Let’s Talk: Ministering Through Food
I’m taking a quick departure from recipes today to talk about something that’s been on my mind (and in my heart) for a while.
Ministering through food.
{If you don’t have time to read the whole preface, will you take a second and scroll down to the question?}
Food is an integral part of my life (and I know many of yours, too). I mean, I talk about it with all of you several times a week here on the blog and on social media: sharing new recipes, reminding you of old recipes, and probably over talking how deeply I feel about dark chocolate and carbs.
But food has an importance in my life much deeper than just sharing a killer recipe or eating a delicious dinner or hiding in the pantry with my beloved chocolate chips.
And a lot of that is because I have been greatly impacted by people in my life who have ministered to me and my family through food over the years.
From my childhood, I saw my mom constantly serving and ministering to other families by bringing them dinner or bread (I can’t understate the impact her example has had on me). Also, due to my dad’s job in the oil industry, we moved about once a year growing up. Every single move and new house and unfamiliar town found us unpacking boxes and shedding a few tears because moving is hard; unfailingly, the doorbell would ring with another neighbor bringing over a home baked treat or simple dinner to say hello and start a new friendship.
My own little family (5 kids + husband) has moved seven times over the last 17 years. And while I submit moving is the absolute worst, each time, I’ve been overwhelmed at the kindness of neighbors and new church friends who have appeared, food in hand, to help.
Fast forward to the early years of marriage when I was having babies (what felt like constantly, and yes, I realize this was a personal problem :)), and I had an endless supply of warm dinners brought in to my home by smiling, gracious women who I could tell genuinely wanted to serve me and my family.
It’s been a decade, at least, but I still remember my dear friend’s amazing homemade bread that changed my life forever (she brought it to me weekly for at least two months) and another friends’ epic homemade pizza she brought over one Friday night (the same day that she came over unannounced with her five kids and made me sit on the couch while they cleaned my house).
Then a season of health struggles (cancer diagnosis, surgery, radiation, four very small children at home), and a friend from church showed up unexpectedly with a plate of the most divine cookies I’ve ever tasted and spent an hour reading my anxiety-driven toddler books (she was his nursery leader at church and the only person he would go to outside of me and Brian). Another group of ladies from church left a huge basket on my front porch with more chocolate than a girl could ever need in order to help me get through radiation. I could cry just thinking about it.
Later when I had traumatic, unexpected, surgery on my face for basal cell skin cancer, friends dropped off dinner (even when I acted like I didn’t need it and maybe a couple times pretended I wasn’t at home so I didn’t have to answer the door and show my stitched and scarred face – yep, they still left it for my stubborn, old soul) and others sent dark chocolate through the mail when only dark chocolate will do.
And now, to a phase of life where sometimes it’s hard to breathe because life is busy and hard and awesome and full. Brian’s had a couple major surgeries the last two years, and he also carries a huge responsibility at our church these days. Combined with his demanding job, he isn’t home a lot; his time is very divided and weighted. It’s ok. We manage (and I know some families have it much harder than we do). But yet, neighbors and friends and church members still minister to us without being asked.
Now and then women from church will just show up at my door with dinner for no apparent reason other than “I was thinking about you and your family.” The stubborn part of me initially wants to protest and say “gah, don’t think about us! serve people who really need it!” But in truth, we have really needed it, and their confident, sweet assurances that they knew our family could use dinner have seriously endeared them to me forever, forging a connection that wouldn’t have come otherwise.
I could go on and on. For any and all of you who have ever ministered to me and my family, food or not, thank you from the very depths of my heart.
There is strength in ministering to others…but there is also strength in allowing others to minister to us, don’t you think? It colors our lives with a profound, wholesome beauty that cannot be painted any other way. It’s hard sometimes to be on the receiving end. But the divine impact of ministering (and ministering through food) would reach a sudden, and tragic, end if it was always only one-sided.
While there are certainly many, many ways to minister and serve that do not involve food, I feel like food can pave the way to minister to others like nothing else can. Like my cousin-in-law, Tami, has told me: anyone will talk to you if you show up with a loaf of homemade bread. 🙂
Whether it’s an anonymous drop off or a scheduled take-in dinner, I absolutely believe ministering through food can change lives. It’s changed mine. Food is the gateway that can lead to deeper, truer friendships and possibly alter the course of someone’s life as they see, taste, and believe that there is another person out there thinking of them and choosing to minister to them.
A dear, wise man said this: Ministering means following your feelings to help someone else feel the love of the Savior in his or her life.
I’m so far from perfect at any and all of this. I struggle with selfishness and wanting to protect my time, and sometimes I’m anxious in new, out-of-my-comfort-zone situations. But I know because my life is so blessed, much is expected of me, so I am trying. I’ve been making more of an effort to genuinely ask in my morning prayers if there is someone who needs me that day and then *hopefully* showing through my actions that I will listen and follow. I don’t necessarily say I’m willing to whip up a batch of brownies to go along with the prompting, but I think He knows. 🙂
Sometimes the answer is very simple and clear that my ministering efforts need to go straight to one or all of my kids or my husband. Keeping ministering in-house is maybe some of the most important ministering we can do. Other times I feel a strong impression to reach out to a specific friend or neighbor. And of course some days I don’t necessarily feel a pull one way or the other and so I do my best to go throughout the day open minded and willing. And I always have my freezer stocked with cookies just in case. Basically, I love to show my love to other people through food. I just do.
I’d love to hear from you.
Be inspired by you.
Whether you’ve been on the receiving or giving end of ministering through food, I’d love if you felt comfortable sharing below.
Your comments are what make posts like this absolutely pop with inspiration and happiness! Love you guys.
If you are interested in another quick story, here’s the Parable of the Cheeseball I shared last Christmas that goes along with what we’re talking about today.
What a wonderful, important message to share with the world, Mel. Your generosity and sharing how ministering has helped you is such an inspiration. Thank you!!!
Thanks, friend!
I loved this story! I understand exactly how you feel and wish I had said it so beautifully. I feel baking or cooking something for someone is love in action. I’ve not been on the receiving end very often but have loved being on the serving end!
Bless you for wanting and loving to serve, Cathy! I love those words “love in action”
I cannot imagine being ministered to in this way. Lovely
Lovely is a perfect word for it. 🙂
Thank you for this reminder! I have this complex where I’m scared to give people my baked goods/food because I’m worried they won’t like it and will just throw it away (after I put my life and soul into making it, haha), OR, it won’t measure up to their cooking/baking. I know the answer is to just forget myself and go and do, BUT… (whine). Maybe I should stick with “plain” things that most people enjoy. My husband tells me constantly that I like “weird food”. He’s a meat and potatoes guy and I love ALL cuisines- like you! I guess that’s why I adore your recipes. Anyway, everyone seems to be so picky these days! (I made chicken fajitas for friends the other day and the wife wouldn’t touch it and asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich *sob*.) And don’t even get me started with allergies and special diets. I know that often it is not one’s fault that they must eat lactose free, gluten free, nut free, etc. etc. etc. etc. I don’t mean to demean those restrictions in any way! I feel very blessed that I don’t need to worry about that at this point. But, you get my drift. Those were some of my thoughts. Lots of love!
Me too. She asked for a PBJ sandwich!!!!!????? Very poor manners. I buy a pie from a well know restaurant. Who knows though. Maybe it goes in the trash later. At least it came from my heart.
Valid thoughts, Lindsey. 🙂 I’m sorry you’ve had some difficult responses to your willingness to serve! What I’m learning from so many in this comment thread is the most important thing isn’t the food, it’s just showing up and being there…so keep at it! Your efforts are not wasted!
Thank you for sharing this beautiful thought.
Thanks, Jen.
I love this post! I absolutely believe this. For years I happily took meals to friends who’d had babies or illness or hardship. Then a few years ago I had both of my knees replaced (at the same time). I made 30 freezer meals before the surgery, so my family would not “be a burden” to anyone but reluctantly accepted meals 2 nights a week to be brought in from church. Still, women stopped by with treats, someone brought arnica for the bruising, one friend brought groceries, another mango (my fav. fruit), extra un-expected dinners showed up, a bunch of fresh flowers, one friend drove me to physical therapy 3 times a week for SIX WEEKS before I could drive myself again. It was so humbling and sweet and I will forever be grateful to those women who rallied around me during that hard time. Being the receiver is hard but so very necessary for ministering to continue to work so beautifully.
I am so, so happy that you’ve had so many rally around you as you’ve needed it, Tania! What a powerful message of friendship and support. Thank you for sharing!
I have made a lot of meals for my friends, family, and church members throughout the years. I just wanted to help out when they were going through times of a new baby, a move, an illness, or just a busy season. It was never a big deal to me. Sometimes I would just double what I was making or sometimes I made something I knew their kids would eat. Recently I got got injured and it is difficult for me to make dinner for my family. Some families from my church have provided us meals three times a week for a month. It has been the hardest thing to accept the meals but also the biggest relief. I feel guilty because I know that all of them have things going on in their own lives too. However, it has been a huge blessing to me and my family. My kids can see now that it is important to help others and it is important to accept help too. We don’t care if it is fancy or elaborate we are just so blessed and feel so loved by these families. When I am back to good health I will be making meals to bring to other families again with a new appreciation about how life giving it can be for them.
I’m sorry for the difficult time you are facing being injured, Sara! I hope you are recovering fully (probably not as quickly as you’d like, right??) someone else mentioned The positive effect ministering, and ministering through food, can have on our kids. I love that you mentioned it too. Such a wonderful side benefit to all this.
Mel, I love this post. I know there are families that I would like to give to. However, I am curious for your thoughts on how, recipes, suggestions?
My husband and I are in the space of having busy kid schedules and demanding jobs. I know we can find the time to help others but need some help. Maybe a future post?
I’ll try to get a follow up post up soon!
Thank you so much for your blog and this post. I never comment but felt moved to share as well. I live in Georgia and one of the hottest days of the years some county employees were working on the water pipes. I decided to make them some
Muffins. They were in shock that I was standing there offering them these muffins. Fast forward an hour my kids and I are going stir crazy inside and it is hot outside. The guys turned all the fire hydrant for a few minutes and when they took a break my kids and I ran out to play. We ended up playing with it for forty five minutes. As soon as we were done they turned it off. I am convinced that if we did not give them those muffins they would not have left the water on as long. The small ways people can pay it forward and my kids had so much fun that day
What an awesome and fun experience, Wendy!! I loved this! Service and happiness begets service and happiness.
Mel, I used to home teach a brother who had many health problems that resulted in him being placed in a rehab center for a time due to a spinal injury. It was his birthday and that evening as I got off work I remembered that it was his birthday so I called him to see how things were. He informed me that hIs daughter in law was in labor and his wife was with them at the hospital and I realized that he was all alone in a rehab center on his birthday so I said “I’m on my way over and we are gonna celebrate your birthday,,,what can I bring you?” After a moment he asked for. Cheesecake and a Coca-Cola. So when I arrived with the requested treats he told me that the grand baby had been born with some health issues and had been flown to a different hospital and the family was worried. As we were eating our cheesecake a pizza arrived – his wife had sent it to cheer him up. Soon after, his phone rang and it was his wife checking up on him. His face beamed as he told his wife about me bringing him cheese cake and that he was sharing his pizza with me. I began to realize how much I had brightened his day. But then it hit me what she must be going through having her husband in one hospital on his birthday while her daughter in law was in labor in another hospital and the baby rushed to a third hospital – I cant even imagine what that must have felt like but I heard her telling him how happy she was that I was with him and I began to sense how relieved she was that I was there with her husband. It felt like I was doing her the greater service. It was a touching experience to think of how great a service was provided such a small offering on my part – a cheesecake, a coke and an hour of my time, but it had an immeasurable influence on a family that was stretched very thin and needed some relief
Bobby! What a fantastic experience – I’m so glad you shared this! The whole story had me sitting on the edge of my seat – talk about a turn of events! It just warmed my heart knowing that sweet man wasn’t alone on his birthday while his daughter in law and wife were dealing with a difficult labor and delivery. (And you are right, can you imagine the relief for his wife??) I loved this so much. Thank you!
Thank you for this post! It was perfect. I feel so much the same way as so many others who have commented on the good that comes from ministering with food. I have had so, so many experiences when people have ministered to me, just when I needed it. 2 times stand out in particular. The first was the day my grandma suddenly and very unexpectedly passed away. She was young and we were all very close to her. My family (aunts, uncles, cousins) all congregated to her house to be together and with my grandpa. My grandpa has built that house and all of his neighbors at the time had built theirs. They had been friends and neighbors for many years. Around 11 that morning the next door neighbor showed up with a huge crock pot of soup. She said she knew the whole family would gather and that we would need to eat. It was a huge blessing and was filled with love. Another time was about 10 years ago my husband was in a car accident that bruised his kidney and had him down in bed for over a week. The day of the accident had been very long. My 2 yr old had slept horrible and awoken early due to a fever, I was dealing with morning sickness (all day really), and then we had spent several hours in the ER. My visiting teacher called me about 8 that night as I was about to head out to instacare with my son, to see how I was doing and if she could set up a time to come visit. I burst into tears and ended up telling her about everything going on. She showed up the next day with dinner, which was a heaven send. I hope I have been able to bless others, as so many have blessed my life.
Thank you for sharing such tender (and difficult!) experiences, Chantel! I can’t even tell you how much I have been buoyed up reading your (and other’s) experiences regarding how they’ve been ministered to. It makes me want to do and be better!
I too have had so many people minister to me through food. One week after I had my second baby, my mom had just gone home and it was a Friday and my husband needed to work at our business so I was all alone for just a few hours. I thought I would be just fine, but in the evening I suddenly started hemorrhaging. Just as I was calling my doctor and trying to figure out what to do with my kids and how to get to the hospital, my doorbell rang. There were 3 neighbors standing there with dinner (which meant so much anyway because we were new to the neighborhood). I quickly told them what was happening and they went right to work. One took me to the hospital, one took my 18 month old to her house and the other took the neighbor kids home that had wandered over. It was such a blessing! The interesting thing was, they were shooting for being there at 5:00 pm but were running late. If they had come at 5 I don’t think I would have known what was happening yet. I’m so grateful for whatever held them up that night.
Katie! Holy cow. First of all, I am so, so grateful you were ok despite a terrifying experience that could have been devastating without people showing up at your door. Also, there is no such thing as coincidences, right?? That is insane that they just happened to be running late exactly on a night you needed them (without knowing it yourself) to be running late. Wow.
I loved this post and all the comments that have followed! It doesn’t even have to be something extravagant – during a particularly hard time for our family, a friend brought a baked spaghetti with meatballs. My extremely picky 2 year old son actually devoured those meatballs, so I called my friend to thank her and ask for the recipe. She laughed and admitted they were just the Walmart brand frozen meatballs. The next day, there was a knock at the door and her own little 2 year old girl was standing there with an entire bag of the frozen meatballs with a bow on them, which she presented to my son. It was an adorable moment, and one that I still smile about 9 years later.
Oh my gosh, I love this so much!
I love this article! Very inspiring to keep on keeping on with cooking & baking for others. Along this vein, do you have any posts about containers/techniques for food deliveries? My strategy used to be to deliver food on my best platters, etc. However, now I lean more towards packing everything in plastic containers & ziplock bags. (Then, no one has to stress about returning things to me the next time they see me at church.) I also love to pack things up so it’s appealing & has a little personality to it. A follow up blog post detailing the nuts & bolts of meal delivery would be so, so awesome!! I know you have thoughts on this. Surely! Ha! Pretty please! :):)
Hey Kelly – this is a great question! I don’t have a post up about this, but based on the questions and comments in this thread, I think a follow up post will be happening soon! I’ll be sure to include my go-to containers for taking meals and such. I try to shoot for containers that people don’t have to wash or return like you mentioned it.
Food can say love in so many ways. I grew up in a family of six. Back when there was one bathroom in the house; and dinner was around the table every evening and Sunday dinner after church. Back when people opened their homes to invite family and friends for dinner. Didn’t choose to eat out. Not many could afford that back then. My Mom never turned anyone away for a meal. We always felt like we could bring a friend along for lunch or supper. She was happy to have them at the table. And we never knew when there was going to be a knock at the back door and their stood an Uncle who came to town for something and knew he was welcome for lunch. I don’t know how Mom did it. But we always had enough food for everyone.. Saturday mornings were time for baking, making bread, cinnamon rolls, pie, noodles. Whatever the need was for the weekend. And she always shared. She shared her love for others in many ways. But what came from her kitchen was a big way she showed her love for God, love for others, and God’s love for her. All those memories fill my heart with love for her and love for my heavenly Father who gave me the gift of the most Godly mother he could give. Her walk ministered to me everyday.
Your comment filled me with so much happy warmth – the example of your sweet mom who accepted anyone and everyone at her dinner table and taught you so much through the way she served (and also clearly her amazing talent with food). What a legacy. I want to be just like her.
So true Mel! I think ministering through food is a blessing both for the receiver and the giver. I’ve been both. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So many Dr. appts, tests for treatment planning and then the chemo, side effects and radiation. It was all very overwhelming but the Lord was with me (us-my husband) rhrough it all. We received some meals and they were truly a blessing. To know someone cares enough to take the time to make a meal, its hard to describe. A couple of weeks ago, a family in our church was go8ng through some difficult days with their daughter needing brain surgery. Preparing a meal was my way of encouraging and comforting them. I try to look for ways to bless others with my love of baking.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, Jacquie. It’s so true what you said – to know someone cares enough to take the time to make a meal IS hard to describe but it has such a lasting effect. Thank you for sharing!
Like so many others, this post really resonated with me. Food is love to me, too. I’ve had positive experiences on both sides – receiving and giving. When I had my first baby, my best friend told me, “When someone offers to bring you dinner, the answer is always YES!” Those post-baby meals were certainly a blessing, even the store bought ones. I have loved ministering with food. I made a dear friend after dropping off sugar cookies that she later told me reminded her of a bakery her mother used to take her to when she was a little girl. This post has reminded me of so many wonderful food experiences!
Like you, I think the most important ministering we do is in our own homes. When I was getting divorced, I heard somewhere that one of the most comforting smells to children is cookies baking in the oven. I determined to use cookies as one way to help make our new living arrangements feel like home. Later I realized how much my kids appreciated homemade breakfast, so I decided to get up a little earlier so I could make a hot breakfast rather than feeding them cold cereal everyday. It means a lot to them and was totally worth the lost sleep. I don’t have the money to spoil my kids materially, but I can spoil them with homemade food. 🙂
Thanks for the light and love you bring into this world through your blog.
Jan, you are amazing! Those sacrifices you made for your kids during a difficult time will effect them forever, I am sure. I loved so much what you shared. Thank you!
I was out of town and when I got home and opened up the freezer my daughter had meal prepped for me 10 dinners. It was the best gift she has ever given me.
Oh my goodness, this is AMAZING!
Growing up, I was blessed to have a stay at home mom who was a good cook, but an excellent baker! My aunts-her sisters- often dropped by for coffee and conversation. Although it seemed like such a natural thing, it was truly a source of support and love among them-which left memories that touch my heart. My sisters and I are also caregiving personalities. I feel blessed to have the familial role models in my life!
Those role models are priceless! So happy you had such amazing women in your life to influence you.
Beautiful, inspirational post. The last two sentences express, quite simply how I feel as well. I am off to bake because my freezer is void of cookies at the moment and I might need some any day.
You never know when you’ll need them, huh? 🙂
First, I just want to say that I love your posts, your recipes, your kooky sense of humor. I LOVE to give food as a gift to others. Many many times I have used your recipes to help me comfort others. New baby, illness, death, I have delivered meals for all of these. I did it without a second thought, but years later people will say “I still remember that time you made me your amazing cookies” . Still, I did not realize the power of this until my mom died. We had a beautiful memorial and then an after gathering at my brother’s house. After several hours it was just us…. Her three kids, spouses and grandkids. There was a knock on the door and it was 3 hot pizzas being delivered to us courtesy of my brothers best friend. Let me tell you, the comfort of pizza, the pain of grief, the thoughtfulness of friends, it all was made right for a few minutes while we ate that pizza together as a family.
Thank you so much, Cyndi (and thanks for “getting” my weird sense of humor – haha). That is such a sweet gesture from your brothers’ friend. It probably wouldn’t have mattered what he had delivered…but the gesture is something you’ll always remember!
When my oldest daughter was born, she had to be rushed to a different hospital with more advanced facilities for surgery. She spent two weeks in intensive care, and another four weeks at the hospital after that. Needless to say, we were spending as much time as possible at the hospital. Our (fairly new) neighbors all organized a rotating schedule to bring us dinner several times a week. I can’t understate how amazing it was, and how much it helped us get through that difficult time.
Wow, to have (new) neighbors do this for you…that’s amazing. I had a similar experience when our fairly new neighbor took a precious vacation day (he was a school teacher) to stay with my kids while Brian came with me when I had a D&C after a miscarriage. I couldn’t believe the generosity and kindness. It is something I will NEVER forget!
So grateful you were able to experience that.
YESSSS! This post! I can’t count the number of times I’ve ministered to others with your recipes! On the receiving end, one friend brought my family meals every week when I was very sick at the start of a pregnancy. I couldn’t prepare meals for my 4 kids and husband due to the severity of my illness. My friend’s meals were the only non-prepared foods my family ate for several weeks. A few months after it all ended, I learned that her husband had lost his job at the same time she brought us meals. She was bringing us meals despite her family having no income for several weeks. It was a Christ-like sacrifice I couldn’t even begin to repay, and was so touching!
Teresa…what a powerful experience! The sacrifice of your friend brought tears to my eyes. People who have that kind of intrinsic, no fanfare kindness are true angels. Thank you for sharing that.
I love this post! So true. Growing up, my family was often on the receiving end as well as the giving end of this type of ministry. It’s something I continue to do. If there is a friend or neighbor in need, they are getting a meal from me. Being on the receiving end is such a blessing as well. Thanks for this post Mel!
You’re amazing, Tammi!
Yes!! I have always said that food is one of my love languages… it brings me such joy and comfort, and I love to be able to share my love in such a tangible way. I am so happy when my food makes other people happy! On the flip side, it always means so much to me when someone brings over a meal or a plate of treats, even if it was just something from a boxed mix! It truly is the thought that counts. It really is an act of love. There is something special about it, no matter which side you’re on.
I agree! It means so much to me, too – no matter what it is!! Loved your last line. So true.
The kitchen is where I have always felt comfortable and at home. I feel like it’s where my creative juices fly, but at the very root of it, it is where I show my family love. I feel like I am not always wonderful at showing love outwardly, but when I am cooking my husband’s favorite dinner, or a big birthday dinner for the kids, my love just explodes onto the plate. And it has outpoured into giving food to friends and family. It is the biggest way that I show love and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that food is my love language!!
I’m right there with you, Jennifer! I have so many shortcomings in the way that I nurture and show love, but I can always be counted on to show love through food. Thanks for sharing this!
Shortly after our family moved my dad passed away. We didn’t know anyone in our new neighborhood or church congregation, but total strangers brought our little family dinner off and on for two months. At the time I didn’t think I needed help, but looking back, I can see what they saw. I was a wreck and didn’t even know it. I could name a million examples where people have reached out with food and love, but this one stands out the most because they were total strangers. They didn’t worry or stress about food preferences, dietary restrictions, allergies, etc. They just gave what they had and it meant a lot.
I think that’s so insightful what you said about people on the outside being able to recognize sometimes what we can’t even see for ourselves when we are going through the struggles. I love that they gave what they had…and it meant so much to your family.
I know I’m just a passable cook. But food is a large part of my husband and my life because we manage a food distribution day each Thursday at our church. We set up a system so people could shop for their needs. The food is abundant, varied and as good as we possibly can get. But food is just the draw to encourage community. We listen to each others stories and pray for each other. We bring gently used things we no longer need to give away. We never prequalify anyone. We figure if they are there they need something we have. Sometimes that is just a smile or a listening ear. Food draws us and gathers us.
This is amazing, Sue! What you are doing is so much more than food! How wonderful that you listen to their experiences and pray with and for each other. What a remarkable thing – I can only imagine how many people it has helped (including the ones doing the helping!).
I spent months on strict bed rest with our children. Without family nearby, we wondered how we’d make it. But we did because people continually poured out their love for us through food and visits. Over the years, I have been both the giver and receiver, finding myself blessed on each occasion. Thank you for your words and the reminder of how important the gesture can be.
An opportunity to minster through food popped up just last week. At a loss of what to bring, I turned to your site to provide each of the recipes. I had the thought that I should ask you to consider doing a post of the best freezable meals/desserts/snacks/etc. to take to someone. It would be greatly appreciated!
I will definitely get a post up! There have been a lot of requests for that. 🙂
My husband and I have always served through food. Whether it was friends with new babies, elderly friends struggling, families in a health crisis, or just single friends who might be alone on a holiday. We have served our kids’ numerous football and baseball teams regularly. It is how we show our love!
Earlier this year, I suffered a severely broken ankle, that ended up requiring surgery. Our community of friends organized a meal train for us, and the response was overwhelming. My husband was SO uncomfortable, because WE are the family that FEEDS ALL OF THE PEOPLE, ALL OF THE TIME. I had to remind him over and over, that these people were serving us out of love, just as we do regularly. Food really is our love language over here!
I’m so sorry about your ankle Corrie! I hope it is healing well. And I think your husband is not alone – it’s so easy to feel uncomfortable with the process. I have felt that too! I love that you and your husband have created this huge legacy of service through food. On the flipside, I bet people were SO eager to have their chance to serve you.
In 2013, we experienced a devastating house fire in the dead of winter. We had to leave the remants of our burnt home in the dead of night, homeless and with only the clothes on our back. I had 2 junior high school children at the time and we lost almost everything. I will be forever grateful to the ONE family who brought us in to their home and fed us. They were so inspired and so generous. We struggled every day with being uprooted and relocated. Everything in our life had to change and my children really struggled. I found out much later, after the fact, that my daughter had prayed every night for the 7 months we were out of our home, for a plate of cookies to come, from her YW group or anyone. But they never came. And I am so grateful for this lesson. We heard later, after we were able to move back into our rebuilt home, that because I am “such a great cook” people were “intimidated” to bring us food because we wouldn’t like it. I cannot tell you how much we did NEED the kindness and the reaching out and the ministering…….even if I can cook! What we needed more at the time was the knowledge that we mattered and were valued. Ever since then, we have made it a mantra in our home to “BE THE PLATE OF COOKIES”. As a family, with children now living in other states we talk during the week about people around us and how we can “BE THE PLATE OF COOKIES.” We try to identify someone that could potentially benefit from being noticed, cared about and valued. On Saturday or Sunday we take something to those people….sometimes 1 or sometimes 4. Sometimes it is cookies, sometimes a gift card, sometimes groceries. Most of all it is just the thought. Sometimes it is anonymous, sometimes deliberate. We had one experience where a mother found out it was us and came up to us telling us that our gesture had changed her life becusse she was in the process of taking her own life. My advice to EVERYONE…..BE THE PLATE OF COOKIES. It doesn’t matter if it is Gordon Ramsey or Mel living down the street who are amazing cooks or someone who has never cooked before. People need YOU more than the food. They need to know they are loved and cared about. And it will be ALL the difference in their lives. Don’t worry if they can cook and you feel you cannot, or they are so picky/allergies/etc to NOT see the kindness behind the gesture. If you are nudged, inspired or told….just act on it. There is someone out there that needs you at that time and you may never know why. #BETHEPLATEOFCOOKIES.
Thank you for sharing this! I’m often intimidated by other women’s talents and allow that to excuse me from reaching out. I will try to do better, and “be the plate of cookies”. My bible study girls are going through Jen Schmidt’s “Just Open the Door” series on hospitality and I’m going to share your comment with them so we can all be challenged to do more
I feel like I could replace the entire post I wrote up there with your words. I am in tears reading them. And hardly know what to say except that that mantra will be on my mind forever! Be the plate of cookies! Be the plate of cookies. Thank you for sharing this…I cannot imagine the devastation of losing a home and helping your children through that devastating process. I hope I am always someone who will seek out the one and be the plate of cookies no matter if it’s uncomfortable or may even seem like it is unneeded. I just loved this so much.
KT my life is so crazy busy, but as I read your comment I felt that it is important for me to “be the plate of cookies” to those around me. I can’t imagine what your family went through, but can imagine what a plate of cookies would have done especially for your children. Thank you for sharing.
Dear Mel,
Your post was very inspiring to me! I love the idea of food as a nurturing gift and admire your community for their generosity. This topic is so important to me, when I was finishing my PhD in Leadership Studies I did research and wrote my dissertation on the role of food in healing and building community. I interviewed women who prepare food for families who have a new baby in the home or perhaps some other challenge such as illness or loss. I was profoundly moved by the dinners I was given when my boys were born. They are 6 and 9 now and life is more complicated than ever but I can still recall the delicious and soul stirring meals I received when I was an overwhelmed new mom. Food is my favorite way to spell love! And I love reading your blog!
Warmly,
Cami
Cami – how cool is that that your dissertation was about the role of food in healing and building communities. That is amazing!! I bet the process and research was fascinating. Thank you for sharing!
I have shared this on my IG stories but I have to share again here. I truly feel like you have ministered to me through your blog. I was single for a very long time and did not cook for myself or others at all. When I offered to bring a meal to others I would go to my favorite restaurant and order take out. It was too depressing to cook for one so I didn’t. Then I got married and had my daughter. All of a sudden I had a family who needed me to show up in the kitchen. So I went online and found your blog. You have taught me to cook. You have given me confidence to branch out and try new flavors. You have inspired me to create a yummy meal for my family. I cannot even begin to express how much this has helped me grow as a person and parent. I am now very confident in the kitchen and prepare dinner 95% of the time. In fact, eating at restaurants is now no longer appealing as I feel I can make better food. I definitely have been ministered to and ministered to others with food but I just needed to point out ministering can come in so many ways we don’t even imagine. To me you don’t “just have a food blog”. You have given me something that has changed my life and the life of my family. I love you so much for your wonderful blog but also for your spirit that shines through your posts to anonymous me and gives me the confidence to show up for my family
I have recently made food for a dear family I know. Once when the mom suffered a miscarriage and most recently I made her family of 12 a double batch of your mom’s burritos for the start of their school year. Neither times did she ask but both times there were tears of gratitude. What seemed easy enough for me to do changed her day. Making dinner has never been my favorite or strongest part of my mom duties but you have ministered to me by your posts and recipes. It has changed the way I think about meal planning and feeding my family. It isn’t the same as getting a meal delivered to your door but you have helped me so much. Plus the meal would be cold by the time you got it to Michigan.
A family of 12! Wow, that is no small feat…how blessed they are to have your willingness to serve them! Thank you for sharing, Jenny – and for your kindness. I laughed out loud at the last line. You’re right. I can’t deliver meals nation wide each night, but man, I love that the recipes I share here are helping families out across the globe.
Oh, Rebecca, your words are so kind. Thank you! I’m so proud of your talents and how you’ve developed them and made cooking a priority for you and your family. That is no small sacrifice and I think you are amazing! And your comment made me super weepy and I think was just the words I needed to hear tonight after a harder day. So thank you. You ministered to ME tonight. Appreciate you.
Oh how I love this post Mel! Food is my favorite way to minister and to be ministered too. There is so much love and sincerity that comes through something homemade. Right now I have sweet older neighbors who love homemade soup. I’m young and single and love to cook so when I make soup, I make sure to take some to my friends. In turn they happily return dishes with adorable sweet notes that bring me such joy! It’s such a blessing to serve and be served. Even though it’s usually easier to serve than be served.
That is the cutest, Erin! I love this relationship you’ve cultivated with your sweet neighbors. Just made me smile.
I love this post so much. Agree 100%. Food speaks so much love. I always tell people that new moms don’t need someone to show up with yet another burp cloth or rattle, they need comfort food. I remember those meals more than anything else postpartum!
Same here!
Best Baby shower ever! I was pregnant with our 4th child when my husband was deployed to Afghanistan for a year. I was due about halfway through his your. It was our plan to try and get him there near our around the time our baby was to be born, but my history of coming early was there. My baby was due January 9th and my husband and I figured that he should at least be there for Christmas and if she was born before that would all workout. One of my best friends threw me a surprise baby shower. This was not an ordinary baby shower this was a service shower. My friend had gotten with many members of our church and friends and asked for them to sign up for a service that they could give to me for a present at the baby shower. Oh one thing I forgot to mention was that I lived in Okinawa Japan. I was far from my own family. I was having a rough pregnancy and found out a day before delivery that I had preclamcia. With my last baby coming 7 weeks early I had to make sure to rest more often but being the mother of already three and no husband around to help this was very difficult. So back to the baby shower. My friend had organized enough meals and service to cover 2 months. One before baby and one after baby. It was so humbling to have people come over daily to be given a meal. I think the best part of that was not just the meal but the much needed contact with people and Adults that I didn’t realize I needed. There was a miriad of other things people did for me that again I had no idea I needed. One friend came over and helped me change all the sheets on the beds, another vacuumed my whole house. Some volunteered to take my kids to some of their activities. To end the story my husband made home just in time for our baby to be born Christmas morning. He got home just three days before. We had to say goodbye to him when our baby was 10 days old. This was very hard for me, but in the back of my mind my Heavenly Father reminded me of my ministering Angels that were around me to help me carry this burden and peace filled my soul as we stood there in the airport saying goodbye to our daddy for another 6 months.
Ok, I’m crying. What a seriously amazing story of true ministering and serving through a time that most of us cannot even begin to imagine (a husband deployed, pregnant, etc). It probably didn’t take all the heart ache and difficulties of your situation away, but I can see how it paved the way for survival and forged eternal friendships. Thank you so, so much for sharing. It’s inspired me to do and be more!
Mel, Thank you for your genuine post on ministering through food. I have been on the giving and receiving end of this and it truly does bridge challenges and offers compassion, empathy and love. I will say, however, one neighbor brought me dinner once AND mowed my lawn (several times) after I had surgery and I still think of her as my angel.
Mowing the lawn is a true act of love! I can honestly say I’ve never done that for anyone but if it was done for me, I would cry buckets of tears. Such a sweet friend.
Sometimes, when we do not know what to do to help, bringing food is a way to show you care. My family and I have also been blessed by ministering through food. At the time, My husband and I just become licensed foster parents when we received call asking if we could take a 20 month old girl and her twin brothers that were just born and were two months premature. We excitedly said yes, but then heard nothing for two weeks and just assumed they went to another family. I got a call one day after work informing me that the twins were ready to be picked up from the hospital. We were not prepared for anything. I made a quick call to cancel a ministering appointment I had and briefly explained the situation so I didn’t seem rude. By the time we got home, we had bags of baby clothes, diapers, formula and other supplies as well as meals sitting on our front porch.
Another similar situation happened twhen our family was broken hearted because an adoption did not go through when we were just days away. To help show us her love and concern a friend brought dinner, rolls and raspberry honey butter. Even though I was completely capable in both situations, my burdens were lifted and my heart was full.
Wow, Jennifer, thank you for sharing such tender examples of ministering! I think what you said at the end is so, so true – although you were fully capable, your burdens were lightened and I’m sure truer, deeper connections were formed. Such a good reminder to serve even when we think others might be “fine”
Back… wow 45 years or so ago I was a single mom living in a new place, my daughter was able to go to Headstart when she was only 3, which was a blessing.
Thanksgiving was coming and I got a knock on the door with someone with a huge box of food. It was so out of nowhere, so unexpected, so humbling. And such a blessing.
I get choked up to this day for the kindness of a stranger.
Blessings!
So, so sweet Jeanne! Thank you for sharing that!
This is a topic that some of my dear friends at church have been discussing lately….how the church always “shows up with a casserole”. It is so important to minister to others with food. Food brings us together! It is a least common denominator. and it is something we can DO for others when life situations feel helpless and hopeless. The one hard part that we’ve been discussing is how we can often feel hesitant to “show up with a casserole” for the awkward times – divorce, miscarriage, incarceration…all the stuff that we want to look away from. But we still need to show up and support each other even through all that yucky stuff. Because although the “casserole” itself is quite often extremely appreciated, sometimes what is needed even more is the smiling face that is bringing the casserole!
Love this, Lisa. I’ve been trying to think of how to teach my kids more about showing up even when it’s uncomfortable and really getting down and figuratively looking people in the eye and not shying away because it might be awkward. It’s hard (even for me!) but I love what you shared. Thank you!
I’ll never forget the friend who brought me a big bag of healthy snack food right after one of my babies was born. It was the best.
There have also been many times I *wished* someone would show up on my doorstep with food and I haven’t been that lucky.
That does sound like the best (and I’m so sorry for the times no one has come…)
Soon after my dad passed away several years ago my friend, Vicky, (who also loves your blog) drove 2 hours with her family to come do whatever they could for is to show their love- her husband fixed a wobbly table, I rememeber someone scrubbed our toilet, and she brought dinner along with a few of her favorite freezer meals. Basically, they brought happiness. It still makes a tear roll down my cheek.
“they brought happiness” – gosh, I loved that, Edie. Thank you for sharing.
I did a dance with cancer earlier this year that required surgery and radiation. I’m single, so don’t have others who need to be fed, so felt like I didn’t need help from my friends and my congregation, but was humbled and grateful when they ignored my protestations and brought in food anyway. The best part of being ill was seeing how many people cared for me enough that they would go out of their way to come visit, to bring something to eat, and sometimes even to play a game. I even had friends offer to go with me to doctor appointments. They knew what I needed better than I did and I will be forever grateful for their efforts on my behalf.
Holly, I’m sorry I didn’t know about your cancer. And I’m glad those friends of yours ignored you. 🙂 Those reminders that you aren’t forgotten are such a tender mercy.
We get done with church by 11. We love to make treats, but don’t need to eat them all. The last few years we try to take a plate or two out to a family we think might need it. We also pay attention to the birthday list- we then will take treats to birthday people in my ward. I love to share treats and it helps to keep me thinner!! 😉
I love this, Lisa! Such great ideas.
I love your website for so many reasons, and this is the biggest one!! It is hard to accept help. It is easy to help and serve others, but it is hard to be the one that needs help. Two years ago, my husband was in a very serious motorcycle accident. The minute people around me knew about it, I had offers to feed my kids, clean my house (my worst nightmare!!), do my laundry, anything. It was so hard for me to accept the help. Once I realized I could do everything, be at the hospital at all times, and take care of my kids, I was able to accept some help. The accident happened one week before my son’s mission farewell. I had to let my family and ward totally take over and make that happen. It was amazing and humbling. Years ago,I had a Relief Society president kind of scold me when I was saying we didn’t need dinners brought in after I’d had a baby. She said, “If you don’t let others serve you, you are keeping them from receiving blessings!” I have never forgotten that. I still prefer to be on the giving end of ministering and serving, but I am aware of how important it is to receive and allow others to give as well. Thank you for all the wonderful things you post here! I’ll forever be a fan!
I agree with you on the cleaning house thing – totally my nightmare, too. I’ve had a few moments in my life when I’ve had to take deep breaths and just deal with it. Your RS pres’ advice is so true and a great reminder. I hope your husband is recovered from what sounds like a terrible ordeal.
Ah, Mel, what a fantastic post! Ministering through food is my favorite kind of ministering. You are such an inspiration! I appreciate you and your blog so much! ❤️
Thank you, Jacqui!
Beautiful post, Mel. And I loved the comments people made. This feels like a true community of friends opening up to one another and inspiring each other. I have a lump in my throat as I read your post and all these comments that are so positive and full of Christ-like love. Thank you for this!
I totally agree, Erin! Reading through these comments has been the best sort of inspiration for me. There are so many good people in the world.
Mel,
I too come from a long line of cooks who relish the opportunity to share our love through the foods we make. My grand mother made noodles.
My mom would attempt many culinary things, and ws successful at most. We would still eat the flops. Waste not want not you know. Haha!
My father started with popcorn and mashed potatoes and became a national pie baking champion and “King of the Kitchen” Colorado State Fair . Winning the Rosetta for 10 years straight with pies. Apple was his favorite. Too cool. He would bake anyone a pie at the slightest suggestion that they would like to have one of his creations. His pies would bring “big ” money for his churchs fundraising . He was a wonderful giver in many ways. Soups to neighbors……on and on! We competed in many Colorado State Fair competitions against each other with bragging rights on the line every time.
My sister bakes up a storm for the elderly, and caregivers. She supports the “the supporters”. Again….. too cool!
I love to can and preserve food You name it……I’ll can it. Haha. I am always on the look to perfect even the most simple recipe……I always say……”I just looooove to eat and I want it to be good” . Some of my greatest joy comes from making folks happy when they eat my food.
I believe you know that joy as well! I am always grateful to see your labor of love ………… your posts. The connection we share is understood.
It is “our” gift that we share……and that my good woman…….. is love!
Melanie Rohar
My friends call me Mel.
Dear, fellow Mel! 🙂 That’s amazing about your dad! Wow! Sounds like you have been surrounded by some amazing examples! Loved your comment so much.
Great post. You’re inspiring me to minister more which is a good thing. I would love to have a follow-up post on recipes that are good to take to families. What were meals you received that the whole family enjoyed? I always worry that little ones won’t like what I make.
I’ll get a list together!
This would be a great category under “The Best Recipe.” You will have to get right on that in all your spare time. 😉
Thank you so much for all the recipes you have shared! They help me to feed my own family at least several times a week, and that is no small thing! (Also, just yesterday I shared a batch your chewy chocolate chip cookies with the staff at my sons’ school!) Thank you!
Haha, yes! I’ll get right on that. Thanks, sweet lady!
I’m hesitant to post this but this is something I really struggle with. I don’t accept help easily, that’s a “me” problem. Also, I feel like I’m surrounded by so many picky eaters who have no problem telling me all that they don’t like. I’ve invited people to dinner who tell me (while I’m putting the food out) they hate onions then pick out every onion before ever taking a bite. I’ve brought desserts to activities where I’m asked what’s in it and I’m told all the reasons they hate blueberries, cream cheese, peanut butter, chocolate, etc. I want so bad to be the person who gives out food but I’ve had so many negative experiences that it just makes me nervous. I’m not a nervous person, I have great self confidence…except when it comes to cooking for people. Ugh, I hate it.
Emily, I think that would make ANYONE feel hesitant to use food to minister! That would be so discouraging! I think knowing the proclivities of the people around you helps give insights as to what sort of things they might need (or accept!). And honestly, it doesn’t sound like food is their thing. But don’t let it get you down, just keep food as a secret weapon tucked in the back of your mind for that tickle of thought like “I wonder if so-and-so might like some cookies?” Because maybe that day is a high confidence day needing some good food, or maybe it’s a ‘cute card non food’ day.
I’m so sorry, Emily! I think your feelings are valid! It would be difficult to be faced with those comments and NOT be affected by it. It may be ungenerous of me, but I have to say, I’m shocked that people would behave in such an ungracious manner. I think Sahara’s advice below is golden. I have no doubt that you’ll be able to use food as your “secret weapon” at some point. I’m sorry it’s been a struggle!