Let’s Talk: Ministering Through Food
I’m taking a quick departure from recipes today to talk about something that’s been on my mind (and in my heart) for a while.
Ministering through food.
{If you don’t have time to read the whole preface, will you take a second and scroll down to the question?}
Food is an integral part of my life (and I know many of yours, too). I mean, I talk about it with all of you several times a week here on the blog and on social media: sharing new recipes, reminding you of old recipes, and probably over talking how deeply I feel about dark chocolate and carbs.
But food has an importance in my life much deeper than just sharing a killer recipe or eating a delicious dinner or hiding in the pantry with my beloved chocolate chips.
And a lot of that is because I have been greatly impacted by people in my life who have ministered to me and my family through food over the years.
From my childhood, I saw my mom constantly serving and ministering to other families by bringing them dinner or bread (I can’t understate the impact her example has had on me). Also, due to my dad’s job in the oil industry, we moved about once a year growing up. Every single move and new house and unfamiliar town found us unpacking boxes and shedding a few tears because moving is hard; unfailingly, the doorbell would ring with another neighbor bringing over a home baked treat or simple dinner to say hello and start a new friendship.
My own little family (5 kids + husband) has moved seven times over the last 17 years. And while I submit moving is the absolute worst, each time, I’ve been overwhelmed at the kindness of neighbors and new church friends who have appeared, food in hand, to help.
Fast forward to the early years of marriage when I was having babies (what felt like constantly, and yes, I realize this was a personal problem :)), and I had an endless supply of warm dinners brought in to my home by smiling, gracious women who I could tell genuinely wanted to serve me and my family.
It’s been a decade, at least, but I still remember my dear friend’s amazing homemade bread that changed my life forever (she brought it to me weekly for at least two months) and another friends’ epic homemade pizza she brought over one Friday night (the same day that she came over unannounced with her five kids and made me sit on the couch while they cleaned my house).
Then a season of health struggles (cancer diagnosis, surgery, radiation, four very small children at home), and a friend from church showed up unexpectedly with a plate of the most divine cookies I’ve ever tasted and spent an hour reading my anxiety-driven toddler books (she was his nursery leader at church and the only person he would go to outside of me and Brian). Another group of ladies from church left a huge basket on my front porch with more chocolate than a girl could ever need in order to help me get through radiation. I could cry just thinking about it.
Later when I had traumatic, unexpected, surgery on my face for basal cell skin cancer, friends dropped off dinner (even when I acted like I didn’t need it and maybe a couple times pretended I wasn’t at home so I didn’t have to answer the door and show my stitched and scarred face – yep, they still left it for my stubborn, old soul) and others sent dark chocolate through the mail when only dark chocolate will do.
And now, to a phase of life where sometimes it’s hard to breathe because life is busy and hard and awesome and full. Brian’s had a couple major surgeries the last two years, and he also carries a huge responsibility at our church these days. Combined with his demanding job, he isn’t home a lot; his time is very divided and weighted. It’s ok. We manage (and I know some families have it much harder than we do). But yet, neighbors and friends and church members still minister to us without being asked.
Now and then women from church will just show up at my door with dinner for no apparent reason other than “I was thinking about you and your family.” The stubborn part of me initially wants to protest and say “gah, don’t think about us! serve people who really need it!” But in truth, we have really needed it, and their confident, sweet assurances that they knew our family could use dinner have seriously endeared them to me forever, forging a connection that wouldn’t have come otherwise.
I could go on and on. For any and all of you who have ever ministered to me and my family, food or not, thank you from the very depths of my heart.
There is strength in ministering to others…but there is also strength in allowing others to minister to us, don’t you think? It colors our lives with a profound, wholesome beauty that cannot be painted any other way. It’s hard sometimes to be on the receiving end. But the divine impact of ministering (and ministering through food) would reach a sudden, and tragic, end if it was always only one-sided.
While there are certainly many, many ways to minister and serve that do not involve food, I feel like food can pave the way to minister to others like nothing else can. Like my cousin-in-law, Tami, has told me: anyone will talk to you if you show up with a loaf of homemade bread. 🙂
Whether it’s an anonymous drop off or a scheduled take-in dinner, I absolutely believe ministering through food can change lives. It’s changed mine. Food is the gateway that can lead to deeper, truer friendships and possibly alter the course of someone’s life as they see, taste, and believe that there is another person out there thinking of them and choosing to minister to them.
A dear, wise man said this: Ministering means following your feelings to help someone else feel the love of the Savior in his or her life.
I’m so far from perfect at any and all of this. I struggle with selfishness and wanting to protect my time, and sometimes I’m anxious in new, out-of-my-comfort-zone situations. But I know because my life is so blessed, much is expected of me, so I am trying. I’ve been making more of an effort to genuinely ask in my morning prayers if there is someone who needs me that day and then *hopefully* showing through my actions that I will listen and follow. I don’t necessarily say I’m willing to whip up a batch of brownies to go along with the prompting, but I think He knows. 🙂
Sometimes the answer is very simple and clear that my ministering efforts need to go straight to one or all of my kids or my husband. Keeping ministering in-house is maybe some of the most important ministering we can do. Other times I feel a strong impression to reach out to a specific friend or neighbor. And of course some days I don’t necessarily feel a pull one way or the other and so I do my best to go throughout the day open minded and willing. And I always have my freezer stocked with cookies just in case. Basically, I love to show my love to other people through food. I just do.
I’d love to hear from you.
Be inspired by you.
Whether you’ve been on the receiving or giving end of ministering through food, I’d love if you felt comfortable sharing below.
Your comments are what make posts like this absolutely pop with inspiration and happiness! Love you guys.
If you are interested in another quick story, here’s the Parable of the Cheeseball I shared last Christmas that goes along with what we’re talking about today.
Hello, I know the feeling! I’ve lived in 6 states and memories you describe hit home – favorite though is when I reach out. Why? To reciprocate the caring
I agree!
Mel,
I have a million other thoughts about this post but I will just share my first thought.
I wish there were a billion more people in the world like you!!
Oh boy, thank you so much, Lise!
Mel, your words are always thoughtful and inspiring. I don’t know if you really understand the impact you have. Not only are you my go to food blogger, it feels like you are a friend. You are a true blessing. Thank you so very much for sharing. You are the best!
Thank you so, so much, Jane.
This post made my morning. I have always envied people who have friends that are thoughtful enough to bring them food when they are sick, sad, injured etc. I have wonderful friends but, bless their hearts, they just don’t think like that. Because of this, I have tried to be the friend that I would want. I bake for new neighbors. I bake cookie boxes during the holidays for neighbors and family and random people at the gas station and hair salon. It just makes me happy to think something so small could make someone’s day a little brighter.
I love how you’ve taken that and turned it around, Lynda – so you are serving those around you in the way that you might like to be served. So, so sweet.
I love this, such a great example and I love that ministering quote! I often take dinners to people when they are sick or whatever. One day my little boy wasn’t feeling good, he laid on the couch and asked me “Who’s bringing us dinner tonight?” That was at 9 am in the morning! Kids definitely watch what we do.
Ha ha! My daughter will ask the same thing when I have a new baby!
Oh my gosh, Amy – this seriously made me laugh out loud (and my husband, too, who was reading through all these comments)
I agree! I’ve always told people that food is my love language. I make food to show my love and if you bring me food, i know I am loved. While my husband was deployed, friends would have us over for dinner regularly and it was such a small gesture that meant so much to me.
I read an interesting article yesterday that I’ll link about food and what it might mean in hard times. It’s a valuable perspective and lines up with exactly what you’re saying. And you’ve inspired me to make a greater effort to ask for guidance in my prayers about who might need some bread or cookies.
https://redtentliving.com/2019/09/13/the-casserole-rules/?fbclid=IwAR2-1jiBsRKCjN11Hg0BbHmhATpbXIX_BIbdl_87usfIQARHGboOpSCSDb4
Thanks for a thoughtful post Mel!
Thank you for sharing that article!
Dear Mel: Your post touched my heart and I couldn’t help but have tears in my eyes. I too have been on the receiving end of those who take the time to say either “thank you” or “look what I brought.” Its such a blessing to give, either in food or time. There are those who need to know someone cares. My Dad passed away when I was 8 years old and my brother was 6 years old. I thought my world had collapsed. There were so many neighbors and church people that showed their love by bringing us food. My Mom was overwhelmed with the kindness we all received. When I was a teen, we had fellowship dinners at the church and I enjoyed serving and washing the dishes! It was a time to connect. We had so much fun in serving and seeing the big smiles on everyone’s faces. My Mom was always preparing and taking things to whoever God laid on her heart. I too try to follow that example. Thank you for letting us know what is in your heart. You and your family are blessed!
I love to see the smiles when I prepare a “treat” for friends and family. There is usually nothing left of whatever I make (if there is I send it home with them) and I love it! I’m so glad I discovered your website (I know God was leading me).
Your comment is so tender and precious, Donna. Thank you! I appreciate you sharing those experiences in your youth and how they shaped you as an adult. It’s amazing the impact of seemingly small things – I have no doubt you have brought many smiles to many faces!
I love this, great thoughts!
This was so beautiful!!! I love to minister with food and after reading this, I know it’s a useful way to do it. When we moved to Iowa, I had our fourth baby two weeks after. I didn’t know anyone. But our church family brought us meals for a week. Total strangers! But they took care of us. That has always stuck with me. Funnily enough, I was telling my kids about a time they all woke up with the stomach flu in a night and my friend brought me a Halloween sugar cookie from Panera. That cookie got me through!! Thanks for all you do. You create such a good and safe space.
Thanks, Heather – also, amazing how a good cookie really can get you through days like that. 🙂
As usual Mel, you wrote such a wonderful article! I do believe you should/could write a hit seller book as you are very gifted with your words and you have a great sense of humor! Getting back to this article,I agree 100% that ministering to people through food opens doors and warms people hearts creating wonderful friendships.Last week, I watched my Pastor’s wife Dianna, demonstrate her Mexican dishes to the congregation sharing her message about ministering through food.God bless you Mel and thanks for all your wonderful recipes.
Thank you so much, Maureen!
I’m all teary after reading this and all the sweet, sweet comments. The recipes are why we first started reading your blog, Mel, but it’s posts like this that keep us coming back. The community of your readers, the conviction that we can all build stronger families and closer communities by serving each other, is really powerful.
I’m nearly a year into a cancer diagnosis, which has included a brain biopsy, radiation and chemo. Prior to this past year, I had mostly been on the serving side, volunteering in the community, cooking for bake sales and meal trains, figuring out a positive contribution where I could. It has been humbling to be on the receiving end- and surprisingly difficult to accept. I feel resistant AND grateful. Mostly I recognize that calling to check in, sending funny socks, emailing a joke, delivering cookies or a meal are all ways to say “I can’t do anything about the big picture, but THIS small thing I can do.” Whatever this is. On the receiving end, it feels huge. I am also starting to be able to do more again- I made dinner for my family last week for the first time in 10 months. It felt great. The kids (and I) are lucky my husband is such a good cook. 🙂
Thanks for continuing to inspire us to be our best, biggest selves, Mel. And thanks for reminding us that life is delicious. Our families and communities are stronger with all of us in them.
Well it truly is the comments on posts like this that keep me blogging, that’s for sure! And oh, Rebecca, I am so, so sorry about your cancer battle. That description of being resistant AND grateful is so accurate of how I have felt, too. I, for one, am stronger after reading your comment – you are brave and amazing!
This post is perfect. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it. One of my son’s best friends found out a few months ago his parents were divorcing. It was the end of 6th grade. They were in different classes but the teacher came and got my son to sit with him. My 12 year old (macho man) son came home eyes brimming with tears and told me the news. We immediately got food and went over. What do you say or do in such a situation? It can be awkward and hard, but I always say to my kids “Do SOMETHING!” Even if you can’t find the right words or if you say the wrong ones, ALWAYS be the person who SHOWS UP. When things are happy, sad, awkward, confusing, GO. My cute son was visibly shaking when we showed up (kinda praying they wouldn’t be home). Friend wasn’t home, but when his sister answered I was able to simply say, “we just wanted to let you know we love you” as I handed over the load of food. More didn’t need to be said. I could write a book about the many ways, but thank you SO MUCH for the reminder.
You are a wise mom, Kira. Do something is a powerful phrase! I love that you are teaching your kids to get right down there in the trenches with friends who are suffering instead of avoiding it. Love that so much.
I choked up as I read your post. It’s all so true! And I also love that wise man and the things he says. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts and I couldn’t agree with you more. I have made huge pots of soup and shared it with others simply because I couldn’t think of anything else to do for them. Food is the gateway to the soul. Thank you!
Such a true statement about being the gateway to the soul, Kathy. Thank you!
After a recent big surgery so many people were wonderful and fed my poor husband who can not make a cup of tea without guidance. But one of the most appreciated things we received was a big fruit salad. So many people brought casseroles and desserts which were all great and so kind but that fruit salad was so fresh and healthy, we have never forgotten it. And it was brought by a friend who can not cook but sure can cut up fruit!!
Isn’t it amazing how something like a fruit salad can just change your whole outlook? And what’s really remarkable is that friend knows her talents and uses them to her advantage. Who cares if she can’t cook, right? That fruit salad was what you needed. 🙂
Whenever there is something needed or “nothing needed” at all, my answer is always food. I always promise to bring someone food because it is my love language and the one way I can serve someone so easily and profoundly (for me anyway). Food is a life-giver and sometimes a lifesaver. That is why I told myself I will always show up, hand out, share and give with food.
A lifegiver and a lifesaver – yes! Love that.
I’ve been saying for years that my love language is baked goods! For me it’s the easiest and most sure fire way to show someone that I’m thinking about them! My youngest spent 35 days in the NICU. There was one evening about 3 weeks in that was particularly difficult. It seemed like this NICU journey would never end and all I wanted was a cookie! I had neither the time or energy to make them myself. But within an hour my doorbell rang 4 times with various treats and gifts. I knew then that my Heavenly Father was mindful of me and my family during that difficult time. A plate of brownies changed my life that evening!
What a sweet experience, Julie! He is so aware.
Oh, the feelings that this topic raises in me! I’m so sorry for the long post.
First, let me tell you about the bread project. It is so sacred to me, I still cannot think of it without tears. Several years ago, I was going through a tough time emotionally. Life circumstances and stress had taken their toll on my self confidence, and depression had convinced me of the disdain my neighbors had for me. Finally, I reached out to my bishop for advice. Coincidentally, a few weeks earlier, I had delivered an anonymous letter to this man, asking that more care be given to the bread used for the sacrament, because bread drier than croutons, or green with mold, was not fit for ducks, much less as a token of the Savior’s sacrifice.
I also developed some transference toward him, and took him a loaf of bread, anonymously. As I healed under this good man’s care and guidance, he issued a calling to be the compassionate service coordinator, with serious questions about how much I could handle. Under his breath almost, he said: “If it was up to me, I’d bake bread and take it to people”. I had come to love and respect this man, but also out of embarrassment for the transference bread, I started the project he suggested. Weekly I would lift my heavy mixer, listen to conference talks while I measured and kneaded, and pray for myself and my family, and to know who needed the bread. I learned through the teaching of the spirit, so many symbols of each ingredient, and the symbolism of kneading and working the dough. As I placed the dough in the oven to rise, I would give it a pat with my hand, and think how I wanted my hands to be like His. My heart broke over and over as I did this, but also I started to feel the first early dawn light of joy starting to break through the darkness. The bread was always anonymous and I inserted a picture of the Savior in the bag, because I wanted there to be no question who I was acting for. I got a moniker as “the bread angel”, but since anonymity was part of the fun, I refused to reveal my identity. It is hard to understate the healing that came from this two year project. I gave it up because it had served its purpose, because my anonymity was beginning to be compromised, and because I got busy with 11 funerals.
Second, just this week a friend called and wanted to take me to a belated birthday lunch. She can ill afford it, and I am entering hibernation and don’t want to socialize much. I tried to gracefully distract her, and put her off. But as the conversation progressed, I was reminded that she needed this. She’s a widow and doesn’t get out much, so I swallowed my self pity and agreed to let her serve me.
But I have a frustration about serving with food that has caused me to switch to flowers (thank you for cheap flowers, Trader Joes!) As has been mentioned, so many people have food issues! Diabetes, allergies, and even obnoxious dieters who brag about sweeping gift food into the trash can. Ever try taking a meal to someone who can’t have any salt?! So I’ll bring a meal when asked, and baked goods when I know it’s safe, but otherwise, I find another ice breaker to get myself in the door to the real service of listening and observing.
Finally, a fun story! One night, I was trying your white chili recipe, and I knew I’d have way too much, and was wondering who to give it to. I prayed about it, and went to Facebook and there was the answer! Your cousin Melissa had posted that she didn’t know what to make for dinner. It was a fun way to make service happen.
Loved your comment so much! And what a small world about my cousin, Missy. That’s so awesome. Also, I think your point is really valid about food issues/allergies. Flowers are a great substitution for food and since it’s more about the serving than the item, there’s many things we can offer (even if it is just time). Thank you for sharing!
I spent about 20 years as an Assisted Living Administrator and Senior Housing Manager for low income folks. I can tell you without a doubt that any kindness no matter how small that also includes food, is ministering. It brings out a young and happy heart, and a smile to the eyes that might have been gone, for far too long. Food is a solid form of love, and I cannot think of any form of true love that is not ministering. Sometimes I think the person that states, “Oh my gosh, you did not need to do that for me” might need it most of all…
Thank you for sharing that, Melynda! That last line is golden.
Love this post Mel. Such a great reminder. I too have a passion for making and sharing (and obviously eating 🙂 delicious food. When I think about what holds me back from ministering with food it’s all those little doubts that creep in. What if they don’t like it? What if they’re on a diet? What if it is really truly disgusting and I didn’t know? What if they have allergies? What if their kids hate it? What if it’s misunderstood? What if it’s a burden? What if…yada yada yada. Your post inspires me to get over my doubts. And if I feel inspired, just do it. I look back on the times someone has ministered to me through food and I always, always feel loved, whether it was perfect or not. And even if some of those doubts are actually a reality, most people can look past the imperfection and see the love intended.
I’ve had some of those same doubts, Heather! But like you, I’m going to be better at putting them aside and just serving.
My husband suffers from depression and when it’s most crippling, it breaks my heart that there is absolutely nothing tangible I can do to help him. Except one thing. I can make him delicious food. He appreciates it and it is such a balm to my soul to be able to love him through that one small act.
What a sweet, sweet comment, Maria. You are truly selfless and have inspired me.
Food is love. Simple as that. Thank you for sharing your story.
After the last presidential election, amid the chaos and bitter lines in the sand, I started inviting people with different viewpoints to dinner at my house. The kitchen table unites us all.
Wow, what a great idea in our turbulent times,
Mel, you make the world brighter each day! Thank you!
Thank you, Cara!
Susan, you are an inspiration!
Wow! To your post Mel and then to all the comments! I’m not sure you could have found so many people who recognize the blessings they give or the blessings we receive from making food and giving it away to those in need! I love your site and prepare your recipes weekly! God bless you and yours!
Thank you so much, Sue! I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many inspiring, virtual friends!
Thank you for putting this out there. It truly resonates with me. I have been on the receiving end each time I had a baby as well as at times when I lost loved ones. I have also been on the giving end providing food, love and comfort when needed or when God put it on my heart to just bless someone. You’re the best at what you do so thank you for following your God given gifts. Your website is my go to!
Thank you for sharing that!
This post brought tears to my eyes. I have been served countless times with food. When I had my fifth baby I kept telling my husband that food is the BEST baby gift. Nothing says “I care about your needs” like food. I love that we can show this love to our families every day.
I’ve also had the opportunity to take food to people, and my go-to is always your Spaghetti Pie. It’s my family’s absolute favorite meal. Thank you for your amazing recipes that bless so many people!
Thank you, Camilla! And I love your sentiment that we can show this to our families every day. So true.
Yes, yes, yes! I still remember the homemade bread and plate of various bars (along w/lasagna) that a friend made for me 10 years ago after my first child was born. It left such a lasting impact on me still to this day because it met that innate feeling we all have to be taken care of/cared for.
Isn’t it amazing how those memories stay with you? I can barely remember my kids’ names most days but I can still remember nearly every meal that has ever been brought to us.
When I was a teen, I made cookies every Sunday and took a plate to at least two different households just depending on who I felt might need it. Interestingly, one of the strongest impressions I got (very frequently) was to take some to my friend’s parents. She was older than me and had gone off to college. Even with her gone, I felt a need to visit with her parents regularly and take them these treats. I later learned her father had struggled for many years with feeling “unliked” or “unwanted” in our church congregation. My visits helped him feel like he had more of a place there. Amazing what treats can help us do when we are too awkward to do it on our own, especially when we’re young.
Nowadays, I minister every week through “cookie Friday” at my husband’s PT clinics. It’s been a fun tradition that has really become part of a positive culture in their workplace. I love it!
Ministering through food is amazing, and I love being on both ends of it!
Thank you for this post, Mel!
What an awesome teenager you were, Hayley! I love that you made the sacrifices most teenagers wouldn’t make to take those cookies around. And then come to find out you were having a long lasting impact on your friends’ dad. Wow.
Thank you for sharing! Food is definitely my love language. And I’ve been blessed by so many people and so much yummy food throughout my life (most of which I tried to say I was ok without them bringing it over). I love that my friend remembers that I love peanut butter snickers and brings them to me for my birthday. Or she’ll bring me a big bag of kettle corn because I’m going on a road trip.
My kids range from 10th grade to 1st grade and life is so, so busy! I’m realizing that I need minister to my family and it can be through food. I made your applesauce muffins last week and my family was so happy to have a warm, sweet carb in their belly when they got home.
And on the giving end, I plant a garden so I can share it with my neighbors and friends. I love sending anyone that comes to my house home with produce.
I’m so glad that you love food and make it easier for me to make delicious food for others. Bless you!
Thank you for sharing your experiences on the giving and receiving end, Jenny! I’m trying to be more like your friend and make note when friends mention a treat or flavor combo they love. I have a notes section on my phone where I keep these top secret tips. 🙂
Coincidentally, we watched the latest episode of “Bless this Mess” (s2,e1) wherein the theme is based around acceptance within their new community. Many forms of ministering friendship, compassion and assistance are expressed; some humorous attempt to fit in. It all results in fellowship and “doing unto others as….
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences and reflections! It’s never easy to publicly bare ones soul, but we’re all better because you have.
P.s. Thank you very much for all of your wonderful recipes that continues to inspire my cooking!
Thank you so much, John!
Ditto to all the other comments. A lady at church said she felt inspired to bring a lady some brownies. She knocked on the door but no answer. She decided to put the brownies through the mail slot on the door. She had no idea that lady was laying unconscious in front of the door bc of low blood sugar and that when she woke up she found her cure in front of her. That inspires me along with Mel’s article, everyone’s comments and my experiences of ministering. I am so grateful that Mel’s family sacrifices some time with her so she can share with all of us.
Oh my goodness, I’ve never heard anything quite like this!
I love this so much. You are the best, and I love you for putting his out there!!!
Thanks, Ashlee!
I think it’s important to remember it doesn’t always have to be homemade to be helpful. During a miscarriage I thought nobody knew or cared about, I found a caramel apple from a local company on my doorstep. They are my favorite. It was like manna from heaven.
Yes, a thousand times yes to this post! It is a blessing to minister to others but we must also let others share in the blessing to minister to US when we need it! The gift of hospitality never goes out of style! ❤️❤️
Such an important reminder, Emily!
I love this post Mel. It’s such a great reminder. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can share my own gifts and talents with others. And I do have a huge passion for making and sharing (and obviously eating 🙂 delicious food. It’s easy to think of a million excuses for not ministering to others. All those doubts that pop in your head– you know what I mean? Doubts like: Will this be accepted? Will it be appreciated? Will it come across the wrong way? Will it even taste good? Haha. Maybe they hate chocolate chip cookies. Maybe they’re on a diet. Maybe they can’t have gluten. Yada yada yada. It seems as soon as I start to think of doing something good, my thoughts are flooded with excuses not to. But really, when has food not brought a smile to my heart? The fact that someone cared enough to make something for me, ALWAYS warms my heart. And even in the cases that my worst doubts are realized, most people can still recognize a loving gesture and get over the fact that it wasn’t perfect, but it was done out of love.
I agree with you, Heather – and so many other people have mentioned the same thing in this thread. Definitely a commonality! But I think you are so wise in remembering (and reminding all of us) that even if our fears come to pass, almost everyone still recognizes the effort for what it is. And what I’m learning from all these comments is that it goes beyond just the offering of food – it’s so much more than that. It’s love and friendship and sacrifice.
LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY POST!! Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
When I broke my toe last December I told everyone I was just fine and didn’t need any help. It’s just a toe after all. But man alive I was in so much pain and unable to care for my family like I normally do for 3 weeks. One night I got a beautiful pie from crust club. I had no clue who sent it but it made me cry like a baby! I was ever so grateful. I found out later who it was and I was so touched by their thoughtfulness. Another wonderful woman at church who had also broken a toe a few years ago told me she was bringing my family pizza another night. It was such a fantastic dinner (just something simple like dominos!)and left me with a determination to be more in tune to those who might need help. And you better believe when I find someone else has broken a toe, I bring them dinner!!
Ouchie wa wa! Your broken toe sounds absolutely horrific. But look at you – using that experience to change other people’s lives for the better (especially those who have a broken toe!). Empathy is a beautiful thing.
Mel, you and your readers are my favorite people!!!
You may not know this, but even though I don’t know you IRL (although, you name the time and place and I’ll be there!), I’ve been on the receiving end of your food ministering. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago, a friend showed up on my doorstep in the middle of the afternoon. She had a Tupperware container full of pumpkin chili and all the fixings. She apologized for not making it herself (why do we apologize so much?!), but explained that she had heard about my diagnosis and wanted to do something for our family. The inspiration came when she was volunteering at lunch for the meridian temple construction workers. A huge batch of chili had been made by YOU, and for some reason I still can’t wrap my head around, there were leftovers. The chili was delicious, and my 3 sons (and me too, if I’m being honest) felt like we had a brush with fame—“Mel made this!”
Although I have always been one to minister through food, that season of being on the receiving end taught me so much. I learned to never postpone a prompting, that simpler is often better, and that God knows me and is always there to help me through struggles—and that is usually accomplished through my family and kind friends and neighbors.
Now I’m going to quit bawling and go bake something!
Emily, I honestly don’t even know what to say. Seriously. I’m just sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes because I can’t believe how that experience actually unfolded. I almost feel guilty I had a part to play in it because I didn’t know the realities of what you had to be going through…and it makes me wish I could have ministered to you in real life. Thank you for sharing this. I never would have known! (And I really hope you are on the other remission side of your cancer journey.)
Thank you for your kind words and sentiment. Not officially in remission (two years to go!), but I‘m grateful that I’m here!
This post is amazing. 529 comments and counting… You are a treasure!
This is why I love you Mel!!! My favorite post ever.
Thank you, Mikilah! XOXO
I have celiac. Sometimes ministering through food can make me feel more alone. Especially around Christmas, people will bring treats that I get to just watch as my family enjoys. If they do bring something I can eat, it’s not often understood that it can’t be on the same plate as things I can’t eat and care needs to be taken while making it. On the flip side, I never feel more loves than when someone shows up with the separated plate for me (even better if they point out that they did something while making it to make sure it was safe). In fact, I’ve never felt so loved as when someone who loved to cook decided they would take it upon themselves to find yummy treats and meals I can eat.
It reminds me of a saying:
“To be loved but not known is superficial, to be known but not loved is everyone’s greatest fear. But to loved and fully known is a lot like being loved by God.”
Know the people you are serving. Love them despite their dietary challenges. Do what they need not just what is easiest for you. That is showing God’s love and can absolutely be done through food.
That is an incredible comment! So beautifully put. Thank you for your perspective and honesty and that beautiful quote at the end.
Bekah – that quote is incredible! Thank you for sharing that! I’m going to copy and paste that and hopefully remember it forever. I think your point is so, so important. And it really takes ministering to the next level. Sure, the offering in and of itself is important, but to go to that additional effort of learning who you are ministering to and tailoring the food (in this case) to them…that is a powerful way to show them that they are loved AND known. Thanks for inspiring me to be better at this!
Bekah- you have stirred something deep inside. I understand how you feel to be really loved. When my sisters make a birthday cake for my niece’s party that I can eat with them, it makes me feel so loved. They go through the effort to buy the safe flours and the safe sugars so I will not get sick.
Inclusion is such a beautiful thing when it everyone can join in together. I imagine it is somewhat like breaking bread together, even though I cannot have typical bread anymore.
Thank you Bekah for the quote that will stick with me as I struggle through accepting my food restrictions and recognize when I am being truly loved.
I resonate so deeply with your words! Well said and so true in my life.
Thanks for sharing this post.
Thank you, Cindi!
Bringing food to another soul or family is such a wonderful blessing for both the giver and the recipient(s). And, it doesn’t have to be homemade, either! Picking up someone’s favorite treat (candy bar, ice cream, baked good) is so thoughtful and good for the soul. I was part of my church’s ministry where we brought meals to women who had recently given birth. It was wonderful to be able to provide a meal so they could be nourished body and soul. s
I agree with this wholeheartedly, Larissa. Thanks for mentioning that!
Thankyou Mel for sharing your sweet heart and testimony. I have experienced like you, both the giving and receiving of “ministering through food”. I love to give food to others and show them by so doing that they are not forgotten, but are remembered, valued, and loved. Whenever that kindness has been reciprocated, I have likewise felt remembered, valued, and loved. I began my personal ministrations when I came across and slightly modified a killer banana nut bread recipe. I made big loaves for families and little loaves for widows and singles. I kept a list of those I had given to with a goal of giving to every member of my church family, and any others who I felt needed to know they were loved. It has been a wonderful experience and has opened many closed doors and many closed hearts. You are an inspiration Hon. Thankyou for your wit about food, but most especially for sharing your heart. I feel like you now aren’t just “that recipe girl”, but are a kindred spirit, albeit much more gifted in culinary skill and word than I. God bless you.
No, Robert, YOU are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing!!
Honestly I’ve struggled to receive ministering through food when I have had babies (just had my 5th). My kids are very picky eaters and so they tend to not eat the food that is brought and my husband will rarely eat leftovers so it’s a burden on me to eat a huge pan of lasagna myself, and for some reason that is depressing to me. I don’t like wasting food, especially food people have given to me as a gift and so it causes more stress than if I had just had my husband pick up some food on the way home. I know that sounds terrible but it’s something I realized this go around that I’ve felt. My husband made a good point though that it’s often not about me, it’s about them being able to serve me and even if we don’t eat everything they brought it was the thought that counts. That has helped me a little.
I actually think your point holds a lot of value in this conversation, Vanessa. Someone else above mentioned how really knowing who you are ministering to can make a world of difference – I think if we know someone may have these concerns, there could be other ways to minister, right? But I also think your husband does make a good point…as hard as it is to do.
Mel thank you for sharing such a sweet and tender post. This made me cry . My sister just had surgery yesterday on her forehead for the exact same kind of cancer you had(this is her second round of surgery). She said its a really crappy way to get a face lift! lol ~
I live in North Dakota and she lives in Idaho and I wish more then anything that I could whip up some delicious homemade food for her and deliver it in person but this is not possible. I think the important thing to remember is just to simply minister!! I am bringing them dinner via the Domino’s delivery guy! It is a special treat for their family since they don’t get to eat out much with 8 kids. She doesn’t have to worry about dinner, and best of all NO dishes! haha It helps her to know that I love her and am thinking about her from afar! I work full time and if I only ever ministered when I could make something homemade I would not get to serve as often as I like. I have taken McDonald’s, Dairy Queen and Pizza to more people then I would like to admit but it really is about being able to serve in what ever capacity you can! It helps those you are serving out and most importantly lets them know that you love them and are thinking about them!
I think often times people feel if it is not homemade it is not worthy to share but sometimes people just need to know someones cares(and also not have to cook dinner)
Don’t get me wrong there is NOTHING like a good home cooked meal or treat but when there is no time for that, there is always Domino’s!
It’s so hard to be away from people we love when they are struggling! Your poor sister – I’m so sorry she’s had to endure that surgery twice now! I bet she’ll love that pizza delivery (what a great idea). Storebought/restaurant bought is awesome! I love it and think every single effort totally counts.
This was so great! I believe in ministering with food so much. It also doesn’t have to be homemade. Last winter I had strep throat and my daughter had just broken her clavicle. My friend dropped off Sodalicious cookies and drinks and I was so grateful and felt loved.
I bet! And I totally agree – cliche as it sounds, it really is the thought (and effort) that counts!
It’s super hard to be on the receiving end, but my mom-in-love reminds me that you’re robbing someone of a blessing by not accepting the blessing they are giving you.
Melissa this is beautiful, Mom-in-Love is a perfect term, I hope you don’t mind if I use it 🙂
So true, Melissa!
Man I wish I’d experienced this. I remember so clearly when my first baby was born. We were in a new ward and the relief society president said outright “We only give two meals when you have a baby.” I was shocked. And the people assigned to minister to me weren’t even the ones who did it. I don’t think they even knew I existed. We lived in that ward for four years and had three babies while living there and only got two meals with each baby. It was ridiculous. Then when we moved it got better. We did receive several meals with my fourth child and were loved and well taken care of when I lost three pregnancies each during the second trimester. Then my husband was called into the bishopric while we had four children ages 2-7. And pretty much all help ceased. I was actually told by several different people at different times that we didn’t need help since my husband was in the bishopric. What?? Even when I had to serve in a very demanding stake calling that sometimes overlapped with his bishopric duties and I begged for help so we could both fulfill our callings I got nothing. After awhile I was tired of giving all the time; giving up my husband, serving others, fulfilling my calling…. I couldn’t take it and I quit even trying to serve others. No one was willing to help us when we needed it because we couldn’t possibly need any help if we were so righteous that my husband was in the bishopric. (Yes those very words came out of people’s mouths.) Fortunately, we had a relief society president change and attitudes slowly started to shift. When I finally had my beautiful rainbow baby, I was simply asked what I needed and for how long. And when we sold our house and moved from the ward we had the help we most desperately needed. Not all our needs were met and it was super stinking hard and frustrating but the most desperate ones were fulfilled. Our new ward seems nice and I hope they are more giving. But people around here don’t tend to just follow a prompting and drop by. I hear stories of that and I have a hard time believing it’s a real thing because I’ve never seen it. I’ve tried to do it myself when I can but I’ve never received that kind of ministering. Only response when specifically asked and even then not always a response.
There is so much to be learned here…first of all, I’m so sorry that you had those experiences. I wonder if something had happened in that ward that jaded everyone toward unconditional service? Either way, I’m grateful for you that the situation has changed, even a little, and you were able to experience a more genuine ministry for a while. I hope that continues.
Love this post and the comments thus far! I appreciated your mention of ministering within our families as well. I have a teen who has been struggling a lot with friend issues and self-confidence. And just life in general. In an effort to spend one on one time with her and allow her to think outside herself and her own challenges, I asked if she would want to start a weekly baking date with me. Every week we have been researching and trying a new recipe (all have been yours!), and then delivering treats to others. It has been a highlight of our week, honestly, and has brought us closer together. It’s been fun to brighten others’ days, but honestly the greatest ministering for me has been with my own sweet daughter.
Thank you for starting this conversation! It has reminded me of so many dark and challenging moments in my life when I have been ministered to by others through food, as well as my own opportunities now to serve others through “love made visible” (food).
What an inspired way to reach your teenager. I love that so much!
This post landed in my inbox as I plot my hamper plans for the ‘Meal Train’ drop off tomorrow for friends who recently welcomed their second child. I love to bake and make and I love even more giving it to people I love or seem to need it.
Though we tried for many years, my husband and I weren’t able to have kids. The many miscarriages we suffered left us too emotionally depleted to contemplate adoption. It’s been a long road back to a new normal. The wisest thing my husband said is ‘Maybe our love was just meant to be more spread out’.
I feel like I baked and makes my way out of my grief and back to a deeper community. I was shy about leaving sourdough bagels on doorsteps of friends or suggesting pizza night at our place, but no longer. I crochet hats and blankets and crowns for all the little ones I know. I bake birthday cakes in any requested shape.
I know the food and the thought is deeply appreciated. But the act of doing it also feeds my soul and helps me feel connected to so many. More and more, it’s about doing things together: canning sessions,
Christmas baking… making things together feeds in another way. To feed each other is to nourish each other.
Love your site and this is a great post!
PS your Parmesan mashed potatoes will feature in my dinner drop off tomorrow!
The world needs more women like you. I love your outlook and the way you are blessing other people’s lives.
“Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.“
That’s a beautiful quote. I think mothering and ministering are very closely related.
Thank you for your kind words as well. Grace has come from letting go of what I thought would be and embracing what is.
I love the phrase that many of the comments use: Food is my love language. I am going to use that from now on!
Andrea – your words were so tender and your husband’s wise comment made my eyes fill with tears. Bless you for taking a heartbreaking challenge and turning it outward to serve others. I don’t know many others who would have the strength for that. You are truly an inspiration.
Thank you for this wonderful reminder. While reading it I had several people pop into my mind who i think could use an act of ministering by me. Your kindness and ministering has been felt throughout my family as my Aunt Carolee (your neighbor) has gone through chemo. In the monthly family email newsletter she mentions you and your family and your incredible service to her and my Uncle Glen. Thank you for sharing this today and for all you do with this blog, in your neighborhood and in your ward. I’ve never met you but I think you’re a pretty wonderful person.
Oh how we love Carol! We’d do just about anything for them. Food is a simple way to serve, but we love our weekly dinner dropoffs. 🙂
Mel, you are truly inspiring. I have followed along for years and share your website with everyone. You are my go-to when I need a recipe I haven’t made before and I need it to work out and be good, and many of your recipes are classic family favorites. Thank you for your willingness to share not only your recipes, but your example and your heart. I am so grateful for this post on ministering. It has reignited a spark in me to look past insecurities and barriers that are mostly in my mind () and just serve, give, and show up. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much, Jill! I’m recommitting to the same thing after reading all these comments: JUST SHOW UP.
Thank you for sharing this. I shared your post on my FB page in hopes it will help others understand the importance of ministering (A dear, wise man said this: Ministering means following your feelings to help someone else feel the love of the Savior in his or her life. )
If only everyone would pray each morning (first of all) and ask how may I help someone today? What a different world we would live in. Someday….
Thank you, Janie!
I really love baking and always feel a little like I’m burdening people with my baked goods, cuz let’s be honest, baked goods are not necessarily good for the waist line and other health related areas. But I recently posted on FB that although being nurse will always be my first calling, I really love caring for people in baked good form. I was amazed at the love and positive feedback I got from people that had either “suffered” my baking or wished they had. — “Next to love, balance is the most important thing.” – John Wooden
—- Thank you for the countless recipes that are in our regular rotation.
I love this, Karen! Thank you for sharing!