magically appeared at the door in my SIL’s final days (battling brain cancer) on earth. While my MIL and I were trying our best to care for her and comfort her young daughters, the knocks at the door were happy distractions and provided so much more than just physical nourishment. I can distinctly remember having just moved and getting very sick, and a new friend showed up with a chicken pot pie, fruit, and cinnamon rolls. THAT is an unforgettable act of love. Or a friend who shows up to your hair appointment with a loaf of banana bread, just because she knew you needed a little extra TLC.
In a similar vein to what Tami said, your Buttermilk Banana Bread is a wonderful ice breaker when I want to reach out to a new friend, neighbor or church member. It’s also one of the things that makes my house feel like a home. Who doesn’t want to sit and chat over tea and a slice of banana bread?
Thanks for this post. Xo.
Thank you for sharing such a sweet, tender experience with your sister-in-law, Tristin. I can’t imagine the difficulty of those moments. What a tender mercy to have that ministry of food.